December 09, 2005

Horse 457 - Snakes on a Plane

Snakes on a Plane - Yes I kid thee not, it's actually a genuine film in production with Samuel L. Jackson in it.

This is the premise of the film: On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who's a witness in protective custody, lets loose a crate full of deadly snakes. It sounds fair enough I guess until you start to think about it.

The premise of this movie relies on the fact that the vast majority of people are completely ignorant of things like reptile biology, customs protocols, or the fact that IT'S REALLY EASY TO BEAT A SNAKE (or anything that's small) TO DEATH WITH A SERVING TRAY!!! I mean are people really so stupid? Ok, ONE snake on the plane, stuffed down the assassin's pants I could believe. People smuggle animals that way all the time. Hell, I'll be generous and say 3 at a stretch. But a whole crate?! How do you even get a crate onto the plane without having to check it into cargo!?¿ I think that customs officials would be a little suspicious upon picking up all the wiggling snake-skeleton shapes in his bag for a start.

There is also one thing they seem to have forgotten about. Snakes are cold blooded and hibernate when it's too cold for them. Solution: Turn up the air-con so all the snakes go to sleep, round them up in a bag and lock them in the hold.

Snakes on a Plane sounds to me like one of those exotic cocktails with an Allens Snakes Alive! lolly in the top. Perhaps you could make your own Snake on a Plane using Midori and lemon
halves for wings, or even peach schnapps of something but the premise of a film?


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