Horse 3536 - THE PEOPLE V BREAKFAST CEREAL [2026] - Judgement

THE PEOPLE V BREAKFAST CEREAL [2026] - Judgement

The Fake Internet Court of Australia

H3536/1

On a motorsport forum which I like to read, people were discussing what the various drivers in the Formula One paddock were having for breakfast. There was much consternation when it was revealed that Kimi Antonelli and George Russell were skipping so many breakfasts and dinners, that it looked like a borderline eating disorder meal plan. The reason in principle is that just an extra kilo or two can amount to a few hundredths of a second on the track.

Former F1 driver Daniel Ricciardo even suggested that the drivers "starve themselves"; probably for this exact same reason.

https://x.com/cherieisla/status/2074767274821472509?s=20

Also in that same discussion, it was revealed that Lewis Hamilton liked to eat hotdogs for breakfast because if he ate whatever he wanted to early in the morning, then he wouldn't care about getting hungry later in the morning. We have to assume that Lewis Hamilton probably has some idea of what is talking about as you don't get to be a seven time Formula One World Champion by accident.

You will notice that none of the above mentions breakfast cereal at all. The case which has rattled its way through the internuts until it finally made its way to this court and found this fake internet court's attention, is to answer the question about whether breakfast cereal deserves to exist.

These are the facts as this court sees them:

Let's be perfectly honest here. Skipping breakfast in principle is not as terrible as people make out. The reason for this is that most "breakfast" food is a nutritional scam. Most branded breakfast cereals either fall into the category of being so incredibly boring that even media designed for children treats it as the punchline for a joke, or being so loaded up with sugar as to be diabetes inducing.

Long before Bert from Sesame Street, who is the stereotypical most boring man in the world, was eating oatmeal, Goldilocks was wandering into ursine houses and stealing porridge in a cautionary tale of the importance of respecting other people's property and the consequences of trying out things that don't belong to you. At the other end of the breakfast cereal spectrum, Tony Tiger, Sam Toucan, Coco the Monkey, all try to push their wares on children, in the same way that a drug pusher working in a much bigger ring might.

The unsaid truth that that there is no reason you need cornflakes, or oatmeal, or porridge in the morning. Even the replacements that are sold to professional business people are diabolical. Breakfast bars or meal replacement drinks such as Up & Go seem to me to be an awful and expensive way to replace breakfast cereal. 

Toast exists. Croissants exist. Muffins exist. Lewis Hamilton eating hotdogs for breakfast proves that if you are a professional athlete, then not even that is enough reason to stop you from eating beef or chicken in the morning so you don't feel like sludge all day long. Rice exists. The traditional meal ascribed to tradespeople of Bacon and Eggs is glorious. You will not find cereal in a full-English or full-Irish breakfast. 

Having said all of this, even the story behind the existence of breakfast cereal leaves a lot to be desired. Dr. John Harvey Kellogg took over the Battle Creek Sanitarium in 1876; which was originally founded by members of the Seventh-Day Adventist Church as a health resort and medical spa. It did all of the things that you would expect of a health spa and in addition to promoting things like fresh air, exercise, hydrotherapy, and vegetarianism, it banned all of the things which they Seventh-Day Adventists thought were excitable for a person and banned meat, alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine.

Probably because Dr. Kellogg was interested in improving people's body, mind and soul through a program he called "biologic living", his treatments at the Battle Creek Sanitarium were mostly grounded in his religion’s tenets of dietary and sexual abstinence. This means to say that the reason why corn flakes were invented and marketed as breakfast food is... interesting... to say the least.

Final Judgement:

The subjective test of whether or nor people are allowed to like breakfast cereal is not at issue here. The general ruling that people are allowed to like what they like still stands. This Fake Internet Court is not charged with that decision but rather, the question of  whether breakfast or not breakfast cereal deserves to exist at all.

Having looked at the function which breakfast cereal was designed for, the alternatives which exist, and even the reason that breakfast cereal was invented at all, this Fake Internet Court can only declare that breakfast cereal exists and was invented in bad faith. Indeed the very reason that Dr. Kellogg invented it at all should bear testament to its horridness. By design BREAKFAST CEREAL IS STEALING YOUR LIFE FORCE.

Furthermore, the traditional French breakfast of having a Gauloise wrapped inside a Gitanes with un double café before working for two and a half hours before going on strike, or the traditional English breakfast of having bacon, eggs, beans, black pudding, white pudding, sausage, tomato, sausage and spam, egg bacon spam and spam, and then complaining about a war that you never fought in, both seem to exactly the same job as breakfast cereal.

Nevermind the fact that Sam Toucan's and Tony Tiger's ideal of an ADHD diabetes rush at 7am is a bad idea. Just the mechanics of how these things are processed by the human body should suggest that sugars and high glycemic carbs are suboptimal in the morning, unless of course your intention is to crash hard two hours later. To be fair though, with the general consensus that energy drinks exist as emotional support drink because everyone needs something to numb the pain as time slowly withers their life away, day by day in an endless cycle of burnout - eat, sleep, work, repeat, 'til the clock runs out - then breakfast cereal starts to look like more of a surrender.

Breakfast Cereal, you are guilty of both conspiracy and deception. You have brought hateration and holleration into this fake internet court and as you have no sensible business by ruining people's lives like this. You are malevolent and have now ensnared others in your villainy. Can you not see what trouble thou hast wrought? 

To that end, this Fake Internet Court rules that all Breakfast Cereal must be taken to a Hazardous Waste Management centre where it can be disposed of in the same way that other dangerous chemical and industrial waste is destroyed. We expect all Breakfast Cereal to be repackaged in brown or olive plain packages in the meantime, and that this process is to be complete by the end of 2027.

This ruling is binding on all people at all times and in all points in history. The fact that this is such a trivial matter means that it is of national importance but this Fake Internet Court is prepared to deal with the fallout.

That is all.

- ROLLO75 J

(this case will be reported in FILR as H3536/1 - Ed)

Horse 3535 - King Aslan Is A Girl Now?

https://variety.com/2026/film/news/greta-gerwig-narnia-david-bowie-meryl-streep-aslan-1236865755/

Greta Gerwig is reuniting with her “Little Women” star Meryl Streep on “Narnia,” the director’s adaptation of the C.S. Lewis fantasy series. Streep is voicing Aslan, the mythical lion who creates the mystical world of Narnia.

“I wanted someone who was profound but not pretentious, who had gravitas but not morose self-seriousness. Someone who could communicate depth and pathos as well as joy and delight,” Gerwig told Empire in a cover story about the upcoming film. “I wanted someone who was older than 70, so there was a wisdom of experience, but who also had the capacity of fresh wonder, like a child. And also to be one of the greatest actors to ever do it. That list is not a long one.”

- Variety Magazine, 17th September 2026

I want you to think about this for a second. This is deliberately done as an agent provocateur action. They hope this will make you mad. They know exactly what they are doing. 

What should we do about this?

1. Acknowledge what game they are playing.

2. Just laugh at them.

3. And then strike back with apathy.

To be perfectly honest, giving Aslan a female voice isn’t daring or profound or some brilliant act of creative genius. What this actually is creative vandalism pretending to be artistic sophistication. There already are adaptations of the Narnia stories; so this thing really can not add anything else, or anything new to what has gone on before. What this actually is is more ideological slop produced by the machine that’s given us plenty already.

If you drill down into the mechanics of what is actually going on here, this should be seen in the same light as Mindy Kaling's Velma. Casting Streep as the voice of Aslan isn't arrogant, it's just stupid. Stupidity is the active art of choosing to do something foolish. What Gerwig has done, is be handed one of the most famous set of works of Christian fiction in 20th century, and decided that it needed her brilliant editorial correction. Or perhaps to take this to its logical conclusion, it would be like casting Macaulay Culkin as Lucy Pevensie.

The fact that Gerwig’s comments that, “Meryl Streep is one of the greatest actresses alive,” is kind of irrelevant. Granted that Nancy Cartwright plays Bart Simpson, or Miss Piggy was played by Frank Oz and is now played by Eric Jacobson, the fact is that the character of Aslan as he exists within the story is not someone with an interchangeable identity. He is the King of Narnia. He is the Son of the Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Within the universe, what the role demands is a voice which is capable of projecting power, and a sense of utter terror...

In other words, Liam Neeson who was cast in the 2005 Narnia series, was perfectly cast for the role. I have no idea what they are going for by casting Meryl Streep the role. 

Also within the text of the books, CS Lewis was explicit with what he was doing within the universe: 

"Supposing there were a world like Narnia, and supposing Christ wanted to go into that world and save it, what might have happened?” Since Narnia is a world of talking beasts, Christ would become a talking beast there—specifically a lion, matching the biblical title "The Lion of Judah"."

- CS Lewis

In Lewis' own words, Aslan isn’t some generic figure within a fantasy story. CS Lewis explicitly conceived of Aslan as what Christ might be like if the Son of God entered a world like Narnia. What this is ultimately doing is taking what is ultimately a devotional depiction of the sacred and twisting it to serve anti-Christian agendas. I wonder if Greta Gerwig and/or Meryl Streep would have been that comfortable making a story telling the life of a Mohammed character and doing the same treatment. Ha ha ha, it's just a bit of fun?

Religious objections aside, this is why people distrust modern adaptations of literature. Greta Gerwig has not entered the world of Narnia with any kind of humility or respect for the source material. Why should she? She doesn’t care. She knows better. To be fair, I don't think that Narnia needed Greta Gerwig to make it interesting; or in fact to make any kind of new adaptation at all.

Look, if you want to make a movie about a magical lioness voiced by Meryl Streep, knock yourself out. But at some point you should have enough integrity to admit that your reinterpretation is more important to you than faithfully adapting it.

On the other side of the coin, since where talking about the commercial decision to do this, then who is this for? Presumably the first and immediate audience of Christians have already been alienated, the people who would object to this on both sides of the religious argument have already been alienated; so who does this leave? The people who like Mindy Kaling's Velma? All 23 of them?

Horse 3534 - Three Pieces, Two Faces, One Nation, Zero Credibility

Given that the Liberal Party is more or less in total disarray with the last actual competent leader having left the party in 2016, the right-wing trashmedia led by NewsCorp and Nine Ent Co, has been trying to place Pauline Hanson and One Nation as a popular alternative. Fair enough I say. If you are NewsCorp, you are basically a foreign owned and controlled media outlet which is openly working against the interests of the nation; and now that all meaningful industries other than dirt farming or rent farming have been burnt to the ground, then it really doesn't matter what kind of cussing insane madman who put at the front of your media coverage.

To that end, One Nation by virtue of the fact that they have no actual leadership or experience other than a cult of personality, have attempted to try and pretend to put forward policies. In truly incompetent fashion, they've not only demonstrated that they aren't capable of governing, or creating any meaningful policies, their wish list is internally incoherent as well. I would like to give them full marks for completeness - they're not just a shambles, they're a complete shambles.

1. Incoherent Wages Policy

https://www.onenation.org.au/super-pay-boost

“You get more of your own money in your pocket when you need it.

“For a full-time worker earning about $90,500, that means around $2,300 a year after tax, or $44 a week, extra in their pocket."

- Senator Pauline Hanson, One Nation Senator for Queensland, 7th Sep 2026

Not only is this monumentally stupid because of secondary effects to inflation and permanently damaging a poorer person's future, but it also is openly hypocritical when viewed in the light of One Nation and Pauline Hanson's actual statements and voting record.

From July 1 2026, the Fair Work Commission raised the national minimum wage by 5.97% (from $24.95 to $26.44 per hour, or about $1,004.90 a week for a 38-hour week). That difference is $56.62. Bear in mind that when Appropriation Bill (No. 1) 2026-2027 was being considered in detail, Senator Hanson stated she opposed wage rises above the rate of inflation. She argued that higher wages put too much pressure on small businesses and could lead to job losses. 

Just to be clear here, what Senator Hanson actually wants and has voted for is that she wants us to access $44 of Super per week, while opposing a $56/week increase to the minimum wage. This is not about fighting for workers' rights at all, but the ability of employers to pay less. In this respect, Senator Hanson is just another tory.

2. Incoherent Media Policy

Senator Hanson called the proposed bill which would allow opt out of algorithms an “attack on free speech”. She then went of to call the bill a "Trojan horse" for government-mandated censorship.

I can understand that the concern here (or faux concern) is that the Communications Minister and the eSafety Commissioner would be given subjective powers to define what is and isn't "harmful content". The excuse offered against this is that a government agency would censor and bury lawful political speech and alternative view points.

Never mind the fact that in this instance, the government isn’t censoring content or dictating what Australians can say, nor is it trying to impose any kind of censorship. The bill with its opt-in clauses in principle, tries to give users the option of curating a feed made up exclusively of accounts they choose to follow; which was actually the point of social media in the first place. In that respect what it is actually doing is restoring an individual's agency over what lands in their faces.

https://www.news.com.au/finance/culture/inside-parliament/pauline-hanson-reveals-victorian-state-election-candidates/news-story/45cb4d695d73802d779856be08df533d

Pauline Hanson reveals Victorian state election candidates, bans ABC, The Guardian, The Age from press conference

Pauline Hanson has blocked three media outlets from attending the announcement of her party’s Victorian election candidates.

In Melbourne on Monday, Senator Hanson revealed the seven candidates and one incumbent who would run for the party at the November election, but reporters from the ABC, The Age and The Guardian were denied entry.

- Herald-Sun, 3 August 2026

I do not know how it makes any sense to accuse a government policy of government-mandated censorship when you yourself, openly ban journalists from your press conferences. I would like Senator Hanson to clarify why an individual is not allowed to curate what they read, but she is allowed to openly ban and censor who is allowed to report on her. If she actually became Prime Minister and this policy was continued, then what she is openly saying is that she not only demands the right to refuse public scrutiny, but she also wants to deny the public the right to refuse propaganda.  

3. Lying Is Now Policy

Their Victorian state candidate Harrison Rindfleish claim he completed a law degree, despite being a first year uni student.

https://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/one-nations-youngest-candidate-caught-falsely-claiming-a-law-degree-years-before-graduation/news-story/52ac91e8c8f210f2eedce229416823e1&usg=AOvVaw0pRNx-rYT6oxqwhpChPQHO&opi=89978449

One Nation's youngest candidate has been caught out fibbing about his own credentials, falsely spruiking a law degree years before he'll eligible to complete it. Harrison Rindfleish's LinkedIn profile – which has since been deleted – shows he is a student and is yet to complete any university qualification.

One Nation has refused to comment.

- Herald-Sun, 3 September 2026

Or how about this doozie:

https://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/australian-federal-police-denies-claim-it-warned-venue-of-one-nation-threat/news-story/fca2e99041550726d2472b21f1f7c57a&

The Australian Federal Police has denied providing security advice that led to the cancellation of a One Nation branch meeting in Victoria last week.

“Club Sunbury received advice from the Australian Federal Police in relation to a threat and associated security concerns and, having considered that advice, made the decision that the events would not proceed,” she said when announcing the cancellation.

“This all occurred at very short notice, with the Hawke Branch being informed shortly before the events were due to commence."

But an AFP spokesman told the Herald Sun the decision to cancel the event was made by the venue alone, adding it never provided the advice.

“The AFP did not provide advice to the venue,” he said.

- Herald-Sun, 7 September 2026

How can One Nation claim that the AFP told One Nation to cancel their event in Sunbury, if the AFP never actually did that? I don't understand how you expect to claim credibility if what you claim is reasonably easy to investigate and find out to be a fabrication. I totally get that we now live in a post-truth society where everything is made up and the points don't matter but if you're going to say that the government and opposition can't be trusted and then repeatedly demonstrate that you also can't be trusted, then what's the point?

I genuinely don't understand how One Nation wants us to believe that they’re serious about governing when they're not even serious about presenting basic truth or inventing credible policy. 

Horse 3533 - Steal The Future To Pay Your Landlord

https://www.onenation.org.au/super-pay-boost

One Nation will give Australians paying rent or a mortgage the choice to take one quarter of their future compulsory super contributions as a tax-advantaged 3% pay boost for up to three years.

“People are working hard and still struggling to get ahead.

Interest rates keep rising. Rents keep climbing. Groceries, power bills, petrol and insurance are taking more and more out of the family budget.

Inflation is hurting Australian families and Labor’s economic incompetence is making life harder.

One Nation wants to give people some breathing room.

If you are paying rent or a mortgage on your home, One Nation will allow you to choose to receive one quarter of your future compulsory super contributions in your take-home pay for up to three years."

- One Nation, Senator Pauline Hanson, One Nation Senator for Queensland, 7th September 2026

What an absolutely top idea!

If you think that this is a good idea, then you might like other ideas such as injecting yourself with petrol, eating spiders, or having your friends kick you in the face repeatedly.

How about we actually play with the numbers that they've given us. Let's assume that the potential earnings rate is a modest 2% after inflation. Let's also assume a period of 20 years; which means that the person is middle aged.

"For a full-time worker earning about $90,500, that means around $2,300 a year after tax, or $44 a week, extra in their pocket."

At just 2%, then the cost of forgone gains is $10,578 over 20 years.

"For a working couple earning $168,000 between them, it is about $4,300 a year after tax, or $82 a week, back in the family budget."

At just 2%, then the cost of forgone gains is $19,714 over 20 years.

"That’s a real boost to help you pay the rent or the mortgage, leaving more room for groceries, power bills and the costs of raising a family."

Just to be clear here, what One Nation is openly saying is that instead of actually trying to put forward any policy which would address the issues of rents and mortgages payments, increasing grocery bills, power bills and the costs of raising a family, their solution as confessed by them is literally for people to eat their own future now.

What's particularly insane about this is that One Nation has campaigned vigorously that changes to the minimum wage would add to inflationary pressure. Pauline Hanson herself actively opposed any increase in wages which were above inflation and Malcolm Roberts has argued in the Senate that wage rises in an inflationary environment can simply be swallowed by higher prices. 

At the same time, if this absolutely insane policy actually were to become law, then this policy releases dollars into the economy immediately and does exactly what Malcolm Roberts argued against because the monies taken out of Super would be immediately swallowed by higher prices. When you shift massive amounts of savings into the economy by injecting it directly into the circular flow of money, that's a recipe for instant price rises.

If renters suddenly have more money available each week, then landlords will simply increase their prices. If people wanting to purchase a house suddenly have extra monies available, then markets will adjust to cover that. This is an identical set of arguments against super for first-home deposits. If you can instantly change the numbers of what people can afford for a thing with actually addressing the underlying issues, markets also instantly change. 

What One Nation's policy is, is to present itself as the party of working Australians but this policy does literally nothing. If somebody working full-time cannot afford the ordinary costs of living from their current income, then we not only solve nothing be letting them spend part of their retirement but because of the compounding interest issues as worked through above, we actually make people's "retirement" even more grim or steal it away from them entirely.

Let's call this proposal for what it is. This theft of the future. Productivity hasn’t suddenly been rewarded, rents haven't fallen, mortgage haven’t shrunk; if anything all of those things would get worse because One Nation is trying to frame this as a personal choice issue by openly declaring that the poorest of people simply do not deserve a future; nor will they be afforded one.

Cost-of-living problems? Just use Super. Mortgage issues? Just use Super. Rental increases? Just use Super. For every year you steal now, that's tens of thousands over a working life. What's worse is that the thousands which will go missing from retirement after compounding, go straight into the pockets of landlords and richer people; all of which actively makes poorer people's lives worse in the future as well.

I think that's the plan here. Pauline Hanson is still a tory. What this is, is straight out of the tory playbook. Steal the future.