In my job as an accountant, I get to see a great number of interesting names. The great kaleidoscope of people's names, reflects the great diversity of culture and influences which our society has. Even so, I think that there is a point when parents who are endowed with the task of giving a newborn child a name, exceed the boundaries of sanity.
A person's name is I think, pretty fundamental to their identity. People carry their name around their entire life, and other people (in a lot of case quite wrongly) bring outside impressions and prejudices to that name. No sane person for instance would call their son either Adolf, Judas, or Jesus. The first two because we wouldn't wish the associated prejudice which would follow on anyone, and the latter because the weight of that name is also far too great.
Yet there is a growing trend I've noticed for people to give their children "unique" names (by unique, I mean euphemistically "stupid"); I think that it's hideously unfair on the poor unfortunate child who must live with it.
Just in the past month I've seen the following names of children of our clients:
Makynli:
I think that this supposed to a respelling of MacKinlay. If it is, then why does a girl get this name? Secondly, what sort of embarrassment and annoyance will this poor child suffer because she has to spell her name over the telephone, and over the counter to banks, and other institutions?
Mychal:
Why couldn't these people just have picked Michael for? Michael is a good honest name. Mychal sounds more than a little bit camp, or if you are of a literary persuasion, like the lumbering lazy brother of Sherlock Holmes (who was called Mycroft - an equally silly name).
Jaron:
I now know of four Jarons. Admittedly it means "the sound of Israel rejoicing", but it sounds like a corruption of Aaron and Jack or something.
Nevaeh:
I am totally at a loss at how to pronounce this name. Is it like the Croatian name Neve, or is it like the word Never?
Madisyns:
I assume that this name is a respelling of Madison (which is a name I already dislike) with an s on the end. What makes this utterly atrocious is that Madisyns is a little boy. Giving boy's names to a girl is one thing, but when this boy is 10 or 11 years old, I bet that he's going to find himself bashed up after school.
The award for the most truly horrible names I've ever heard are for a couple of twin girls whose names are Kofisha which admittedly sounds perfectly fine with the Batswan surname name Moputu (Kofisha Moputu works reasonably well), and her sister Eee, which means "the exalted princess".
The problem is that these two parents although they were living in Botswana where there might be plenty of Eees and Kofishas, but they've moved back to Sydney and their surname is... Thompson*. By the way what sort of name is Eee anyway? You can just imagine the phone call with the bank:
Can I have your first name please?
Eee.
What?
Eee.
Did you say E?
Yes.
No, I want your first name, not just the initial.
That is my first name.
What? E?
Yes, Eee.
Could you spell that please?
E e e.
Eeee?
No, three Es.
E e e?
Yes.
That's unusual...
I feel sorry for poor Eee... and Kofisha, and Madisyns, Nevaeh, Jaron, Mychal, Makynli and every other Tyrone, Cheyenne, Acedia, Thecla, Dusk and Kelsea. Your parents are clearly all bonkers, and you're paying for it, forever.
*Well actually not really. I changed it for privacy reasons, but it is that common.
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