April 23, 2018

Horse 2402 - Fifty Questions

1. What is your middle name?
Thomas - but I suspect that that's doubtful.

2. What is the last thing you ate?
A Banana. I have no idea what kind of banana; only to say that it came from Aldi.

3. What is the last thing you drank?
Earl Grey tea because I'm as posh as all get out, yo.

4. Where did you last go on holiday?
Does Katoomba count? I think so.

5. If you could be any animal, what would you like to be?
I think I'd like to be a lion. They're the king of the beasts and as previously discussed, I'm as posh as all get out, too.

6. If you had ten minutes left to live, what would you do?
I think I'd spend all of it on the telephone, speaking to my wife. If it really was the end of the world at an instant, I imagine that it would come at the most inconvenient moment.

7. If your house was on fire and you could only save one thing, what would it be?
I'm assuming that my wife can save herself; so I'm saving the cats.

8. If you wanted your last words to be truly memorable, what would they be?
I have buried a million dollars in cash somewhere in a Sydney park. (panic digging would then ensue)

9. If it was 1918, what job do you most want in the world?
A newspaper columnist for the great and powerful Times of London.

10. If it was 2118, what job do you most want in the world?
King of Belgium.

11. If you were given a billion dollars, what would you spend it on?
The Holden factory in Elizabeth. I'd start building Tiger motor cars.

12. What crime of infamy would you most likely to commit?
Extreme fraud by being King of Belgium?

13. What is your biggest weakness?
Delusions of grandeur coupled with no discernible abilities in anything.

14. What is your biggest strength?
Delusions of grandeur coupled with no discernible abilities in anything; which means that I'll attempt things without any inherent skill or talent.

15. If you could have dinner with any world leader, who would it be?
Angela Merkel if she can speak conversational English. I think I'd like to speak to someone sensible.

16. If you could have any mystery from history solved, what would it be?
I want to know who the author of the letter to the Hebrews is. I hope that it's Priscilla.

17. If you could swap places with anyone in history for a day, who would it be?
Steven Gerrard.

18. If you could swap places with anyone in history for a day, what day would it be?
21st of September 2013, so that I could score a goal against Southampton, which would have meant that the league table for that season would have changed and Liverpool would have won the 2013/14 league by a point.

19. You have been found guilty of that crime of infamy and have been sentenced to death. What is your last meal?
A Nutella sandwich laced with cyanide.

20. You are only allowed to drive one car for the rest of your life, what is it?
1979 XC Falcon Coupe Cobra, blue with white stripes.

21. If you could have any address in the world, where is it?
10 Downing Street; in Mr Chicken's old house.

22. If you could instantly learn a new skill, what would it be?
Playing the piano to a concert grade.

23. Imagine that you are leaving high school, what message do you put in the high school year book?
I always have the last trump.

24. If you could change the world and eliminate sickness and death, would you do it?
I would have to say "no" on the basis that the Earth would get crowded, that it wouldn't cure people being nasty and horrible to each other, and that although wisdom generally is earned by elderly, innovation is driven by the young.

25. Would you ban pineapple on pizza?
Okay, this is an asterisk filled nightmare. Pineapple on a pizza is allowed if it is coupled with either ham or bacon; in no other instances is pineapple on a pizza sensible. However, people like what they like and they are allowed to be sincerely wrong. So, no ban.

26. Who is the best wizard?
Sir Stanley Matthews - The Wizard of the Dribble

27. What is the best time of day?
04:17am. If I was to wake up then, then I'm consciously aware that I get to go back to sleep.

28. Winter or Summer?
Summer serves no purpose other than to play cricket in. A country like England has no real summer; because they sensibly banned it.

29. If Trump wins the election, would you move to Canada?
Shh. Cache tes pouvoirs, n'en parle pas. Fais attention, le secret survivra.

30. What is your favourite terrible snack?
Toast with cheese spread and then one of those plastic wrapped processed cheese slices put on top; with the whole thing put under the grill so that the cheese spread turns into a gooey sauce and the processed slice on top browns unnaturally.

31. What is the one movie that you would watch over and over again?
Probably "The Great Escape". If I knew every line of that film, I would be even more insufferable than now.

32. Have you seen Star Wars?
Not only have I seen Star Wars but I would compete for The Empire in the Olympic Games if I could, just so I could hear the anthem for winning a gold medal in a rubbish sport.

33. When were you the most scared?
I fell out of a boat once and I can't swim. That was like having liquid death surround me.

34. Can you live without your phone?
I don't have a smart phone; so I'm not tempted to look at it very often.

35. What's a thing from your generation that the kids of tomorrow won't understand?
Putting a pencil in the hole of a cassette to fast forward and rewind it.

36. If you were bitten by a radioactive spider, what superpower would you have?
That would make me Spiderman. I don't think that this question intended to be a comprehension question though. I think I want Batman's superpower of just having a pile of money but I don't think I'd be as dark and brooding as him and instead of being a one man vigilante, I would actually improve Gotham's infrastructure to quell crime.

37. Cats or Dogs?
Dogs are lovable idiots. Dogs are like having a friend who always wants to do things with you. Cats are infinitely selfish. You are friends with a cat on their terms alone. I prefer having an independent actor around. It's cats.

38. Is the enemy of your enemy, your friend?
Not necessarily. They could very well be another enemy.

39. Would you always support your country, even if it was wrong?
My country has done and continues to do evil things. I don't support some of its actions, as it is now.

40. What would your graffiti tag be?
That RX character for medicines.

41. Do you want to build a snowman?
No thanks, I think I'd rather die.
I hear it coming through the floor,
I want to close the door.
I hope it goes away!
It used to be so funny,
And now it's not;
This is the reason why.
Do I want to build a snowman?
I don't want to build a snowman.
Okay, bye.

42. If you could ask the President any one question, what would it be?
At this current moment in time, the one question that I'd want to ask is the one that constitutes perjury and therefore grounds for impeachment.

43. What pun named restaurant would you like to open that gets less funny every time you say it?
Get It India

44. Is the problem of poverty solvable?
No; because the basic underlying problem of infinite human selfishness isn't solvable.

45. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
More than likely in Rome.

46. What is your favourite kind of chicken?
I like my home town hero, the Australorp.

47. Who needs to be quiet for a while?
Kelly O'Dwyer. Seriously, that performance on Insiders was woeful.

48. Who needs to speak up more?
Sally McManus?

49. What do you want to be most remembered for?
I don't. I remember that song which said that "old soldiers never die; they just fade away." I would just like to just fade away.

50. Who is most likely to answer these 50 questions next?
I have no idea.

Tag 6 people and pass this on.

1 comment:

Jay Jang said...

You would make an awesome King of Belgium.