February 16, 2006

Horse 496 - From The Trading Floor

Shock spread across the trading floor this morning when a major case of fraud was uncovered. Robbie Martin of class 2F promised to buy the class some jelly babies if they promised to be his friend; when it was discovered that all he could afford was some potato chips, he was nigelised and suspended from trading. He still has no friends.

The value of a Peanut Butter sandwich shot up by 4% today when the kid from 1P with brown hair opened his lunchbox and a stinky meat smell came out. Egg Salad remained trading slowly and a Honey sandwich firmed in late trading. Chicken is still trading steady compared to the Ham sandwich.

Technology stocks improved today as Metallic Tazos strengthened against Foils. It was reported that Football Cards are out trading Basketball Cards by ten to one and Cricket Cards are making a summer comeback. 3 Glen McGraths are going for 1 Ricky Ponting and a Michael Clarke.

Over at the Sports Desk, news went wild when it was announced what the rankings would be for handball. They will be: Ace, King, Queen, Jack, Dunce, Double Dunce, Nigel and Double Nigel. Everything from Jack up will be safe and there will be no rules on Old Ace. First Ace will be decided by whose tennis ball it is.

Class 6B was saddened when it was announced that Renaye and Jordan are not going out anymore. Renaye said that "he pulled my hair and he smells worse than the bins" and Jordan said that "girls are stupid and I never liked her anyway". The school newspaper reports that this lasted 2 days.

What's going on behind the bike shed?
Chewing Gum: If it's under the desk, is it bad for you?

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