January 14, 2022

Horse 2963 - A 4-0 Series Win Isn't Good Enough For SEN Radio - Or: Why Australia Still Lost

In an effort to take my mind away from the Novac/Cyclone/COVID/Supply chain/Refugee/Price gouging/Deliberate lack of planning/Buying weapons that we don't need/Diplomatic crisis, I thought that I would listen to SEN Radio on my way to being charged more than a thousand dollars to replace an air-conditioner compressor in my car. That was a mistake.

Australia is currently 3-0 up in the 2021/22 Ashes Test Series and would have been 4-0 up if it wasn't for a tenth wicket stand on the final day of the Fourth Test, which left England 9 wickets down and narrowly avoiding defeat. It was the kind of performance from England which would normally be considered dire but given that England started the first day of the First Test with an all out innings of 147, then 270/9 chasing an impossible 388 showed quite a lot of pluck. Australia has already won the series but the carry on from SEN would have you believe that the Australian Test Team is a national embarrassment for failing to win a 5-0 whitewash. They would be right. 3-0 up in the Ashes series and letting the chance for a whitewash slip through their fingers is a national disgrace, and Pat Cummins should hang his head in shame.

The Australian Test Cricket Team demonstrates why perfection is awful. England fans are fine with losing. This is not a situation that we haven't seen before. If you don't expect to win, then anything fun that happens is fun. Usman Khawaja may have made 137 and 101 not out but Jimmy Anderson's 0 not out off six deliveries, was worth far more in context. Expecting to lose means that you're not disappointed when the inevitable happens but if you expect perfection, then anything less than perfection is tyranny.

This is why Manchester United, Real Madrid, and Mercedes fans are such inglorious bores. Having sup'd at the cornucopia of victory, anything less is vile. They will give you chapter and verse about how their team is the bee's knees, the cat's pyjamas, how they are all that and a bag of chips, but as soon as anyone else beats them, they have nothing left to stand upon. The Australian Cricket Test Team after staring at the peak of the mountain, saw it fade away and all the hopes that they had, instantly disappeared.

This is why I thought it really strange that the team at SEN Radio sounded so very sad that England had held on for a draw. I guess that it must be really difficult to accept that there is another team on the pitch who is trying to win, or on this case, not lose. Most of the discussion involved trying to play armchair coach, to solve the problem of the Australian Test Cricket Team, as though they'd committed some heinous crime against the dignity of the nation instead of narrowly taking the fourth test victory in a row. I would have thought that winning the Ashes was something to celebrate; not something to sing a dirge for.

If England had won a test match and Australia were 2-1 up at this stage, dare I day that the commentariat would be happier than they are now. 2-1 up would have meant that England were an opponent against whom it was acceptable to lose against but as it stands, 3-0 up when it could have been 4-0, suggests that Australia lost against themselves and that's now cause for dissecting what went wrong through augury.

In the grand scheme of things, this is the fifth of the last six test series against various nations that England has gone 3-0 down; so this shows that the Australian side really is nothing special. As for England winning the Ashes in Australia, that has only happened 3 times in my lifetime; being 1978/79, 1986/87 and 2010/11. In theory that should mean that England are next due for a test series win on Australian soil is 2036/37.

Australia lurches awfully from this draw with Marcus Harris having only scored an average of 29.83 this summer, being replaced at the top end of the order by Khawaja who has a hopeless test average of 96.80. Quite frankly, anyone who only almost goes out and scores a century every time they go out to bat, just doesn't cut it in the eyes of SEN Radio who demand that Australian batsmen go out and score an Octoton, with Australia declaring at more than 1000/6 on Day Two. Meanwhile, England are likely to make six changed to their batting lineup, as their squad looks increasingly like the triage tent in the Crimean War.

There's the distinct possibility that Joe Root could very well be the top scorer of the series. Okay, the fact that we will have been the only batter to have gone out into the centre on ten occasions in the series might very well be the reason for this but in a world where you've let perfection slip through your fingers like a dropped catch that dribbles harmlessly to Deep Gully but Even if Australia absolutely pounds England into the dust, they'll still only win the series 4-0 and that's just not the 5-0 whitewash that could've been. 

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