Horse 599 - Thinking of You

I got one of those darling little chain emails the other day filled with nuff-nuff sentiment that when you seriously look at it doesn't really stack up. I must admit that it is a departure from the usual parade for - Cheap Meds, Online University Degrees, emails informing me that my privatii don't work properly and emails from people with names like Aloyisious N'Zogba Djemba Djemba.
The email had pictures of bunnies, duckies and teddy bears in it, so I suspect it was designed for the sorts of people who have Camrys with rear parcel shelves covered in soft toys and "Back Off - I'm Trouble" and do 15 to 20 below the speed limit in the fast lane. Of note was the following line:

"Every night before they go to sleep, somebody thinks of you" There's the obvious fluffy sentiment there but I had a think about this and thought "is this something I really want?". I picture several possible scenarios here.

Firstly, why are they thinking about me before they go to sleep? Am I that dull and boring that I act like Horlicks? Is there an insomniac in the world who either can't find a drug or has found that my ramblings are so sleep inducing that they nod off? Does the same principle apply to when I'm giving a speech and the people in the audience fall asleep? What about preachers? Does this mean that it's not their sermons but rather that the people in the congregation were thinking of them?

Alternatively, am I keeping people awake? I know that I'm hillarious and should be given an Emmy, Oscar, Logie or a BAFTA for my comedy skills but seriously, fall asleep... please. What if for some reason I'm really scary and that's why they can't sleep?

For this thing to work properly I figure that there needs to be ratios and balances in action. This means that in all likelyhood that people are paired off. What happens if there's an odd number of people in the world? Some poor soul in Tajikistan is going to be sitting up in their bed crying "I can't sleep, no-one's thinking about me". Is thought comminicative? If so, are those people who've been saying for the last 50 years that the government is sending mind-control messages through the TV correct?

The scary thing is that I believe this theory, wanna know why? Well, the next time to happen to get an email from Sherwyn Issingxme!nz of Nigeria informing you that their uncle has died and has USD19,000,475.14 that if they don't get your bank account details so you can "hold the money for 14 days" for them, it probably is a scam. If then you jokingly say "I don't know how you can live with yourself Mr Nigeria Man, I hope you sleep well tonight" - then chances are that they probably will, because let's face it - they were thinking of you.