I think that it's pretty obvious to all that Kristina Keneally and the never ending sideshow that the is the Labor Party will not be returned to Government following the NSW State Election. In the light of this, perhaps she should just ditch any pretense of trying to pitch for office and simply play the whole thing for laughs. At very least it would make for a few very entertaining weeks of political campaigning instead of the usual dross we have to put up with. To this end I have a few suggestions for Labor Party promises (that they know they will never have to keep).
Transport - Build a Flying Fox to Perth:
Not only would a trans-national Flying Fox would reduce transport costs by godzillions* of dollars but it would have the added benefits of being insanely fun, and being run largely by gravity would reduce greenhouse gases.
There is the small problem of generating enough steel to actually build giant towers more than a couple of hundred kilometers tall but considering this is a promise that we know will never be kept, we don't even need a contingency plan.
Crime - Get Tough on Crime:
Since virtually every state government election campaign in my lifetime has included the words "get tough on crime" then I'd propose to "get really tough on crime". People with experience about getting tough on crime include the KGB, FSB, NKVD etc. People under the new proposed crime policy wouldn't go to gaol, they'd simply become unpersons and never be seen of again.
Perhaps we could put maternity wards in gaols on the basis that since every child is going to grow up and become a criminal anyway, why not just short circuit the process and take them from out of mum and into the gaol cell.
Of course this policy seems ridiculous, but considering this is a promise that we know will never be kept we don't even need to justify it.
Health - Reduce the Number of Sick People:
The problem with our hospitals is that people keep on getting sick and having to go there. Obviously the problem isn't with the hospital system but the amount of sick people. Apart from killing people which would reduce the total number of sick people and is obviously a bad idea (though given that this is a series of promises that we know will never be kept, I don't know if that matters), the most obvious way to reduce the number of sick people living in an area is to change the size of the area.
This proposal is to force Queensland to annexe great slabs of northern NSW, Victoria can have massive chunks to the south, we'll expand the ACT to the size of France and Jervis Bay Territory can have the rest, except for the confines of the NSW Parliament building which will remain the only territory belonging to NSW.
Sure it's probably churlish to just give away chunks of NSW to other states so that they can have the problems of all those sick people, but they same could be said when Ms Keneally gave away the state's power companies for a cheese and ham sandwich with lettuce (good lettuce).
Wages and the Cost of Living:
NSW is uncompetitive because it simply costs too much to live here. This is largely to do with the cost of housing being exorbitant and this causes a pull on the demand for wages, thus repeating the cycle. The solution? Hyper-inflation.
By simply printing off godzillions* of dollars, people's wages would become worthless. If people start becoming desperate enough then they'll reduce their expectations and be willing for a lower real wage. Hyper-inflation worked perfectly well in Russia in the early 90s when people's life savings were simply wiped off the board, and by lowering the cost of real wages to the point where people will be willing to work for a turnip a day, then we'd be able to compete with China and India. Of course it's a terrible idea and no-one would actually want to carry it out but considering this is a promise that we know will never be kept we don't even need to worry about the consequences.
Schools:
As from this year 11E7, NSW will move from Base Ten to Base Twelve as per Horse 785. That way we'll get a whole generation of children being able to deal with a more sensible number system.
Schools will be equipped with lots of exercise bikes connected to electric generators. This way we'll solve two problems at once: both the problem of electrical generation and the problem of obesity in children. To that end all schools will be fitted with narrower doors so that fat kiddies can't get out and will have to cycle more.
The NSW State Parliament will be shut down permanently and all decisions will be given to Year 2 students. It might result in something like massive subsidies for ice cream but the results wouldn't be any more childish than what currently comes out of Macquarie St.
*A godzillion is very big number which is even bigger than a brazillion.
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