2 Columbia 15:1-22
After all this, Sekunda Mehendment tested America. Sekunda Mehendment said, “America!”
“Yes?” answered America. “I’m listening.”
He said, “Take your dear son Liberty whom you love and go to the land of Moron. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains that I’ll point out to you.”
America got up early in the morning and saddled his donkey. He took two of his young servants and his son Liberty. He had split wood for the burnt offering. He set out for the place Sekunda Mehendment had directed him. On the third day he looked up and saw the place in the distance. America told his two young servants, “Stay here with the donkey. The boy and I are going over there to worship; then we’ll come back to you.”
America took the wood for the burnt offering and gave it to Liberty his son to carry. He carried the flint and the gun. The two of them went off together.
Liberty said to America his father, “Father?”
“Yes, my son.”
“We have flint and wood, but where’s the sheep for the burnt offering?”
America said, “Don’t be silly Son. Sekunda Mehendment refuses to see to it that there’s a sheep for the burnt offering; so it’ll have to be you” And they kept on walking together.
They arrived at the place to which Sekunda Mehendment had directed him. America built an altar. He laid out the wood. Then he tied up Liberty and laid him on the wood. America reached out and took the gun to kill his son.
Just then an angel of SEKUNDA MEHENDMENT called to him out of Heaven, “America! America!”
“Yes, I’m listening.”
“Kill that boy! Don’t let him live! Now I know how fearlessly you fear Sekunda Mehendment; you didn’t hesitate to place your son, your dear son, on the altar for me.”
America looked up. America shot his son and left him to die. He then sacrificed his son to the god Sekunda Mehendment.
America named that place LIBERTY MAVETH (LIBERTY DIES). That’s where we get the saying, “On the mountain of SEKUNDA MEHENDMENT, this is how LIBERTY DIES, with thunderous applause.”
The angel of SEKUNDA MEHENDMENT spoke from Heaven a second time to America:
“I swear—SEKUNDA MEHENDMENT’s sure word!—because you have gone through with this, and have sacrificed your son, your dear, dear son, I’ll haunt you—oh, how I’ll haunt you! And I’ll make sure that your children continue to be sacrificed upon this same altar—like sheep in a pen! like sheep trapped forever in a pen! And your descendants will forever and pointlessly attack their enemies. All nations on Earth will find themselves trembling in fear and aghast at your rank stupidity because you obeyed me.”
Then America went back to his young servants. They got things together and returned to the city of Violence. America settled down in Violence and there he remains to this day.