'Ow Northern is the Queen lyke then, eh?
In doing research for summat totally unrelated, I've found out that in addition to her Royal Corgis and racing horses, she's got both a pigeon loft where all of her pigeons wear band with ER on, but she's also got her own troop of racing whippets.
Let me just spell this out. Her son is going to inherit the family business, she's got a place up in Scotland because London is quote unquote "too hot" and she wants summat a bit more parky out and she's got pigeons and whippets.
You can blame her grandad George V for all this when in 1917, he changed family name from Saxe-Coburg Gotha which sounds dead Krauty lyke, to Windsor which is proper English. Start singing rule Britannia and Jerusalem. In fact, he were so much in hurry to show that he were English an' all, that he were first English king t' go down mine. And he were first king t' go to football match.
His son George VI weren't even going to be king until his brother had had enough and racked off tae America. He died really young because he couldn't speak all that good and were always nervous and smoked like 40 Woodbines a day. His lungs packed up an' Lizzie were Queen at age 25.
Charlie boy has been waiting for old Lizzie to pop her clogs for what seems like forever and who only knows when we'll get King Billy IV and George VII.
It ent surprise me that the Queen is all northern. If you look back tae Lizzie I, she didnae have any kids and so Jimmy VI of Scotland went och aye the noo and took the crown of England as well. Of course Charlie I was a madman and ended up splitting the kingdom in twain, so that just proves that if you have a king which is too far northern, things get right daft. Best tae pick summat a little bit more south.
Of course you dinnae want someone who's too much o't' south because then it's all Essex and Home Counties and Burberry and no-one should be bothering wi' all o' that. So that's why the Queen keeps horses and whippets.
You can just imagine her out with her book from Ladbrokes or William Hill and looking at the form guide, or walking through the paddock wi' a can of Special Brew t' give to someone's gee-gee or dish licker in Race 5. What's her spiel if someone catches her on the sly? Well who's going to suspect the Queen? And even if they did, no-one's going to grass her up because... she's the queen.
It was probably her mum that got her on to pigeons, whippets and horses. Her mum, Elizabeth Bowes-Lyons was a commoner, and in her case I expect that that meant she hung around real people. When the Second World War came around and old Adolf stupid-moustache started chuckin' bombs about, I bet that it were Lizzy Bowes-Lyons giving it a bit of Whoa and White and saying "No bairn o' mine is gaan sit around idle. She's gaan drive trucks." And Lizzie did.
Mind you, Lizzy Bowes-Lyons is probably the reason why B&H and Gordon's Gin had t' royal warrant on. She lived beyond the century, broke the ton, claimed the triple digits because she were made of tough stock o' t' Yeo (whatever in blinkies the Yeo are).
See that's the thing about the North. If it's all supposed to be grim up north, then why is it all so pretty? This is the land that gave us Peter Rabbit, Hovis bread adverts wi' boys cycling in, Yorkie chocolate, t' Angel o' t' North, Blackpool Rock, the Beatles, Gerry and Pacemakers an' Vauxhall Astras. Can't be all that grim then, eh?
An' did those feet in ancient times, walk upon England's mountains green? Yeah, where are all the mountains? Ben Nevis and Snowdon aren't even in England; so it must've been somewhere else. My suggestion is t' Pennines; and where are they? Up north!