September 27, 2017

Horse 2326 - ALWAYS Follow Your Dreams

Always follow your dreams. 

No matter how insane or ridiculous they are; no matter if they are a physical impossibility or if in doing so you must break the law and be thrown in prison, always follow your dreams. Even if they involve driving a 1981 Mazda RX-7 with grenade launchers into the Battle of Salamis, despite that being a sea battle and it being impossible to drive a car on water and you not having access to time travel, you must follow your dreams.
Even if following your dreams means that you have to climb through the ranks of an evil empire, going against everything that you believe in, including murdering millions of people, you must follow your dreams. Especially if it requires you to put on a space helmet and fight space Nazis on the moon while riding a bear and singing the words of the US Constitution to the score of Aida, you must follow your dreams.

Failure to do so will result in your banishment and exclusion from civilised society and you will be forced to live as a hermit amidst the catacombs under the city of Oslo; living on a diet of nothing more than you can scrounge out of the bins out the back of Aldi Supermarkets and not being able to read Norweigan and facing possible death due to your hitherto unknown allergies to shellfish which causes anaphylaxis. It will mean that your hair will grow out long and you will start to wear overcoats to keep you from freezing to death in the sub Arctic Scandinavian winter. You will in due time be given a name which means "The Wizard Of The North" but you will misunderstand it to mean something incredibly rude and degrading; all because you didn't follow your dreams.

Deep down you know that if you do not heed this advice, you will have to settle for something less than your dreams and that means that you will invariably be unhappy. Instead of the gloriously insane and saccharin promises which are fulfilled if you follow your dreams, you will become one of the great unnamed masses who plods along in life and thinks that buying flat packed furniture is a fun day out. If you do have children, you will marvel at their lack of adventure when instead of wanting quinoa and kale, they wish want chips and sauce for dinner. You will buy a pair of track pants and sit in front of the television set, watching shows that follow a set three act format in an hour and wonder why that guy looks exactly the same as that other guy in that other show.

Of course you could just realise that the people who tell you to "follow your dreams" are pedaling a lie which is either designed to be trite or to sell you whatever product is sponsoring them. You could just as easily realise that following your dreams might mean changing your dreams because they are stupid. Even so, it's kind of fun to think about being the commander of an unholy kitten army of the night and conducting raids upon the parliament, before installing yourself as a benevolent dictator because the real world is a scary place which is full of invoices and bills and deadlines and people who want things, and children and parents and partners and pets being sick and eventually dying. What's wrong with running into a world of stupidity when the real world sucks?

So always follow your dreams because that way you will defeat the evil Capitalist Socialist Republican Reptile King from Atlantis by riding your trusty tiger Arnold into battle by storming his castle, armed only with a four foot long bratwurst and a pair of Dunlop Volleys. Always follow your dreams, even if it means that you'll go bankrupt and be thrown into prison for committing welfare fraud. Always follow your dreams, even if it means being arrested for trespassing on government property, because nobody who asks you to follow your dreams has any idea of how impractical, ridiculous or illegal your​ dreams are.
Now excuse me while I ride off into the sunset on a pedalo made of smoke.