I have now heard a story several times over the past week that a particular town in Florida which was given some swans by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, now has a surfeit of inbred swans due to excessive woo-hooing by ever increasingly inbred swans. In 60 years, the increasingly inbred swans have become so numerous that they are now considered to be their own subspecies of below intelligence swans.
This town wants to get rid of them because they have now reached a pest population size and so the town wants to desperately give them away (which presumably will just lead to extra swan woo-hooing and a pest population somewhere else) or setting up a harvesting program so that people can eat them.
As they are now American inbred swans, they aren't covered by the law which applies in the Commonwealth that swans remain the property of the monarch (and by extension can only really be eaten by the monarch and their swan banquets) and so I can see no legal disability for a full on 11 secret herbed and spiced festival of Florida Fried Swan. Of course also speaking as both a barbarian and a commoner, I also see the potential for that other oft overlooked solution that we out here in the antipodes have invented; the Thunderdome.
This is where I will confess that I only have a vague idea about what any of the Mad Max films are about and to be honest, I'm not particularly all that bothered to find out either. I am already prejudiced against this Angry Maximillion person because one of the things that I am aware of is that he wasted a perfectly good Ford Falcon Coupe by not taking it to Bathurst to compete in the famous 1000 kilometer motor race.
The other thing that I have only a vague idea about what concepts are in the Mad Max films, is the idea of the Thunderdome which I guess is when you put various kinds of things up against each other in an enclosed metal cage to fight each other. That brings me to guessing that what is needed in Florida is Bird Thunderdome.
Bird Thunderdome by my estimation is where you have about 20 different kinds of vaguely posh birds fighting each other in a cage until one of them is the winner. Admittedly, I don't think that I'd find this particularly enjoyable to watch and I also don't think that I would have found cock fighting or bear baiting all that enjoyable to watch either. I also think that many of the contests would be foregone conclusions; with birds of prey having a distinct advantage when it comes to having the necessary weapons to fight. A humble turkey would suffer at the talons of an eagle; while the two prehistoric murder birds of the emu and cassowary would go on a tear.
At this point you're probably wishing some kind of horrible horribleness upon me for imagining such a disgusting scenario and you'd be justified in doing so and so I feel the need to point out that I am currently involved in a daily involuntary Bird Thunderdome scenario.
I live by a creek and have to pass underneath some very tall trees on my way to the train station. As it is springtime in Australia, that means that we alternate between freezing temperatures with rain and being burned alive as the mercury heads beyond the unpleasant side of triple digits Fahrenheit. I can imagine that if you are a bird that that would make you very angry indeed and that probably explains why I am the current undeclared enemy of many magpies. They have drawn blood twice this year. I imagine that magpies would actually quite enjoy a Bird Thunderdome scenario and that's why they are actively looking for practice, just in case they get their opportunity.
Speaking again of the subject of swans in the Bird Thunderdome though, swans are notoriously angry birds. Although they look as graceful as the Superb Ibis (which suffers from bad marketing as rival bird propaganda has besmirched their reputation with the moniker of "Bin Chicken"), swans have a habit of playing in their own cruel game of menace for fun. That's the reason cited as to why they need to be cleared out because their excessive woo-hooing and menacing has pushed out native Floridian birds who just want to loll about on the beach, meander through the swamps and bayous, and occasionally go to Daytona to watch car racing.
If someone could write a letter to the swans threatening them with the prospect of Bird Thunderdome (swans don't have access to the internet and so sending them an email is pointless) then they might get the message and leave. If not, then they're just going to continue to woo-hoo and menace because these increasingly inbred swans are perfectly happy just where they are.
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