Horse 968 - Who would win in a fight?

Who would win in a fight: Chuck Norris, The Stig or Mr T?



This is surely the greatest question of all time. Even the Pirates vs Ninjas question pales in the light of this very vexing conundrum. If we use logic and reason, an answer might reveal itself. First, let's look at the combatants.

Chuck Norris:
Chuck Norris is accredited with many facts such as his tears being able to cure cancer (even though he has never cried), being his own father, being able to divide by zero and not believing in Germany. But it appears that most of these facts revolve around his ability to roundhouse kick things out of and sometimes back into existence.

The Stig:
Some say that he is scared of bells, that he can smell corners, that he was brought up in Africa by a herd of Cheetahs and that he names all his potted plants Steve. All we know is that he's called The Stig.

Mr T:
Mr T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood. Apparently Mr T is allergic to doorknobs; that's why he can only kick through doors. Another problem is that Mr. T cannot be killed by conventional means. The only known method to destroy him is prolonged exposure to jibba-jabba.

Knowing about our three antagonists is helpful because you can the establish some sort of hierarchy.

The question of whether of not Chuck Norris could kick The Stig is made somewhat irrelevant by one small factor. The Stig once drove a white Jaguar XJS off of the aircraft carrier HMS Invincible. Whilst it may have taken four years, The Stig simply walked back out of the ocean. If we suppose that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks The Stig, then all that happens is a long playing sort of loop.

Mr T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. It is said that they shook hands, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earthquake created Scotland.

The question of who would win between Mr T and the Stig is also ruled into irrelevancy. Mr T's chief weapon is his little friend PAIN. Since the Stig is impervious to pain, and in all likelihood, pain would just bounce off his visor, then the net result would be nil.

The most usual response I get when I ask this question, is that the universe would implode in on itself. The very universe itself could not deal with so much awesomeness being concentrated in one place, ergo the fight would never occur.