Johnny Bairstow's smarter than the average Bair(stow).
He is always getting in the Umpire's hair (stow).
He has got it better than a millionaire (stow)
Johnny Bairstow's smarter than the average Bair(stow).
The Second Test at Lord's has been and gone and England fans are looking at a series which is reminiscent of days of yore. Forget Bazball, Gazball, Cazball or Fazball, England are playing Surrender Ball and looking competent but inadequate against an Australian side which is not stellar but is doing just enough all the time.
Heading into this Ashes series, this was an English side who had been okay, but thanks to the press were heralded as the coming of eleven saints; along with full Greek chorus of praise. About three balls into the first over on the first day of the first test, the press reverted to type; wailing and moaning, demanding that every English player's head be put on a pike and put on display outside the wall of the city, as England hurtles towards a five-nil thrashing. I for one love it. In what other sport (except for every other sport) can you see such a turnabout, as opinion writers lurch from side to side like brainless sheep on a B-24 Liberator?
This England side has tried everything and anything, both sensible and insensible, to try and wrangle anything from the first two tests. To do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result is insanity. To do everything different and still get the same result is destiny. England has tried to smack every ball out of the ground. England has tried to bore Australia to death. England has tried playing attacking shots, measured shots, illogical shots, sensible shots; but the one thing that they have not done in this series is do enough of everything against an Australian side which is also doign those same things. The first objective in a Test Match is to take twenty wickets. England have done that. The second objective is to score more runs than the other side and they will not do that by giving wickets away. Both teams have sportsed and one team is sportsing better.
The full details of the Second Test are here:
Australia 416 & 279 def. England 325 & 327
Perhaps the biggest symbol of why England have failed thus far, is the tale of how Johnny Bairstow got out "stumped".
10 - Jonny Bairstow - st.Carey b.Green
The reason why Johnny Bairstow got out "stumped" is to do with a simple checklist of Law 39 "Out Stumped". It reads:
39.1 Out Stumped
39.1.1 The striker is out Stumped, except as in 39.3, if
- a ball which is delivered is not called No ball
- and he/she is out of his/her ground, other than as in 39.3.1
- and he/she has not attempted a run when his/her wicket is fairly put down by the wicket-keeper without the intervention of another fielder. Note, however Laws 25.6.2 and 25.6.5 (Dismissal and conduct of a batter and his/her runner) and 27.3 (Position of wicket-keeper).
You be the judge. The frame immediately before the stumps are broken will now be showed presently:
As you, and I, or anyone, or even Blind Freddy can see, Johnny Bairstow being out "stumped", is absolutely bang to rights. This is a lay down slam No Trumps hand. This case is watertight. This is showing up before the judge, pleading guilty and having the book thrown at you. I think that there is no way, no how, in no universe, where Johnny Baristow is not out. He is so out that the Umpire didn't hesitate and upon appeal to the Third Umpire, they also didn't hesitate.
Literally everyone in the world, including blind people who didn't see it, dead people who weren't alive, and imaginary people who never existed, except Johnny Bairstow could see this was out and yet, like a petulant child who has been caught scribbling on the walls with crayon, who has the crayon in his hand, and who has eaten some crayon and there's crayon all over his face, Johnny Bairstow stood out in the middle apparently confused about what the law says.
As a professional sports player, and even as a student of the game, he should have known what the Law says. If he had been playing for St.Hubris Third XI against Banana Primary School's Shoeless XI, he would have known what the Law says. The Law in question is law 20 "Ball Is Dead". It reads:
20.1 Ball is dead
20.1.1 The ball becomes dead when:
20.1.1.1 it is finally settled in the hands of the wicket-keeper or of the bowler.
This means that you can not have a faff about in the middle and discuss the weather. You can not go farming and pad down that imaginary bump in the middle of the pitch. You can not wander and stare at the sky and watch the planes, wondering where you will go on holidays. You can not feign or claim ignorance. The ball is still alive until it returns to the hands of the wicket-keeper or of the bowler. Full Stop; comma; no returns. Until the ball has returned to the hands of the wicket-keeper or of the bowler, it must be treated like an unexploded hand grenade with the pin taken out. Ignore it and it will go off. Ignore it and you will be out. Ignore it and you deserve to be out. Not even St Anthony, the patron saint of lost causes and quite a handy tail-ender who could be expected to make the odd pull shot and score a handy yet pointless 14 in a losing side, would dare stand about like some mouth open, hackneyed eejit, until the ball has returned to the hands of the wicket-keeper or of the bowler.
Yes, the Laws of the Game do speak about the Spirit of the Game but as a game of Laws and order, the Law is both a standard for the wise and a schoolmaster for fools. Take this as a lesson Johnny Bairstow. The one who never made any mistakes never learnt anything and you have made a mistake loud and proud in front of two nations.
And this is why England are two-nil down in the Ashes thus far. In a game which can and has in the past swung on the margin of 1 or 2 runs, it is the 1% things which need to be in order. England have been okay. Okay is not good enough when the opposition is Okay + 1%.
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