Horse 2909 - How To Unbake A Cake

Some time over the next few months when we will all be allowed out of our houses, there will again come a time for conviviality, joviality, and frivolity. Also presumably, there might come office Christmas parties or perhaps family Christmas get togethers, where there will be lots of cake and pie.

This invariably means that people will once attempt to try their hand at baking and if we learned anything in 2020 when the world went crazy-go-nuts for baking sourdough bread, most people are generally awful at baking.

You will more than likely be given a cake to take home but do not be fooled. It will be awful and should by rights end up in the bin if it wasn't for the fact that it's very wrong to throw food away.

Your best solution then, is to try and recover the ingredients so that you can use them for other things like making pizza or other some such. This then is a simple step by step guide on how to unbake a simple lemon poppy seed cake.

In principle, the way to unbake a cake is identical to baking a cake except that everything must be done in exactly the reverse order and in exactly the reverse method or else it could threaten the very fabric of the space time continuum. If you want the space time continuum to continue continuuming then please follow these steps.

HOW TO UNBAKE A LEMON POPPY SEED CAKE.

STEP 1.

Using a set of tweezers, carefully pick off any candied zest of lemon which is on the cake.

You will then need to carefully peel back any of the icing, to then set aside (see Step 7).

STEP 2.

Place cake onto a wire rack and then reheat in a regular oven to 180°C. It is important that the cake is prewarmed before it is unbaked.

Take cake out of oven and place into baking pan. 

You will then need to put it into your anti-oven for 40 minutes at -180°C.

STEP 3.

Once cake has been unbaked, it is now time to uncombine and disassemble the ingredients back into their constituent parts.

Pour the now liquid cake back into a mixing bowl and unbeat. If this liquid proves to be unbeatable, then you may be forced to use a wooden spoon.

Keep on unbeating the mixture until it is dry. 

STEP 4.

Carefully drain off the now uncombined milk, poppy seeds, lemon rind, butter, and separate the eggs and now dry caster sugar and flour.

Uncombine the poppy seeds and milk in a bowl and set aside for 15 minutes.

STEP 5.

Lightly degrease a 20 x 10cm (base measurement) loaf pan.

Reheat the oven from -180°C to room temperature.

What you should be left with are the following items:

50g poppy seeds

185ml cold milk

220g (1 cup) caster sugar

3 eggs

300g (2 cups) self-raising flour

200g unsalted butter, softened

1 lemon, rind grated, juiced

STEP 6.

Carefully collect the innards from the eggs and unbreak them back into intact eggshells. This step takes some practice.

STEP 7.

Unbeat the icing sugar, lemon juice and butter back into their constituent parts.

Unmelt the butter and place the pat back into the fridge.

You may need to unbeat this mixture with an electric mixer.

Note: 

Failure to complete any of these tasks in exactly the equal and opposite manner that they were originally done in, will result in failure to unbake the cake and possibly warrant prosecution under Section 106 of the Pure Foods Act 1920 (Crimes Against Humanity Schedule 2).