August 04, 2006

Horse 605 - CityRail, The New Bored Game

"CityRail" is an addictive live role-playing game played by millions of Sydney-Siders every day beneath the streets of Sydney. For the price of a single-journey ticket, "commuters" (as game participants are called) are armed with a laser gun and a truncheon and must hack their way through hordes of the undead, such as zombies, vampires, ninjas and other commuters. The aim of the game is to battle your way through the crowds of commuters to get from "A to B" however, every player in the game is assigned individual mission cards which tell them which two points serve as A and B for them as well as the price of admission to the game.

Various spanners are thrown in the works by the managers in order to make the game more difficult and challenging for the role-player. These include:

  • Trains breaking down in the middle of tunnels.
  • Trains coming anywhere up to half an hour late, with no explanation or apology.
  • Fines for having the wrong ticket/mission card.
  • Unhelpful and occasionally abusive "station attendants".
  • Poisonous air with little oxygen.
  • Rogue commuters who possibly have no ticket/mission cards of their own and who will try to steal from others.
  • Other commuters who will make the game unpleasant by sporting various enhancements like smelly food, self-generating body odour as well as chemicals in their heads making it difficult to see out of the windows.
  • Ungrateful transit employees going on strike and shutting the place down because they feel they are not paid enough to sit on their butt all day.
A recent survey by the NSW Department of Health, specifically the Mental Health Division, concluded that the live-action game was immoral in that it bullies its players with such tactics and creates increased psychological stress, aggression and even mental breakdowns. They recommended that the game be banned on mental health grounds.

A government health watchdog also said that chest and bronchial problems amongst Sydney-Sider had increased ten-fold since the introduction of the game, and recommended that tunnels be cleaned up "to prevent a potential public health catastrophe". CityRail was unavailable for comment as their media spokesman's train had broken down, and their deputy commissioner had been taken to hospital suffering from chest spasms.

Various plans are afoot to make the game even more complicated with the addition of extra routes and mission cards as well as compatibility with a new aspect of the game currently under development called "LightRail". A similar and simpler game exists in Melbourne which may be accessed by use of Metcard Systems - the two parts are known as Connex and Yarra Tram; but as yet commuters are not armed with laser guns.


Jules said...

I play another game like this every day called SydneyFerries. This has other hazards like slippery surfaces and spew factor bonuses.

You can also gain damage to body armour because of "Bird Shit" and "Seagull Crap" which appears randomly

Andrew said...

This is actually quite amusing, BUT true, very true....