February 17, 2010

Horse 1070 - Heart Failure

On the back of the news that Clint Bolton has signed for the A-League's newest club, Melbourne Heart FC, I thought I'd do some research on who the heck Melbourne Heart FC actually is; on reflection I can't be bothered.

Consider their logo:



I think that we have a winner for what is possibly the worst logo for a football club ever invented. According to the official blurb it it supposed to an "M intertwined with an H in the shape of a stylised heart", so in other words it's exactly what it says on the tin. The problem is that I thought that it kind of looked like a pair of Y-Fronts. The only other thought which sprung to mind was that it kind of looks like a logo for a brand new Health Insurance company; still not what you'd expect for a football club.

What sort of name is Melbourne Heart anyway? If anything it reminds me of Captain Planet, and Ma-Ti's Power of Heart, which when it came to it, was pretty well useless.

In fact there is another football club with "Heart" in their name, but it has a far better logo and a proper historical reason for the name as well.



Heart of Midlothian FC is one of two clubs in the Scottish capital of Edinburgh. It derives its name from this mosaic pattern set into the cobblestones as part of Edinburgh's Royal Mile. Legend has it that if you spit into the heart then you will at some point in your life, return to Edinburgh.



This heart set into the street cobbles on Parliament Square marks the site of the entrance to the Old Tollbooth Prison which was built in 1561 originally as a Custom House for merchants.
It then became the Town Hall where the Privy Council, College of Justice and the Scottish Parliament met, but by the mid 17th century it had become a prison and the place of execution.

In other words, Heart of Midlothian or Hearts for short, has a proper reason for having a heart as a logo. Melbourne Heart FC is a stupid name with no underlying tradition to it.
Also, to add further fuel to the fire, the Lord Mayor's Charitable Foundation of Melbourne has said that it intends to pursue a legal trademark rights case because Melbourne Heart FC is too similar to the annual homeless appeal Heart of Melbourne.

For some reason in Australia, the national "franchises" for the various sporting codes have gone for more elemental names over the past few years. We now have teams called Power, Fury, Glory, Storm, Tactix, Pulse and now Heart. Wouldn't it be easier to name teams simply on where they are based? Would you for instance be able to tell where Sydney FC or Gold Coast Football Club came from? Of course you would; it's as obvious as the nose on your face.

It all highlights how ridiculous the name Melbourne Heart FC actually is. It's as if they asked a bunch of high school students to come up with a team name. Actually one of my more enduring memories from high school was when we came up with "The Alexander Graham Bell Memorial Team" as team name. It has more heart than certain other names.

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