August 31, 2023

Horse 3229 - Simply Let Your "Yes" Be "Yes" And Your "No" Be "No"

The announcement has been made that Australians will be going to the polls on October 14, to decide the fate of the single question of whether or not they want first people's "Voice" to be added to the Constitution of Australia Act 1900, through the mechanism of a new Section 129 being added. 

An information booklet has been sent out to everyone on the electoral roll, with the details of both the question in question and the case for both answers to that question "Yes" or "No"; so you would expect that the hideously toxic conversation around the Voice should shift from merely two sides yelling indiscriminately at each other, to the two sides yelling indiscriminately at each other about pros and cons. If you expected that, as I expected that, then you and I have grossly misunderstood the sheer level of stupidity in this country.

Stupidity is distinct from mere intelligence in that stupidity is when someone makes a deliberate choice to do something foolish, or act cruelly, or meanly, or say something illogical and not rooted in fact. Stupidity takes all of the available rational materiel from which a decision is made and then deliberately chooses the bad one. 

The stupidity which has surrounded the first week of the Voice referendum campaign, has had to do with deliberately choosing to undermine people's faith in the process and accuse the Australian Electoral Commission (AEC) of deliberately rigging the election. In particular, the "No Case" has accused the AEC of rigging the election, by daring to apply the law surrounding the mechanics of referenda and then advising that it will follow the law. Shock; horror!

What you need to know in order to make your vote count, is very simple. "Yes" is a valid vote. "No" is a valid vote. The No Case's accusation is that the AEC in applying the law, is likely to accept a tick but not accept a cross. Meanwhile the AEC's instructions has always been perfectly clear from the outset that what a voter should be is mark "Yes" or "No" on their ballot paper, and that way it will be guaranteed that their vote will be counted.

It's not like this is a strange or new phenomenon either. The last time that Australians were sent to the poll for a referendum question, was to do with the subject of whether or not Australia should become a republic. The ballot paper in that 1999 referendum question, looked like this:

I think that it is pretty obvious, that if you ask one question which only has a "Yes" or "No" answer, then you should expect to write "Yes" or "No" on the ballot paper. The "No Case" however, does not. The AEC has been forced to get out in front and run a social media campaign, which is downright ludicrous; simply because "No Case" has been throwing up confusion, even to the point of accusing the AEC of causing that confusion. I find it amusing that the AEC, slyly has put the "No Case" in its place somewhat.

https://www.aec.gov.au/referendums/

Completing a Referendum ballot paper

To vote, write either 'yes' or 'no' - in full - in the box provided on the ballot paper. You can even practice ahead of time.

- from the AEC website, as at 30th Aug 2023.

I think that it says an awful lot about the "No Case" if they genuinely think that the people who are likely to vote "No" are that incapable of writing "No" in a box. Just how much contempt do you have to have for the people on your own side of the political question, that you've accused them of literally being not intelligent enough to answer a simply "Yes" or "No" question with a "Yes" or "No" answer.

As you would expect, this issue which is deeply rooted in both xenophobia and outright racism in large sections of the "No Case", have tried to make the argument that recent migrants to Australia might not be able to understand the question put to them and would therefore be unable to write "Yes" or "No" in the available space. This conveniently dodges the fact that very recent migrants to Australia wouldn't be entitled to vote in the first place, and that practically every migrant who has come to Australia has an even greater degree of civic pride than then rest of the population who was born here.

However, let's play the Devil's Advocate for a second because apparently the Devil doesn't already own all of the lawyers and is so bereft of legal assistance that not even Legal Aid will provide with with adequate legal representation. Go on, if you don't understand that you should put a simple "Yes" or "No" answer then the space provided to answer a "Yes" or "No" question, then just put "X". Make your vote as deliberately ambiguous as possible so that the scrutineers will be tempted, nay forced, to put your vote into the informal pile and not count it. I do not understand why the "No Case" if they genuinely want people to vote "No", aren't going around trying to make absolutely sure that people put "No" in the box; instead of sewing the seeds of confusion.

Or rather, I do understand and its the same kind of motives which are used in the United States to try and undermine people's confidence in the electoral system; so that way people won't vote at all. The difference though, is that voting in Australia is compulsory; so that kind of nonsense simply doesn't fly here.

Look, if you want to vote "Yes" then write "Yes". If you want to vote "No" then write "No". It's not hard. You've got 44 days to think about the answer. The AEC has made the instruction so very obvious that every Billy Brown from Sydney Town and Maria Ngatha from Karratha can answer the question. They tell you on the top of the form to write either "Yes" or "No" and immediately under the box will be another instruction to write either "Yes" or "No". Do not let the "No Case" be proven right in their demonstrated contempt for you by getting a simple instruction wrong.

August 30, 2023

Horse 3228 - My Garden Shed Is Bigger Than This.

(no context offered other than to say that this has gotten out of hand)


 1.

My garden shed (My garden shed),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

My garden shed is bigger than this.

It's got a rake and a mower.

My garden shed is bigger than this.


2.

My local morgue (My local morgue), 

Is louder than this (Is louder than this).

My local morgue is louder than this.

It's got my gran and my uncle.

My local morgue is louder than this.


3.

My kid's lunch box (My kid's lunch box),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

My kid's lunch box is bigger than this.

It's got a pear and an apple.

My kid's lunch box is bigger than this.


4.

A pair of cats (A pair of cats),

Is louder than this (Is louder than this).

A pair of cats is louder than this.

They've got a yowl and some hissing.

A pair of cats is louder than this.


5.

My breakfast roll (My breakfast roll),

Is fuller than this.

My breakfast roll is fuller than this.

It's got an egg and some bacon.

My breakfast roll is fuller than this.


6.

My garden shed (My garden shed),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

My garden shed is bigger than this.

It's got a door and a window.

My garden shed is bigger than this.


7.

My hamster's cage (My hamster's cage),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

My hamster's cage is bigger than this.

It's got some straw and a spinwheel.

My hamster's cage is bigger than this.


8.

My sewing tin (My sewing tin),

Is fuller than this.

My sewing tin is fuller than this.

It's got some thread and a needle. 

My sewing tin is fuller than this.


9.

Corruption schemes (Corruption schemes),

Are louder than this (Are louder than this).

Corruption schemes are louder than this.

They've got a wink and hush money.

Corruption schemes are louder than this.


10.

My budgie's cage (My budgie's cage),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

My budgie's cage is bigger than this.

It's got a pole and a mirror.

My budgie's cage is bigger than this.


11.

My microwave (My microwave),

Is louder than this (Is louder than this).

My microwave is louder than this.

It's got a ding and some cooking.

My microwave is louder than this.


12.

My sausage roll (My sausage roll),

Is fuller than this.

My sausage roll is fuller than this.

It's got some meat and some carrot. 

My sausage roll is fuller than this.


13.

My letterbox (My letterbox),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

My letterbox is bigger than this.

It's got a card and a letter.

My letterbox is bigger than this.


14.

My laundry pile (My laundry pile),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

My laundry pile is bigger than this.

It's got a shirt and some trousers.

My laundry pile is bigger than this.


15.

My snowman kit (My snowman kit),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

My snowman kit is bigger than this.

It's got some coal and a carrot.

My snowman kit is bigger than this.


16.

An empty house (An empty house),

Is louder than this (Is louder than this).

An empty house is louder than this.

It's got some bills and foreclosure.

An empty house is louder than this.


17.

A crime novel (A crime novel),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

A crime novel is bigger than this.

It's got a twist and an ending.

A crime novel is bigger than this.


18.

A sleeping gran (A sleeping gran),

Is louder than this (Is louder than this).

A sleeping gran is louder than this.

She's got a snore and some dribble.

A sleeping gran is louder than this.


19.

A hydrogen atom (A hydrogen atom),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).

A hydrogen atom is bigger than this.

It's got a proton and an electron.

A hydrogen atom is bigger than this.


20.

The ladies' lav (The ladies' lav),

Is louder than this (Is louder than this).

The ladies' lav is louder than this.

It's got a plop and some flushing.

The ladies' lav is louder than this.


21.

A Ford Escort (A Ford Escort),

Is bigger than this (Is bigger than this).A Ford Escort

A Ford Escort is bigger than this.

It's got a seat and a glove box.

A Ford Escort is bigger than this.


22.

The Under 8s (The Under 8s)

Are better than you.

The Under 8s are better than you.

They've got some shape and some tactics.

The Under 8s are better than you.


August 29, 2023

Horse 3227 - Dress For The Job You Want? Impossible!

There is an old proverb which states that:

"You should dress for the job you want; not the job you have."

While I think that this is sage advice, so that people don't look like uncouth guttersnipes, the kind of job that I want, either no longer exists or is impossible to get. The kind of job that I want is to the the Head and Comptroller of the ABC, or the Governor-General of Australia, or the CEO of a motor manufacturing company in Australia, or an idle rich Private Detective.

I pretty much already dress for the job that I want. I already own black waistcoats, flat caps, a bowler hat, a big black scary Crombie coat, and a pair of Doc Martens. I think that my problem is that I live in a world in which I was informed by Lost, Silent and Greatest Generation people, and so the midpoint of my fashion sense is about 1929. With unlimited dollarpounds I would not look out of place in an episode of Poirot, Peaky Blinders, or Doctor Who. I view these shows less as entertainment and more as a series of options for fashion choices.

Imagine then, my delight when a piece of advert propaganda came through our mailbox for Big W, in which they offered a grey waistcoat for $20. Zounds! Hurrah! I was prepared to dance the Charleston on top of a flagpole. Immediately my mind was cast to that smash hit Nintendo Switch game "Animal Crossing", which was the breakout of the pandemic and everyone was looking for an escape from being in lockdown, for a grey waistcoat is the default outfit of everyone's favourite smug villager, Raymond.


Even when doing mundane tasks like sweeping or unpacking boxes, just look how proper he looks. I have no idea what kind of interior life that this small cat has (I have two cats and they are firmly committed agents of chaos) but I imagine that he enjoys both poring and pawing over tomes of taxation law, Latin classics, electrical calculations, astro-physics, or other some such intellectual pursuit. Crisp. 

Thus began my quest for Big W's $20 grey waistcoat, in order that I could dress for the job I want; which is to be a magnificent smug git, just like Raymond. But lo, and behold; drat, bother, and blast. There was no $20 grey waistcoat to be found anywhere.

On a recent trip to Emu Plains (see Horse 3223), upon which I discovered that there was precious little to do out there, I took a diversion to Westfield Penrith. Now I do not know if this is normal but there seems to be a "type" in The 'Riff. Practically everyone walking around, was clad in tracksuits and t-shirts, with the occasional Rugby League kit thrown in. Fancy in The 'Riff, appears to be having an Adidas jacket with no stains on it.

Big W, Target, K-Mart at Westfield Penrith: none of these places offered anything even approaching a grey waistcoat. The "Business" section was maybe 8 feet of clothing rack at most. Not even places like YD and Connor made an effort to sell waistcoats. I can only assume that YD and Connor's most common clients are those people who have to appear in front of His Majesty's bewigged servants, to explain why they caused malicious damage to person and property. It seemed to me that going shopping at The 'Riff was waste of time.

The big shopping centre near where I live at Blacktown, exists for a slightly more gentrified clientele but not so gentrified as to offer waistcoats. If the national uniform of The 'Riff is black and grey tracksuits, then the national uniform of Blacktown is Hi-Vis. The so-called "business" sections in Big W, Target, K-Mart are even smaller at Blacktown than it was in Penrith. You will however find an absurd amount of t-shirts with graphics on them that I can only assume are there to vaguely embrace the concept of sport or travel. 

I should have realised that the bogan west is clearly not where I was to find a grey waistcoat. I should have learned from that other old proverb which states that:

"It is a mark of insincerity of purpose to seek the high-born emperor in a low-down tea shop."

So then, in order to seek a high-born shopping purpose, I then took a journey from where I work in Mosman, with its high end fashion shops and where price tags of four figures is not out of place, on the B1 bus to Warringah Mall. Much to my relief I found that the Warringah Mall has Big W, Target, and K-Mart. However once again, my hopes have been dashed like pottery upon the Steinway of sadness. Not even at the Warringah Mall would I find anything even approaching a grey waistcoat and places like YD and Connor, again made zero effort to sell waistcoats.

What the jinkies in the name of unholy Batman is going on here?! I thought that I may have stumbled upon something very wrong with the future we've found ourselves in. Could it be that waistcoats have fallen so far out of fashion that nobody wants to stock them? What do the actual business people wear, if not waistcoats? 

To answer my ever-increasing pile of unanswered questions, while on a trip to deliver an Expert Report to the Family Law Court,  I did a survey of the business district in Sydney; by watching "business" people leave their offices. My very unscientific survey leads me to believe that not only is nobody wearing a waistcoat but underneath suit jackets, we are completely surrounded by no ties. What happened? We used to be a real country.

The reason why I want a waistcoat and the reason why a waistcoat is better than a suit jacket is a function of function. Suit jackets are the invention of trading centres and universities and schools, where it is cold. A suit jacket serves the very real practical purpose of keeping one warm; especially back in the days before central heating. I however, live in Australia. I still need to look put together, as a magnificent smug git. I need a waistcoat for the same reason as Raymond who lives on a tropical island, or Apollo Controller Gene Kranz who worked in a room full of computers and where people chain smoked only so they could use the current cigarette that they were smoking to light the next one. As a waistcoat has no sleeves, it is excellent in warm conditions, for those weird transitional seasons which we have where you don't want a suit jacket, and for wearing underneath a Crombie coat.

I have failed in my quest to find a grey waistcoat. The people of the west are all gromity gremlins who wouldn't buy them, and the people of the east are all tieless gremlins who wouldn't buy them either. It would appear that this is simply an economic decision not to sell waistcoats any more. Wherever the $20 grey waistcoat was, I sadly have no idea. All I am left with is lament and sadness. I can not dress for the job I want. 

August 28, 2023

Horse 3226 - The Next Chair Of The ABC Board Should Be...

With former chair of the ABC Ita Buttrose announcing that she has finally decided to to the decent thing and leave the corporation, speculation has been rife about who  should be the new chair of the ABC. Well stand back Ladies and Germs, fasten your seatbelts, hold onto your hats, gird your loins, lions, loons, and liens, because I'm about to open up a can of Australia's Finest Top Brewed Insanity and spray it all over the place. 

The person who should be the next ABC Chair is... ME.

"Well hang on a second", I don't here you say because this is a text document and I am the one writing it but "You're not qualified", then let me remind you that the Commonwealth Bank, the NAB, Westpac, the ANZ, Woolworths, Qantas, Coles, and Telstra, are all run by gormless, feckless, talentless people, who all post profits simply by jacking up their prices. When it comes to the ASX200, the actual talent pool of seriously stellar CEOs, is as deep as if you threw a cup of water into an empty Olympic-sized swimming pool and asked Keegan Palmer to go swimming. Even that analogy is many layers of cultural references deeper than the management talent in the ASX200.

Am I qualified? I am as unqualified as the ASX200's goon squad. To be fair, I have been in a private accounting firm for 20 years and because I can read both a balance sheet and a profit and loss statement, if anything I am gloriously overqualified. Am I blowing my tiny trumpet? You can bet London to a brick I am; and it plays "Trumpet Voluntary".

No, the reason why I want to throw my name into the ring, as opposed to the people who have come from other media firms, is that more than likely I would be uniquely the only person who genuinely cares about the Corporation and wants to see it survive until at least 2123. I think that whoever becomes the chair of the ABC, should at very least believe in the continued existence of the ABC. While that sounds so obvious that it should make you want to bang your head against the wall in frustration, bear in mind that Janet Albrechetsen has served on the ABC board as Murdoch's attack Piranha Dog (all bite; no purpose) and that Ita Buttrose herself was installed after having been a Ten Entertainment Network piece. I would go so far as to suggest that Ita has been so absent in management, as to be dangerous.

What would make Me different? I believe that the ABC is not only a necessary and vital public good but that because it isn't driven by profit motive, that it does those strange things that commercial media in increasingly abandoning - actual journalism. 

Especially since the death of Fairfax as a going concern, the flagship pieces of journalism in Australia, which might have once upon a time been the Sydney Morning Herald and The Age, have fallen so far that they may even be a cut below The Australian. The Australian always was a tory propaganda sheet. TV journalism in this country withered away and faded out of existence some time ago. This means that by default, the gold stars for journalism in Australia are AM and PM on ABC Radio National. Fact. Mic drop. 

The reason for this is that radio is almost forced to do proper and better journalism by virtue of not having the luxury of having pictures to show. Instead of showing explosions, chimneys falling down, fires, car crashes, and the endless parade of movie and soap stars, radio news and current affairs has the time to actually bother to report on the news and provide background and do analysis of the news. Fairfax newspapers used to be able to do that when they were broadsheets and the Saturday edition was so thick that you could use a rolled up one as a murder weapon, but as a Nine Ent Co tabloid, they neither have the space nor the curiosity. Beyond AM and PM, RN Breakfast with Patricia Karvelas is quite frankly the best interview/talk show in the country because she is a proper journalist; unlike the open mouth breathers at 2GB/4BC.

But it's not just journalism where the ABC takes providing media content seriously. Other Radio National shows like The Science Show, The Law Report, The Health Report, The Religion & Ethics Report, The Philosophers Zone et cetera et cetera et cetera, are the long form magazine type shows which have long been abandoned by commercial media. Probably the most well known science show on Australian television was Towards 2000, and even the name should give you an idea at how long that's been allowed to wither.

The ABC is the most likely place to commission drama and comedy shows, which aren't hidden behind paywalls. Also, streaming services aren't bound by laws with regards to producing Australian content; which says that although they are happy to take the public's money, they then are not happy to employ people to the same degree. The ABC should have been the home of the FIFA Women's World Cup in Australia and it is scandalous that for a home World Cup, this was not on free-to-air.

It should also very much be put on notice that the ABC is the media organisation which is the most likely to train up technical staff to operate cameras, switching desks for both audio and radio, set dressing, lighting crews, as well as the other aspects of making television and radio. Seven, Nine, Ten, and especially Fox, see training as a deal loss on their profit and loss statements and although I can not peer behind the curtain, the few people that I do know who have worked in commercial media all won their media wings at either the ABC or SBS.

If I was head of the ABC, I bet that I would be frequently up in the grill of the Communications Minister both defending the budget as well as asking to make the ABC better. I really hate the sycophantic pleading that the ABC has been doing for many years, only to be kicked like a small dog by cruel tory governments. I'd look at refreshing radio and television as well as commissioning stuff to sell. Game shows, panel shows, quiz shows, documentaries, comedies, drama, kids shows... I would be looking at organisations like Screen Australia, NSW, Vic et cetera and wanting to hold pitch meetings a lot. 

The problem with the advert as posted in the newspaper is that the scope of the dragnet that they are looking for, is as shallow as the ASX200. The person whom they are going to get will either be some boring boring exec, or some deeply tory time bomb; when what they need is a Jurgen Klopp, a Willy Wonka, a Xanatos, or a PT Barnham. 

August 27, 2023

Horse 3225 - Why Don't They Sell Goalkeepers' Kits?

Both England's Number 1 Mary Earps, and Australia's Number 18 Mackenzie Arnold, performed amazingly and admirably at the 2023 FIFA Women's World Cup. In a match where the strikers are scoring goals willy-nilly, goalkeepers can feel left out but when they are called upon to save penalties, both in regular play and in penalty shootouts, they become national heroes. Admittedly Mary Earps couldn't do enough as England lost the Final 1-0 to a rampant Spain who played 3-6-1 to England's 3-5-2; just as Mackenzie Arnold ultimately save Australia as England came home 3-1 because 3-5-2 outplayed 4-4-2.

With Goalkeepers being superstars in their own right, the question being asked in the British press as it was here in Australia, is why kit suppliers weren't even selling replica goalkeeper strips in shops. 

In a World Cup squad where goalkeepers make up 13% of all players, on the face of it it seems strange that a kit manufacturer would willingly give up 13% of sales. The unspoken truth is that they likely would have done their A/B testing and come to the conclusion that the number of sales was so weak that it simply wouldn't have warranted making and selling goalkeeper's kits. Goalkeeper's kits are almost an edge case as it is, because most of the time you won't find any goalkeepers' kits unless that keeper is massively massive.

In fact, I am prepared to say that in the history of replica kits, which only goes back as far back as about 1980 or so, that they only profitable replica goalkeeper's kit, was the Peter Schmeichel #1 kit for Manchester United, circa 1999 and at about the time that they won the Treble. That's it. One! One profitable replica goalkeeper's kit in four and a half decades of sales. It's pretty dismal.

The problem then, is not that Nike doesn't want to sell replica goalkeeper's kits for England's Number 1 Mary Earps or Australia's Number 18 Mackenzie Arnold, on the grounds of sexism, but rather Nike doesn't want to sell replica goalkeeper's kits because it can not spin a shilling out of it. Nike is a for profit business; which means that its motives are not as sinister as people would have you believe. Rather, Nike's motives as a for profit business, are just regular old capitalism. There is no conspiracy here beyond those two words "Hail Corporate!". 

So then what? What to do? How do you solve a problem like capitalism? How do you keep a grim recession down? What's a word that nearly means capitalism? A "bottomless pit"? A "flippity-gibbet"? A "clown"? How do you keep a snowflake in your hand? The short answer is that you don't. The long answer is the same as the short answer but louder. Well as a member of the gallery with no real ability to change what is, then my solutions from the sidelines are as good as any.

The simple unavoidable fact with football kits is that you can not have two teams with the same kit, playing on at the same field at the same time. If a blue team meets a blue team, then one of them will have to play in something else. If a yellow team meets a yellow team, then one of them will have to play in something else. This is further complicated when you have a blue team who meets a yellow team, and their alternative kit is the same colour as what is on the park. If Australia and Sweden are playing and Australia is in mint and Sweden is in yellow, then that's fine but as Australia's home kit is already in yellow, then you can not very well have the goalkeeper also playing in yellow, as that would cause confusion on the pitch between the goalkeepers and the yellow team. The solutions to this unavoidable avoidable therefore are many. 

Solution 1:

Goalkeepers should all collectively adopt some third colour that nobody has; across the tournament. This way, the yellow keeper and yellow away problem never happens. If all Nike goalkeepers in the world played in a peculiar shade of green, or pink, or black, then the kit maker could make one generic goalkeeper's kit and swap out the national crest where applicable. Job done.

Solution 2:

Teams should register their training kits as third kits. This not only solves the problem of having players on the sideline in a shirt that looks nothing like the rest of the players on the park, but solves the issue of running out of kits. As it is, fans mostly want to buy the home kit, a few will want the away kit, and because names and numbers can be assembled on the sport from a standard stock, the third kit can be made up as easily.

The issue with this is that particularly poorer nations and teams might not be able to negotiate with kit manufacturers to get third kits. Remember, some football associations and local clubs have miniscule budgets. If they have to buy in all of their kits, then they will usually arrange two sets of kits and the goalkeeper will get their own unique kit which actually serves as Solution 4 (see below).

Solution 3:

Combine Solution 1 and Solution 2. Teams should apply to register their away kits before a tournament starts. Let the organisers look at all possible home kits and then say that the away kits must all be wild. Let them run riot with stripes, stars, devices, quarters, hoops, sleeves and what not. Even if you have two white and blue teams on the pitch and one is in hoops and the other is in stripes, nobody is going to confuse that.

In a tournament like the World Cup where there are 32 teams, it should not be difficult to arrange a register beforehand. If Australia, Sweden and Brazil all have yellow as a home kit, then making their away kits different should not be difficult. Suppose Brazil and Sweden play. They can't very well play in solid yellow home and/or solid blue away because that would create a keeper clash. 

Teams which are higher ranked before the tournament should be able to get first pick on the solid colours; but beyond that, the teams that want to play in the same colours should have to obviously differentiate themselves. An Australian kit of yellow and green vertical stripes would look different to a Sweden of of yellow and blue horizontal stripes.

If this sounds impractical, remember that Germany has played with an absolute laugh riot of red, yellow and black diamonds, as well as very a classy black stripe down the centre on occasion; and Croatia's home kit is so amazingly brilliant with its red and white chequers, that they likely don't even need an away kit.

By my count, there were 11 teams playing in red at the 2023 FIFA Women's World Cup; which means that even if there was a laugh riot of stripes, hoops, chequers, diamonds et cetera, that the problem would still exist. Unless there was just one kit manufacturer for the tournament (which makes Solution 1 impossible) and unless richer nations subsidise poorer nations kits (which makes Solution 2 unlikely) then Solution 3 is also a non-starter. This only leaves Solution 4.

Solution 4:

This is the decision which kit manufacturers came up with and that is to make goalkeepers' kits bespoke. Just don't sell replica goalkeepers kits to the public unless they happen to be the extreme runaway success edge case like Peter Schmeichel. Maybe the economic reality is just the sad truth.

This is also the decision which I happen to like. If a goalkeeper did become famous in their own right, such as Peter Schmeichel or legendary goalkeeper Rene Higuita, then their kits would make economic sense to sell in their own right; which given that Mary Earps is on the verge of securing that kind of legendary status, might actually be the best solution.

https://www.skysports.com/football/news/28508/12946651/mary-earps-replica-england-shirt-to-go-on-limited-sale-as-nike-bow-to-pressure-from-lionesses-fans

Mary Earps' replica England shirt to go on 'limited' sale as Nike bow to pressure from Lionesses fans

Nike admits it "did not serve fans" who wanted to buy national team goalkeeper shirts during Women's World Cup and will now stock "limited" numbers of kits for England, France, USA and Netherlands Women.

- Sky Sports, 24th August 2023.

Even with this decision, Nike still went Solution 4.

August 24, 2023

Horse 3224 - Tiny Numbers = Big Confusion

 "And there's going to be contact, big contact and they're spinning. Waters is gone. Is that Davison or Anton?"

- Mark Skaife, commentary Supercars Race 21, The Bend, 20th Aug 2023.

Is that Davison or Anton? Seriously?!

Call me naïve, or run my nose in the dirt and call me stinky, call me an idiot, or perhaps listen to my question and join in my incredulity, but isn't this a problem which is fixable? 

Back when I was a wee lad, in those apparently absurd days; with the likes of Peter Brock, Larry Perkins and Dick Johnson in the Australian Touring Car Championship, the racecars helpfully had numbers on the doors.

05 - Peter Brock

11 - Larry Perkins

17 - Dick Johnson

These numbers are emblazoned into the memories of thousands of motor racing fans in this country. Even as Peter Brock's star was fading and he began to believe his own nonsense, as Dick Johnson quite rightly hang the helmet up and passed the number on, and as Larry Perkins eventually gave the game away, the stories of the numbers outlived them; to the point where a hoo-hah was made when the number 11 was being passed on to DJR.

The reason why numbers are put on racecars at all, is so race control and we the viewer, can look at the side of a car and instantly know who is who. This might sound like a novel idea but being able to tell who is who, merely by looking at them, is a pretty nifty idea. How is it that in a supposedly professional series, that Mark Skaife can not tell the difference between Alex Davison and Anton de Pasquale?

Because very clearly as this screencap shows, it is impossible to know who is who from a distance. The two Nulon cars in this photo look the same. The two Truck Assist cars look the same. The two Ampol Red Bull cars look the same. The two Coca-Cola cars look the same. The two Penrite cars look the same. The the Shell V-Power cars, including when we need to know which one is which, unhelpfully, look the same. How does this help anyone?

The solution which should be staring everyone in the face, which even Blind Freddy can see but can not at the moment, is that having two cars look the same, can be very easily solved by putting big numbers on the doors. This might come as a surprise to Supercars' management but things tend to look smaller when they are far away and making the switch from having numbers on the doors that we big, to smaller numbers that are in the window and which can not even be seen by the commentary team with the aid of cameras, means that it is impossible to tell who is who.

We all know why they did it. In chasing down every dollar, the maybe 3 square feet of space that would have been occupied by a number, has now been taken up by the sponsor's logo writ ever larger on the side of the car. Did it help that much? Really? Or, and this is what I charge you with, it looks unprofessional and deeply deeply stupid. "Stupidity" is a technical term, which means that given a set of choices, the stupid person will make the one which is unhelpful, unkind, and not sensible. To remove the numbers from the doors, where they could be seen, to make them this wee little thing which can not been seen by the commentary team, which can not be seen on the telly by we the viewers at home, and especially can not been seen by we the paying public who buy tickets, is stupid. This was a choice; a deliberate choice.

Removing the numbers from the doors has also very very much robbed the drivers of their identity. Peter Brock's 05 was the stuff of legend. Dick Johnson's 17 in the Clarendon font was very much part of the tale of Queensland's favourite son who hit a rock and a who hit a tree and still won Bathurst and became three time champion. Larry Perkins the eternal pragmatist and engineer, took on 11 because it was cheaper to buy a bunch of 1 stickers. In 2023, Shane Van Gisbergen should have 97 looming large on the doors but no-one can find it. Alex Davison who has inherited 17 may as well not bother because the legendary number is absent. 

To wit, who are these two drivers?

Do you know? I have no idea. The commentary team had no idea. Likely the people trackside had no idea. The one purpose that the driver numbers has, is completely failing here. 

If were I go to a Sprint Car/Speed Car race, or look at NASCAR on television, or even visit a very very big track like Indianapolis or Talledega, not only am I able to tell who is who but I can do so from a very very long way away. The numbers on the side of a NASCAR Cup Car are 40 inches tall; which is all kinds of brilliant. Not only does this let you know who the car is from far away but the number itself due to the font and colour scheme, works in strengthening the driver's identity. Petty Blue #15B0F0 and the number 43 can only be Richard Petty. Dale Earnhardt was famous for having a black car with the number 3. Jimmy Johnson only found success in the number 48. The Wood Brothers have been around since 1949 and almost immediately ran red and white cars with the number 21.

Supercars' management either does not know about this, or care. During the late 00s they succumbed to pressure from the teams who were looking maximise brand exposure but by doing so, they have very much eroded the identity of the drivers; who let's be honest, are actually the biggest marketable assets of the sport.

There actually is an alternative but I very much doubt that Supercars would want to impose this on the teams and that is to hold the cars to one livery per year. On the face of it this sounds silly but 18-foot skiff racing which doesn't have numbers but makes a point of using the sponsors as the team identifier, holds a team to run the same spinnaker set for a season. These themselves have been famous over the years; with Colour 7, Prudential, Xerox, and Ella Bache among the many teams who have gone boat racing over the years. Again the same problem of needing to identify a thing from far away is what is at stake here.

This basic vexhillogial problem has gone back hundreds if not thousands of years, with flags and uniforms being the things which have identified friend or foe on the battlefield. Britain's redcoats, a Roman legionnaire, a Greek Hoplite are all legendary and you can probably form a picture of them in your mind's eye. In World War 2, the United States Air Force learned the hard way that their star on a roundel looked the same as the Japanese hinomaru; which proves that shape is as important as colour. Indeed the very reason why the French Air Force and tge RAF both have roundels, is to mark them as obviously different to the German balkenkreuz, as a roundel looks different to a cross: X and O.

Supercars' management in the face of what should be wisdom acquired through thousands of years at this point has deliberately chosen to spit in the face of common sense and by playing this stupid game of getting rid of the numbers from the doors, they have won the stupid prize of nobody, not even the commentary team being able to tell who any one is.

August 23, 2023

Horse 3223 - The End Of The Line: 1 - Emu Plains

Greater Sydney, that is the whole of the metropolis and not just the area covered by the local government area of the City Of Sydney, is an unwieldy conurbation which is home to more than 5 millions of people. A city of 5 millions is not particularly massive when compared with London, Paris, Tokyo, or Mexico City but in terms of the area covered, Sydney is huge. Broadly speaking, the natural boundaries of Sydney are square of 80 kilometers by 80 kilometers and bounded on three sides by mountains and on the fourth by the Pacific Ocean. 

In my travels (mostly deliberately), I have visited every station on the Sydney Trains Network and so I have already visited every station in this series of posts, previously. While this series of posts may appear to be a duplicate, it serves a slightly different purpose. Namely, that because Sydney is so massively massive and dendritic in nature, the ends of the various lines tend to be outposts. Going to every one of the stations at the end of the line may as well be like setting foot upon the moon. Indeed as the ones in the centre (Wynyard, Town Hall, and Central) are the busiest, and the others on the City Circle are the prettiest (Circular Quay, St James, and Museum), the ones right at the very edges tend to be quite and spooky. 

This is their story.

The End Of The Line: Emu Plains

Being 57 kilometers from Central, Emu Plains probably technically isn't even a suburb of Sydney but rather a suburb of Penrith, if Penrith is actually considered to be a regional centre in the same way that Wollongong is.

What is all the way out here? Precious little.

Unlike other stations where you might hope to step off the train and buy a pie, Emu Plains was within walking distance of a bakery which was closed. It probably opens first thing in the morning and does a coffee and pastry trade, and then is open for lunch but at 3pm in the afternoon, it like all hope, was closed.

One could argue that O'Donohue's Pun which is within walking distance might be sufficient reason to make the journey out here but the truth in point is that not even the locals shop here. Emu Plains is within the shadow of Westfield Penrith; which has supermarkets and all the shops one could hope for. There is a factory which makes Recreational Vehicles and Caravans but apart from this, Emu Plains is almost entirely surrounded by low density housing. Again, unlike Penrith which on the northern side of the station has blocks of flats that look almost Soviet in their brutality and which has crowds which gush and flow, Emu Plains has single digit people who occasionally show up. As we shall see like so many other stations at the end of the line, Emu Plains is almost but not quite rural. 

The station itself is a river-type, with two platforms; with Platform 1 being the upline towards Central and Platform 2 being the downline from Central. As Emu Plains is a river-type station, the fences to keep people out run on the outer edges of the platform and what amounts to rather tall domestic fencing to serve that purpose. 

Like a number of these stations in Sydney, the end of the line does not mean the end of the railway. Unlike other cities in the world, Sydney has full-size pullman cars which travel over heavy rail, which it shares with intercity trains and freight trains. It is possible to see a normal 8-car Suburban Train, being passed by an interurban train to Lithgow, or a 38-truck coal train, or thr Indian Pacific to Perth, at this station. 

This 'end point' as the western end of the Western Line, is where drivers arriving in 4, 6, 8, and 10 car trains, should get their cabs to stop. Emu Plains is not necessarily unique in this but owing to the fact that the overpass bridge is also at this end, it does mean that this is the end of the platform that the drivers will line their cabs up at on their trains.

On this particular journey the driver stopped, got out of the train, walked past the ticket bollards and outside of the station, and had a cigarette before he and the guard who was at the other end of the train, swapped ends for the return journey back to Central. I suppose that as railway stations have been smoke free since the change of legislation back in 2000, that leaving the station is the only way that a driver can nip out for a durry. This is after all, a workplace environment. Also considering that there was a bit of time before the train left to go back to Central and Emu Plains is so mind-numblingly quiet, that scraping away the edges of boredom with Carolina's finest, seems as good an option as any. 

To the west of the western end of the Western Line, is the Blue Mountains. The Blue Mountains which are so named because from far away they apperently look blue, can be seen from my home station of Marayong or even from the span of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. 

From here, the line if still relatively flat before it hooks a left and then makes the slow climb up the mountains, starting with the Lapstone Incline. On this particular day, the weather was pretty nice but as Emu Plains lacks proper waiting rooms, in rainy or windy weather, this place is unpleasant.

Even though this place is on the edge of being in the middle of nowhere, Emu Plains does have ticket machines, bins, and awnings; which means that this place still feels like a normal suburban station unlike places like Carlingford used to. The overpass even has lift access and the station is accessible by ramp; which means that this is useful for wheelchairs, and people with prams.

Emu Plains used to be a single platform station with the other track being used as a crossover and bypass. The older stone heritage listed building was opened in 1907 but it was closed when I arrived and I suspect that the station was unattended. I could not see what was inside.

I arrived here at about 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon and only one person apart from me was on the train at this time. Going back the other way, three people including me got on the train; which for a thing which can hold 2000 people in peak periods, is very very quiet.

Virtually all of the sets that run to Emu Plains are A-Sets; which I have to say are very very nice places to be sat sitting in as a commuter. If it is windy and cold and awful outside, then a warm place like an A-Set at Emu Plains would be a welcome refuge. 

Trains from all the way out here are likely to stop at Penrith, Blacktown, then Parramatta, Strathfield and Redfern before Central; with the slow trains infilling all stations to Blacktown and that's about it. Richmond Line and Cumberland Line trains infill Seven Hills to Westmead, and Southern Line and Inner City Line trains infill the rest.

If you were to sum up the vibe of Emu Plains, it would be that this place is quiet and serene; which is quite apt considering that this is the end of the line out west. The fact that there is not much out here, means that this is unlikely to be a destination unless you really want to go to O'Donohue's and want to take the train back home as a responsible person.

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All that this leaves me to do is that my many zeroes of thousand's supporters on Ko-Fi and Patreon. You are my non-existent pie to my disappointingly closed bakery. As this is a haphazard series which will only appear after I have been somewhere else, then the next one will be on an ad hoc and ab surdium basis.

August 21, 2023

Horse 3222 - Supercars' Golden Problem

It must be said that the Supercars Championship for 2023 is the worst in living memory for many people. Beyond Brodie Kostecki, Will Brown, Shane van Gisbergen and Broc Feeney, who have collectively won 18 of 22 races, the drivers who have picked up one each have been Cameron Waters, Jack Le Brocq, Mark Winterbottom, and Anton de Pasquale. 

The bottom line is that the Chevy Camaro which is a 5.7L V8, despite attempts to equalise it to a the Ford Mustang which only has a 5.4L V8, is killing it everywhere in every department and this has translated to a 20-2 margin. This is even more of a thumping than the 1991 Australian Touring Car Championship when the Nissan Skyline R32 GT-R won 7-2 against the BMW M3 E30, but not as bad as the 1988 season when the Ford Sierra RS500 swept all 9 rounds.

Likewise, this year's Formula One season has thus far seen absolute dominance by Red Bull's RB19. I do not know how much of this clean sweep thus far has been caused by Honda finally outwitting Mercedes-Benz in terms of powertrain development, but what I do know is that this dominance is so far, exact.

On the other hand, if you get a series like NASCAR where all of the cars are so very very locked down in terms of what the teams can do within the rule book, then what you get is a series where advantage is practically non-existent and it comes down to how teams set up their car for that weekend. The downside to a NASCAR Cuppity-Cup Series Car is that they are wide and hefty chonks, which are just not that great at turning into corners. 

I have a theory which I have no way for proving; which is the best kind of theory because I can slam it down on the table and say "That's a theory" and everyone else has to say "Well Done!". My theory, this theory, which belongs to me, is as follows... 

The ideal ratio of Wheelbase to Width, is the Golden Ratio. The Golden Ratio is (1+√5)/2, which is about 1.618033.

There are reasons why this number is amazing but I shall not go into them here. 

The reason why I suspect that the Golden Ratio is in fact the best Wheelbase to Width ratio, has to do with the fact that a motor car when turning, swings upon a nominal point of yaw. The three axes of pitch, roll and yaw all come into play when driving a car but only yaw is important when it comes to turning a vehicle through a corner. Pitch and roll will affect the ability of the wheels to attach themselves to the road surface but how well a car turns through a corner, is the subject of loads and loads of dark arts which apart from camber, castor, toe, rubber compound, et cetera, is mostly determined by that overriding aspect of a car's basic geometry. 

I arrived at my theory by observation because very obviously, I have no way of performing the experiment and I will readily admit, I do not understand how to design the experiment to determine how you get better motor racing. For the purposes of this, everything will be in imperial measurements because inches are smaller numbers and aesthetically more pleasing.

Wheelbase / Width = WWR

The so-called Generation-2 Supercar, which was based upon the AU/BA/BF/FG/FGX Falcon platform as the standard had the following stats.

Generation-2 Supercar:

111.7' / 73.5' = 1.519

Compare this with the current Generation-3 Supercar:

108.8' / 77.0' = 1.412

Gen-3 Supercar is slightly shorter and slightly wider than Gen-2 Supercar was and when coupled with the engine disparity, I think has contributed to worse racing.

Meanwhile a NASCAR Cup Car which has had the base dimensions baked in ever since the 1981 season has the following dimensions.

NASCAR Cup Car:

110.0' / 78.6' = 1.399

What this means is that the NASCAR Cup Car while being slightly shorter than a Supercar, is way way wider. It is also heavier; which is necessitated by needing a very very strong rollcage in case it all goes horribly wrong on a superspeedway at 200mph. A NASCAR Cup Car is a hefty chonky boi, which doesn't turn particularly well; which is expressed in the fact that they aren't exactly the fastest thing around road courses and street circuits.

For reference, a 5.8L V8 NASCAR Cup Car at Bathurst in 1998, went around in 2m15.56s as opposed to a 5.0L V8 Supercars' time of 2m09.89s. A 2L Volvo went around 2m14.92s. 

So what about in the other direction? This year's Red Bull RB19 has thus far smashed all and sundry to the weeds and while Formula One regulations do not actually specify wheelbase or width, the cars are limited to fitting within a bounding box in the regulations and that bounding box is massive.

2023 Red Bull RB19:

148.0' / 78.0' = 1.897

This is a long long thing. 

If you compare this with the 2013 season, the first half of the 2013 season saw five different winners from four different teams until Red Bull arrived with mid-season updates and then smashed all and sundry.

2013 Red Bull RB9:

122.0' / 71.0' = 1.718

My suspicion is that the 2013 Red Bull turned into corners and back out them better that the 2023 Red Bull can. If we then compare this with the standard dimensions for a Formula Ford which existed from 1967-2012 we find this:

Formula Ford:

96.0' / 60.0' = 1.600

I have driven a Formula Ford (Van Diemen RF03) and in my opinion, it is the funnest car that I have ever driven. Everything about that car, even on turn in while going through Paddock Hill Bend at Brands Hatch felt like the car was practically perfect in every way. I have driven and owned far more powerful cars than a Formula Ford but nothing as fun. My Mercedes-Benz 450SEL 6.9 which had enough power to quietly get to 130mph without trying, or my XB Falcon Coupe which created enough bluster and shock and awe to wake the dead, were nowhere near as fun.

Actually when it comes to fun, both my Ford Ka Mk1 and my current Mazda 2 DJ were more fun than the Mercedes S-Klasse or the Falcon. Their Wheelbase to Width ratios are:

Ford Ka Mk1:

96.5' / 64.2' = 1.503

Mazda 2 DJ:

101.2' / 66.7' = 1.517

The Mazda while being practically identical to the Falcon in terms of Wheelbase to Width ratios, is more fun because it comes in smaller packaging. This brings me round to two other stars of Touring Car racing, the Ford Sierra RS500 and the Nissan GTR R32. They have Wheelbase to Width ratios as follows:

Ford Sierra RS500:

102.0' / 68.0' = 1.500

Nissan GTR R32:

103.0' / 66.0' = 1.560

As the Nissan GTR R32 was a scratch built car for the express purpose of winning Touring Car races, that likely squared up at the Ford Sierra RS500, I suspect that the Nissan engineers more than likely already knew that my theory could be true and planned their base geometry accordingly.

Which is why I do not understand why given that the Generation-3 Supercar as a bespoke bit of kit; which actually only have a silhouette resemblance to the Chevrolet Camaro-6 and the Ford Mustang S650, willingly chose from the outset to produce a shorter and wider pair of chonky bois which don't turn in as well. Why didn't they just bake in the previous dimensions, since they would have had Generation-3 compatible with Generation-2 (and 1) or pick something approaching the Golden Ratio:

Golden Ratio Car:

110.0' / 67.98' = 1.618

August 19, 2023

Horse 3221 - Pardon Me? No. The Law Doesn't Work That Way.

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/read-the-full-georgia-indictment-against-trump-and-18-allies

Former President Donald Trump was indicted Monday on racketeering, conspiracy and other charges by a grand jury in Fulton County, Georgia, the result of a more than two-year investigation by District Attorney Fani Willis into potential 2020 election interference in that state.

Eighteen other people, including Trump’s former lawyer Rudy Giuliani and former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows, were also indicted, accused of joining Trump in efforts to unlawfully change the outcome of the election.

- PBS News Hour, 15th Aug 2023

I find it deliciously ironic that Donald J Trump, who during his presidential campaign to become the 45th President of the United States and who repeatedly got crowds at his rallies to chant "Lock her up" about his rival Hilary Clinton, is himself now facing ninety-one separate charges and may himself go to prison. Granted that these ninety-one charges are being brought in four four separate cases but the fact that there is even one against a presidential candidate and the leading candidate for the Republican presidential nomination at that, is nothing short of staggering. 

The latest and perhaps most interesting of the charges against Donald Trump was brought by Fulton County District Attorney, Fani Willis, in the State of Georgia on Monday, and relates to Mr Trump's now infamous phone call during his attempt to overturn the 2020 election in that state. Naturally Mr Trump has denied all wrongdoing, and both Mr Trump and the Republican Party have made accusations of political targeting but in this case the evidence being presented is already public; so he can not pretend that this is a stitch-up or a witch hunt. This is the epistemological question of whether or not a thing is a witch hunt, if you already know where the witch is.

Even as charges pile up left right and centre, and the idea that a former president can charged with felonies has ceased to be novel and has become almost routine, yet somehow he still manages to maintains or even improve his standing in 2024 polls. Ever since about February of 2015, his approval rating has bounced between about 36% and 42%. His statement that he could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot someone and people would still vote for him, has proven probably to be true.

The difference between Fani Willis' case in Georgia and other cases such as the Stormy Daniels hush-money charges in New York, and Jack Smith’s Federal cases relating to Mr Trump’s handling of classified documents and his efforts to subvert the democratic process in 2020, is that under racketeering convictions in Georgia, Trump if guilty, would be going to gaol.

Racketeering convictions are subject to mandatory minimum sentencing in the State of Georgia and as the United States and the various states have what is legally known as a "republican form of government" then such convictions under state law are only subject to state law. There is a subtle difference in the operation of law in Australian and the United States in that the Supremacy Clause of the United States Constitution, only applies to the reading of legislation, it does not apply in cases of judicial law; whereas here the Crowns, that is R, while different are related. In practical terms, this means that neither the president of the United States (by virtue of not being able to act) nor the Governor (by virtue of having a legal disability to act in this case) has the power to pardon state crimes. Presidential Pardon is inoperative here, and Gubernatorial Pardon is specifically denied here.

In that press conference on Monday which was replayed on ABC Radio National's "PM" program, Fulton County District Attorney, Fani Willis, said that: "The RICO charge has time that you have to serve. It is not a probated sentence."

To recap that infamous phone call, Trump demanded that the Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger "find 11,780 votes" to swing the state away from Joe Biden. Instead, Raffensperger pushed back against the then sitting President saying that "The most basic principles of a strong democracy are accountability and respect for the Constitution and rule of law. You either have it, or you don’t".

The actual charges which are listed in a 98-page indictment name Mr Trump as the leader of a racketeering scheme that included allies like Rudy Giuliani, Mark Meadows, and John Eastman, all of whom have also been charged but not unindicted as co-conspirators in the case. The 98-page document goes on to detail an alleged plot to breach voting machines, harass election workers, and goes on to explain the scheme by the Trump Reelection Committee to set-up, or accuse, or overturn electors in the Electoral College. The document also notes that similar attempts where made in Wisconsin and Arizona, and might hint at an unwritten invitation for those states to start prosecution cases and press charges of their own.

I personally find the whole idea that a President elected by the people should not be subject to the same laws as the country of the people who elected them there, both strange and dangerous. I live in a state which has an Independent Commission Against Corruption which although does not have the legal power to convict or remove, it does have a lot of sway and does create moral pressure for people to resign. I also live in a country which has inherited a Westminster tradition of government; which happens to include the legal case of R v Charles (1649), in which the High Court at Westminster Hall indicted and found Charles The First guilty of tyranny. That particular chapter in history ended with Charles losing his head while all about him, everyone else kept theirs.

Let's however assume for a second that Mr Trump is convicted and found guilty of several charges and sent to prison. There is nothing to prevent Mr Trump from continuing his campaign or being successful and winning the Presidency and then going to prison. There is nothing to prevent Mr Trump from being President while in prison or from the executive of the United States being conducted from inside the halls of a state penitentiary. The framers to the United States Constitution likely never imagined such a set of circumstances and changing the United States Constitution is notoriously difficult. 

So if all of this were to pass, in some kind of ultra bizarre Thirty Xanatos Pileup Gambit, in which irony is thrown against irony and common sense and sensibility is thrown into the furnace of sanity, can we finally stop pretending that we are suprised all the time? Because if a Presidential candidate and the leading candidate for the Republican presidential nomination at that, is charged, convicted, sent to prison, and runs the administration from prison, then that will truly be staggering. Or rather, it won't be. Nothing is staggering any more. Kings have lost their heads. Presidents have been found guilty and charged. Tyrants have been set on fire and thrown into a ditch. This President is yet to face the effects of the law.

August 18, 2023

Horse 3220 - Sit Down And Be Counted. Watch More Football And Less Kardashians.

Australia 1 - England 3

Toone - 36'

Kerr - 63'

Hemp - 71'

Russo - 86'

There were a lot of people on the telly on Wednesday night wondering what went wrong with the Matildas in their 1-3 loss against England in the Semi-Final. This can be summed up in a few sentences. 4-4-2 met 3-5-2 on the pitch. England had an overlap in midfield. England found that they could get away with roughhousery. Tony Gustavsson was timid and didn't make whole scale changes. 1-3 sounds like a howler but really, it's one defensive error coupled with a lack of ability to smash through the midfield, to supply strikers who both looked anonymous.

What the pundits kind of hinted at but couldn't really say in the moment, was that what we saw although disappointing was an Australian Football Team in the Semi-Final of a World Cup. How ridiculous is that?! Australia didn't get bundled out of the group stage, or fail in the Round of 16, but sniffed the chance of being in a World Cup Final and were only beaten by an England side which has lost exactly once since 2017 and that was in the World Cup Semi-Final against the USA four years ago. These are the European Champions and will either be No.1 or No.2 in this tournament; while the worst that Australia can now do is 4th. I saw an Australian side not fail against Iran in Melbourne 25 years ago and in all that time, no Australian side has been in rarified air like this. This was amazing.

Probably this World Cup has caused an impact on the Australia psyche which is going to have ripples for years to come but the one question which is going to echo on and on is why female professional athletes don't make as much as money as male professional athletes. We have already had our first important moment when the then Matildas side walked out of the offices of Football Australia and refused to play the then World Champion United States because of a pay dispute but the next step involves a systemic question which nobody wants to touch with a barge pole.

What happens in October after the hype is gone? Part of the reason why there is a pay difference in this case is purely down to the fact that people don't show up at women's football games. This goes for women's sport generally. If 90,000 people will show up for Collingwood v Carlton, then why don't 90,000 people show up for the same fixture in the WAFL?

Look at the A-League Women, the WAFL, or WNRL, or even Netball. They play in front of a few hundred people week in and week out, playing their guts out and for what? Where are all the mums taking their daughters to matches? Let's make this political. Where are all of the feminists?

I might be confused but last time I checked, women actually make up slightly more than half the population. If men can stand out in the rain, bedecked in blue, yellow, red, white, then why don't women? Men are able to care about stupid things like sport, which has absolutely zero consequence in the world; why can't women? They should be going nuts.

Men will watch stupid and pointless things on television, such as motor racing and other men wailing on each other, literally punching each other into the ground, and the media companies will show this and make money through advertising. One of the delightful features about dollars is that they are perfectly fungible and the thing about business, which is what all commercial media is ultimately, is that it cares not a jot about how it makes money and profits. The television stations, both Pay-TV and Cable, will show whatever brings them subscribers, viewers, and advertising revenues. When money talks, business listens.

Women will also watch stupid and pointless things on television and because dollars are perfectly fungible, business listens there too. If people want to watch The Kardashians, Home and Away, The Voice, My Kitchen Rules, or womens' sport, media companies honestly do not care. If you won't want to watch this thing but do want to watch that thing, then the advertising revenue is likely to follow that thing.

The only reason that The Kardashians are sitting there with millions of dollars and handbags and purses and shoes and Botox, is that the money and attention already spoke and the media companies listened. You know who isn't watching The Kardashians? Men. Quite honestly, the fact that I know that a Kardashian is a person on a reality TV show that I have never seen and not an alien from Star Trek, is shameful. End the Kardashians. Stop watching. 

11.15 million people watched on in abject horror as the Matildas fell apart against a well drilled and well sorted England side. You can't complain any more than men will not watch women's sport because not only was that the biggest television event in the history of Australia but 42% of people in the country watched on. 

This Women's World Cup has proven comprehensively that men will watch women's sport; although, we already knew this. Sport such as Women's tennis already makes superstars out of women. Media companies and advertising already listened and that is why Serena Williams is famous. Maybe Sam Kerr is the first proper superstar of women's football in Australia but there is no good reason why Ellyse Perry or Daisy Pearce aren't, other than the money wasn't listening. How come I already knew that Courtney Vine plays for Sydney FC? Why is it that I know that Canberra United has an A-League Women's team but no equivalent men's team? If I know this, why don't you?

When we get to the 2043 Women's World Cup, will you be able to name your top five all-time A-League Women's players? If you want this, show up. Mums, take your daughters to football matches. Yell and go nuts like the men do. Take your boyfriends and husbands. This is the ground floor. Men have been caring about stupid stuff for years. Women, it's time for you to take up your position at end of the couch and yell like a nutcase at the television. It's time for you to sit down and be counted.

August 16, 2023

Horse 3219 - False 9? I Don't Think So.

While listening to SEN this morning, one of the pundits was talking up Australia's changes against European Champions in England, by declaring that the return of Sam Kerr to active duty and the starting XI would mean that Australia now has a False 9. I listened to this with a very high degree of incredulity as I do not think that Australia operates that way. Sam Kerr is not a False 9 but an end point operator which makes her a very strong 10. Maybe there is a case for Emily Van Egmont playing as False 9 but I think that we have to come to the conclusion that Van Egmont, Fowler and Vine have all been playing as traditional 9 and 10 positions.

But to rule out Sam Kerr as a False 9, means that we need to know just what we're talking about in the first place. Words mean things. We must not rule something out, unless we first know what that thing is. 

Broadly speaking football players are traditionally numbered up the pitch, with the Goalkeeper as 1, the Backs as 2, 3, 4, and 5; the Midfield as 6, 7, 8; and the Forwards as 9, 10, and 11. Of course this assumes 4-3-3 and any other formation will shift the natural numbering out of sequence. In 3-4-3, 5 will move into the midfield. In 4-4-2, 11 will move into the midfield. This also assumes that player numbers are dependent on position; which in the age of permanent squad numbering is not necessarily the case. Still, the lustre of the traditional numbers are so strong that backs still want 2, 3, 4 and 5, the midfield 7 and 8 is in some cases iconic, and 9 and 10 have passed into legendary status. 10 is the number of Pele, Messi, Maradona.

A traditional 9 occupies the position of one of one or two or three strikers. 9 will usually hang about trying to cause madness and mayhem and whose job is unashamedly to put the ball in the back of the net. 9 usually numbers off against 2 or 3 and if the direction from management is to mark them out of the game, then 2 or 3 will ensure that 9 is ineffective and in really efficient and excellent player marking, will ensure that 9 never touches the ball.

This is the thing about football. If we assume that every one of the twenty-two players on the field touches the ball for an equal amount of time, then they are touching the ball for a mere 4.54% of the time. This means that they are NOT touching the ball for a massive 95.45% of the time. Given this, it should be obvious to everyone that football is very much a game which mostly happens off the ball; where players are trying to make and create space. While everyone's instinct is to watch a game of football by watching where the ball is, even Blind Freddy can see that the vast majority of the game is actually off the ball.

This leads me nicely to the subject of the False 9. The False 9 is a 9 who is playing not as a 9. This denotes a position, rather than a number. If we think of our traditionally numbered squad, a False 9 is they are not a dedicated striker, will move back towards the midfield. Naturally this creates even more mayhem and madness for the defenders. If a 9 who is playing not as a 9 but has moved back down the pitch, do they follow? Do they leave the space? Remember, nature abhors a vacuum; which means that any holes in the universe will absolutely be filled in by something. 

If a 9 is playing not as a 9 but as a False 9, they have slid back down the pitch. This then means that their function has changed slightly. Either they act as the traffic cop to direct play around them, sending balls even more forward to 10 and 11, or they work in tandem with 10 by sliding back, passing the ball off to 10, and then receiving the ball themselves. False 9 is then more dangerous than a normal 9 because the defenders now have the problem of being confused about what to do with the space as well as having to cope with the added problems caused by dynamic difficulty of the 9 who is out of place.

The other side of this is that False 9 needs a player is either more intelligent, more creative, more aware, more spatially dominant, or simply faster, than a normal 9. When management demands more from a player, then that means that that player either has more to give or that they will suffer because more is demanded of them that they simply do not have. False 9 if played well, often leads to their teams being something quite quite brilliant.

Recently, Lionel Messi while wearing 10, played the role of False 9 on many occasions. He made use of his awareness and spatial dominance because most of the time when he was at Barcelona or Argentina, he appeared to be doing nothing at all on the pitch. His sublime brilliance is what caused mayhem and madness for defenders all over the place. Kenny Dalglish in the Liverpool team of the 1980s which won the European Cup and the Double, moved forwards into the role of False 9 often, when Liverpool playing 4-4-2 would push forwards, which would mean that he could then cause mayhem and madness for defenders who would not be expecting a midfielder to turn into a striker. In the 1950s the "Magic Magyars" of Hungary who played what is better described as either W-M or M-W because of the shape of their ten outfield players, would often collapse their front W into two strikers and Ferenc Puskas playing as False 9. They lost the 1954 3-2 to West Germany due to Teutonic stubbornness. I have reason to believe that Stan Seymour was playing as a False 9 in the 1924 FA Cup when Newcastle United beat Bolton Wanderers 2-0.

Having said all of this, what do I think of the current Matildas squad with regards the False 9? The natural strikers are Mary Fowler playing as an obvious 10, and Emily Van Egmont playing as a traditional 9. If there is a False 9, then the only player who might fit this role is Sam Kerr and she's simply not been called to play that role in this tournament. Gustavsson has been arranging the Matildas as a very strong and organised 4-4-2, with Caitlin Foord and Haley Raso playing as wingers who slide deep into the attacking corners; which means that what was 4-4-2 becomes 4-2-4 when slid forwards. Tactically it is not adventurous but it is effective.

Kerr as False 9? Yeah, nah. Rather, nah, nah.

August 15, 2023

Horse 3218 - One Nation Divided

SPILL SPILL SPILL...

When you see the hashtag #spill trending on Twitter in Australia, immediately you wonder who has been turfed out of power by their own political party. Be it Prime Ministers or Opposition Leaders, when the Festival Of The Thirsty Knife starts again, then backstabbing and blood spilling soon follows. For a crazy period this century, we had 6 Prime Ministers in 10 years, and 6 Opposition Leaders in the same period. When #spill starts trending, those of us who view politics as the perennial sporting contest, start getting excited.

Except on this occasion, this spill was ore boring than soup made from packet gravy. This spill was more boring than a recap and analysis show looking at what happened last week on Neighbours. This spill was more boring than Beatrice and Elizabeth who have tunneled their way from Victoria Cross to Zetland under the harbour. This spill was really boring.

This spill was that Mark Latham has been axed as NSW One Nation leader, after an order from the One Nation Party's Permanent Tsar, Pauline Hanson. In a press conference which I heard on ABC News Radio, Ms Hanson cited the party’s poor electoral performance at the March '23 state election as the reason for the spill. 

After having won just 1.8% of the primary vote in the Legislative Assembly and securing exactly zero seats, and 5.0% of the the primary vote in the Legislative Council, thus effecting exactly zero change, this looks like seagulls fighting over a chip at the beach. The actual take-home from this is that Mark Latham will remain in the party even though he isn't leader and even though he still claims to the be the parliamentary leader. The other two One Nation MPs in the Legislative Council have said exactly zero so far. 

Why does any of this matter if practically zero has changed? Because what this says is that the One Nation Party is, is still essentially a party of cult and of personality and will no be allowed to breathe under any circumstances. This harkens all the way back to 1996 and the beginning of Ms Hanson's political career.

Way back long ago in the past, Ms Hanson was dumped by the Liberal Party and disendorsed but because she was already listed as the Liberal Party's candidate for the Federal Electorate of Oxley in Queensland, she was voted in by a Queensland electorate who either didn't know or didn't care about the circumstances. It then became really obvious really quickly that Ms Hanson was (and still is) a political hack and an A-Grade nutcase. The long story short is that from 1996 and in the almost 30 years since, both her and her political party which is still apparently about her, have played the role of being perpetual nuisances in every single parliament. This spill is the admission that there is only room for one nuisance in the party and that Mark Latham, isn't it. Probably Mark Latham could have found himself a job on Sky News Australia along with resident nuisance Cory Bernardi, but I fear that Sky News Australia might not have that big a budget.

I suspect that the reason why Mark Latham will retain his place in the One Nation Party and has neither resigned nor been booted, is that just like a ratking, the group works better as a peloton. Rats will only jump from a ship if they fear that the ship is sinking and in this case, with New South Wales' four year fixed term elections, Mark Latham's job as Member of the Legislative Council is safe. I suspect that Pauline Hanson hasn't disendorsed him because if he were to be disendorsed, then she would lose control over who would replace Latham in the event of him quitting or dying. As it is, his resignation left a casual vacancy which she could then fill and which isn't up for reelection until 2027 and Mark Latham himself has a watertight job until 2031. 

This spill turned out to be less interesting than what it otherwise could have been. I saw #Spill trending on X and thought that maybe Spud Dutton had finally become so repulsive to the rest of the Liberal Party that they finally decided to fry that potato and replace him with Sussan Ley. That would have truly placed us into some weird political territory but that did not happen. I had hope to whoop from the sidelines: "Political chaos and division is so back, YEAH!" We didn't get that. Instead we got a non-event; in a party that doesn't matter; with a caucus that can fit in the back of a taxi.


August 14, 2023

Horse 3217 - To Conquer Traffic You Must Become More Traffic

https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/the-race-to-stop-a-sydney-traffic-sewer-becoming-the-next-parramatta-road-20230628-p5dk62.html

The Inner West Council and Balmain Greens MP Kobi Shetty are pushing the government to develop detailed plans to transform Victoria Road at Rozelle by removing traffic lanes to allow for more public and active transport and wider footpaths, before the motorway tunnels open later this year.

...

The state government previously forecast a drop in traffic of up to 50 per cent on part of Victoria Road in Rozelle once a 1.1-kilometre tunnel bypass opens as part of the $3.9 billion final stage of the project. The tunnel will link the Iron Cove Bridge to a massive underground spaghetti junction at Rozelle.

- Megan Gorrey, Sydney Morning Herald, 3rd Jul 2023.

Speaking as a member of the great Sydney public who lives west of the Red Rooster line and therefore whose opinion matters not a jot to the people who lives east of the Red Rooster line, I have serious questions as to why anyone would think that opening a tolled motorway is going to cause "a drop in traffic of up to 50 per cent on part of Victoria Road in Rozelle". Are they mad? Do they like lying? Have they decided to throw all that they know about the world upon the bonfire of ignorance and dance around as though they were making a logic sacrifice to nonsensery and toomfoolery? I can completely understand that the Inner West Council and the Member of Parliament for Balmain object most vociferously to the fact that Victoria Road passes through their electorates but expecting that there will be benefits from narrowing the roads and making people drive more slowly, is dafter than a kangaroo playing tennis in the middle of the Gladesville Bridge.

Traffic as a moving festival of slowness, is similar to other things that flow and move. Broadly speaking, things that flow obey the same sets of rules. Flow of traffic, flow of electrons, and flow of water, can be described with mostly the same sets of mathematical equations and herein lies the problem. Things that flow tend to follow the path of least resistance. In theory adding a brand new pipe should alleviate pressure on an already existing pipe but when that pipe is itself subject to valves and baffles and switches which discourage things from flowing into it, the expected advantage of installing that new pipe is immediately flushed away.

One of the interesting things about the imposition of a toll, is that it is a barrier to entry. Fees generally are a barrier to entry into a marketplace but in this case, the metaphor crystallises as people who do not pay, are not allowed to use the motorway. Of course there will be some people who can not afford to pay. Those people will continue to use Victoria Road at reduced utility. There will also be some people who do not want to pay, if they think that they price is too high. In response to the motorway being opened, the  plan from Inner West Council by removing traffic lanes, is actually to discourage people from using Victoria Road by physically reducing the utility of the road even further. 

In the case of Epping Road which has been reduced to a one lane road in each direction, beyond Mowbray Road and towards the Pacific Highway, the reduction of utility of the road forced some traffic to run up Mowbray Road via Artarmon and other traffic to head southwards and back towards Five Dock. Part of the reason why Victoria Road's traffic is so bad, is precisely because of another toll-road. As for Victoria Road, another part of the reason why of why traffic is so bad on it is that the opening of the M4 and the subsequent loss of utility of Parramatta Road, has force even more traffic onto Victoria Road. Another part of the reason why Victoria Road's traffic is so bad, is precisely because of another another toll-road.

Inner West Council's solution it seems, is not to improve the road but to choke traffic even harder. This will naturally lead to consequences. We can see what kind of consequences that this will lead to, by looking at the M4 west of Church St in Parramatta. As the M4 is tolled, but only beyond Church St eastbound, then this creates an incentive for people to leave the M4 at Church St. Consequently, what happens is a very long, very ugly, and very slow queue of cars which builds up at about 5am in the morning and remains there until about 8pm at night. On a motorway, where the closing speed between a lane which is crawling along and motorway speeds of 90km/h, this has the potential to be disasterous. The tailback of cars queueing, is typically between about 4km and in the morning peak as much as 10km long. Inner West Council's solution is not going to cause a speed differential between different lanes of traffic but it is absolutely going to cause a tailback; which given that Victoria Road is a main aterial road, looks little more than pure churlishness on the part of Inner West Council.

There is some grain of truth that reducing Victoria Road to a single lane of travel will reduce "traffic" but this smacks of weaponised NIMBYism that has not been properly thought through, if in fact any thought was put into this at all.

Perhaps the most useful equation here is the general equation for Voltage, Current, and Resistance. V = IR. Voltage can be thought of as the speed of traffic. Current is the number of cars per hour. Resistance takes into account the number of useful lanes and the number and operation of the traffic lights et cetera.

This can helpfully be rearranged to form V/R = I.

Since the speed (Voltage) will drop, and the resistance will be greater; that is that V gets smaller and R gets bigger, then I gets smaller as an output.

60/1000 = 0.06

40/2000 = 0.02

Hooray, the traffic flow will be smaller. However, one of the neat things about maths is that it does not care about your stories and is always waiting to make fools of us all. The things driving the drivers, which makes them want to go somewhere (which include going to work, school, university, shopping, et cetera) are still driving the drivers. Just because Inner West Council wants to choke down traffic does not mean that that traffic has any less reason not to go somewhere. There will be some traffic, where the drivers who are prepared to pay the toll will be taken off of Victoria Road but as for everyone else, they will not. For them, all that happens is that there is a slower section, yet another set of resistances that makes their life harder and as proven by the imposition of tolls on the M4, a transposition of tailbacks and worse and longer tailbacks at that, further back up the road.

The really really dimwitted person here is the MP for Balmain and member of The Greens, Kobi Shetty. Her policy of NIMBYism, will actively cause traffic to idle longer, use more petrol, and add to CO2 and NOx emissions. Cars that idle for longer and going nowhere, don't just magically disappear because you moved them 5km up the road.

So who actually wins here? Tollway operators. We should probably drop the pretense at this point and just admit that Inner West Council has likely been persuaded by developers and by the tollway operators themselves. We should absolutely be convinced that the NSW State Government, given the very lone history of MPs being given golden parachutes by private enterprise, actively love finding new and impressive ways of tightening the screws on the good and fair people of NSW. If this actually was about improving traffic, then there wouldn't be tolls on the roads and traffic would move freely; however asking for that is like asking your neighbourhood bully not to beat you up and to give you lollies.

Inner West Council wins (?) because they get reduced "traffic" but they'll now get a far longer and possibly permanent bottleneck. To the immediate west, Ryde Council must surely be spitting chips, losing their bananas, and going nineteen to the dozen with rage. Congratulations, they will now be the new recipient of a brand new traffic snarl as eastbound traffic fights to go from three lanes, back to two and then back to one. 

It is pieces like this in the Sydney Morning Herald that actually make we wistful and wish for the days of yore when local newspapers like the Ryde Leader and the Balmain Herald would have po-faced people and angry people pointing at things on the front pages of the newspaper. It is very likely that Inner West Council without as much public scrutiny just decided to jam this through some council meetings with no kickback whatsoever. Meanwhile, the people who live west of the Red Rooster line who have no say but who are immediately affected by this, will just have to treat this like yet another bitter and sour lolly and suck it up.

I do not drive down Victoria Road enough to be troubled by this plan in particular, which means that I am not going to be pained by it, but it still seems to me that between NIMBYism and the greed of private tollway operators who see the public as nothing more than a machine to extract more money from, that the road network of Sydney is actually less useful than it was when I was a kid. Sure, there are more motorways but they don't relieve traffic woes when the roads are then made worse to entice people to use the motorways.

August 12, 2023

Horse 3216 - I Don't Like It

My boss who is an older gent, called me over to his computer at lunchtime this week (we have staggered lunch times so that the phones can always be answered) and asked me how he could stop adverts for two cleaning products bombard him on Facebook. I showed him the Snooze and Hide options and he was happy that he now had some new tools to tend his little garden with. It seems that the problem with Facebook is that if you liked a thing 15 years ago, that the algorithms which are impersonal and unthinking, have been set to permanently assume that you want to see more of that thing forever.

We are likely so deep into the days of AI writing other AI, that nobody human knows how the algorithms actually work any more, and that the are entire vast structures and interwobble cathedrals which stand upon one single line of Python which is hidden in the vast catacombs of code. I think that it is curious that we use words like 'navigate' and 'browse' when presented with mountains of content and vast seas of stuff. For not long after Eternal September had started, the interwoks started cooking up ways to digitise, plagerise, and monetise human attention. 

It is Facebook which is actually the best at collecting information which it can then use to sell stuff to people. The other social-media groups were far more apathetic and agnostic about what traffic passed through them; so their weaponised advertising systems are nowhere near as targeted or smart.

I have my suspicions that Elmo bought X for $44bn because he wanted the client book for when X finally transforms into whatever the next step is. Not long after Elmo bought X, he decided to unleash hoards of horror under the name of 'free speech' and so all of the racists, supremacists, misogynists, misandrists, griefers, and trolls, have started to dance around the bin fires in a permanent Festival Of The Awful. The previous verification system has been burnt to the ground and in its place we now have a pay-to-play priority system which gives preference to the Eight Buck Chucklenuts™. Naturally and because the interblobs have always been the decentralised Wiki-Wiki-Wild-Wild-West, competing services like Threads, Mastodon, BlueSky, TruthSocial, and even old favourites like Facebook and WhatsApp have all had an uptick in traffic.

But Facebook is a weird place. As long as we accept that Facebook is a micro-advert delivery system with a social-media thing attached, then everything about it makes some kind of sense. However, I suspect that as the Facebook knows actually very little about what I want to buy, then from the outside it looks like it is confused (if in fact a machine is capable of being confused). Owing to the fact that it has already collected basic details about me, such as gender and age, Facebook already makes some general assumptions about me. As it also knows that I am a member of some community groups, church groups, a podcast group, and a motorsport group, the things that it has determined that I want to buy are perplexing.

Facebook is determined to sell me various motor cars. Volvos, Mercedes-Benz, Polestar, BMWs, et cetera. The problem is that I am unlikely to buy any of these ever. Even if I had ridiculous amounts of money to spend on motor cars, the cars that I actually want to buy are increasingly more difficult to find. I want something in as austerity spec as possible and as small as possible. The problem is Facebook thinks that I am fancy. Facebook also wants to sell me untold amounts of motor oil and car parts, for the same reason.

Weirdly and probably because of the groups of which I am a member, Facebook wants to sell me tickets to the theatre, a lot. Come From Away, Wicked, Starlight Express, Frozen, the Australian Ballet, Prokofiev at the Opera House; basically anything and everything which is playing up and down the eastern seaboard. Admittedly I have read Shakespeare. I have read Beckett. I am broadly aware of the existence of the theatre. This does not mean that I am likely to go.

Part of the problem is that the amount of things that I buy online, is nil. Unless you can generate an invoice with Direct Debit, then forget it. I absolutely will not whip out a credit card and buy your thing. I have a body which is constructed like a noodle-man from a car sales yard; so buying clothing is out of the question. Buying books online is silly. Buying groceries online is more silly. 

Apart from wanting to sell me motor cars, automotive products and theatre tickets, Facebook knows so very little about me that the only things left are promoted posts from News.com.au, 7 News, and 9 News. I think that they hope that by showing me what they think are outrage generation 'news' items that they can then extract those precious likes out of them; to then sell me other stuff. The problem is that News.com is as close to a political enemy as I have and 7 West Media is like that kid who hangs around with the school bully but never thinks anything through for themselves. 

The best strategy to deal with the unknown and unknowable algorithms that want to sell you things, came from the the most unlikely of sources: Pauline Hanson. It is this:

"I don't like anything."

- Pauline Hanson

Please explain.

Yes, I am murdering her language and murdering her shopping trolley but the result is that the groceries are just gone. If you don't like anything by a company, then the algorithm has no idea. If you like things that real people have said, then the closest idea it can get is that you are a bit like those people. The algorithm might be able to get some idea but it can't get good idea. Absolutely like what other people have to say because you're likely not a cave goblin but the one thing that the algorithms can not do is sell you people... yet.