December 16, 2007

Horse 841 - Brought to you by the letter "R"

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street? Yes, but only if you're 18. The early episodes of the legendary children's TV show have been released on DVD, but uh... children will not be allowed to watch.

Volumes 1 and 2 of the programme, which was first aired in 1969, carry this warning:
"Sesame Street: Old School is adults-only. These early Sesame Street episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today's pre-school child."

Unsuitable for children; why is this? Because of the Cookie Monster. Not because he's a monster and might scare children but because he binge eats cookies* Now I know that DVD warnings tend to be a bit weird but it is crazy talk.

Harry Potter and the Mysterious Golden Pointless Sequel or whatever the heck it's called, I don't care, has the following warning on the back: Warning: Contains Mild Peril Seriously, what in blue blazes is Mild Peril? Walking down George St puts you in "mild peril"; letting Steve Dearth eat chicken wings puts him and everyone within a four mile radius in "mild peril".

I digress though. If you do happen to be a parent them you might want to let your children watch Sesame St because it happens to be educational except when they spell color or defense. But don't (and this is just a thought) don't feed your children a skip load of biscuits. And if you must have a sticker, then make sure it's a piece of gaffer tape and stick it over the gob of some choc-chip chasing chubby child (note the use of the "ch" sound)

The character who has posed the most problems, however, is Oscar the Grouch. His crime? He is too miserable for today's toddlers. You have to wonder, what's next? Will Jamie have to hand back his Magic Torch because it's too bright? Will DangerMouse be forced to change his moniker because it is too, well, dangerous? MildPerilMouse just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Still these same parents will probably rush out and buy a copy of Alien vs Predator for their children anyway, so I suppose that it's all academic anyway.

This article was brought to you by the number 4 and the letter P.

And now:

Tony Blair's Imaginary Lunch

Well he would be if he was allowed.

*The Cookie Monster is a Cookie Monster. His perfect diet might solely consist of cookies; hence the name Cookie Monster. Koalas for instance only eat certain species of eucalypts and Lions and Tigers are all-meat eaters. Discriminating against Cookivorous beings is intolerant and may very well be a denial of choice over one's own diet if they happen to be a Cookivorous creature.

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