January 13, 2006

Horse 478 - String String String String

A One Inch Piece of String
Cannot be used for anything


This is what my calendar tells me today and I disagree with it.

You could use bit of string that small for tying up very small packages, attatching notes to pigeon's legs, destroying household pests... well if they were bigger than a mouse you could strangle them and if they were smaller then you could flog them to death...
Yes, destroy 99% of all household pests with individual stringettes. They're compact, come in packs of 300 and are very very stylish.

Pope Pius X once used a 1" bit of string to tie up an errant hole is a gas main. Napoleon always had a lucky bit of string in his hand and would never let it go (that's why his hand was always in his overcoat - he was holding string) and King Henry VIII nearly ran the British economy into the ground when he spent £2,000,000 in 1482 on 2" bits of string and used them as an absorptive barrier to keep the Thames from flooding his croquet game.

There are limitations though. You couldn't for instance use a 2" bit of string to fly to Jamaica, inspect the nuclear makeup of Meta-Dioxin, not could you use them to sign the Magna Carta... but who's doing that in their everyday lives in the first place... NO-ONE.

1 comment:

Katja said...

Such strings are quite valuable.

So valuable that Francois Antoine Baroque purchased the state of Wyoming for the US from the Indians with 600 pounds of one-inch cotton strings.

I suppose they make good pillow stuffers.