1. Is it possible to drown a table?
If you threw a table into a lake, then most of the time it would sink. If you were to wait just one minute, you would find out that not only is the table not breathing but also it can not save itself. Yes, it would be drowned.
2. Do fish actually like swimming?
I am sure that they do. I for one like the fact that I have been breathing for more than 40 years. Since I am not aware of what the alternative feels like, then I will have to suggest that I like being alive. I think that it would be similar for fish.
3. Should jujitsu be compulsory for recovering librarians or would they be better off learning the clarinet?
Librarians are like dragons in that they are in charge of a hoard of things; except those things happen to be books and they happen to be available to the public. Someone who is a recovering librarian still has tendencies to hoard things and so I would suggest that they take up jujitsu as a way of defending themselves and whatever their next hoard happens to be.
4. Who would have been the better Formula One driver: Composer, Bedric Smittner or Painter, Tinteretto?
This would largely depend on who they were driving for. However, given that the most famous painter of all time (Adolf Hitler) instigated the funding of both the Mercedes Benz and Auto Union racing teams, then Tinteretto would probably be better.
5. Do snakes have lungs?
Yes; obviously.
6. Is blinking overrated?
I don't believe in magic. Blinking is automatic.
7. What is all the fuss about cushions?
Somewhere down the barrel of the cannon of our minds, is the idea that a cushion might be used to seat a great crown of state or perhaps some other piece of finery. Our minds might very well be like a cannon in that we're always shooting them off with a great deal of pomp and circumstance but I do not think that we can all be collectively wrong about cushions. They are fine things; which hint at luxury.
8. Carrots or Tennis?
Carrots are a food which is actively enjoyed by nobody. Tennis is a sport which is actively enjoyed by nobody. People will profess to enjoy carrots and/or tennis but that is because they are part of the conspiracy.
Since this is a question of which is the lesser of two things that aren't actually evil, then we need to frame the question around the thought experiment of which one would be missed by the least amount of people if it were to cease to exist. Tennis is terrible and achieves nothing but carrots are edible and can be put into salads, cakes, pies, casseroles etc.
The answer is objectively carrots.
9. What's going on within the next hour?
The sun will spew out so much heat and light that it would make your mind explode if you actually could comprehend that number. There are so many electrons whizzing around protons and neutrons on planet Earth that we do not have a name for anything close to that kind of number (or maybe we do). Chemistry is happening. Physics is happening. History is happening. Maths, Arts, Politics, and the entirety of current human endeavour is happening.
10. Who is Max Clearance and when will Bill Posters be prosecuted?
Max Clearance is a goods trader who is as dodgy as all get out. He's a little bit wahey and a little bit whoa; and a lot of what he has to sell has "fallen off the back of a truck".
Bill Posters is a shifty character who despite frequent attempts by law enforcement agencies, has never been caught. At this point, the statement that Bill Posters will be prosecuted is more of a cry for help than a statement of intent.
11. What happens if you drink too much Red Bull?
The clue is in their marketing propaganda, in that "Red Bull gives you wings." People who have drunk excessive amounts of Red Bull have been known to spontaneously generate wings and then after having never learned how to use or control them, end up crashing into the ground and objects. Death by flying accident as a result of drinking too much Red Bull, is not statistically insignificant.
12. How should I go about creating an absolute despotism with me in charge?
Probably the first thing that you need to do is either join and existing political party or form one of your own, to win whatever democratic process currently exists.
Then you need to find some suitable target to become an other, to galvanise your political base behind you. Once you've established your acceptable target, then present a bunch of problems which you claim that only you can solve (it need not matter if you actually caused the problems).
Then you need to invent some kind of emergency or other existential crisis so that the democratic process will voluntarily (or perhaps involuntarily if you have already manipulated your base into the majority) assign you power. Then after having obtained control, all you need to do is assign yourself your new title.
13. Is pineapple on a pizza a war crime?
No.
Pineapple on a pizza is a crime against sanity and against common decency but it isn't quite a crime against humanity. People are allowed to like what they like; including if what they like happens to be strange and weird.
14. War - huh - yeah. What is it good for?
a - filling up history books
b - fast forwarding technological advancement
c - killing loads of people who have have families, and destroying the lives of millions. Okay, that's not actually good in the sense of being morally virtuous or even producing happiness but it is good in the sense that that is the transaction which takes place, as in a passout is good for a return entry into the venue.
15. Stop staring at my beans.
That's not actually a question but the answer is still 'no'. Those there are some very very fine looking beans and nobody can help themselves. Everyone in the world is compelled to stare at your beans because they are so attractive.
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