On the ABC news on the radio at lunchtime today there was an item to do with the increase of crimes relating to substance abuse in Australia and at the time I was doing the flip around for something else, so consequently this wrote itself.
He came into town with his 6-puns blazin' and a firin'
I think that one of the biggest sources of addiction in Australia without a doubt has to be Ikea. People go there and start on small items like lamps and doorbells for a quick buzz. Sometimes they start on soft-core things like beanbags and sofas and maybe pillows and cushions.
Invariably this moves onto harder stuff like dining suites and sideboards, then we find that they're getting into cuboards and wardrobes. I tried getting onto Mary J once. The only one that I knew of was Mary J Kostakidis at SBS, and her answering machine was always on, so I assume that getting onto Mary J must be very difficult indeed; it wasn't worth the effort let me tell you.
No, after you've been through flat-packed furniture, eventually the habit becomes difficult to break. I imagine that substance abuse is when you start yelling at a pot of glue because you couldn't glue Slot F into Hole G. It gets worse when you hit a piece of marble (which is a far harder substance) with a hammer.
I knew I had gone too far when I bought a flat-packed Eiffel Tower. I was getting really high, like a thousand feet in the air or something when I realised that I'd not installed the lifts or the viewing platforms, so coming down would be hard. I should have known after I'd bought that flat-packed Albert Memorial that was issued with 11,000 Phllips Heads and several Allen Keys that eventually all of this would lead to me being screwed up monumentally.
Next week I'm going to try Heroine - I think I'll start with Miss Marple or maybe Kim Possible. The problem is that I have a fear of needles. I tried them once and all I did was knit granny a jumper.
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