December 24, 2004

Horse 263 - Close of 2004

2004 was a year that will be consigned to the waste paper basket of history by the time the next Horse is posted. It is there imperative that this one particularly linger for a while until about the 4th of January when normal service will resume. - Celebrity Death Bingo is still open and despite the lack of interest will be given updates throughout 2005. To play simply follow the links and drop a comment. Or email me at or with 10 celebrities who you think will pop the cork in 2005.

On that note 2004 was the year in which Ronald Reagan died. In a case of being late to your own funeral, Mr Reagan forgot that he was actually dead and performed the can can whilst juggling 3 chainsaws and a 1998 Holden Astra - it's amazing what Alzheimers will do to you... it's amazing what Alzheimers will do to you...

2004 was the year of the super-corporation. A representative from the new merger GlaxoSmithKlineTimeWarnerAOLDisneyFoxDeutscheBankDaimler-ChryslerCitibank24hrConvieniences that they expect to be opening a mega-mini-easymart on every street corner by mid 2005. Rival Richard Branson with his Virgin-Everything empire expects to be opening a door at a gala extravaganza (like Starlight Express) in mid May 2005.

2004 was the year that confirmed that the US lied to everyone about the reasons for invading Iraq, yet the people in the US returned George Dubya to power and likewise in lapdog Australia, "Little Johhny" was returned. We are reminded that about 1000 US Troops have died so far and that circa 12000 insurgents have been killed (not counting civillians who do not count and therefore aren't counted). By that logic it's like the US is leading 12-1 before half time.

P-Plate drivers were carefully blamed by the Telegraph. The NSW heard most sides and perhaps have come up with an entirely feasible plan. The most surprising thing about this is that surely this must be the first entirely feasible plan put forward by a NSW State Government since Bradfield in 1923 decided to build a copy of the Tyneside bridge in 4:1 scale.

Syndey's Rail Commuters complained about their trains being late and a service that was not up to par. First it was fare increases, then 97% of trains being late, then it was rail strikes, I mean what else do commuters want? Extra lines in useful areas? CityRail responded to this and hopes to have at least one train a week run all the way to Emu Plains by mid 2008.

Digital TV proved to be an unmittigated success with no commercial stations broadcasting anything but promos for the last 12 months. Likewise Foxtel Digital removed datacasting and the use of the "red button" in line with Digital TV's crapness.

English football once again proved that at national level it can't cut it with David Beckham's penalty joining Gareth Southgate's 1990, Gary Lineaker's 1986 and Nobby Stiles' 1970 penalties in orbit. Plans for a European Space Station have been brought forward as this English method of delivering things into space is cheaper that the ESA's Ariane series.

Late Breaking Bulletins:
The Archers, Ireland's longest running TV drama shown on RTE will now be shown 8 nights a week.
Berlesconi the Italian Prime Minister and European President will also star on TV in a new comedy program to be called Italian Men Behaving Normally.
George W Bush rejects intellegence testing on the basis that he doesn't know what it is, he plans to have it replaced by a new "Ignorance Quotient" to be called QI.

So then in this season of Kamahl Ye Faithful and The Magi Roundabout, I wish you your family, il mafioso, and your hoodz a totally bodacious and prosperous 2005 and barring flood, fire, the sky being rolled back and all things ending, Horse shall return in 2005 - although not bigger or better.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your title bar has in order:
Asuka Soryu Langley, Number 88 bus to Acton Green, A photo of Tokyo, Astro Boy, A Doctored platform sign from Euston, Koffing, Lupin III, the Coliseum, Misato Katsuragi, Lord Nelson and Squirtle...

What do I win for guessing this?