Horse 632 - By Any Other Name

but when we're riding in my Malibu,
it's easy to get right next to you,
I say baby, scoot over please,
and then she's right there next to me
- Cake

My trip to the USA has actually lifted my opinion of the US carmakers. Despite having the double whammy of really crap fuel (at only 87RON as opposed to 91RON in Oz or 95RON in Europe), and being forced by consumers to produce big steaming piles of poo-poo they call SUV's, it would appear that their normal cars are actually starting to become somewhat sensible.

The Ford Focus is sold in the USA and actually does rather well for itself. But as I looked aorund the place, I realised that several other cars were in fact lurking under the badges of the US Auto makers probably due to percieved racism. They learnt this when Pontiac sold the Monaro as the GTO, and US buyers simply didn't take to it after they refused to let their "Goat" be built buy Australians (who it must be said actually do a better job and have tighter build quality).

The car that I happened to drive in the USA was the Chevrolet Malibu. After I thought about that above, it dawned on me that this was yet another lurker in US clothing. Check out the above comparison and tell me what you see.

That's right, it's the Vectra. The "All-American" Chevrolet Malibu is actually the Opel/Vauxhall/Holden Vectra with a different tart kit front and rear. Under the bonnet is the familiar Family 2 Ecotec engine found in Astras, Vectras, Zafiras, Movanos and Combo Vans. Also further to this, I did some research and found where the engine for this car was made - Elizabeth , South Australia!

Hmm America, you're cars have Aussie knowhow packed right under the bonnet and you didn't even realise it.
The Vectra on Australian roads is a big car, on European roads it positively massive but in America it's quite a small beast and is dwarfed by the Impala and aforementioned Stupid Utility Vehicles.

The Malibu in particular will hold some memories for me which I refuse to shake. The burgundy example I had, I was able to lend out to Katja while Kirby decided to lunch itself.
Also despite it being a wee bit too big for my liking, with Katja in the seat next to me either on the driver's or the passenger's side, the whole thing felt perfectly normal; almost like we'd been that way for years. To look across and see her smiling back was a joy to behold...

... but then, it's not really about the car, is it? ^_^

Horse 631 - 3rd & A

Sometimes upon entering a foreign land I'm filled with a sense of adventure and an almost foreboding sense of the unknown, like some vast cloud and a gap of knowledge has become blatantly apparant. Somehow when I entered the US, things were pretty well much the same, as though the country had been familiar despite never setting foot here before.

This is no more so obvious than with the people I meet. I'm sure they all find me to be rather different considering I speak with what must sound like a foreign tongue and I'm told reliably by Katja that people might think I'm weird (as if that we're a problem because let's face it, even in my own country this is still the case) but even then I don't feel particularly like an outsider; to be honest I think it might be a case of curiosity on their part.

With the email transmissions flying back and forth between Katja and myself for quite sometime, I in no way feel anywhere else like home. If this week I was supposed to be somewhere then this is it. It's not hard to feel loved, not when you have one as precious right next to you.

The Lord himself as the author and perfector of both our lives and our travellings has every day pre-written before even a single one has come to be. I'm becoming painfully aware that although I might be a repository of a hoarde of useless information, and indeed know quite a lot about how the world operates, in reality I like Issac Newton "have stood on the shoulders of giants" and "don't know 1% of 1% of anything" .

Some things however are truth cast in iron. (eye-on? aye-ron?) Awe hang it.

Time has been corrected to be correct as at here, which is both ahead and yesterday.

Horse 630 - Greg, the Stop Sign!

After again driving in this topsy-turvy world and being on the wrong side of the road, I have come to the stark conclusion that turning right against red lights is odd. Stop signs on all sides of a box junction is also somewhat odd. As is trying to find the BBC on the radio. Banknotes are all the same size and roughly the same colour but some things remain spectacularly the same.

People are still people who are capable of acting like sheep in front of cars, stealing your wallet right on the footpath but most of all, still capable of creating and responding to love. How crazy is that?

The more you travel over the world, the more you find just how much the same we all are... and occasionally the special ones.

Horse 629 - I Couldn't Drive Because I Was Blind

When I heard the story of a man who was stopped from driving because he was blind on the news this morning I thought that Peter Berner on The Cage may have been inventing the story as part of a comedy routine, but when Omed Aziz told London Police "I couldn't see what I was doing because I was blind" I didn't expect it to be literal.

I later heard on the BBC World Service, Mr Aziz was pulled over by police after he had swerved around two traffic islands and a corner at 35mph in a 20 zone. He had been driving by following instructions on where to steer and when to brake from a passenger who himself had been banned from driving.

When police stopped the Peugeot, Mr Aziz was asked to step out of the car and remove his sunglasses, the officer was surprised to see he did not have any eyes. Perhaps the only unsurprising thing about this story was that he had no licence and no insurance.

I could make joke about having a white cane sticking out the window or a seeing eye dog in the seat next to him. When reality is this weird, I scarcely need to.

Horse 628 - Where one's treasure lies...

The US Department of Defence for the year 2006 has an official budget of US$419.3bn Conversly the US Treasury has set aside US$400m for the purposes of research into alternate fuels but of this, only Chevron has applied for funding and for US$12m

Or to put this another way:
Killing people is 34,940 times more important than finding an alternate petrol source.

Horse 627 - Left in the Digital Dust

The time is now tommorrow and I'm watching the Italian GP where the tifosi is going to go utterly mental when Schumacher again steers his scarletti stallion across the line in first place.
Being in the English speaking world we of course happen to get our feed from ITV. Or do we?

When I was a wee lad there was in fact only 3 channels in the UK - BBC 1, BBC 2 and ITV which most people had on 3. Channel 4 was started in 1980 and Channel 5 started up in 1997 amidst fanfare and the Spice Girls who officially launched it.
Likewise in Australia there used to be only three stations being the ABC, Channel 7 and Channel 9. Channel 0-10 started up and SBS started in 1980.

Martin Brundle happened to mention that extra features were coming up after the GP on ITV4... what? What? WHAT?!

This shows you just how far we are behind in this jerk water burg we call Australia. Only now we have ABC, ABC2, SBS, SBS2, 7, 9 and 10. Since opening up the digital domain in the UK they now have on freeview:
BBC One, BBC Two, BBC Three, BBC Four, ITV1, ITV2, ITV3, ITV4, Channel 4, E4, Film Four, Channel 5.

The big players now have four channels at their disposal and space for datacasting and have done so since 2001. In Oz they're still arguing about Digital radio.

A report suggested that the switchoff for analogue in Australia for TV was supposed to be 2007 and for radio in 2008. I'm afraid that the roll-out has been so utterly woeful that we don't even have two digital radio networks left alone 4 spaces by the TV stations.

Now excuse me a while while I sit on the front porch with my rifle and stare at the McCoy's on the other side of the street. Hey ma, get off the dang roof! Can I eat pot roast 'till I can't eat pot roast no more?
Not if it's digital.

Horse 626 - At Death's Door

I was at Death's door today.

The problem was that Death's mail had accidentally been sent to my mailbox so I went round to his place. Naturally the doorbell didn't work so I had to knock but there wasn't anyone home. I tried to phone him up on the mobile but alas, being his phone it was as expected - dead as well. I guess that Death must have been out making a few house calls, so I left him a note.

When Death finally finally showed up at my door, he explained that he was out paying his gas and electricity bills. He used to do it at the Post Office but every time he turned up, the people behind the counter would snuff it. He explained that he went to the Electric Company's offices in person and found that it was attended by lifeless individuals and that he probably should try there in future.

He kept on leaving dusty stains on the carpet so I told Death to go away and he didn't seem very happy. I'm not looking forward to tommorrow when I have to do the accounts for his cousins War, Famine and Pestilence. War is always intent on making someone else pay for his debts, Pestilence is just a pain to work with and I feel a bit sorry for Famime - he's a bit poor.

Horse 625 - Ask Koizumi!

Today marks a very auspiscious occasion here on Horse for we have with us in the studio, none other than the Japanese Prime Minister himself, Junichiro Koizumi. Seeing as Koizumi-kun's tenure as PM is about to expire, we thought we'd field some questions for the most flamboyant Prime Minister on the planet today.

Kirsty Wark - BBC Newsnight: Mr Koizumi, can you please tell us the difference between a biological and a non-biological washing powder.

Koizumi: Thank you very much. I'm not sure what this has to do with my position as Prime Minister but as far as I can tell, a biological washing powder of the type you might put into your upright automatic washing machine contains what's known as an enzyme.
An enzyme is a protein that accelerates or catalises chemical reactions. In these reactions, the molecules at the beginning of the process are called substrates and the enzyme converts these into different molecules: the products. Like all catalysts they do not take part in the reaction, and merely speed it along.

Al Roker - NBC Today: Koizumi-san it's a pleasure to have you here today.

Koizumi: Thank you, it's nice to be here.

Al Roker - NBC Today: I was wondering, as indeed many of our viewers, where the phrase "Bob's Your Uncle" came from.

Koizumi: What's going on here? Um, I believe that it probably refers to the British Prime Minister of 3 times - Robert Salisbury and nepotism. Basically he had a useless nephew called Arthur who despite being totally unqualified and hideously unsuitable, was made a minister of the crown on no less than 4 occasions. If "Bob's Your Uncle" then I suppose it means that you're pretty well looked after.

And lastly...

Koizumi: I do hope someone asks me something useful.

Prahan Daghpur - The Times of India: I have a question to do with the cabinet.

Koizumi: Ah yes.

Prahan Daghpur - The Times of India: I have a flat-packed self-assembly Elko cabinet that I purchased from Ikea. Should I allow for ample swingway to allow the doors when hung to open without impedence?

Koizumi: I have lots of experience at putting together a cabinet as you could well imagine. Basically flat-packed self-assembly furniture has been pre cut and moulded so you need little more than an Allan key to assemble it. In most cases they benefit from a wide number of options and the ability to easily update them through the addition of for example, new cabinet doors.

And that's all we have time for today. Join us next time when we have Canadian PM Stephen Harper teach you how to make Pizzoccheri from scratch using buckwheat and egg white.

Koizumi: Can I stay for that?

Horse 624 - Authentic?

I went into an Indian restaurant this morning and wanted to get a small Chicken Korma. The place was bedecked in typical garb with kind of pointy doorways and a small shrine with some oranges in front of an elephant statue with 8 arms and incense burning away. I rung the bell and imagine the surprise that swept over me when I saw who'd arrived to take my order.

He was a short chap who with a shock of red hair and wearing a nametag which read "Bill". Now forgive me for this, but shouldn't there be an Indian person working at an Indian restaurant? I I for instance asked the question "How's your Naan?" I think he would have replied "She's old, but it's all good".

The reverse is also true. I'm all for integration into society, except I do happen to think that we lose some of its rich social tapestry when you see the shop name in Blacktown Jimmy's Chinese Tucker.

Admittedly a lot of kebab shops are quite intelligently done such as Yabba Kebaba Doo, Hommus On The Range, Absolutely Kebabulous. Even Hey Hey Kebab in Auburn always good for a laugh.

The one time that really blew me away was once when I was staying in the city of Liverpool. The city is known the world over for its Scouse dialect and accent and also co-incidentally happens to have one of the oldest Chinatown districts in the world. I was in a pub with a few of the people I was staying with and having a chat to the locals when a Chinese man walked in through the door clad in a purple pin-stripe suit much to the jubilation of the patrons; he must have been some local hero.
Anyway when he opened his gob, it wasn't Chinese or Scouse that came forth but almost unintelligble Scottish. This guy had grown up in Edinburgh and it's just not what you'd expect at all - a Chinese Scot.

Crikey!

Horse 623 - By Any Other Name?

There is a song on the radio by a Ms Sandi Thom which sounds vaugely folky at the moment in which the chorus goes like this:

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In '77 and '69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late into a world that doesn't care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

Having listened to this song, the only word that springs to mind is Rebellion.

The reference to "flowers in my hair" is no doubt a reference to the Summer of Love in 1967 and the wave of Hippie culture that followed. Apart from being greasy layabouts, Hippies cherished personal liberty and sought freedom from governmental interference in their private lives; in particular the legislation of sexual morality and prohibitions against psychoactive drugs. They were ethical libertarians and believed that individuals have the right to do as they wish with their own persons and property, as long as they do not infringe on the same rights of others.
Hippies came to feel that in some sense a monolithic entity had emerged; composed of corporate industry, corporate media, the military and government that exercised undue power over their lives. They often referred to this monolithic entity as "The Establishment," "Big Brother," or "The Man."

Punk on the other hand also wanted to remove "The Establishment" but sought to do so via more violent means. Punk ideology is concerned with the individual's intrinsic right to freedom, and a less restricted lifestyle. Common punk ethics include a radical rejection of conformity which at the time actually included Hippie subculture, the DIY ethic, direct action for political change, and not selling out to mainstream interests for personal gain.

What's interesting is at the heart is a desire to pull down "The System" whatever that happens to be, but as to the notion of what to replace it with is usually ill-conceived. Either way, both are focused on the rights of the individual and at their heart are for the most part intrinsically selfish.
So Sandi Thom, at the heart of the matter what you're actually saying is that: Oh I wish I was a selfish like my parents before me.

But isn't that just like everyone else whose gone before and therefore the most conformist thing you could actually say?

PS: I suppose that I shouldn't really read this much into songs like this. Take the example of "She's Leaving Home" by the Beatles. I remember once thinking "yeah stick it to the parents - woohoo" but nowadays I just get the impression that the girl in the song is an insensitive and selfish A-Grade snotticus bratticus who'll probably run home to mummy and daddy anyway when she realises how good she had it...
Um well... hmm.

Horse 622 - Number One In The Hood G

You really have to wonder what went through the minds of the people at Cartoon Network when they originally comissioned 2 episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Esentially the show is about 3 bits of food who do stuff... literally 3 bits of food that do stuff. The 3 main protagonists are Frylock who is a packet of French Fries, Master Shake who is some sort of milkshake and Meatwad, a meatball.

Actually the whole name Aqua Teen Hunger Force doesn't really fit the show either. They don't really have much to do with the water other than hanging out in their neighbour's pool. None of them are teenagers, though Meatwad is decidedly childish and does have a doll made out of a toilet roll. Ok, so they may in fact be food but they're sentinet. Lastly, they don't actually appear to be any real kind of force.

Given this, it makes you wonder why Cartoon Network made the first two episodes with that kind of sales pitch. Thankfully they did, and 4 series later their bizarre antics are a staple as part of the Adult Swim lineup along with Sealab 2021 and Space Ghost.

Imagine my joy therefore when I learnt that a feature film is in production. 87 minutes of absolute absurdity with the equally daft name Aqua Teen Hunger Force: The Movie or The Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie For Theatres. I kid thee not!

Horse 621 - A Flash of Brilliance

This afternoon I sat down to scribble some notes for this edition of Horse by driving to Middle Head which is about 3 miles from where I work; plonked myself down on a hillside of clover and then watched as the ferries plied their way across the heads between Manly and forth and back to Circular Quay.

I was watching some red poppies bend in the light breeze and the only thing I could think of was that fable by Aesop where the sun and the wind had a contest to make a man take his coat off. Let me tell you that sitting there, the sun won.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because I remember waking up 20 minutes later the same way I do quite often. I'm sure my brain must be wired up wrong because every so often when I'm asleep, I'll be woken by what I think is a white flash and a horrid ringing in my ears - when this happened the first few times when I was about 16 I honestly thought that the world had come to an end.

Anyway, the point of this post is in that instant I reckon that I must have had some fantastic idea but when I came to and was fully awake, the idea was gone. It was quite literally a flash of brilliance, but only a flash - if it was a streak or a 12 part tele-series I wouldn't be here typing this but going out and making money off of it possibly, maybe... if it lent itself to that sort of thing.

Horse 620 - "The Knowledge" is Power

If you've ever been of even if you've never been to London then chances are than you will have heard of, seen or even been in one on the city's many famous iconic black cabs. The clattery diesel powered taxis have behind the wheel some of the most skilled operators in the world, for in order to qualify to even get a licence to operate a black cab they must spend a minimum of 49 weeks acquiring what is colloquially referred to as "The Knowledge".

The Knowledge is quite literally a knowledge of how to get from anywhere in the City of London to anywhere else and be able to recite it to a board of testers, bearing in mind what the shortest way to get there is and things on the ground such as one way streets, no right turn signs and the fact that in some part of London such as in Chelsea where indiviual blocks are referred to as mansions, then the name on one side of the street might be different to the other.

Various Satellite Navigation devices are now available on the market but even the best of these still pales in comparison with the London Cabbie's detailed knowledge of what is actually on the ground. Satnav devices although having been approved for use are still no match for the brain of a cabbie who it's been found via research at various universities that their Hippocampus (the part of the brain responsible for spatial awareness and in particular navigation) is significantly larger than in most people.

For the average cabbie, they have to be aware of about 320 standard routes as well as the locations of about 60 theatres, 50 embassies not to mention the location of many of London's 400 odd pubs.

Let's hope that for a long time to come, that London's famous black cabs will be continued to be powered by brain power rather than Intel.

Horse 619 - I Wish It Was About Football

Liverpool drew 1-1 last night against Israelli side Maccabi Haifa to put them through to the next round of the Champions League 3-2 on aggregate, but this was less about a display of football than a battle of political wills.

The match was held in Kyyv in the Ukraine after UEFA decided that the safety of players was a concern. Rather than fly into Haifa which at the time of the conflict would have been difficult given the Lebabon-Israel border conflict, it was decided that neutral territory would be used and Kyyv was selected because of its relatively large Jewish community.

The Israelli FA took offence at this and before the match accused UEFA of being racist and anti-semitic and specifically Liverpool FC of being afraid and "chicken" for not wanting to fly to Haifa which they contend was not actually being bombed at the time.

Has anyone actually told Israel why they're part of UEFA in the first place? The reason I thought would have been obvious. Israel like their immediate neighbours should logically be playing in Asia. Can you imagine the furore that would be created if an Israelli football team landed in say Tehran, Lebanon or Damascus to play a match? Eventually Israel would be drawn against an Arabic nation and the world of football is fraught with violence. Need I remind people of La guerra de fútbol which was a five-day war fought by El Salvador and Honduras in 1969 after the two nations came together for a qualifier for Mexico '70.

Israel are also ironically are part of the European Broadcasting Union. Most famously Dana International from Israel won the 1998 Eurovision Song Contest following much pre-contest hype and publicity due to the fact that she is a male-to-female transsexual.

I really don't understand why Israel is so intent on chipping Europe. Someone a long time ago wrote: I have seen this people, and behold, it is a stiff-necked people. This rings true today and I for one am thankful that Liverpool knocked out Maccabi Haifa. Not because I'm anti-semitic, but because I happen to think that getting on with playing football is a far better pursuit than political will... and that small matter that I happen to be a Liverpool fan.

Horse 618 - I Saw the Sign

You all know the people I mean: The ones who don't park straight, leave grubby head marks on the train windows, eat smelly food in class, people who stare at you funny, the boring people who rabbit on and on with inane chatter just to fill in their mundane lives.
Well guess what? Mosman Municipal Council has just erected a sign that says:

No Gits or Hobos in This Park

Now it's obvious that it's meant for a wee joke and is probably part of the Mosman Cultural and Arts Festival but wouldn't it be neat it they could legitimately erect and enforce such a sign. Now Mosman isn't renowned for its Hobo population but there are a lot of rather pompous Gits around. Perhaps the idea could be extended?

No Prudes or Snitchnoses - 9:30am - 12:30am Mon - Fri

Silly People and Looneys Only - Sat & Sun

Uglies and Boombahs - One Way

Deranged Keyboard Typers - By Permit Only

It got me thinking about the actual signs that say "No Hawkers and Canvassers" and whether that applies to people who engage in certain types of Falconry and Tentmakers. I marvel at the "No Hard Ball Games" signs and wonder if they mean Pelota and Hurling which are very hard indeed. I'm even thankful that "Alcohol Free Zone" doesn't mean that the council is giving away free schnapps for that might attract the Hobos and the Gits.

But what really gets my goat is the absolute ineptitude of our Police Forces and our Legal System. After all these years and countless sightings of "Bill Posters Will Be Prosecuted", it simply makes me mad that Mr Posters has not been brought to justice despite repeated assurances. He must be an evil evil person I assume... or else a Git and a Hobo.

Horse 617 - Thorpey

5 time Olympic Champion, 11 time Long Course World Champion, Twice Short Course World Champion, 9 times Pan Pacific Champion, 10 times Commonwealth Games Champion, 2000 Young Australian of the Year and an Order of Australia Medal... that's impressive.

In the world of swimming, Ian Thorpe has done better than anyone else for Australia... well ever really. Yet as far as the media is concerned, he's fair game to ridicule when it comes to issues of weight (which I'm now sick of hearing in the news) and then have the nerve to accuse him of not trying hard enough. At age 23 he's done far more than most people do in their lifetime and I think that he owes this country nothing. As a sportsman he has had to bear the pressures of the media now for 8 years plus and despite this has made the country proud.

I say that collectively as a nation we should let the chap do whatever he wants, give the man keys to every city and erect a statue on Olympic Boulevarde. The Thorpedo is probably one of Australia's top five all-time sporting heroes. His name would have no problem sitting along side Dawn Fraser, Don Bradman and Rod Laver; if the chap doesn't want to swim anymore then who are we to judge? Australia needs to grow up a bit here, so that Thorpey can go back and live the childhood stolen from him - which may or may not include going for a swim.

Horse 616 - From the Courtroom

Whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.

Let's take this into the courtroom. God is sitting in the judge's chair with a massive gavel and with a list of charges; elsewhere we're told that Satan is like the Prosecuting QC with a list of accusations day and night. Assume for me that you're an über-gut-person and guilty of a mere one sin a day. Multiply this over 365 days and on average 76 years and you have a list of 27,740 offences. Now I don't know about you but if this actually were an opening address by a Prosecuting QC, I'd take one minute to summarise each and every charge. To do this would take 19 days without breaks and that's before any evidence was taken.

Guess what? The evidence is not only obtainable, but provable. No defence counsel in their right mind would ever consider to take on such a case, they'd have to be an absolute looney. The judge when presented with the evidence would ask for a plea to be made and the judgement passed. Christ acts as our defence counsel for an impossible to defend set of charges. What does he do to defend the charges? Literally nothing.

Another tactic is taken. Since we're obviously guilty beyond doubt, then the judgement made must carry a penalty. In our courtroom several interesting things happen. Firstly Christ tells us to stand behind him; God as the judge who looks down at proceedings no longer sees us, but His Son standing in front of Him. Next to prove that the penalty has been paid, Christ hold up His hands to the judge. Those hands bear the marks of nails being driven through them; thus the penalty of death which is imposed by the court, is proven to have already been paid.

The judge looks down at his receipt book and grabs a big red stamp. PAID IN FULL is mashed over the penalty for the charges and the trial is adjourned exeunt. The devil leaves defeated and walks off knowing that eventually he'll have to answer his own charges eventually. We walk off with Christ who decides that our clothes are a bit shabby and dead looking, so gets us some new threads and a new body to boot.

Do you honestly think you can pay for the services of the defence counsel? Would you rather defend yourself in court and pay the fine? You do have a choice in this.

For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men — the testimony given in its proper time.

I don't apologise for this story. I am not ashamed.

Horse 615 - ***casting

Now that we have enetered the digital age and the ability the transmit audio via the internet, the phenomenon of podcasting (a portmanteau of that brand named MP3 player and broadcasting) has really taken off especially over the last 2 years. However as far as I can tell, most of these podcasts are replays of the inane chatter of radio DJ's in between the music that they play sans the music for copyright reasons. By this logic there should be a massive market out there for other content on the radio.

Fishing Programs and Coastal Weather Reports telling anglers and other people interested in piscene pursuits would be happy to hear about the location of where the best spots are and other information such as currents and tides. These would be known as Rodcasts or more specifically Codcasts.

Gardeners and other people with a green thumb such as farmers and horticuluralists might like to know about new fertilisers, when the best time to plant crops and seeds is. They might be kept up to the minute by Sodcast.

60s rockers and people who like to get about on motor scooters; other people who wish to recreate the era of Swingin London Town would be well advised to listen to Modcasts.

The technology could even be applied to the church. Every week at Toonie, the sermon is recorded in real time onto CD. It could therefore be possible to rip Roger and Deano's sermons to MP3 and publish these on the web as Godcasts.

So next time your parents tell you to turn down that infernal racket because it might do damage to your ears, simply tell them that what you're listening to is content directed. Perhaps you might like to make you own: If you happen to be a fan of the greatest cricketer of all time, you might wish to publish audio of some of Bradman's greatest highlights and become a Doncaster yourself.

Horse 614 - Not Even Solomon

I want you to go outside and find something really really boring for me. Keep on walking around the place until you find a sunflower. Now I don't know if you've actually bothered to look at one in close detail but take a closer look today.

Sunflowers are mathematical marvels. Firstly you'll find a series of spirals that head outwards from the centre. Not only this but in both directions, both clockwise and anti-clockwise, but also in the same direction at upwards of 5 angles of incidence. Only the Allianz Arena in Munich comes close to this sort of complexity.

Next I want you to do some counting. Why is it that the number of petals in a flower is often one of the following numbers: 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34 or 55? For example, the lily has three petals, buttercups have five of them, the chicory has 21 of them, the daisy has often 34 or 55 petals, etc.

Furthermore, when one observes the heads of sunflowers and one notices the series of curves, one winding in one sense and one in another; the number of spirals not being the same in each sense. Why is the number of spirals in general either 21 and 34, either 34 and 55, either 55 and 89, or 89 and 144? The same for pinecones - why do they have either 8 spirals from one side and 13 from the other, or either 5 spirals from one side and 8 from the other? Finally, why is the number of diagonals of a pineapple also 8 in one direction and 13 in the other?

Are these numbers the product of chance? No! They all belong to the Fibonacci sequence: 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144, etc. (where each number is obtained from the sum of the two preceding). A more abstract way of putting it is that the Fibonacci numbers fn are given by the formula f1 = 1, f2 = 2, f3 = 3, f4 = 5 and generally f n+2 = fn+1 + fn . For a long time, it had been noticed that these numbers were important in nature, but only relatively recently that one understands why. It is a question of efficiency during the growth process of plants.

Plants are incredibly compact machines. The fibonacci series of numbers roughly follow the Golden Ratio, but more importantly they're irrational. This means that there will never be any straight lines when it comes to growing seed heads. Straight lines lead to increased shade and if you happen to be a small device that loves the sun, you'd want as much of stuff as possible.

Sneaky little things... not even Solomon was wise enough to work out that.