Horse 877 - (We Only Got) Four Minutes to Save the World

There is a certain song by a songstress who should have given up years ago, currently doing the rounds on the airwaves and taking up valuable airtime that would be better spent with the sounds of two enmeshed banshee two-stroke chainsaws.

The song that has gained my ire is none other than 4 Minutes featuring the caterwaulings of Madonna and that prize git, Justin Timberlake. Some of the lyrics are reproduced below:

We only got four minutes to save the world
No hesitating - Grab a boy
Go grab your girl
Time is waiting
We only got four minutes to save the world
No hesitating
We only got four minutes huh four minutes
So keep it up keep it up


Problem 1: Save the world from what?

We're consistently told throughout the song that we've only got four minutes to save the world, but at no point does it address what we need to save the world from. Is it giant asteroids? Perhaps an attack of the radioactive hamsters? Maybe it's an internal problem like global warming, a sudden volcanic explosion, instant world famine. We have no idea; because of this we can't identify any strategies to help us and we can't even develop a plan of action.

Problem 2: Lack of urgency.

If we've only got four minutes to save the world, then you'd hope that there'd be a better sense of urgency but for the four minutes and four seconds of the album track, they continue to sing on anyway. Justin wastes valuable panicking time by going "uh" no fewer that 87 times! For goodness sake, even the people in Toyota's Rav V6 advert gave more of a crap when they heard that there was 200 Killer Wasps. Madonna and Justin seem to care not a tinker's fart.

Problem 3: Inaccuracy.

Just when does our four minutes start from? I can let slide that the song is 4:04 long, but as time passes, you no longer have four minutes to save the world but some time less than this. If you had four minutes to save the world at the beginning of the song then half way through you'd have to sing "we've only got two minutes to save the world" or "we only had four minutes to save the world".


And now:

Kofi Considers

"I'd be using my four minutes to save the world more productively"
Indeed Mr Annan... Indeed.