Horse 533 - Fashion & Ties

Women will often complain about not having a thing to wear. This may be true in a lot of circumstances because as we all are aware either overtly or implicitly, women's fashion is more varied and often more involved, and therefore harder to match; harder to plan. Perhaps quite rightly so, considering that in terms of the actual equipment, men have a far less interesting set of kit. Let's be honest here, blokes are for all intents a couple of drain pipes attached to an oil can whereas the ladies are more inny and outy and therefore more suited to hanging fashion off.

As a member of the less visually interesting sex, I have the double whammy of being in a even more less visually interesting job. The standard office commando uniform is black trousers, a white shirt and if you're not in IT, a tie.

Yes a tie! That once useless bit of cloth which would have been used a mere 300 years ago for wiping one's nose is virtually the only flag of individuality in a sea of cut-lunch commandoes in their black suited boredom. Like the maker's nameplate, it's sometimes the identifier (since no-one except my good self appears to wear hats anymore) that we have to tell the office black-and-whitegoods workers apart.

Now then (hooray for my introductions! Sometimes they're brilliant in themselves. Can I have a Booker Prize please?)...
Since a tie is to displayed against a white backdrop of shirt, do you know which kind of tie works well?...

ANYTHING.

Having said this, the most favourite tie of mine of all is: A Black Tie with White Pinstripes pitched Per Bend down right and 5 to the inch. This Alfani tie is interesting to look at because it plays nasty tricks with the eyes if it moves and because it's black, is still conservative enough to hide behind a red vest.

Not even my three British Airways Cabin Crew Ties for Coach, Business, First & Platinum classes with their double Blue and Red Pinstripes pitched Per Bend down right and every 3 inches, come close to the optical wonder of the Alfani.

I have the official tie of Garbage Version 2.0, and even the famed Egg & Bacon of the MCC* (which I pay my £140 a year for the upkeep of therein - If Hitler had invaded the UK not even he would have got into the Long Room at Lord's, and why? He wasn't a member)

I'd like to be either Harrow'd or Eton'd by means of tie, and sadly the last post of old world pervayors of ties Gowings has ceased to be, so this means that for the moment I can't even buy a replica.

No, the Black Alfani is my most precious tie; it came by means of the sunny coast of California. Dare I say it, Katja knew damn well what she was doing. The simple things in life are often the best... and treasured.

*Thomas Lord's bit of dirt is surely amongst the most hallowed few acres of lawn on the planet. Lord's has nothing to do with viscounts or vicars, though by the sounds of it probably should.