https://twitter.com/bjd/status/1489863240699940868
Rollo! This is not the recommended way to get on the news! Giving thanks for all the things you mentioned and that you are still around to mention them. Healing and peace.
- @bjd, 5th Feb 2022
In a world where trip adviser lets you rate everything, where products are reviewed and where podcasts are rated on iTunes, then I would have to agree with my good friend B1 and say that being hit by a car is not the recommended way to get on the news. There are good methods, including doing something amazing in the realm of sport/science/media and other methods such as going to journalism school so that you can present the news happening to other people.
Nevertheless, reviewing things is pretty cool.
https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/anthropocene-reviewed
John Green reviews facets of the human-centered planet on a five-star scale.
The best things as reviewed by John Green on The Anthropocene Reviewed podcast include "Auld Lang Syne", sunsets, former Liverpool goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek, and the Ginkgo biloba tree; all of which have 5 stars.
I like the idea of the continued meme that literally anything can be reviewed and rated because it satisfies my irrational love of classification of things. If everything is ordered and in order, then all is well. Here then are my reviews of things in my immediate life circumstances (see Horse 2971):
People Who Serve You After Being Hit By A Car:
On Friday 28th of January 2022, I was hit by a car and was thrown into the street. I have a broken arm and a broken leg. I am so grateful to the fireys, ambulance workers and hospital staff who found me in the street and have patched me up; so that I can go on.
I give all front line responders and medical and ancillary staff 5 stars.
5/5 - would highly recommend.
Being Hit By A Car:
As for the experience of being hit by a car?
I imagine that my brain which was unable to cope with the amount of pain data flowing through it, simply decided to stop recording. My total memory of the 28th of January is being in the middle of the street and looking at a bunch of faces staring down at me; then watching the Central Station Clock Tower swirl around the ambulance; then being in a dark room as two policemen, both of whom had one stripe, asked me questions to which I honestly could not respond.
How is it, that a brain which is apparently presenting to the world a GCS 14 response, can not remember anything about the event which caused it?
Although you get to see some cool stuff on the inside of an operating theatre and all of the staff are lovely, I would not recommend doing this. Being hit by a car is about as nice as you think that it's going to be.
I give being hit by a car 0 stars.
0/5 - do not recommend.
Doing A Good Poop:
After being hit by a car, getting up to have to go to the toilet is strangely one of the most satisfying and amazing things that you can do. Most of the painkillers which include Paracetemol, Oxycodone, Aspirin etc. have the unfortunate side effect of turning your poop into small little bullets.
The Bristol Stool Chart ranks normal poop between 2.5 and 4. Doing Type 1 is as unpleasant as Type 7. Pain relief medicine has the counter intuitive effect of making the act of doing poop less satisfying.
Doing one glorious Bristol Type 2.5 poop in a day when everything else involves cannualae, physio, sleeping in a strange place that's more like being inside a Monaco Bar, is a very humanising thing; which reminds you that the human body is an amazing self-repairing and self-cleaning machine, with loads of really cool and yet unseen systems.
I give doing a good poop 4 stars.
4/5 - highly recommend.
Having A Shower:
Having a shower is one of those things that if you are in the middle of winter and the temperature outside is in the minuses, is unpleasant. Having a shower in the middle of summer and the temperature outside is north of sensible, is lovely.
Having a shower in a hospital, where the environment is coldish and sweat tends to make one clammy more than anything else, is euphoric.
I give having a shower 4 stars.
4/5 - highly reccomend.
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