This morning I was standing at a pedestrian crossing and saw a chap in a red Mazda Miata driving merrily along with a potted palm in the passengers seat. He was driving along looking as happy as larry, while the pot plant was actually buckled in; with the wind rustling through its leaves - clearly an item.
I could hear sniggering by the people standing next to me and wondered what was going through the mind of this man. In this age where people are free to live their lives as they please, what makes a person want to enter a relationship with his pot plant? Is it right for him to be cursed with such slurs as "Tree Hugger" or "Chlorophile"? Surely this is a crime against nature, I mean there's even a clash of basic genetic material. I've never heard for instance of any example of cross-pollination of RNA and DNA either by grafting or other methods (the mind boggles even at the very thought).
I don't even know what such a person would actually have in common with a potted palm. It not like they could share common interests other than a love of gardening is it? I don't care how much of a green thumb this man thinks he has, he doesn't posess any foliage at all. They don't even respirate the same way - one of them exhales Oxygen and the other exhales Carbon Dioxide, but in that respect I suppose that one really could not survive without the other... literally.
Am I reading too much into this? Or should I let the principle of Leaf and let leaf rule here?
Showing posts with label pure bonko. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pure bonko. Show all posts
October 18, 2006
October 09, 2006
Horse 638 - Please Don't Vote For Me
In the town of Blaine in Minnesota a candidate who is on the ballot paper for the city council elections is currently campaigning for his opponent and hoping to lose the election. Paul Herold has been officially told by the offcials that it is too late to remove his name from the ballot list, but it seems that Mr Herold has already landed himself another job and would not have time to actively represent his electorate.
Apparantly he's phoned up friends and family and appeared on local news media doing his level best to not get elected. In a bizarre twist of fate and despite this his actually still managed to advance to the next stage of elections and is now pitted against the imcumbant candidate.
Herold paid for advertising that offered to drive voters to the polling stations as long as they pledged to support anyone but him. It didn’t work. The extra media exposure made him a pseudo-celebrity in the small community. Some argued that they wouldn’t have turned out to vote had he not inspired such political curiousity.
To strike him from the ballot paper is too late, but if he gets elected against his will he would more than likely resign instantly which would mean another $30,000 would have to be spent in organising another election.
Herold stated that the only way he can get out of this would be to die, or move out of the district. Herold has been advised to offer to join the incumbent’s campaign in an effort to kickstart her campaign.
Reports have surfaced that Katherine Kolb has refused his help, arguing that his endorsement is likely to help his own candidacy. In one of the more bizarre election campaigns, a candidate who doesn’t want to run beat a candidate who wanted to win, and is poised to beat an incumbent who doesn’t want to lose. In Blaine, they may end up with a politician who doesn’t want to serve, that may have to because there is no alternative, proving that in politics, you never really know what you are getting when you cast your vote.
That's democracy at work for you - government of the people, by the people, for the people; a nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal and really really STUPID.
Apologies to Mr Lincoln
Apparantly he's phoned up friends and family and appeared on local news media doing his level best to not get elected. In a bizarre twist of fate and despite this his actually still managed to advance to the next stage of elections and is now pitted against the imcumbant candidate.
Herold paid for advertising that offered to drive voters to the polling stations as long as they pledged to support anyone but him. It didn’t work. The extra media exposure made him a pseudo-celebrity in the small community. Some argued that they wouldn’t have turned out to vote had he not inspired such political curiousity.
To strike him from the ballot paper is too late, but if he gets elected against his will he would more than likely resign instantly which would mean another $30,000 would have to be spent in organising another election.
Herold stated that the only way he can get out of this would be to die, or move out of the district. Herold has been advised to offer to join the incumbent’s campaign in an effort to kickstart her campaign.
Reports have surfaced that Katherine Kolb has refused his help, arguing that his endorsement is likely to help his own candidacy. In one of the more bizarre election campaigns, a candidate who doesn’t want to run beat a candidate who wanted to win, and is poised to beat an incumbent who doesn’t want to lose. In Blaine, they may end up with a politician who doesn’t want to serve, that may have to because there is no alternative, proving that in politics, you never really know what you are getting when you cast your vote.
That's democracy at work for you - government of the people, by the people, for the people; a nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal and really really STUPID.
Apologies to Mr Lincoln
October 05, 2006
Horse 636 - We Didn't Start The Fire (But We Did Create a Lot of Confusion)
Billy Joel didn't start the fire, or so he says. If you look through the lyrics of his famous song, you soon realise that he didn't put things in chronological order either. Despite various attempts I've found to date the events, there are a number of outriders.
49 Harry Truman
49 Doris Day
49 Red China
49 Johnny Ray
49 South Pacific
48 Walter Winchell
49 Joe DiMaggio
50 Joe McCarthy
50 Richard Nixon
56 Studebaker
51 Television
50 North Korea
50 South Korea
53 Marilyn Monroe
51 Rosenbergs
51 H-bomb
51 Sugar Ray
53 Panmunjom
55 Brando
56 The King and I
51 And The Catcher In The Rye
53 Eisenhower
53 Vaccine
52 England's got a new queen
52 Marciano
53 Liberace
53 Santayana goodbye
53 Joseph Stalin
53 Malenkov
54 Nasser
53 Prokofiev
53 Rockefeller
58 Campanella
56 Communist Bloc
54 Roy Cohn
55 Juan Peron
54 Toscanini
41 Dacron
54 Dien Bien Phu Falls
52 Rock Around the Clock
55 Einstein
55 James Dean
55 Brooklyn's got a winning team
54 Davy Crockett
53 Peter Pan
56 Elvis Presley
55 Disneyland
52 Bardot
56 Budapest
56 Alabama
56 Khrushchev
56 Princess Grace
56 Peyton Place
56 Trouble in the Suez
57 Little Rock
57 Pasternak
56 Mickey Mantle
51 Kerouac
57 Sputnik
58 Chou En-Lai
57 Bridge On The River Kwai
58 Lebanon
58 Charles de Gaulle
58 California baseball
58 Starkweather homicides
62 Children of Thalidomide
59 Buddy Holly
59 Ben Hur
59 Space Monkey
59 Mafia
57 Hula Hoops
59 Castro
59 Edsel is a no-go
60 U2
60 Syngman Rhee
59 Payola
60 Kennedy
60 Chubby Checker
60 Psycho
60 Belgians in the Congo
61 Hemingway
61 Eichman
61 Stranger in a Strange Land
61 Dylan
61 Berlin
61 Bay of Pigs invasion
62 Lawrence of Arabia
64 British Beatlemania
62 Ole Miss
61 John Glenn
62 Liston beats Patterson
63 Pope Paul
63 Malcolm X
63 British Politician sex
63 J.F.K. blown away
60 Birth control
55 Ho Chi Minh
68 Richard Nixon back again
69 Moonshot
69 Woodstock
74 Watergate
74 Punk rock
77 Begin
81 Reagan
76 Palestine
76 Terror on the airline
79 Ayatollah's in Iran
79 Russians in Afghanistan
83 Wheel of Fortune
83 Sally Ride
83 Heavy metal suicide
82 Foreign debts
85 Homeless Vets
81 AIDS
85 Crack
84 Bernie Goetz
88 Hypodermics on the shores
89 China's under martial law
85 Rock and Roller Cola wars
Now the things in bold are the events which for asthetic reason have been mushed and places swapped. For all you nerdy types out there, I've included an Excel chart which actually shows something perhaps not unexpected.
Nerdy People Please Click Here for the Excel spreadsheet
A graphical analysis of the dates shows that there is a marked spike in the values for things mentioned late in the song. Consequently this song dates as 1989 (which is also the last thing mentioned)
When you apply the theory to coin collecting you can date any given hoarde by the date of the last coin. With memory on the other hand, generally history books are written for things that have happened after the event; time acts as a filter and a lot of crap magically disappears. It is perhaps not surprising therefore that the things mentioned in the immediate past are only concepts rather than actual events.
For me this song sits in the same category as REM's It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine), Bob Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues and of course Don McLean's American Pie. It is very difficult to find anyone who can actually sing all three songs from memory - this is a feat which not even I can do.
49 Harry Truman
49 Doris Day
49 Red China
49 Johnny Ray
49 South Pacific
48 Walter Winchell
49 Joe DiMaggio
50 Joe McCarthy
50 Richard Nixon
56 Studebaker
51 Television
50 North Korea
50 South Korea
53 Marilyn Monroe
51 Rosenbergs
51 H-bomb
51 Sugar Ray
53 Panmunjom
55 Brando
56 The King and I
51 And The Catcher In The Rye
53 Eisenhower
53 Vaccine
52 England's got a new queen
52 Marciano
53 Liberace
53 Santayana goodbye
53 Joseph Stalin
53 Malenkov
54 Nasser
53 Prokofiev
53 Rockefeller
58 Campanella
56 Communist Bloc
54 Roy Cohn
55 Juan Peron
54 Toscanini
41 Dacron
54 Dien Bien Phu Falls
52 Rock Around the Clock
55 Einstein
55 James Dean
55 Brooklyn's got a winning team
54 Davy Crockett
53 Peter Pan
56 Elvis Presley
55 Disneyland
52 Bardot
56 Budapest
56 Alabama
56 Khrushchev
56 Princess Grace
56 Peyton Place
56 Trouble in the Suez
57 Little Rock
57 Pasternak
56 Mickey Mantle
51 Kerouac
57 Sputnik
58 Chou En-Lai
57 Bridge On The River Kwai
58 Lebanon
58 Charles de Gaulle
58 California baseball
58 Starkweather homicides
62 Children of Thalidomide
59 Buddy Holly
59 Ben Hur
59 Space Monkey
59 Mafia
57 Hula Hoops
59 Castro
59 Edsel is a no-go
60 U2
60 Syngman Rhee
59 Payola
60 Kennedy
60 Chubby Checker
60 Psycho
60 Belgians in the Congo
61 Hemingway
61 Eichman
61 Stranger in a Strange Land
61 Dylan
61 Berlin
61 Bay of Pigs invasion
62 Lawrence of Arabia
64 British Beatlemania
62 Ole Miss
61 John Glenn
62 Liston beats Patterson
63 Pope Paul
63 Malcolm X
63 British Politician sex
63 J.F.K. blown away
60 Birth control
55 Ho Chi Minh
68 Richard Nixon back again
69 Moonshot
69 Woodstock
74 Watergate
74 Punk rock
77 Begin
81 Reagan
76 Palestine
76 Terror on the airline
79 Ayatollah's in Iran
79 Russians in Afghanistan
83 Wheel of Fortune
83 Sally Ride
83 Heavy metal suicide
82 Foreign debts
85 Homeless Vets
81 AIDS
85 Crack
84 Bernie Goetz
88 Hypodermics on the shores
89 China's under martial law
85 Rock and Roller Cola wars
Now the things in bold are the events which for asthetic reason have been mushed and places swapped. For all you nerdy types out there, I've included an Excel chart which actually shows something perhaps not unexpected.
Nerdy People Please Click Here for the Excel spreadsheet
A graphical analysis of the dates shows that there is a marked spike in the values for things mentioned late in the song. Consequently this song dates as 1989 (which is also the last thing mentioned)
When you apply the theory to coin collecting you can date any given hoarde by the date of the last coin. With memory on the other hand, generally history books are written for things that have happened after the event; time acts as a filter and a lot of crap magically disappears. It is perhaps not surprising therefore that the things mentioned in the immediate past are only concepts rather than actual events.
For me this song sits in the same category as REM's It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine), Bob Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues and of course Don McLean's American Pie. It is very difficult to find anyone who can actually sing all three songs from memory - this is a feat which not even I can do.
September 12, 2006
Horse 629 - I Couldn't Drive Because I Was Blind
When I heard the story of a man who was stopped from driving because he was blind on the news this morning I thought that Peter Berner on The Cage may have been inventing the story as part of a comedy routine, but when Omed Aziz told London Police "I couldn't see what I was doing because I was blind" I didn't expect it to be literal.
I later heard on the BBC World Service, Mr Aziz was pulled over by police after he had swerved around two traffic islands and a corner at 35mph in a 20 zone. He had been driving by following instructions on where to steer and when to brake from a passenger who himself had been banned from driving.
When police stopped the Peugeot, Mr Aziz was asked to step out of the car and remove his sunglasses, the officer was surprised to see he did not have any eyes. Perhaps the only unsurprising thing about this story was that he had no licence and no insurance.
I could make joke about having a white cane sticking out the window or a seeing eye dog in the seat next to him. When reality is this weird, I scarcely need to.
I later heard on the BBC World Service, Mr Aziz was pulled over by police after he had swerved around two traffic islands and a corner at 35mph in a 20 zone. He had been driving by following instructions on where to steer and when to brake from a passenger who himself had been banned from driving.
When police stopped the Peugeot, Mr Aziz was asked to step out of the car and remove his sunglasses, the officer was surprised to see he did not have any eyes. Perhaps the only unsurprising thing about this story was that he had no licence and no insurance.
I could make joke about having a white cane sticking out the window or a seeing eye dog in the seat next to him. When reality is this weird, I scarcely need to.
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