- Vice Rear Cabin Boy Bobo Gargle
The problem with writing a biographical piece about military personnel is that a lot of their records* are still part of active files and therefore not able to be released to the public. It's even worse if the person who you happen to be doing research about, has a an interesting past.**
Bobo Gargle was born on 3rd October 1962 in Nyngan, Western New South Wales. Even as a young child, Bobo professed his love for the sea but this was probably because he lived so far away from it.
In 1981 at the age of 19, Bobo joined the Royal Australian Navy and served on several gunboats but it was in the First Gulf War in 1990 whilst on the HMAS Implausible when he really came to fame.
The Implausible was on a mission to clear sea mines from the harbour and the sea immediately surrounding Kuwait, when it was fired upon by the Iraqi Air Force. As a tracking and radar operator, Gargle detected multiple incoming Scud missiles and knew that he had to act but he was also aware that being such a small vessel, the Implausible did not possess adequate anti-air capabilities.
Taking the initiative, Gargle immediately stormed the bridge and after threatening the pilots with a wooden spoon, which was the only thing that he could muster at short notice, he seized control of the ship and thrust the engines to full aft; the Implausible lurched 12 meters in the time that it took for the Scuds to arrive.
All of them missed but had he not acted, at least one of them would have struck the bow of the vessel.
Over the next few years, Gargle would again find himself on the HMAS Ennui during the 1999 East Timorese crisis and the HMAS Rogan Josh during the second Gulf War in 2003.
But it was in naval relations where Gargle would really shine. In 2007 whilst Brendan Nelson was the Minister for Defence, Gargle became a Navy Relations Officer and would communicate issues to the Minister; whilst also providing feedback from the Minster to the Naval chiefs of staff.
The Navy like all military forces, faces the dual challenge of engaging in difficult circumstances whilst at the same time, having to justify its actions to an often hostile press and public. Added to this is the fact that running the miltary is expensive and also involves killing people. There is a strange duality in that society sees this as being necesary for the defence of the nation but still wants to prosectue blame.
This has been especially difficult recently, as it is the Navy who is primarily charged with executing Operation Sovereign Borders. The Navy is charged with performing a function professionally whilst at the same time the job itself is morally repugnant to a great portion of the population.
It was Bobo Gargle's media unit who first made the obvious and gloriouslu obfuscatory terms "on-water" and "operational matters" known to the public.
Of course it it obvious that the Royal Australian Navy deals with "on-water" matters because Navies are by nature a water borne force. Likewise is also obvious that it deals with "operational matters" because not to do so is a self-referential absurdity.
Yet it is in new technology where Gargle is currently trying to communicate covertly.
Secret documents*** obtained by Horse can reveal that the Royal Australian Navy currently has a stealth ship equipped with high-powered laser weaponry, disintegration guns and electromagnetic pulse disturbance weapons. These are installed on a ship which the RAN doesn't admit exists**** called the HMAS Kraken.
Whilst the existence of the Kraken is denied, Gargle's now famous rallying cry for its release, is something of a veiled protest and attack of the secrecy surrounding it.
Horse has it on good authority***** that Bobo Gargle has been offered both the positions of the Governor of New South Wales and Victoria as well as the position of Governor-General of Australia; all of which he turned down. A man of the sea wants to remain with the sea and it is Horse's opinion that he should be offered at very least to be named as a Member of the Order of Australia.
*especially when they don't actually exist
** or in this case, totally made up
***so secret that, I just made them up
****because it doesn't
***** so good because we made it up