April 07, 2010

Horse 1083 - Power Balance Wrist Bands are POWERFUL

The NRL has confirmed it will investigate the use of Power Balance wrist bands after Benji Marshall last week exposed one of world sport's best-kept secrets. As he lifted his arm in triumph, Benji Marshall revealed he was wearing the Power Band during his man-of-the-match performance against the Sydney Roosters at the SFS. It is claimed the wonder band can increase an athlete's core strength and power by as much as 500 per cent.
And as The Sunday Telegraph began investigating the mystery band on Marshall's wrist, we discovered he is not the only athlete using it. Parramatta's Timana Tahu and Eric Grothe, St George Illawarra's Matt Cooper and Bulldogs half Brett Kimmorley were also said to be fans of the bracelet.


The power of holograms taped to your wrists is obviously one of the greatest things ever developed. Imagine what a Power Balance Hologram Bracelet could do for you. If it can as claimed "increase an athlete's core strength and power by as much as 500 per cent" then what would happen if you made an athlete wear ten of them? Would their strength and power go up by 5000%?

I just love the blurb in the company's brochure as reported:
"Power Balance holograms are imbedded with frequencies that react positively with your body's natural energy field to improve balance, strength and flexibility".

Ahah, so it's all about frequencies, and your "natural energy field". In theory would if you wanted something which reacted with "frequencies" wouldn't you just buy a radio? Yeah, tape 17 digital radios to various points on your body... that'd be mega-awesome.

Stuff like this has been thought of before. Just think about the power of crystals, and more recently Firepower tablets which you could put in your petrol tank.
Firepower also had amazing powers; most notably the power to bankrupt the Sydney Kings, fiancially choke the Western Force Rugby and South Sydney Rabbitohs teams so that they lost key players, and the power to send certain V8 Supercars teams to the back of the grid...
... but most importantly it didn't have the power to lower your petrol consumption as claimed, and nor did the the company have the firepower to withstand appeals in the High Court of Australia on fraud charges.

There was a rather famous product that employed the use of a "natural energy field" to increase power; that was Peter Brock's Energy Polariser. Of course it also had amazing powers; namely the breakup of the Holden Dealer Team and effectively the end of Peter Brock as a force in the Australian Touring Car Championship.

But the thing that convinces me the most that the Power Balance wrist bands must almost certainly work is the following:

Dr. Bateman demonstrated the bracelet on one of Today Tonight's sceptical reporters, Jonathan Creek, with amazing results.

Ah yes, Today Tonight. If it's shown on Today Tonight then it obviously must work. More amazing is that it was tested on their reported Jonathan Creek, who unless I am mistaken, is actually the titular character of a BBC television series starring Alan Davies.

I'm sold. Anything which is endorsed by QI's permanent panelist who is renowned for giving "answers which are not only wrong, but pathetically obvious", must by inference work, surely?

Let's see them rig up a few hundred of these Power Balance wrist bands on Tony Abbott, have his power boosted to over 10,000,000% and we'd have Super Opposition Leader, capable of taking on Chuck Norris, Mr T, BRIAN BLESSED, Lord Vader and His Holiness The Stig all at the SAME TIME!!!


Australian Health said...

Apparently AFL player Brendan Fevola allegedly wears one of these. And hes he was today suspended for allegedly indecently exposing himself. I wonder if it is too much power, too much balance or too much flexibility? Allegedly.

Rollo said...

Ah yes, always add "Allegedly" so that you can not be sued by anyone... Allegedly.

No-one can control that much power. He must've worn thousands of them, because he was sued by Lara Bingle over that photo in the Woman's Day mag.
Obviously he was operating at over 8,000,000% which diverted power away from his brain.