February 07, 2014

Horse 1614 - 25 Questions From Songs Answered

1. So I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'What's goin' on'?
- 4 Non Blondes
I'll tell you what's going on. You are waking up the neighbours in the early morning. We would like to go back to sleep. That's what's going on.

2. Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
- Avril Lavigne
Because people try to evade existing legislation and so legislation is always written after the fact. People are always trying to game the system, which invariably leads to more complication with time as new legislation is written.

3. Who Are you? Who? Who?
- The Who
Er... Rollo?

4. Do you remember when we used to sing 'Sha la la la la la la'?
- Van Morrison
Nope. Come to think of it, I don't think that I ever did sing 'Sha la la la la la la'.

5. How can you just leave me standing alone in a world so cold?
- Prince
I think that you must have puked in the taxicab, Prince.

6. Did you write the book of love and do you have faith in God above? 
- Don Mclean
'No' to the first part and 'Yes' to the second.

7. Should I stay or should I go?
- The Clash
You should stay... inside.
If there's been a nuclear error and London is calling out, then presumably it's not safe to go outside.

8. Do you know the way to San Jose?
- Dionne Warwick
Not personally, however but Tony Christie can show you the way to Amarillo if that helps and The Easybeats can show you the way to St Louis.

9. Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm 64?
- The Beatles
We can answer this through the lens of history now, Paul. Jane Asher did not need or feed you when you were 64.

10. Why does it always rain on me, is it because I lied when I was 17?
- Travis
No Fran Healy, it's because you live in Scotland. It's a rainy sort of place.

11. And I wonder, still I wonder, who stopped the rain?
- Creedence Clearwater Revival
Well according to Fran Healy of Travis, it always rains on him. Perhaps you should hang out with him for a bit.
Upon failing that, the fact that the rain has stopped can probably attributed to global warming and if that's caused by man, then all of us did.

12. Oh Baby, Baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here?
- Britney Spears
You used Google Maps Britney. The thing wasn't 'right here' but two blocks down the street.

13. Who needs a house out in Hackensack? Is that all you get for your money?
- Billy Joel
You don't have to live in Hackensack, you could move to somewhere cheaper. Yes, that's all you get for your money because the property market is pretty tight.

14. So I look in your direction, but you pay me no attention, do you?
- Coldplay
What did you say? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

15. Why do you build me up Buttercup, baby, just to let me down and mess me around?
- The Foundations
Buttercup is the Powerpuff Girl who is 'spice' (Bubbles is 'sugar' and Blossom is 'everything nice'. Buttercup is the one with the shortest temper and is frequently mean.

16. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir?
- Lady Marmalade
Non je ne veux pas. Allez-vous avant que je téléphone à la police!

17. Why don't the newscasters cry when they read about people who die?
- Jack Johnson
I'm afraid that if they did, then the average news bulletin might be about four and a half hours long.

18. Can I get a witness?
- Marvin Gaye
No. You can not. No-one was there when the crime was perpetrated and there's also no-one to corroborate your alibi.

19. Does anybody really know what time it is?
- Chicago
I do. I have the time of 8 o'clock written down on a piece of paper and if it is 8 o'clock then I can show it to them. If someone asks me the time and it isn't eight o'clock, I don't show it to them.

20. How many roads must a man walk down before we can call him a man?
- Bob Dylan
Twenty-eight. I checked. It's Twenty-eight.

21. Is there life on Mars? 
- David Bowie
Not that we've seen so far. The Curiosity rover is on Mars right now and it too, hasn't found any yet.

22. How come you don't call me anymore? 
- Alicia Keys
What do you mean 'anymore'? I never called you in the first place.

23. Do you love me now that I can dance?
- The Contours
No. You're still a pretty unkind person. Just learning how to dance isn't going to change people's opinion.

24. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you're happy now, oooooh?
- Michelle Branch
Yes I can. I am happy now.

25. War (huh), what is it good for? 
- Edwin Starr

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