October 05, 2005

Horse 411 - Zombie Watch

I'm down with the 4-1-1

Most of you by now will now how much I loathe the undead. Most of all I really can't stand Zombies. This short post will tell you how to identify a zombie so that you can either dispatch them with a crossbow or a small flame thrower.

Zombies are not known for being highly intelligent. One instant giveaway that you're in the presence of a zombie will be incessant grunting and a distinct inability to form sentences greater than 3 syllables.

You may also wish to look for an ungainly smell, this is due to the undead being composed of non-living flesh. There may also be a hint of drool and quite possibly a lack of fashion sense; often zombies will look similar to each other. Zombies also share a trait with vampires in that they loathe the sun. This means that they will try to cover their eyes at every opportunity, some will even hide in dark rooms just to avoid the sun at all costs.

Of course by now you'll realise that the description of a zombie is pretty well much close to your average angsty teenager. I'd treat them with caution as well... and remember that crossbow.


i hate blogger comments said...

b says : I always use the small flame thrower we dealing with your average angsty teenager - they tend to dodge a crossbow bolt too easily. I love the smell of toasted teenagers in the morning. It smells like ...

Jules said...

teh cranberries told us that they're "In your head, In your head, Zombie, Zombie, Zombie-uh Zombie-uh"

and Dracula was a big veggo, he could be beat with a steak thru the heart