April 30, 2008

Horse 878 - Rollo's $1 Offer

Dear Mitsubishi,

So you got it hideously wrong with the 380. Sure, there was nothing wrong with the car and I must say that it is a very well put together motor car (naturally as it was built by Australians; as we all know Aussie built cars ARE built to the toughest standards in the world). So why did your 380 fail, and why does this involve me?

If you look at the sales of motor cars for last month, No.1 was still the Commodore (even though that is trading on fleet sales) but Nos. 2, 3 and 4 are all hacks. Those being the Toyota Corolla, the Mazda 3 and the Hyundai Accent. It must be said that all three of these cars give the driver a totally uninspiring experience and why should they? That's not what they're about. People who buy these sorts of cars are typically people who don't give a fig about performance and merely want something that won't cost them a fortune at the petrol pump and be big enough to cart around the weekly shopping.

I note that you already do have a 2L hack motor car in the Lancer, so why not just retool the now dormant plant to build that. Surely that has to be better than merely laying aside a billion dollar plant. Or better yet, build the "Great Australian Aussie 4". Redefine the market, show some initiative. Or better yet, sell the plant to me for $1.

I bet that I could have Australia's biggest car company in five years. All I need is the plant. I have faith in Aussie workers to build a better car than the rest of the world. There you go Mitsubishi. There's your offer. I'm willing to offer $1 in exchange for all of your debts and I'm laying it on the table now.


...think about it.

April 24, 2008

Horse 877 - (We Only Got) Four Minutes to Save the World

There is a certain song by a songstress who should have given up years ago, currently doing the rounds on the airwaves and taking up valuable airtime that would be better spent with the sounds of two enmeshed banshee two-stroke chainsaws.

The song that has gained my ire is none other than 4 Minutes featuring the caterwaulings of Madonna and that prize git, Justin Timberlake. Some of the lyrics are reproduced below:

We only got four minutes to save the world
No hesitating - Grab a boy
Go grab your girl
Time is waiting
We only got four minutes to save the world
No hesitating
We only got four minutes huh four minutes
So keep it up keep it up

Problem 1: Save the world from what?

We're consistently told throughout the song that we've only got four minutes to save the world, but at no point does it address what we need to save the world from. Is it giant asteroids? Perhaps an attack of the radioactive hamsters? Maybe it's an internal problem like global warming, a sudden volcanic explosion, instant world famine. We have no idea; because of this we can't identify any strategies to help us and we can't even develop a plan of action.

Problem 2: Lack of urgency.

If we've only got four minutes to save the world, then you'd hope that there'd be a better sense of urgency but for the four minutes and four seconds of the album track, they continue to sing on anyway. Justin wastes valuable panicking time by going "uh" no fewer that 87 times! For goodness sake, even the people in Toyota's Rav V6 advert gave more of a crap when they heard that there was 200 Killer Wasps. Madonna and Justin seem to care not a tinker's fart.

Problem 3: Inaccuracy.

Just when does our four minutes start from? I can let slide that the song is 4:04 long, but as time passes, you no longer have four minutes to save the world but some time less than this. If you had four minutes to save the world at the beginning of the song then half way through you'd have to sing "we've only got two minutes to save the world" or "we only had four minutes to save the world".

And now:

Kofi Considers

"I'd be using my four minutes to save the world more productively"

Indeed Mr Annan... Indeed.

April 22, 2008

Horse 876 - When God Says No

The biggest question I have have the moment and and finding difficult to come to terms with is one of what happens if God says "No". It is a perfectly reasonable assumption to make that God has several answers that he can make to any given prayer: Yes, Wait, No, or something else.

Consider this:
In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations blamelessly. But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years.
- John 1:5-7

Now it's logical to assume that Zechariah and Elizabeth probably would have liked to have had children. In the first century BC it's not like there were any social security systems or superannuation, so in general, it would be assumed that your children would look after you in your old age (assuming you got there).

It's not a difficult thing to imagine the years of tearful requests this couple made to the Lord. Try to feel the pain and frustration each month when they realized their prayer had been rejected again. As the months turned into years, the prayers must have grown more and more desperate, for each year as the couple grew older, they knew their chances of having a child grew dimmer. Admittedly in verse 13 we're told that eventually the request was finally granted, and God's plan prevailed (with a son who would in time prepare the way for Christ himself).

This isn't a case of sin getting between Zechariah and Elizabeth and God. We are told that they were "upright in the sight of God". Clearly there must be some sort of other operation going on here. The other major principle is that we and indeed everything in the universe does not exist for our happiness but ultimately for God's glory.

Just as He did to these people God sometimes and will continue to say "no" to our prayers, if it suits His greater plan. Studying God’s "Nos" in other peoples’ lives though, is much easier than applying the lessons to our own. Ungranted prayers will always disappoint us and ultimately, the answer to a given prayer has little to do with yielded rights. That a right has been yielded does not mean that the matching need or desire will be met, any more than not yielding rights means that the need or desire will not be met.

Moses' "send someone else to do it", Elijah's "I have had enough, LORD, Take my life" and even Jesus' "Take this cup away from me" are all examples of prayer which had a definate "No" as the answer. Yup, even the only truly righteous person who ever lived was still given the answer of "No".

It just happens that at this moment, I'm being given the answer of "No".

April 11, 2008

Horse 875 - The Brink of Anger

Call it an act of conscience or maybe even possibly damage control, but I have reached a point where potentially I may have a) found an apartment to live in, but b) will be prevented from doing so because of the actions of the real estate agents.

A charming lady from church, Sarala, who used to live there, vacated the premises on the 24th and spoke to me about the possibility of moving in (could this have been a potential answer to prayer?). After looking at the apartment, I began forming sums in my head and came to the conclusion that it was indeed a find apartment which showed tremendous potential and had a simply glorious view. After a small amount of negotiation with the real estate agents, I phoned the future Mrs Rollo and asked for an in principle opinion.

As time wore on, it became apparant that the estate agent was not forthcoming with returning documentation to Sarala; nor did it spell out the terms for the release of her rental bond. It actually appears that on the face of it, they were deliberately dragging out the process to exact more rent out of her, so that the rental bond would be cancelled out - this is not only highly unfair but also as I found out through both the Rental Bonds Board and the Consumer, Trader and Tenancy Tribunal also illegal . I tried to phone them on a number of occasions but someone was either to busy to field my phone calls or the person I needed to speak to was out.

Fast forward to yesterday the 10th of April, and I received a phone whilst merrily dozing on the 238 bus across the Harbour Bridge. The real estate company said that they were ready to approve my application and that they were ready to contact the landlords. However, this call was distinctly odd, for only after I gave them my details did I check where the number had come from, and lo I saw the words "private number"; my incoming call register does not record the number either.

For me, all of the alarm bells are currently ringing blue thunder. Not only this, but because the real estate company still has not returned Sarala's rental bond, my faith in their ability is pretty well hanging by a silver thread. If they can do this to one person, then they also have to potential to do it to me as well; thus I do not want them as my agents. However...

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke

I can not do nothing.

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" - James 1:19

Due process has been followed through, and now after considerable waiting, I intend to unleash professional anger on these people. It really gets my ire when decent common people are taken advantage of. Unless I receive total confirmation this afternoon, that terms have been settled then I will fight. I think that I was placed upon this earth to be perpetually annoyed; and now... you do not want to be on the end of it.


April 05, 2008

Horse 874 - Pontiac... No Name

The people at Pontiac who have decided to rip off out great Aussie Ute, have a distinct problem. Not only have they never really seen this sort of vehicle in the last 20 years with the demise of Chevrolet's El Camino, but they have even settled on a name for the little Aussie Bleeder.
So vexing is their quest that they've launched a competition to name the thing:


If it wasn't already called the Ute, what about... Mullet - Business in the front, Party in the back.

April 02, 2008

Can I please have an egg? Look, I settle for a scorpion...
... it's still better than asking for an egg and getting nothing.

April 01, 2008

Horse 873 - Lyrical Madness

Some songs that lyrics that inspire, others are memorable and fit the zeitgeist perfectly - then again there are other lyrics that just send you to Charlie McSanity's Home For The Eternally Bewildered. These then are just a few of those:

Your Song - Elton John
If I was a sculptor
But then again, no.

Maybe if you were a lyricist but then again, no.

Staring at the Sun - U2
There's an insect in your ear
If you scratch it won't disappear

Do you think that they get a lot of midges in Belfast? Help there's a midge, but I can't scratch it because it won't go away! Argh!

Leaving New York - REM
Leaving was never my proud
Lions live in prides but what is a proud? This lyric is made of sad.

Horse With No Name - America
There were plants and birds and rocks and things...
I'm guessing that one of those things was one of REM's prouds.

Smooth Operator - Sade
Coast to coast
L.A. to Chicago

Maybe Sade didn't do that well in geography? Chicago is 744 miles from the nearest coast.

Whenever, Wherever - Shakira
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains

It's a simple mistake to make if you consider how far away Chicago is from the coast. Oh look are the Rocky Mountains pretty? Aw drat, I've confused them with Shakira's breasts again. I hate when that happens.

Bad - Michael Jackson
Your butt is mine
Your elbow belongs to someone else though.

Avril Lavinge - Sk8er Boi
He was boy, she was a girl
Can I make it any more obvious?


War Song - Culture Club
War is stupid
And people are stupid

Hur hur... your face is stupid... hur hur...

MacArthur Park - Jimmy Webb
Someone left the cake out in the rain
What the heck? Who in their right mind leaves cake out in the rain in the first place?

(You're) Having My Baby - Paul Anka
Having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me
That's a bit extreme! Wouldn't a nice card and some flowers also have said this?

But as usual, the best worst lyrics are noticed by someone else. The theme from Friends
I'll be There For You - The Rembrandts
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
except that the second verse says...
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
Self contained contradiction... terrible.


The Game... I just lost it.