February 29, 2020

Horse 2664 - Leap Day Children (or: Why Peter Pan Is Not Allowed To Rob A Bank)

I was was Grand Poohbah and Lord High Everything Else, then the 29th of February would be a boring thing. There would be 30 days in January, 30 Days in February, and 31 days in March. That would be exactly 13 weeks in a quarter, every quarter; which an extra day after December which wouldn't be part of any month or week; which would serve as New Year's Day and every four years, there would be two such days. By doing this, there would only ever need to be one calendar printed forever.

However, we do not live in a world of sense and order, we live in a world of madness and insanity; where popery and politics has shaped the calendar and given us something nonsensical but which we are all too afraid to change because that would be like messing with the forces of nature even though it totally isn't. The universe does not care if there are seven days in a week, or ten; if there are thirteen months in a year or twelve; or even what numbers or names are attached to them. A day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day to the impersonal universe; it is only the people who are concerned about it who are concerned about it¹.

February 29th, the date that only comes around once every four years, is a bit like Peter Pan². I have a client who was born on 29th of February 1976; which means that he is having an 11th birthday party this weekend at McDonald's complete with games, Ronald McDonald, and ice cream cake. For most years that he doesn't have a birthday, he claims February 28th and March 1st 'just in case'.
Does that mean for these special Peter Pan type people who are born on February 29th that they are just allowed to go around committing crimes until their 18th birthday? By my reckoning that would mean that they would be 72 years old; which is fine if you want to be a February 29th Master Criminal but would be terrible for the rest of society. It is just as nonsensical a proposition as the calendar itself.

Fortunately, the law has already long determined what the answer to this question is.
Frequently throughout legislation, the law will read "at least 18 years of age"; which means to say that if you were born on the 29th of February 2000, you were "at least 18 years of age" on the 1st of March 2018. A period at law ends after a date has finished and for a date which never actually existed, then February ends when March begins.
This has all kinds of implications, such as a juvenile who happens to walk into a convenience store and just starts kicking off with petty larceny. On and after the 1st of March, they can be charged with crimes as an adult. By the same token, they can also purchase alcohol and cigarettes, be conscripted into the army, enter into contracts, run as a Member of Parliament, and do all of the things that we expect adults to do such as voting.

¹which by the way also includes your conception of god and their conception of you.
²Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up, could wear green tights and fly. If I were to try that, I would get kicked off of the aeroplane.

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