Horse 822 - Recipe For Disaster

A lot of people think that you can simply throw a whole heap of chaose into a situation and let it be. No way! At best you're just goping to get a small amount of mayhem, which isn't really a disaster. A really good disaster should be catastrophic and that takes planning and preparation and patience.

Now there are literally thousands of ways to flavour your disaster but you only need how to have a simple one before you add anything else.

Ingredients:
A cup of the idea of chaos - note not just chaos itself but just the essence of.
A small amount of trouble - this will act as the catalyst later.
A pinch of miscommunication.
It's also important to get one bearded man. It doesn't matter who, but for some reason the best disasters always involve a beardy man somewhere. Any size bearded man will do; just make sure he's ripe and crazy.
Every disaster needs a shread of truth.
Get about 5 heapings of uncontrollable force.

First you'll need to start with the idea of chaos, just throw that in there; right away add your bearded man. Some people will suggest to add him later but I always think that if you do it early, you'll have just a little more time at the end.

Next you need to add your trouble and miscommunincation at the same time. If you add just the trouble, there will be someone who can solve it with a good idea and then trouble has been averted, so you'll need to add the miscommunication along with it, or else you just have an unpleasantness.
The best analogy is like a poisonous lasagne, layer upon layer gets laid down and is only half-baked.

Now in an entirely different pot you should have your uncontrollable force reach a boiling point. Right before you add it to the main mix, is when the shread of truth gets added because people will suddenly wake up and realise that something could be happening. Some people like to use the perception of truth, but if you use the real thing, it can not be separated and people will go after that.

After you've added your uncontrollable force you'll know your disaster has come to a head because the bearded man will start cackling. Now all you have to do is sit back on your island in the Maldives, and watch the claret start to flow.

If you follow this, you'll have a truly great disaster.

Horse 821 - The Liberal Party's War on The Chaser

It appears that once the media beat up has settled that certain facts come to light. The Chaser's War on Everything came under fire last week when Andrew Hanson sung a song which poked fun at the media's rose coloured glasses through which it eulogised celebrities.
Radio show host Stan Zemanek came in for some criticism in the song which described him as a "xenophobic racist jock, whose views were more malignant than his brain". Former Channel 9 boss Kerry Packer was called a "tax cheat" and the late cricket legend Sir Donald Bradman was labelled as a "grumpy bastard".

There are a few points I should make mention of:

The ABC before the media saw to this had a grand total of 6 calls over the song - 6. After the event, they had 440; and when asked whether they'd actually seen the program, the response fell to 12. I spoke to my friend Markus who works at 700 Harris St and they did a track on the numbers coming inwards and found that about 400 had the prefix of 02 6273. I thought that this sounded a wee bit suspicious and visited this website http://www.liberal.org.au/contact/contactus.php - you can draw your own conclusions.

The case with Bradman is interesting. There is a famous story when Bradman responded to a query made by Jardine during the tea interval as to who had called him (Jardine) "a bastard" while fielding at slip when he was batting, by turning round to his (Bradman's) team mates and saying "Who is the bastard who called this bastard a bastard?" In fact Jardine often referred to Don Bradman as that "little bastard" and never by his name. The conflict between those two was written into Ashes lore.

It seems that we all too quickly forgot the day that Kerry Packer as Chairman of PBL and Channel 9 walked up to the front counter of the ATO with his assessment for tax of $1; paid it with a single coin and famously declared: "If anyone in this country doesn't minimise their tax they want their head read."
Packer rationalised his notorious tax dodging by claiming that the government was not doing a good job, as if he were in a better position to decide how public revenue should be spent. The argument lost force when Packer blew $34 million at a Las Vegas casino three days later.

To his critics and many of his fans Stan Zemanek was the rudest man on radio, a right-wing bigot who called Labor Party members "socialist criminals" and "dickhead trendies". He was mercilessly rude to talkback callers, calling them "numb-nuts" and "halfwits". He would advise them to "give themselves an uppercut", and if they hesitated he'd accuse them of having smoked "wacky-tobaccy".
In fact the then breakfast show host Mike Carlton and Stan Zemanek disliked each other so much that Carlton declared that he hated Zemanek and would only attend his funeral to check that he was really dead.

The point with all of this is that The Chaser probably did fall outside the realms of good taste. The obvious counter argument to this is that "moral indignance is the primary tool of those without a sense of humour" (Oscar Wilde) and if you look at the chronological order of events, the very first place which the complaints came from was... the mouth of the Prime Minister himself and his annoyance at the ABC's existance has been known for quite some time. I personally doubt whether he even watches The Chaser and would not be surprised if he just whispered down the line to party headquarters to kick up a stink to the press office and to the ABC switchboard.

Would that be beyond the Prime Minister?

Horse 820 - I Smell Super

I think I'm a little queezy this morning. First of all I'm having a distinct problem with my shampoo. Now before you all go "ah look, he's going all Metro underneath our very eyes, isn't that sweet?", the problem I have isn't because my "product" isn't working but because of it's all new fruit smell. The thing is, that just like the Xylene in Artline 19 pens that will cause cancer and are a chromer's delight, my head now smells oh so wonderful. I could peel a grape.

The second thing on this extravaganza is my white shirts. Steve put some Fabric Softener in with the load of whites we did earlier in the week and now my white shirts smell of Fabric Softenery goodness.

Overall the big problem is that I smell wonderful but I'm sure that it must be causing cancer or something. I'm worried about the Police driving down Military Rd this afternoon and throwing me in the back of a Divvy Van because surely it's a crime to smell this fantastic.

Ah, don't worry Space Cadets, this trail of olfactory wonderment has to come to an end. Everything will wear off by the time I get home and invariably; inevitably and inexcuseably, someone within the house will supply some of their own Home-Made Boom-Tish which will burn out peoples eyes and induce explusion of tears like the arrival of the Indian-Pacific from Broken Hill.

Horse 819 - The Monetary Value of People

Does anyone else find this utterly scandalous?

I have just read the following on the BBC and CNN and come to the conclusion that Mr Bush is personally the most downright despicable president in the past 60 years.

The Bush administration on Monday asked Congress for nearly $46 billion in additional war spending for 2008; cynically calling on Congress to approve the money before adjourning for the holidays. Most of the $45.9 billion request is for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, bringing the expected cost of those "conflicts" to more than $192 billion for the budget year that began this month.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/10/22/war.spending/index.html

Compare this with a veto of a $60 billion children's health care bill that had bi-partisan support and would have been paid for by an increase in cigarette taxes: both of which not only reflect "the will of Congress" but is quite a sensible idea. A veto of legislation actually openly admits, that the President personally disapproves legislation, yet somehow Bush called the bill too "expensive" and a step toward government-provided health care.

What price does he put on people's lives? Obviously $60 billion is too much, but killing foreigners is worth at least three times more in monetary terms.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7026454.stm

"The focus of the government ought to be to help poor children and to focus on poor children. And the policies of the government ought to be to help people find private insurance, not federal coverage." - George Bush, October 3

What the heck? This is America, "land of the free and the home of the brave (?)"... but where if sick people aren't covered by private insurance then their government actually openly supports they they fend for themselves. In the UK, the National Health Service (NHS) is FREE to everyone; irrespective of whether you live there or not. Basic health care is something which even Third World countries have figured out is a good idea. If you go on holidays to the US then you'd better make sure you have private health cover because as a foreigner, you don't matter at all.

I honestly can't think any less of the President. The man if he does this amounts to scum; the sooner he is removed or his tenure is finished the better.

HORSE 818 - INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY

CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME, BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER!

AH, IT'S THAT WONDEFRUL TIME OF YEAR AGAIN WHEN THE LEAVES ARE GREEN AND THE WEATHER IS HOT AND CHILDREN EVERYWHERE ARE LOOKING UNDER THEIR KEYBOARDS TO SEE WHAT TREATS THEY'VE SCORED IN HONOUR OF INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY.

SO HIT THOSE CAPS LOCK KEYS, BUT REMEMBER TO ONLY DO IT ONCE BEFORE MIDNIGHT! UNLESS YOU REBOOT YOUR COMPUTER, OF COURSE! REMEMBER THAT THIS IS THE ONLY DAY OF THE YEAR WHEN YELLING IS NOT ONLY CONDONED BUT ENCOURAGED!!! THIS IS WHY I LUV TEH INTARWEB!!!

LET'S BARBECUE EVERYTHING!!! LET'S BARBECUE MARS BARS AND TUNA AND PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES SINCE THAT'S WHAT I JUST HAD FOR LUNCH OR BARBEQUE PEACH ICED TEA AND FROG IN LETTUCE. YUMYUM! IF I WERES A FARMAR I WOULD LOVE 2 LIEK PUT THAT IN LETTUCES!!! LOLOLOL12~!`11~!11

CAN I RANT ON AND ON ABOUT HOW WHEN I BECOME PRIME MINISTER I SHALL BAN PIRATES!....I'LL RANT ON ABOUT IT ANYWAY IF YOU SAY NO...HA! I IZ A NINJA LOXORZ 111!!

Whoa, that's hard work. I need a lie down now.

Horse 817 - Need I Say More

Sometimes you find little snippets on the web that are even more hillarious than I could dream up.

I found this gem from the island of Scilly, which itself is a silly name for an island:

http://www.scillynews.co.uk/2006/08/
St Mary's air traffic controllers recently voted to strike after a peer review and job appraisal supported by their union the TGWU (Transport and General Workers Union).

The formal vote was declared unanimous in favour of a strike; it didn't take long to count the votes - there were two abstaintions and one vote for a strike. Fortunately the government's Advisory Conciliation and Arbitration Service (ACAS) and the TGWU flew into Scilly for talk with the council, whihc ended in an agreement with the three men to halt industrial action and chaos was averted.
I should point out that Scilly has a total area of just 16km² and a population of 2100... chaos indeed.

Or how about this from the Daily Mail:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=485195&in_page_id=1770
A mother who enlisted the services of TV's Supernanny to control her unruly sons was left homeless yesterday after one of them apparently set the house ablaze. Channel 4 childcare guru Jo Frost spent two weeks with the Young family, advising them to use rewards to encourage good behaviour and make the five boys sit on 'naughty stools' when they misbehaved.

However her strict influence failed to last long enough to prevent the youngest, three-year-old Joel, being blamed for starting a blaze in the living room, apparently with a kitchen cooker lighter.

His mother Susan, who is understood to have separated from her husband Paul over the summer, tried to put out the flames but was forced back by the smoke. No one was injured but Mrs Young, 40, was given oxygen after inhaling fumes. Firemen spent 30 minutes dousing the flames but the interior of the house was covered in a thick, black layer of soot leaving it uninhabitable.

A spokesman for Essex Fire Service said: "Someone is certainly going to be sitting on the naughty step for quite some time."

Horse 816 - With Decorative Accents

Just beyond the midnight hour last night, I had the telly on (an a bunch of pens and paper in front of me) and was watching the Discovery Channel, trying to avoid the bouts of suspect television on some of the other channels. Because this was 50 years after the beginning of the Space Age, they had a show featuring ex-engineers who'd been working on rockets and technicians who sent pioneer satellites and eventually people into space.

It made me think about the protagonists of the Cold War, and that all of the spoken communication in space was somehow appropriate. Can you imagine for a second what landing on the moon would have been like if Neil Armstrong had come from somewhere else? Considering that Eastenders was on UK-TV at the same time, I formed the impression that most English accents and particularly those from the North, make people sound just a little thick.

If you go to Leeds you'll hear people (and women as well) speak in monotone, in fact it's dead impossibly lyke to tell if they're happy or lyke reet angry an that eh. Is that the accent of a NASA engineer? Can you imagine:
Houston, we got problem lyke
Don worry 'bout it, wor alrry onnit
Riiiite
Er Brian's fixin' 't now innit. Ow, e'll av some result foor y'inaminnit chill out willya
I mean it's not gonna happen is it?

Worse, can you imagine when the day finally comes and you breathe your final breath, and your soul goes to heaven and you finally meet God Himself. I can not for instance imagine God sounding like someone from Ipswich.
All roiyt moi luvlee. Wel-ome to hev'n. We've got a rite parr'y gaan' on'n 'ere
It just wouldn't be right would it?

There are some accents which simply do not fit the subject matter at hand. NFL should only have commentary by Americans, I have only just got used to James Allen for Formula One after growing up with often confused but excited warbles of Murray Walker and that year that SBS showed the Eurovision Song contest and replaced Terry Wogan was utterly abysmal.

No, some things for sanity's sake need a certain accent and delivery. Though having said that, Australian hip-hop does sound decidedly interesting.

Horse 815 - Green Slip Within a Green Slip

Today being the 17th, I have the arduous task of paying my road tax and registration. I am still confused as to a new entry I've found on my Green Slip.

The way I understand it, the Green Slip aka Compulsory Third Party Personal Injury Insurance is designed in the first place to indemnify vehicle owners and drivers who are legally liable for personal injury to any other road user in the event of a motor vehicle accident. CTP Insurance should provide cover for personal injury claims made against the defendant by other road users such as drivers, passengers, pedestrians, cyclists, motorcyclists and pillion passengers.

Enter the MCIS Levy. As stated in the documentation, the MCIS Levy funds ambulance, hospital, life-time care and other services for people injured in motor vehicle accidents... Hang on! Let's review this shall we?

CTP Insurance provides cover against injury claims made against the defendant by other road users such as drivers, passengers, pedestrians, cyclists, motorcyclists and pillion passengers.

An injury claim in a personal injury case (because we really want to make it that obvious) is generally made for the costs incurred as a result of personal injury (this is one of the great Derrs of History). What sort of costs would they be I wonder? Would ambulance, hospital, life-time care and other services for people injured in motor vehicle accidents fit that set of conditions?

Have I got the wrong end of the stick here, or does this sound like a double take on a double take?

Horse 814 - The Judas Sheep

Don't ask me why - but this was in the employment section of today's Australian:

MEATWORKERS BACCHUS MARSH - Required for the following:

Slaughterman for beef/lamb
Kill Floors
Boners/Butchers breaking lamb in the Boning Room
Labourers for Kill Floors, gutting and Boning Rooms

Long term day shift positions available. Excellent Rates.

This takes me back to one of the very first jobs I ever had. Although this is going to sound hideously ironic considering that I do not like the sight of human blood or medical procedures - cutting apart dead things; so long as they were dead didn't and still doesn't bother me. One of the first jobs I ever had was in an abattoir.

Admittedly we only really saw cows and sheep pass through and they'd come off of the truck and quite peaceably be either stunned, or lethally injected (with a specific neurotoxin) before they were cut up into their various components for leather and tallow, while elsewhere, butchers would prepare the carcasses for cutting into various cuts of meat.

One thing that you've almost probably never hears of is the concept of the Judas Sheep. Sheep by nature are timid and not very intellegent creatures. Anyone who's ever herded them up will tell you that they'll move quite easily when being led by another one of their own kind, they have this instinct to follow each other without thinking, even to the point of their own doom. The Judas Sheep will lead the sheep up the ramps such that they can be slaughtered and a good Judas Sheep will deliberately be set aside so that they can do this again and again.

A Judas Sheep may avoid being slaughtered itself for several years; being recycled around and around the system or so I'm led to believe. In some cases they've been marked for stud work and will often be set to breed. Invariably they too will eventually suffer the chop and succumb to being eaten.

I wonder if from a philosophical standpoint whether the Judas Sheep bears any relation to us as people or not. Are we as people really any different though?
These are the attributes common to humanity.

"As it is written, There is none righteous, not even one." - Romans 3:10

"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." - Romans 3:23

"All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all." - Isaiah 53:6

Did you read that? All we "like sheep" have gone astray. People are just like sheep. Sheep are very vulnerable animals, easy prey for a cunning wolf, and really really stupid. Every day on the news, we hear or read about people who have fallen victim one way or another because of this very fact, people simply following without thinking. One simply has to look at the media to realise that we even follow after our own Judas Sheep, be it for fame, money, politcal ideology, whatever, seemingly totally unaware of what is going on in this world.

And all destined for the Kill Floors and Boning Rooms.

Horse 813 - The Short-Sighted M4 East

I am convinced that the NSW State Government would be able to take its finger out if it didn't have its own head wedged firmly up its own bum. The M4 East has been approved at a grand cost of $7 billion in the name of easing congestion. What a load of tosh! Internal document and advertising campaigns produced by the very same people would show otherwise.

A suburban commuter train takes 2000 cars off the road in peak times. Simple logic states that if you are on a train, then it's impossible to be in a car at the same time; at the other end of the journey (aka the motorway), instead of needing to find physical space for those 2000 cars, you only need to diffuse pedestrians.

The ultimate expression of a city with motorways and proof positive as to why they don't in principle work is Los Angeles. This is a city of 3.9 million people with the most horrendous traffic jams in the world. People may like to cite London and the M25 but if you bear in mind that traffic within the capital itself moves relatively freely and the rather obvious point that it's population is probably 3 times as big when you consider the total traffic footprint, London still has less traffic jams.

On a recent trip to San Diego (to meet the future Mrs Rollo - scary thought that) the task given me was to drive to LAX. I left at 04:30 in the morning and moved 116 miles up the coast in about an hour and a half. The next two and a half hours were spent moving down Interstate 405 a total distance of 9 miles or if you will, an average speed of 3.6mph and they call this the "rush hour"?! If London were this bad it would never ever move at all.

I mention London because Transport for London has just committed £16 billion to build the Crossrail 1 project. Essentially it's a Mainline connector as well as another Underground Line. Despite Londoners complaining about the Tube, they really do have quite a brilliant service.

Perhaps a more adequate comparison is Melbourne. Melbourne has thrice won both the Mercer Quality of Living Survey and The Economist's Worlds Most Livable Cities. At 3.8 million people it should be almost directly comparable to Los Angeles, but it has an integrated Public Transport network which encompasses the world's biggest Tram network couple with quite a good Suburban Train network.

We've seen in the past 20 years, the M2, M7, M5, M5 East, Cross City Tunnel, Eastern Distributor, and Harbour Tunnel all built within in the fair city of Sydney. Has even a single one of these projects actually lessened traffic congestion? Not a bit. The worst thing is that private consortiums have managed to sit right up close the whoever happens to be in power at the time and the time and now sit stripping and effectively raping the wallets of the "Good and Fair People of NSW".

We really do have a short-sighted government, and the problem is is that the opposition would have done exactly the same thing. People of NSW, your government isn't good enough & guess what? You voted for them and they'll continue to do exactly the same while the money exists.

Horse 812 - A Party Political on behalf of the No Bogans Party

Children, I have something quite serious to tell you today so I want to to take notice.



1. Go to Uni.
If you never go to Uni, you're too dim to get a job anywhere else and you'll only ever be able to get a job at Bunnings.

2. Don't Get Old.
If you're 49 years old, you're too old to get a job anywhere else and you'll only ever be able to get a job at Bunnings.

3. Don't be a Bogan.
If you are a bogan, you're too skanky to get a job anywhere else and you'll only ever be able to get a job at Bunnings.

High powered offices are run by virile people like James, and so if you're stupid or old or a bogan, you'll only ever be able to get a job at Bunnings.

That is all.

This message has been authorised by Jameson E Prawn for the No Bogans Party, Sydney.

Horse 811 - The Nation of Shopkeepers

When England beat Australia 12-10 in the Rugby on the weekend, popular opinion has swayed to the position that because England didn't score a try, that somehow they're a worse side for it. Notwithstanding the fact that they actually scored more points that Australia and won the game by legitimate means, it's somehow only because of Johnny Wilkinson. Mind you as defending World Cup holders, England did beat Australia 4 years ago also off the boot.

This however is not a unique phenomenon. When England beat Australia in the Ashes in 2005 it was derided as "lucky" and only because Australia didn't have McGrath or Warne for a few matches. Almost as if England did deserve to win.

Damon Hill was cited in a De Monde, Sport Bild and a Gazetto Dello Sport as the "Worst World Champion of All Time" and now that Lewis Hamliton is on the verge of possibly taking an F1 World Drivers Championship he is accused of erratic driving. We won't mention the fact that the two drivers often held up as the best of all time, deliberately ran their opponents off the road, which had it been on the road may have had them up on attempted murder charges (Senna at Suzuka in 1990, Schumacher at Jerez in 1997).

The European Cup Champions of 2005, Liverpool, were hounded as the Worst European Champions ever. Again they came from 3-0 down at half time to slot 3 of their own past Dida and hold on to win on penalties.
If you happen to mention the 1966 World Cup final, invariably you'll be told that Hurst's 98th minute goal should not have been allowed but they'll then conveniently forget that his hat-trick goal 22 minutes later was an absolute corker. In fact the 3rd goal has coined the phrase in German the "Wembley-Tor"

Why then is there a continual undermining of England's success on the sporting pitch? It is ironic that the country who is known for sportsmanship and fair play should be wailed on.

The answer rather surpisingly actually lies in the events above. For England as a nation to win anything is a rare event. For a country of 50 million people, they produce a large amount of duds. When England wins anything it is a surprise to say the least. When Skinner and Baddiel (of Fantasy Football and Skinner and Baddiel Unplanned fame) wrote the official song for Euro 96 "Three Lions" they'd wrote about England's failure in the tournament before it was even played. Nowhere but England would you write a song proclaming to the world that you were really bad at something.

Why then would anyone follow England, the nation that Napoleon called a "Nation of Shopkeepers"? Why do I considering that I live on the other side of the world in a country with beatiful weather and scenery? Because only in England do you have a place that universally acknowledges its crap before you start, only England admits that nothing works properly... but when they actually something... well anything really, it's brilliant.

Horse 810 - Bleeping Two-Foot Tin Ball Threatens Free World

When the Soviets launched Sputnik on Oct. 4, 1957 it sparked plenty of fear among Americans even though the Soviets said Sputnik was purely scientific. The Wall Street Journal wrote on October 5 that it was the "the loudest alarm clock since Pearl Harbor". The Sputnik crisis also led to the creation of the Advanced Research Projects Agency, DARPA and NASA itself.

Not surprisingly, 1957 was coined the International Geophysical Year. Scientists for the next 22 days continued to point radar and telescope sets upwards to hear the continual beeping from the little traveller.

The shock of the Sputnik launch was so great throughout America that even congresswoman Clare Boothe Luce commented on the launch, referring to Sputnik's beeps as "an intercontinental outer-space raspberry to a decade of American pretensions that the American way of life was a gilt-edged guarantee of our national superiority".

It perhaps goes without saying that the Soviets beat America into putting a man into space and that just 12 years after Sputnik, the USA succeeded in putting a man on the moon. As for the fate of the little bleeping ball, it probably burnt up somewhere over Alaska. All that remains is a single firing pin from the rocket which threw it into the sky.

Horse 809 - The Australian Citizenship Test

Yesterday was the first day that potential citizens had to undergo a test to check their Australian-ness. I had a look at the questions and quite frankly, buggered if I know what the bees and cows in Canberra where thinking. They must have had a few roos loose in the top paddock or something because the actual test makes about as much sense as a bum full of smarties.

Anyway, I've collected 100 questions from various sources so that you too can do you own Australian-ness test. Just how Dinky-Di and Bonza are you mate?

Avagoyamug!

This then are the 100 questions: Answers to follow.

1 How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon ute while still allowing room for your dog?

2 You call that a knife?

3 What does "yeah-nah" mean?

4 When do you turn the sausages when cooking a barbecue?

5 How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 110kmh (for the passenger, of course)?

6 On which Ashes tour did Warney's hair look the best?

7 When is it best to take a sickie?

8 A hard-earned thirst needs a big cold beer. What is the best cold beer?

9 What is a snag?

10 What was the Don's batting average? (Answer must be correct to at least four significant places)

11 To "do a Harold Holt" is to what?

12 Which flags should you swim between?

13 What is The Coathanger?

14 Which long-serving prime minister had the longest-serving eyebrows?

15 What was the best Holden ever?

16 What is light on fizz so you can slam it down fast?

17 What is the spirit of Anzac?

18 If our mothers think we're growing stronger every single week, what have we been up to?

19 What is the beer we drink round here?

20 When packing an Esky do you put the ice, or the beer, in first?

21 What is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner?

22 How many beers in a slab?

23 The phrases "strewth" and "flamin' dingo" can be attributed to which TV character?

24 Name three of the Daddo brothers.

25 Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?

26 Who should be the next PM?

27a) Would you eat pineapple on pizza?
27b) Would you eat egg on a pizza?

28 How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to England?

29 Who are Scott and Charlene?

30 How do you apply your tomato sauce to a pie?

31 If the police raided your home, what do you do?

32 Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie the fastest?

33 Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?

34 What is a thong?

35 Where is the Black Stump?

36 How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?

37 Can you sing along to Cold Chisel's Khe Sanh?

38 Explain both the "follow-on" and "LBW" rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for the third umpire decisions in the latter.

39 Name at least 2 items that must be taken to a BBQ.

40 Who is current Australian test cricket captain?

41 What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?

42 Which is the biggest city in the world?

43 What are Budgie smugglers?

44 What brand and size of Esky will you be purchasing?

45 Did you cry when Molly died on A Country Practice?

46 What is a "Hoppoate"?

47 What does having a 'chunder' mean?

48 When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?

49 What does the terminology 'True Blue' mean?

50 If you are not within cooee, how far away are you?

51 The dog sits on the tuckerbox, five miles from which town?

52 What is the great Australian salute?

53 What is a googly?

55 If you have Buckley’s chance, how likely is it?

56 If you are built like a brick shit-house, you are?

57 If something is better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick, what is it?

58 What is the correct answer to this question:
(a) c
(b) a
(c) Idi Amin
(d) The answer is always c

60 In rhyming slang, a billy lid is what?

61 What is an esky?

62 What is good clobber?

63 What is a galah?

64 What are you doing if you are "driving the porcelain bus"?

65 When is it proper to "point Percy at the porcelain"?

66 What is a grogan?

67 "Crook as rookwood" implies:

68 Who is "The King"?

69 In which state does Bryan Byrt say "Yes" more often?

70 What was the $1200 excitement machine?

71 Which came first the Rock or the Tree?

72 What is the first line of the second verse of the Australian National Anthem?

73 HG and?

74 Did Dick?

75 What are the ingredients in a rissole?

76 What ingredient beginning with B must be included on a hamburger?

77 What is the correct procedure to cook a galah?

78 Rank in order from smallest to biggest: Pony, Pot, Schooey, Sevvo

79 Where will I find a snotblock?

80 How many troopers came down to interrupt Matilda's machinations with the Jolly Jumbuck?

81 What is the Postal Address of the ABC? Why?

82 Is it possible to "have a prang" while doing "circle work"?

83 Where does spaghetti come from?

84 You're going home in the back of what?

85 What would you do with the following: a sickie, a spaz, a u-ey.

86 Who put the fun in spaghetti?

87 Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?

88 What is the Devil's Number?

89 Who Wants to be a Millionare?

90 What comes after Number 96?

91 What is a Toorak Tractor?

92 Why wouldn’t Lleyton Hewitt dance with Venus Williams after he had won Wimbledon in 2002?

93 Anyone who sacked their workers after Australia II won the America’s Cup for not turning up that day was what?

94 Who is Aunty?

95 What was the greatest speech ever made in parliament?

96 Who was the “Wild Colonial Boy?”

97 Where was Mulga Bill from?

98 What two things are unique about the animals on the Australian Coat of Arms?

99 What was the greatest day in Australian sporting history? Why?

100 How far away from the beach can you wear speedos?

Have fun!

Horse 808 - Established 1967

Radio

30 Sep 1967 - In response to pirate radio stations, in some cases almost literally as they were hosted from off-shore platforms and ships in the English Channel, the BBC dusted off its very very stodgy attitude and spun four stations from its sole station.

Radio 1 and Radio 2 came from the ex-Light Programme, the Home Service morphed into Radio 4 and the Third Programme not surprisingly became Radio 3.

The very first record played in the new Radio 1 was Flowers in the Rain by The Move. Some saw it as symbolic as the end of the "Flower Power" era, though it would appear that Tony Blackburn selected it merely because it sounded nice.

The Beeb has gone right to the nines with this. Since all four of the original post-split networks still exist, they all celebrate their birthday on the same day. The BBC is still esentially the biggest radio company in the world, and at the inception of the four networks, was deriving most of its income from the radio licence which has subsquently shifted to a TV licence.

I must admit I do happen to like the BBC, because not being hampered with playing what's commercial, it tends to try experiments. It is probably singly responsible for Madchester and Britrock and the current Grime and Hip Hop resurgence in the UK. It heralded glam rock and punk and saw out then end of metal as a force. Personally I hope that Radio 1 continues to lead the world, because when British music is on top, the world is better for it.