April 01, 2008

Horse 873 - Lyrical Madness

Some songs that lyrics that inspire, others are memorable and fit the zeitgeist perfectly - then again there are other lyrics that just send you to Charlie McSanity's Home For The Eternally Bewildered. These then are just a few of those:

Your Song - Elton John
If I was a sculptor
But then again, no.

Maybe if you were a lyricist but then again, no.

Staring at the Sun - U2
There's an insect in your ear
If you scratch it won't disappear

Do you think that they get a lot of midges in Belfast? Help there's a midge, but I can't scratch it because it won't go away! Argh!

Leaving New York - REM
Leaving was never my proud
Lions live in prides but what is a proud? This lyric is made of sad.

Horse With No Name - America
There were plants and birds and rocks and things...
I'm guessing that one of those things was one of REM's prouds.

Smooth Operator - Sade
Coast to coast
L.A. to Chicago

Maybe Sade didn't do that well in geography? Chicago is 744 miles from the nearest coast.

Whenever, Wherever - Shakira
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains

It's a simple mistake to make if you consider how far away Chicago is from the coast. Oh look are the Rocky Mountains pretty? Aw drat, I've confused them with Shakira's breasts again. I hate when that happens.

Bad - Michael Jackson
Your butt is mine
Your elbow belongs to someone else though.

Avril Lavinge - Sk8er Boi
He was boy, she was a girl
Can I make it any more obvious?


War Song - Culture Club
War is stupid
And people are stupid

Hur hur... your face is stupid... hur hur...

MacArthur Park - Jimmy Webb
Someone left the cake out in the rain
What the heck? Who in their right mind leaves cake out in the rain in the first place?

(You're) Having My Baby - Paul Anka
Having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me
That's a bit extreme! Wouldn't a nice card and some flowers also have said this?

But as usual, the best worst lyrics are noticed by someone else. The theme from Friends
I'll be There For You - The Rembrandts
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
except that the second verse says...
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
Self contained contradiction... terrible.

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