A new breed of alien has invaded our public transport systems; worse than the Stinky Foody, even more annoying than the Platform Penguin who stands around and causes you to miss that train you've just run up a flight of stairs to catch, this breed of bad beast arrived almost anonymously; silently sitting.
If you hadn't noticed and maybe because you have just decided to give up against this vile opponent, I am referring to... The Bag Sitters.
In the late 00s they'd been kept away by rising incomes and rode in the footwells of people's motor cars. Then as the GFC, rising costs of petrol and ironically, improved train rolling stock, they made their sneaky appearance.
This post, is the last futile call of humanity before they become sentinent and kill us all.
This man who we will refer to as P27, is unaware that next to him is a potential killer. Happily tapping away at his computer, perhaps typing "LOL" or "THIS ROXORZ DA BOXORZ" or whatever it is that the cool kids are typing these days, he hasn't noticed that a Bag Sitter has quietly taken up residence next to him.
The Bag Sitter has no other purpose it would seem than to take up space that another commuter would like to sit in. Early in the morning, many commuters wake up dazed after a.night of being kept awake by their sprogs, goons on motorcycles, and bin collection people who find their highest joy in making enough noise to wake the dead.
I can report that this Bag Sitter successfully kept all commuters from sitting in that space all the way to the city.
This Bag Sitter has developed an unhealthy relationship with this commuter, T28. Not content with just taking up the space itself, it has used dome sort of freaky mind control over this lady and has kept her away from the window; thus spoiling her view of this stunning conurbation we call Sydney.
Our poor subject T28 also shows signs of Stockholm Syndrome, for it is obvious that the Bag Sitter has snuggled right up to her. T28 never even once made any attempt to shift the Bag Sitter even when asked by a standing commuter.
Thus this Bag Sitter was successful in its mission to keep commuters standing whilst it was seated, all the way to the city.
Here the Bag Sitter has had to make a comprise. Commuter N29 had been sitting quietly from north of the Harbour Bridge, commuter W29 who was actually carrying this Bag Sitter, plonked it in between them and thus the bag sitter was able to take up a seat in a crowded evening train.
Evening trains have the first problem of having Platform Penguins standing around doorways; thus impeding a would be passenger's progress and it is almost like a dull torture when you find out that you're forced to stand for anything up to 45 minutes on a train after previously standing for half an hour on a bus.
N29 departed the train and had to undertake a macabre obstacle course, with a sort of bent knees motion. Commuter W29 did not move throughout this exercise.
Thus, this Bag Sitter completed a rare double of keeping other commuters standing, whilst impeding the passage of one who had been previously seated.
Bag Sitters have not just invaded our trains, they have also violated our motor omnibuses with their horrible hideousness. This tale is from a Metrobus en route from Mosman to the City.
Commuter C30 held an inane conversation with someone in marketing about "the show". The Bag Sitter which is just in shot here valiantly defended the space and even though the aisle of the bus would eventually be packed with commuters being bustled fro and to by the movement of the bus, commuter C30 was oblivious to any of their feeble requests to move said Bag Sitter.
In such cases, the Bag Sitter develops a symbiotic relationship with a commuter because the Bag Sitter needs a place to sit and the commuter needs to feed their inherent obliviousness.
Commuters R31 and S31 were double teamed here by a Bag Sitter and a Box Sitter. In cases like this, there is no hope at all for the commuter. The Bag Sitter and Box Sitter played this so well that because of their complete domination of two commuters. Clearly there could have and should have been space for six commuters to sit but because of the Bag Sitter and Box Sitter, only these two remain seated. Other commuters remained standing in the aisle and several others looked upwards from the vestibule areas at the doors of the carriage.
Commuter R31 (pictured here with the brown pants) has obviously been affected so badly by his experiences with Bag Sitters in the past, that in the box is a Pod Coffee Machine. Coffee Pods for said machines really take advantage of brain dead commuters because not only will they pay hundreds of dollars for a machine that makes slightly worse coffee than a Moka Pot, but the coffee in said Pods sells for more than $110/kg.
I was still standing when I got off the train at Seven Hills, which means that the Bag Sitter and Box Sitter successfully kept all commuters (including me) from sitting in those spaces all the from to the city.
Obviously there is something wrong with the state of commuting if aliens such as these Bag Sitters are able to take spaces on crowded trains and buses whilst commuters stand. We need to combat these aliens on their own terms and lay waste to their war of nastiness.
You can help wage this war by keeping vigilant for the appearance of Bag Sitters. If you are in possession of a Bag, then stow it under the seat and thus, you'll help to ensure that it will not infest free seats on commuter trains and buses. If you do happen to find Bag Sitters, then you can do your part by either employing your pointing finger of shame and shouting "Shame On You!", employing your wagging finger of shame and giving the commuter the "Naughty Naughty" wag or finally, taking surveillance photographs and letting the world know.
We need to take Tony Abbott's suggesting and modify it to Turn-Back-The-Bag-Sitters; hopefully this scourge will end soon. If you are reading this in 2062 and the trains and buses are full to the ceiling, then please take a moment and spare a thought for this lone voice, shouting into the long dark night of the Bag Sitters.