I have been running a survey for the last week to run a head-to-head match up for United States President between Willow Biden and Donald Trump. Across various platforms, I have had 187 replies and the results have been 186-1 in favour of Willow Biden. As we have already determined via the Fake Internet Court of Australia, rulings that I make on Horse are officially unofficial and binding upon all people at all times and in all places in the kosmos; so this means that if we extrapolate the results of this survey to a General Election in November, then Willow Biden head-to-head match up for United States President should beat Donald Trump 535-3 in the Electoral College. We know that this is a popular result as I have already conducted the survey.
There are of course two things which would prevent Willow Biden from being United States President.
The first being that she is only 4 years old and falls foul of the Article II, Section 1 Constitutional requirement that someone needs to be at least thirty-five years old in order to be President. Personally I think that this is a consequence of James Madison and Alexander Hamilton burning the midnight oil and deliberately designing the US Constitution such that George Washingmachine would be a king-like figure and that one of them would be President at some point in the future after George stood down or died.. Sure there was a minor shooty-shooty-bang-bang incident which left one of them very very dead but the other did in fact become President.
The second thing which would prevent Willow Biden from being United States President, would be that she has not lived in the United States for the past fourteen years. Exactly why this very specific requirement was inserted into the Constitution is beyond me because after having read through the notes of the Constitutional Conventions, this seems purely like it was added on the basis of one person's motion. There are practically no debates on this clause beyond the mechanical aye and nay and the rubber stamp of acceptance.
If these legal disabilities were set aside, under some kind of Constitutional Amendment like the type that made Arnold Schwarzenegger President in "Demolition Man", then there is nothing necessarily to stop Willow from being elected as President, except for what the legal definition of a Person is. The concept that corporations/companies are Persons is not a new invention. SCOTUS has also ruled in the "Citizens United" case that corporations as legal persons have the same rights with regards lobbying, advertising, and making donations to political candidates and parties; so in a non-corporeal person is in fact and at law a person, then proving that a cat is a person is a matter of legal interpretation.
I think that the results of my wee little survey demonstrate that people are not happy with the current gerontocratic choices which they have before them and will overwhelmingly choose a cat for President over the current two choices. What ever charge that you can lay against Biden for being old equally applies to Trump and likewise what ever charge that you can lay against Trump for being doddery equally applies to Biden. This isn't to say that old people aren't capable of making important decisions, it is just that the demands of running an administration where the stakes in a lot of cases involve spending massive amounts of coin and sometimes souls, is great. We have performed the experiment again and again where we send a relatively spritely person into office and the end of their one or two terms, end up looking much much older. Who by worrying can turn the hair on their head black or white? It turns out, the President of the United States.
Assuming that a cat is a person, then the fact that we would have literally no way of knowing what they said, seems like a problem. Although having said that, the idea that there would be effectively a dead hand at the tiller has a distinct chance of being an improvement over the kinds of things that we have seen coming out of various administrations for the past 80 years. A cat is unlikely to send the country to war for instance. Although since we are entering the realm of pure subjective fantasy here, if a cat could actually faithfully execute the office of the Presidency, then I am reasonably sure that the United States would tilt towards a ham based economy very quickly.
If we take a thousand yard view over the strangeness of the past decade or so, then in the most sensible timeline that we never had, Hilary Clinton would have been President in 2016 and we would now be coming to a very boring Presidential Election with Paul Ryan as the incumbent. The only reason that Biden was put up as any kind of serious candidate is that he is the compromise choice against Trump.
In the most lovely timeline that we never had, then Bernie Sanders would have been endorsed by the rank and file of the Democrats and then been elected in the General Election in 2016 as a genuine reform President of the likes not seen since the Roosevelts Franklin D and Teddy. He would have made a genuine effort to shift the economic balance towards the left a bit, instead of this forever set of rightist eejits who basically perpetuate Reagan's plans ad nauseum but with rapidly departing sets of equally stupid identity politics. Bernie Sanders would have been and should have been in charge during the COVID-19 pandemic but instead America was forced to live with seven kinds of stupidity.
So here again is why we see that in my highly unscientific survey, that Willow Biden easily beats Trump in a head to head contest. The current two choices, are akin to deciding whether or not you would like to put your head into a bucket of cow manure or sheep manure. Always remember that the problem with democracy is that whomever you vote for, a politician will get in. When given the choice between a politician and a cat, the cat will win every time.
Aside:
The test of whether or not a potential candidate for a political office has a cat, is a good one. The reason for this is that having a cat means that the person knows what it is like to care for someone who can be objectively precocious and capricious. Dog people have an animal which wants to be their friend. Cat people have an animal which wants to be aloof.
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