Horse 244 - Decemberistmas

Part 1 - Letter to Santa

Dear Mr Claus,

We understand that you are a factory owner operating within the region of the Arctic Circle. We therefore have the following statements:

1. We understand that in your factory you employ "elves" for the purposes of manufacturing toys. We also note that for such a large workforce, there appears to be no superannuation arrangements. Clearly this is in breach of any award rates and we therefore ask you to make payments to or arrange a superannuation fund for your workforce.

2. We note that you have not submitted BAS returns for the last financial year. Such a large factory would at very least claim vast amounts of input tax credits. We also note certain outgoings which you would call "gifts". Since these so called gifts exceed $100 we note that these must fall in the confines of a fringe benefit and again no fringe benefits tax have been paid on these.

3. Apparantly you keep a very large database on children, particularly who is "naughty & nice". Need we remind you that under the Privacy Act (1986) such a database can only be compiled with the permissions of the people of whom whose details are being kept. Also in keeping a database on children we must strongly warn you of the potential risks to decency you run.

4. IATA have asked that you identify yourself when you fly over populated areas. Air Traffic Control have been aware for many years that your vessel is not radio tracked and therefore is a potential hazard to commercial transport.

We ask humbly for an explanation.
Michael Carmady
Australian Taxation Office

Part 2 - Dreaming of a White Christmas

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas Just like the ones I used to know
Clearly this person lived in South Africa under Apartheid.

Where the treetops glisten, and children listen
Children listening? Are you insane? Children never listen to anything you tell them.

To hear sleigh bells in the snow
There's no snow in South Africa

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Again with the Aparthied. I don't know what's wrong with this fellow.

With every Christmas card I write
Assuming that this person went to school. The basic rights of education and literacy are denied to so many people.

May your days be merry and bright
We hope you have a good pair of UV blocking sunglasses, in South Africa you'll need them

And may all your Christmases be white
Clearly this person is racist. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison fighting against people like you. Get over it, your country has changed.