Day 9
We're going to make a short trip today and then come back to the hotel. To be honest, going to places like the Phobos And Deimos Forest is unpleasant but I am sure that it is not a scary place as it used to be. Governments of long ago installed fire breaks and trail markers and another kingdom sends observers occasionally.
We drive through southern suburbia and past factories and cinemas which are now disused and in an unassuming looking street is the turnoff for a road that heads off into the Valley Of The Shadow Of Death. I have been down that road and it is also unpleasant but the lookout and the views on the other side, are stunning.
We're going to head further down the road and head past The Salmon Of Doubt restaurant, Anxiety Manufacturing Ltd. as well as Half Baked Ideas And Ill-Conceived Concepts Pty Ltd, before we drive through a set of gates which are supposed to be locked but never are, and over a grid which is supposed to keep nasty beasts inside but which is ignored by them.
As we drive into the Phobos And Deimos Forest I would like to point out that hter are no black dogs in the forest. I think that might surprise some people but I am one of the fortunate ones for whom the black dog does not visit. I personally think that it is because of all of the clown masks which have been left around.
We can't drive very far into the Phobos And Deimos Forest because as a state forest, it has been marked as an area which is mostly off limits.
It should be obvious by now that I have no profound fear of loneliness and am perfectly happy spending hours noodling around in the vast open spaces of my mind. The Phobos And Deimos Forest therefore is not a place where I am afraid to be alone in. What it is mainly full of, are trees of incompetence and briars and thickets of mistrust.
To say that I am mistrustful of other people is wild understatement. In general, I know that my place in the world is to useful to other people but that has the downside that very few people want to care about what I think. I am suspicious that people see me as being useful for an end and once I have served that purpose, I am good for no other. Not that that bothers me a lot because as a reasonably internally unified character with very strong majors and atrophied minors, it's not like I suffer from self-esteem issues; quite the opposite. I have been accused of straying into arrogance.
The things that I am most afraid of mostly stem from not being in control of something. Whether that be other people or perhaps drowning, I am sure that the underlying issue is probably identical. Re that latter thing, I am extremely respectful of the sea.
Despite valiant attempts by a public school system that tried to get me to swim, I still can not. I was pushed out of a boat on a school camp when I was 13 and I am sure that it was great sport for the other kids but that does have a profound effect on you. I fell out of an inner tube on a theme park ride and while it was exactly of zero consequence to anyone else, I wasn't particularly happy at all.
Blake Lake which lies on one of the trails inside the Phobos And Deimos Forest has no bottom as far as I can make out and the water is so opaque that the light never gets below the lake's surface.
I have some sense of self preservation but have still managed to have nose broken, a toe broken, and an ACL broken while playing sport. Physical injury doesn't necessarily scare me but I know that because I am a weedy chap, I need to outthink my opponents rather than use brute force, or suffer being thrown around like a rag doll. I would be lying if I said that I enjoy pain (because I doubt whether any sane person does) but physical pain is not something that I necessarily fear.
There are also the species of poisonous existential trees, brambles of shame, thorns of stupidity, a quagmire of laziness, as well as a bunch of different kinds of fruit trees of dread.
There is a theory that is often put forward in media that you should face your fears. I think that is patently stupid. Sometimes your fears are useful because they are products of danger and it is entirely appropriate to get out of there. Sometimes though, it might be rational to take stock of the various species and maybe take them back to laboratories for further investigation.
What is always useful to remember if you are here is that if you keep on moving, there are roads out. It might take a while to find them but space and time and here and now are only this bit of your mind. Fear not, keep on walking. If you find a wall, keep walking. It's plain to see, your brain is very small if you think walking will be knocking down the wall but maybe you can find a bugle or something to let someone else help you. If there is no voice willing to speak for you, then you had best learn to yell. Someone might be listening.
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