Of the 3751 songs on the iPod, these are the 20 most played. There is a distinct hint of bias here.
1. Part of the Queue - Oasis - 22 plays
2. Where's The Beef? - Advert - 21
3. Lyla - Oasis - 20
4. Dalek Squeak - Dr Who - 19
5. Mind The Gap - London Underground - 19
6. The Hindu Times - Oasis - 16
7. My Happy Ending - Avril Lavigne - 14
8. They - Jem - 14
9. 206 Manchester's Radio - Advert - 13
10. Sven Sven Sven (Glorious Munich) - Bell & Spurling - 13
11. Nuns, nuns. Reverse, reverse! - Father Ted - 12
12. A Hard Day's Night - The Beatles - 11
13. Hey Baby, Uh Ahh! (2002 World Cup) - DJ Ötzi - 11
14. Don't Get Any Better - Geri Halliwell - 10
15. Wonderwall - Oasis - 10
16. Chiyo's Cooking Song - Azumanga Daioh - 10
17. Catch Us If You Can - Dave Clark Five - 10
18. Maybe - Emma Bunton - 10
19. I like cake - Father Ted - 10
20. BBC Schools Diamond - Advert - 10
Of the top 20, 14 were from the UK, 8 were under 30 seconds long and to compound this, of the top 100 only 42 of them are actual songs. The reason for this is that adverts and promos are shorter so don't tend to get switched off as often. Also, the iPod only counts something as being played once it's reached the end; it records nothing if you change tracks half way through. In theory it would be possible to use up an entire battery and never record a single played item.
December 31, 2005
Horse 468 - Cat 5
A cat is a nocturnal killing machine through careful processes of breeding and selection by humans have been bred to ignore and sponge off of their human benefactors.
It has been said that cats don't have masters but staff. I don't belive this to be true, for one doesn't have to wait as an attendant on a cat; if you actually did they'd walk off as though they didn't care anyway.
It must be a difficult life sleeping 17, 18, 19 hours a day, moving for the occasional yawn and crick. When they do move, they'll see you a source to be fed from and as a door operator.
People talk of the added asthetic benefits of companionship. I for one don't know how true this is if they move to the other side of the room and perch in front of a window staring at the sky - what is so exciting about the sky anyway?
Perhaps other people's cats have a nicer and friendlier temprement than ours. Previous cats we've had will curl up on you or sit in the middle of the newspaper, sometimes sleeping on top of the television set but our current one?
You could argue that maybe the nasty ones have been mistreated or hurt and that's why they're so aloof, but ours has been cared for, groomed and given an easy life... maybe our cat is just plain... catty.
It has been said that cats don't have masters but staff. I don't belive this to be true, for one doesn't have to wait as an attendant on a cat; if you actually did they'd walk off as though they didn't care anyway.
It must be a difficult life sleeping 17, 18, 19 hours a day, moving for the occasional yawn and crick. When they do move, they'll see you a source to be fed from and as a door operator.
People talk of the added asthetic benefits of companionship. I for one don't know how true this is if they move to the other side of the room and perch in front of a window staring at the sky - what is so exciting about the sky anyway?
Perhaps other people's cats have a nicer and friendlier temprement than ours. Previous cats we've had will curl up on you or sit in the middle of the newspaper, sometimes sleeping on top of the television set but our current one?
You could argue that maybe the nasty ones have been mistreated or hurt and that's why they're so aloof, but ours has been cared for, groomed and given an easy life... maybe our cat is just plain... catty.
December 30, 2005
Horse 467 - Land of 1000 Dances
There are lots of dances that start to be done up and down this wide brown land in the summer. In the winter when there aren't as many people about, then the only real danced that's done is the "Avoid smelly people on the train dance".
The Beach:
Provided you've escaped the hoardes of "middle eastern appearance" and the "right wing neo-nazis" who seem to be prepared to fight each other on the beaches, you might be able to do the traditional dances associated with summer.
Car Park Dance: This dance is because the carparks will be black tar and in the sun all morning. Rinny-run-run-run Rinny-run-run-run across the carpark until you find somewhere to stop the soles of your feet from burning.
Hot Sand Dance: The hot sand although not black is also going to be extremely hot after being in the sun all day. Here an effort is made because as well as touching hot sand, you're also sinking into the stuff. You can exactly run effectively in sand either.
Million Point Dance: When everyone is well and truly burnt to a crisp there is another interesting phenomenon. People no longer want to be out in the sun so they'll retreat back up the beach to where it's dry and hopefully under an umbrella. The problem is that dry sand is far more mobile and in the wind, the grains against burnt skin turn into a million pin pricks a second. This dance is more of a squirm.
Hot Butt Car Dance: When it's time to go home you can repeat the Hot Sand Dance and the Car Park Dance and then get back into a hot car. By this stage the vynyl seats will be like a hotplate just perfect for searing already tender skin and so comes the last dance. This dance is done under such conditions and hopefully by the time you get home the air-con has cooled the house down... you hope.
I don't do these dances, I'm at ease back in the pavillion with a chocolate milkshake and a copy of the newspaper doing the crossword. I have big boots and jeans which prevents any of these dances from being done. I'm scientifically bred to live in a peat bog and at 15 degrees below. The Australian summer is ludicrous.
The Beach:
Provided you've escaped the hoardes of "middle eastern appearance" and the "right wing neo-nazis" who seem to be prepared to fight each other on the beaches, you might be able to do the traditional dances associated with summer.
Car Park Dance: This dance is because the carparks will be black tar and in the sun all morning. Rinny-run-run-run Rinny-run-run-run across the carpark until you find somewhere to stop the soles of your feet from burning.
Hot Sand Dance: The hot sand although not black is also going to be extremely hot after being in the sun all day. Here an effort is made because as well as touching hot sand, you're also sinking into the stuff. You can exactly run effectively in sand either.
Million Point Dance: When everyone is well and truly burnt to a crisp there is another interesting phenomenon. People no longer want to be out in the sun so they'll retreat back up the beach to where it's dry and hopefully under an umbrella. The problem is that dry sand is far more mobile and in the wind, the grains against burnt skin turn into a million pin pricks a second. This dance is more of a squirm.
Hot Butt Car Dance: When it's time to go home you can repeat the Hot Sand Dance and the Car Park Dance and then get back into a hot car. By this stage the vynyl seats will be like a hotplate just perfect for searing already tender skin and so comes the last dance. This dance is done under such conditions and hopefully by the time you get home the air-con has cooled the house down... you hope.
I don't do these dances, I'm at ease back in the pavillion with a chocolate milkshake and a copy of the newspaper doing the crossword. I have big boots and jeans which prevents any of these dances from being done. I'm scientifically bred to live in a peat bog and at 15 degrees below. The Australian summer is ludicrous.
December 28, 2005
Horse 466 - Pole Ball
There is a council park in Northmead with a "walled" basketball court. By walled I mean those largish mesh fences that stand 15 feet tall. Basketball is a sport for the very tall of the world, and those people who are able to shoot from far away.
Most of my friends do not have this ability, so we came up with our own game.
Pole Ball:
Pole Ball is very similar indoor football in nature. The obvious differences being that instead of there being a goal, there is only a pole. Also, we decided that because it was so easy to shoot from pretty well much anywhere, within the circle, everyone is allowed to use their hands in defence of the ball. Other variations follow in that you are allowed to push and shove anyone you want, irrespective of whether they have the ball or not. Oh and did I mention that this also includes pushing people into the wall - also allowed.
You can have a really great shot lined up and be ready to kick when someone will either shoulder you off the ball or worse, someone will come along, shove you in the back and then push your face into the wall.
It's more akin to the original spirit of the game of football, a form of organised mayhem. It's veyr easy to see why in 1314 the then Mayor of London, Nicholas Farndon, issued a proclamation:
"And whereas there is a great uproar in the City through certain tumults arising from the striking of great footballs in the field of the public – from which many evils perchance may arise – which may God forbid – we do command and do forbid, on the King's behalf, upon pain of imprisonment, that such games shall not be practised henceforth within this city."
Admittedly Farndon didn't want shopfronts and windows being destroyed, and certainly by the time the FA was founded in1861, this ancient proclamation was ignored. It does make you wonder what an uncontained football match would look like. It would be very different from the great terraces of today.
Pole Ball at least recaptures the mood with all this pushing and shoving; you get a very fast paced game which doesn't require skill but does require a liberal use of Band-Aids. How many times have we walked away from this covered in scrapes and bruises? If you get out the Dettol to disinfect the wounds, it's like having 15,000 stinging nettles pressed against your skin at once.
Some people will tell you of the pain of losing. I wonder if they played Pole Ball whether they'd also tell of the sting of winning. Pain of imprisonment? I wonder of that is like a grazed knee.
Most of my friends do not have this ability, so we came up with our own game.
Pole Ball:
Pole Ball is very similar indoor football in nature. The obvious differences being that instead of there being a goal, there is only a pole. Also, we decided that because it was so easy to shoot from pretty well much anywhere, within the circle, everyone is allowed to use their hands in defence of the ball. Other variations follow in that you are allowed to push and shove anyone you want, irrespective of whether they have the ball or not. Oh and did I mention that this also includes pushing people into the wall - also allowed.
You can have a really great shot lined up and be ready to kick when someone will either shoulder you off the ball or worse, someone will come along, shove you in the back and then push your face into the wall.
It's more akin to the original spirit of the game of football, a form of organised mayhem. It's veyr easy to see why in 1314 the then Mayor of London, Nicholas Farndon, issued a proclamation:
"And whereas there is a great uproar in the City through certain tumults arising from the striking of great footballs in the field of the public – from which many evils perchance may arise – which may God forbid – we do command and do forbid, on the King's behalf, upon pain of imprisonment, that such games shall not be practised henceforth within this city."
Admittedly Farndon didn't want shopfronts and windows being destroyed, and certainly by the time the FA was founded in1861, this ancient proclamation was ignored. It does make you wonder what an uncontained football match would look like. It would be very different from the great terraces of today.
Pole Ball at least recaptures the mood with all this pushing and shoving; you get a very fast paced game which doesn't require skill but does require a liberal use of Band-Aids. How many times have we walked away from this covered in scrapes and bruises? If you get out the Dettol to disinfect the wounds, it's like having 15,000 stinging nettles pressed against your skin at once.
Some people will tell you of the pain of losing. I wonder if they played Pole Ball whether they'd also tell of the sting of winning. Pain of imprisonment? I wonder of that is like a grazed knee.
December 25, 2005
Thanks
I think I've been given a wonderful present by God in 2005. Time will tell though... I hope so.
December 22, 2005
Horse 464 - School's Out For Summer, School's Out Forever
I love the school holidays. Obviously I finished school nearly 10 years ago but that still doesn't change the fact. When all of the little dears and malchicks have gone home for the year an amazing transformation happens to Sydney's roads.
Instantly great open areas of free space begin to appear and traffic begins to move freely. Al Parady in Skytracker 7 and Sando with his Cage updates run out of things to report (though interestingly Skytracker 7 has an obsession with the M4 & M5).
At work, parking spots within a couple of hundred feet suddenly free up and hoardes of mothers driving XC90's, Cayennes and Range Rovers with the biggest sets of bull-bars the world has ever seen (children and strollers are dangerous things that need to be held at bay while mothers who've never driven anything bigger than a Corolla before tear around the district whilst on their mobiles, smoking and fixing their lipstick) magically disappear.
Within the schoolyard there are no shrieks, no yelling and no crying because a bunch of mean girls were bullying someone else into an eating disorder - though to be fair, the boys aren't flushing each others heads or beating up Billy-No-Mates for his lunch money. The girls at Mosman High who wait for me to walk by aren't calling out "Sexy Hair" to me at the moment either.
Goodwill toward men and peace on earth. Definately peace... so much serenity.
Instantly great open areas of free space begin to appear and traffic begins to move freely. Al Parady in Skytracker 7 and Sando with his Cage updates run out of things to report (though interestingly Skytracker 7 has an obsession with the M4 & M5).
At work, parking spots within a couple of hundred feet suddenly free up and hoardes of mothers driving XC90's, Cayennes and Range Rovers with the biggest sets of bull-bars the world has ever seen (children and strollers are dangerous things that need to be held at bay while mothers who've never driven anything bigger than a Corolla before tear around the district whilst on their mobiles, smoking and fixing their lipstick) magically disappear.
Within the schoolyard there are no shrieks, no yelling and no crying because a bunch of mean girls were bullying someone else into an eating disorder - though to be fair, the boys aren't flushing each others heads or beating up Billy-No-Mates for his lunch money. The girls at Mosman High who wait for me to walk by aren't calling out "Sexy Hair" to me at the moment either.
Goodwill toward men and peace on earth. Definately peace... so much serenity.
December 21, 2005
Horse 463 - V8 Supercars 3
Toca Race Driver 3, V8 Supercars 3 or DTM Race Driver 3: Same game different name depending on the markets. We have an official release date for it in Australia - 24th February 2006.
I was watching a beta release over at Grace Bros city store yesterday, some of the menus still hadn't been filled in and obviously quite a number of events had been cut out for demo purposes but let me just say, it looks smooth and is now getting to the stage where you could pass off a screen shots as a photo taken from a mobile phone.
No dobut B and B2 will be looking to re-assert their dominance on the console, but I will be making sure that when this comes out, I will be putting in the hard yards to steal the crown away. And that's not even why I want the game.
There are classic GP cars from the late 60's and those drop-dead gorgeous W156 Mercedes-Benz streamliners in the game just waiting to be thrashed. I hope that one major deficiency in V8 Supercars 1 and 2 is addressed and that is to run cars across categories and circuits. I would love to run 55 cars at Bathurst and have the DTM go head to head to the V8 Supercars and if they bothered with the BTCC them as well.
In the meantime you'll have to be content with the screenshots coming out of the Codemasters website, they are tempting indeed. Christmas came 2 months early as far as I'm concerned.
December 20, 2005
Horse 462 - Kiss St Rollox Adieu
I mentioned the Franz Ferdinand song The Fallen in my Top Albums of 2005. One thing puzzled me, I knew a little bit about St Rollox from a short spell in Glasgow (in fact you have to pass through the area on the way to Ibrox - it's deep in Rangers territory), but other than that it was more than a wee bit daft to have something vauguely named after me in a song*.
So what does kissing St Rollox Adieu actually mean?
Glasgow St. Rollox was a constituency represented in the House of Commons of the Parliament of the United Kingdom from 1885 until 1950.
"St. Rollox Adieu" is both a combination of the idea of rejecting saintly figures and St Rollox being the name of the huge 24 hour Tesco near Dennistoun, where the character the song is based upon would go for steaks and other juicy consumables. The German is irrelevant, other than being funny and handy for the rhyme.
The actual area in Glasgow once boasted the tallest chimney in the world as well as the largest railway marshalling yard. St Rollox was not exactly a wealthy area at all. Apart from its industrial nature, it also happened to be the home of the Plague in Scotland and this is where it draws its name. St Rollox is a French derivation of St Roch who it is believed treated people who had the plague; as such St Rollox is the patron saint for those who have the plague.
No wonder someone would want to leave there.
*I'm so vain, I know that song was written about me.I'm so vain, I know that song was written about me, wasn't it, wasn't it?
Well it was.
December 17, 2005
Horse 461 - The Best Albums of 2005
Every year I give my top five albums for the year. 2005 was somewhat interesting because I'd honestly thought at the beginning of the year that the whole year would be derivative, I'd had a look at the supposed release dates for various things and came up with a few idea of what might be good but in the end, perhaps I shouldn't judge records by their covers before I've even seen said covers.
5. Girls Aloud - Chemistry
Usually you'd expect a manufactured band from a competition like Popstars to fade completely from sight. This is one of those examples when keen management and writing from the artists themselves hasn't produced mediocre shash.
This is a solid record with a number of tracks you'd expect to here again and again. If the disc was sold in Oz it would be one of those summer pop releases on permanent repeat on 2Day FM, but it wasn't released here so yet again Sony gyp the Australian Public.
Stand out: Track 9 - Long Hot Summer
It's been a long hot summer and it's 95° in the shade.
4. Geri Halliwell - Passion
Time and the press haven't been kind to this former Spice Girl. Her previous album Scream If You Want To Go Faster, was made obviously in a rush and in direct competition with other Spices but time had moved on.
Thankfully with this offering Geri appears to have done just that, moved on. Some of the tracks perhaps are in the vein of Madonna but the gems on here come about when she leaves pop behind and moves into cabaret. Hopefully by the time the next album comes out, the pretense of pop will have disappeared, because her voice is more akin to Shirley Bassey rather than Shirley Manson.
Stand out: Track 12 - So I Give Up On Love
Names have been changed to protect the innocent
3. Jem - Finally Woken
When I first heard the opening single off the album I thought that Dido had gone trip-hop. Jemma Griffiths' voice is hauntingly mellow and by rights this is that sort of voice that should be singing arias not electronica.
What makes this record even more interesting to listen to are the other instruments on here, they include a sitar, double bass, spanish guitar, mini harp and even yes, a hot water bottle - weird.
Stand out: Track 1 - They
Who made up all the rules? We follow them like fools.
2. Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better
A lot of bands you hear happen to be a one trick pony, the problem with Franz Ferdinand is that one trick happens to be very very good. Like the first album this is characterised by their stylised, almost robotic thumping back beats - this really is rock-and-roll.
It's really disconcerting to listen to a track which can have things playing at different time signatures in either ear. It's not impossible to get computers to do this but actual musicians is a real talent.
Stand out: Track 1 - The Fallen
And the Kunst won't talk to you
Because you kissed St Rollox Adieu
Because you robbed a supermarket or two
Well, who gives a damn about the profits of Tesco?
1. Oasis - Don't Believe The Truth
Biased? Maybe. Oasis Mark 2 is different to a Gallagher driven Mark 1, somehow "the biggest band in the world" is more democratic, with writing credits to all members except Zak Starkey who arrived as a session drummer (sounds like his old man this, eh?)
This is a band that no longer has to impress record execs, because they own their own label. Even Lyla the first single although very big and thumpy is probably only the 5th or 6th best on the album. Trust me this is the album that die-hard Oasis fans have been waiting for three years, a true understated epic. If you fell out of love with Oasis, then this album will bring you home.
Stand out: Track 8 - Part Of The Queue
Suddenly I've found that I've lost my way in the city,
The streets and the thousands of colours all bleed into one.
5. Girls Aloud - Chemistry
Usually you'd expect a manufactured band from a competition like Popstars to fade completely from sight. This is one of those examples when keen management and writing from the artists themselves hasn't produced mediocre shash.
This is a solid record with a number of tracks you'd expect to here again and again. If the disc was sold in Oz it would be one of those summer pop releases on permanent repeat on 2Day FM, but it wasn't released here so yet again Sony gyp the Australian Public.
Stand out: Track 9 - Long Hot Summer
It's been a long hot summer and it's 95° in the shade.
4. Geri Halliwell - Passion
Time and the press haven't been kind to this former Spice Girl. Her previous album Scream If You Want To Go Faster, was made obviously in a rush and in direct competition with other Spices but time had moved on.
Thankfully with this offering Geri appears to have done just that, moved on. Some of the tracks perhaps are in the vein of Madonna but the gems on here come about when she leaves pop behind and moves into cabaret. Hopefully by the time the next album comes out, the pretense of pop will have disappeared, because her voice is more akin to Shirley Bassey rather than Shirley Manson.
Stand out: Track 12 - So I Give Up On Love
Names have been changed to protect the innocent
3. Jem - Finally Woken
When I first heard the opening single off the album I thought that Dido had gone trip-hop. Jemma Griffiths' voice is hauntingly mellow and by rights this is that sort of voice that should be singing arias not electronica.
What makes this record even more interesting to listen to are the other instruments on here, they include a sitar, double bass, spanish guitar, mini harp and even yes, a hot water bottle - weird.
Stand out: Track 1 - They
Who made up all the rules? We follow them like fools.
2. Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better
A lot of bands you hear happen to be a one trick pony, the problem with Franz Ferdinand is that one trick happens to be very very good. Like the first album this is characterised by their stylised, almost robotic thumping back beats - this really is rock-and-roll.
It's really disconcerting to listen to a track which can have things playing at different time signatures in either ear. It's not impossible to get computers to do this but actual musicians is a real talent.
Stand out: Track 1 - The Fallen
And the Kunst won't talk to you
Because you kissed St Rollox Adieu
Because you robbed a supermarket or two
Well, who gives a damn about the profits of Tesco?
1. Oasis - Don't Believe The Truth
Biased? Maybe. Oasis Mark 2 is different to a Gallagher driven Mark 1, somehow "the biggest band in the world" is more democratic, with writing credits to all members except Zak Starkey who arrived as a session drummer (sounds like his old man this, eh?)
This is a band that no longer has to impress record execs, because they own their own label. Even Lyla the first single although very big and thumpy is probably only the 5th or 6th best on the album. Trust me this is the album that die-hard Oasis fans have been waiting for three years, a true understated epic. If you fell out of love with Oasis, then this album will bring you home.
Stand out: Track 8 - Part Of The Queue
Suddenly I've found that I've lost my way in the city,
The streets and the thousands of colours all bleed into one.
December 15, 2005
Horse 460 - Answering Machines
In our increasingly busy lives we often encounter automated answering machines, by a myriad of push buttons and prompts we may end up speaking to an operator in a country not our own. What of the home answering machine?
There are no buttons to speak of and generally you're asked to leave a name and number after the beep. In certain examples when this is not necessarily a good idea I like to leave message anyway with details as to what to do next. What happens if you've made a hash of it?
I made a right royal pillocky git of myself this afternoon. Not in part caused by the fact the answering machine I left a message on was in a different time zone but also because as I made the phone call from a work phone (via a private calling card - local charge connect) then to call that number back wouldn't exactly achieve the results. On top of that, I'm not even entirely sure that the message made sense.
Aw well, they'll get a nice message from me... sounding like a nervous git ^_^
There are no buttons to speak of and generally you're asked to leave a name and number after the beep. In certain examples when this is not necessarily a good idea I like to leave message anyway with details as to what to do next. What happens if you've made a hash of it?
I made a right royal pillocky git of myself this afternoon. Not in part caused by the fact the answering machine I left a message on was in a different time zone but also because as I made the phone call from a work phone (via a private calling card - local charge connect) then to call that number back wouldn't exactly achieve the results. On top of that, I'm not even entirely sure that the message made sense.
Aw well, they'll get a nice message from me... sounding like a nervous git ^_^
December 14, 2005
Horse 459 - Super Sedition
I have a question that I think requires a serious answer. Now that we have our new sedition laws, could we please arrest Alan Jones without trial for breaking same?
"Come to Cronulla this weekend to take revenge. This Sunday, every Aussie in the Shire get down to north Cronulla to support the Leb and wog bashing day." The now famous SMS, read on Sydney's 2GB by Alan Jones, seems dangerously close to inciting violence. So is it sufficiently provocative to rouse the sedition provisions of the new anti-terror legislation?
Given that some commentators have been reluctant to conclude that the attacks are racially motivated – and by this logic, the acts might not fall under the jurisdiction of racial discrimination laws – could sedition be the best way to prosecute wrongdoers?
Here's that provision again:
80.2 Sedition. Urging violence within the community
(5) A person commits an offence if:
(a) the person urges a group or groups (whether distinguished by race, religion, nationality or political opinion) to use force or violence against another group or other groups (as so distinguished); and
(b) the use of the force or violence would threaten the peace, order and good government of the Commonwealth.
Penalty: Imprisonment for 7 years.
(6) Recklessness applies to the element of the offence under subsection-5 that it is a group or groups that are distinguished by race, religion, nationality or political opinion that the first-mentioned person urges the other person to use force or violence against.
Now by that logic, Alan Jones who has been openly racist on his radio program before, now should be arrested by Federal Police, because certainly the propogation of the SMS in question and broadcasting it on national radio constitues an incitement to violence. Please can we? Or is the Federal Goverment too scared to apply the laws to its own?
"Come to Cronulla this weekend to take revenge. This Sunday, every Aussie in the Shire get down to north Cronulla to support the Leb and wog bashing day." The now famous SMS, read on Sydney's 2GB by Alan Jones, seems dangerously close to inciting violence. So is it sufficiently provocative to rouse the sedition provisions of the new anti-terror legislation?
Given that some commentators have been reluctant to conclude that the attacks are racially motivated – and by this logic, the acts might not fall under the jurisdiction of racial discrimination laws – could sedition be the best way to prosecute wrongdoers?
Here's that provision again:
80.2 Sedition. Urging violence within the community
(5) A person commits an offence if:
(a) the person urges a group or groups (whether distinguished by race, religion, nationality or political opinion) to use force or violence against another group or other groups (as so distinguished); and
(b) the use of the force or violence would threaten the peace, order and good government of the Commonwealth.
Penalty: Imprisonment for 7 years.
(6) Recklessness applies to the element of the offence under subsection-5 that it is a group or groups that are distinguished by race, religion, nationality or political opinion that the first-mentioned person urges the other person to use force or violence against.
Now by that logic, Alan Jones who has been openly racist on his radio program before, now should be arrested by Federal Police, because certainly the propogation of the SMS in question and broadcasting it on national radio constitues an incitement to violence. Please can we? Or is the Federal Goverment too scared to apply the laws to its own?
December 11, 2005
Horse 458 - UFO Catcher
UFO Catcher - Flashy lights, music that comes from the best that SEGA has to offer and generally only one prize in the machine worth playing the game for. The solution, buy the machine or work out how to steal said prize from the machine. Sure as heck, that claw isn't going to pick up the prize that you want, and the only people who are capable of playing the machine and winning prizes have probably already won the game plenty of times before and now they don't even want the prizes.
I could work out some method of breaking into the machine but the proprietor might get mad and have me thrown out but I really really would like to have the prize.
Allegory is wonderful and I know what I want to say, but I don't want to blurt it out to the world, so I'll keep staring at the machine in quiet wonder, working out how to win...
I HATE LOSING
December 09, 2005
Horse 457 - Snakes on a Plane
Snakes on a Plane - Yes I kid thee not, it's actually a genuine film in production with Samuel L. Jackson in it.
This is the premise of the film: On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who's a witness in protective custody, lets loose a crate full of deadly snakes. It sounds fair enough I guess until you start to think about it.
The premise of this movie relies on the fact that the vast majority of people are completely ignorant of things like reptile biology, customs protocols, or the fact that IT'S REALLY EASY TO BEAT A SNAKE (or anything that's small) TO DEATH WITH A SERVING TRAY!!! I mean are people really so stupid? Ok, ONE snake on the plane, stuffed down the assassin's pants I could believe. People smuggle animals that way all the time. Hell, I'll be generous and say 3 at a stretch. But a whole crate?! How do you even get a crate onto the plane without having to check it into cargo!?¿ I think that customs officials would be a little suspicious upon picking up all the wiggling snake-skeleton shapes in his bag for a start.
There is also one thing they seem to have forgotten about. Snakes are cold blooded and hibernate when it's too cold for them. Solution: Turn up the air-con so all the snakes go to sleep, round them up in a bag and lock them in the hold.
Snakes on a Plane sounds to me like one of those exotic cocktails with an Allens Snakes Alive! lolly in the top. Perhaps you could make your own Snake on a Plane using Midori and lemon
halves for wings, or even peach schnapps of something but the premise of a film?
Ssssssssssss.
This is the premise of the film: On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who's a witness in protective custody, lets loose a crate full of deadly snakes. It sounds fair enough I guess until you start to think about it.
The premise of this movie relies on the fact that the vast majority of people are completely ignorant of things like reptile biology, customs protocols, or the fact that IT'S REALLY EASY TO BEAT A SNAKE (or anything that's small) TO DEATH WITH A SERVING TRAY!!! I mean are people really so stupid? Ok, ONE snake on the plane, stuffed down the assassin's pants I could believe. People smuggle animals that way all the time. Hell, I'll be generous and say 3 at a stretch. But a whole crate?! How do you even get a crate onto the plane without having to check it into cargo!?¿ I think that customs officials would be a little suspicious upon picking up all the wiggling snake-skeleton shapes in his bag for a start.
There is also one thing they seem to have forgotten about. Snakes are cold blooded and hibernate when it's too cold for them. Solution: Turn up the air-con so all the snakes go to sleep, round them up in a bag and lock them in the hold.
Snakes on a Plane sounds to me like one of those exotic cocktails with an Allens Snakes Alive! lolly in the top. Perhaps you could make your own Snake on a Plane using Midori and lemon
halves for wings, or even peach schnapps of something but the premise of a film?
Ssssssssssss.
iFive - 9th Dec
It's amazing just how much is stolen in the world of music. Look What You've Done by Jet is a mod of the opening Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis which itself is rip from Imagine by John Lennon. The new Madonna single has the hook from Gimme Gimme Gimme by Abba and even the Beatles stole She Loves You for use in All You Need Is Love by themselves.
Then there's The Byrds who stole from Ecclesiates. In the context of their album it was supposed to show the utter futility of the Vietnam War but all it did in reality was prove that there is nothing new under the sun.
1. Look What You've Done - Jet
2. Gimme Gimme Gimme - Abba
3. Pass Me Down The Wine - Oasis
4. All You Need Is Love - The Beatles
5. Turn Turn Turn - The Byrds
Then there's The Byrds who stole from Ecclesiates. In the context of their album it was supposed to show the utter futility of the Vietnam War but all it did in reality was prove that there is nothing new under the sun.
1. Look What You've Done - Jet
2. Gimme Gimme Gimme - Abba
3. Pass Me Down The Wine - Oasis
4. All You Need Is Love - The Beatles
5. Turn Turn Turn - The Byrds
December 08, 2005
Horse 456 - Dead Famous
It was 25 years ago today,
That John Lennon went and passed away.
If you have heard by now, today the 8th of December 2005 is the 25th anniversary of John Lennon's death. He was shot by a crazed fan etc etc etc... boring. It's not exactly the sort of death that a rockstar usually has.
Bob Marley - Reggae man and rasta extraordinare died of toe cancer. Yup toe cancer! He could have have it cut out but due to his Rastafarian beliefs that the body must be whole, he never ever did and it spread... toe cancer!
Elvis Presley the King of Rock and Roll was found dead because of a heart attack at his home in Graceland. Now ordinarily a death by heart attack caused by over-prescription of drugs isn't all that noteworth but Elvis was found... on the toilet at the time.
Everyone who was alive knows where they were at the time when President John Kennedy was shot but there was something more sinister afoot than just a guy in a book depository or another chap behind the grassy knoll.
On Nov 23 the announcement hit Britainand delayed the start of one of the country's most important TV shows... Dr Who. Dr Who was delayed by 15 minutes because Kennedy was assassinated.
Now I don't know about you, but the Dalek invasion of Earth in later episodes also occurs on Nov 23, 1963. Co-incedence? I think most definately not. Clearly the Daleks wanted to cause confusion so that they could invade London and use that as a distraction.
Harold Holt the PM of Australia went swimming off the coast near Portsea and never returned. Although the Victorian state coroner had found that the evidence and the lack of a body would make drowning the most likely scenario, it can't helped but be argued that he was taken by a shark, a Russian submarine of a giant migratory squid.
I heard in a song suicide is painless
and it's 80% sure to make you famous.
They're all dead famous now that they're dead. And they're more famous because they're dead, and their deaths are famous and they're dead and famous...
Whatever.
That John Lennon went and passed away.
If you have heard by now, today the 8th of December 2005 is the 25th anniversary of John Lennon's death. He was shot by a crazed fan etc etc etc... boring. It's not exactly the sort of death that a rockstar usually has.
Bob Marley - Reggae man and rasta extraordinare died of toe cancer. Yup toe cancer! He could have have it cut out but due to his Rastafarian beliefs that the body must be whole, he never ever did and it spread... toe cancer!
Elvis Presley the King of Rock and Roll was found dead because of a heart attack at his home in Graceland. Now ordinarily a death by heart attack caused by over-prescription of drugs isn't all that noteworth but Elvis was found... on the toilet at the time.
Everyone who was alive knows where they were at the time when President John Kennedy was shot but there was something more sinister afoot than just a guy in a book depository or another chap behind the grassy knoll.
On Nov 23 the announcement hit Britainand delayed the start of one of the country's most important TV shows... Dr Who. Dr Who was delayed by 15 minutes because Kennedy was assassinated.
Now I don't know about you, but the Dalek invasion of Earth in later episodes also occurs on Nov 23, 1963. Co-incedence? I think most definately not. Clearly the Daleks wanted to cause confusion so that they could invade London and use that as a distraction.
Harold Holt the PM of Australia went swimming off the coast near Portsea and never returned. Although the Victorian state coroner had found that the evidence and the lack of a body would make drowning the most likely scenario, it can't helped but be argued that he was taken by a shark, a Russian submarine of a giant migratory squid.
I heard in a song suicide is painless
and it's 80% sure to make you famous.
They're all dead famous now that they're dead. And they're more famous because they're dead, and their deaths are famous and they're dead and famous...
Whatever.
Horse 455 - Don't Ask the Question
I was around at B's for his 35th last night for dinner with a dozen people in the lounge room. It was quite a surreal experience to be sitting on a lounge suite with a full dining table in front of you; added to this was the fact the the table was so much higher than the lounge, so it was like being 6 years old again.
Among the guests was B's dad who is quite a card I must say. One of the most dastardly questions was asked, one that should never be posed by parents; I don't know if they do it through concern or because they like to stir but the question is this: "When are you going to get married and give me some grandchildren?"
Invariably I myself have been asked this by my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends etc (change variants where required) and I for one find this annoying.
Now for the crux: It's my fault!
Usually you'd go "Aw, that's horrible you shouldn't beat yourself up like that" but it's true. I'm not really looking for a prospective partner as I can think of more productive ways to use my time: namely in ministry, going to bible studies, watching football, education etc and secondly (and this is most blaise) is that whatever God intends will come to pass. That's not to say you can just sit back and wait but by the same token, my future is held is stronger and more secure hands than my own.
Also there is the secondary argument that I'm really quite different from everyone else I know. People often tell me this and I believe them because it's true. There is no-one who's had the bizarre range of experiences I've had and no-one who sees the world even remotely like I do.
If "the one" exists, she'd either be a very strange or a very very tolerant lady. Either way I'd either feel sorry or excited for her to some degree and if I have or haven't already met her then I don't see the circumstances yet but in hindsight it will be obvious.
Among the guests was B's dad who is quite a card I must say. One of the most dastardly questions was asked, one that should never be posed by parents; I don't know if they do it through concern or because they like to stir but the question is this: "When are you going to get married and give me some grandchildren?"
Invariably I myself have been asked this by my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends etc (change variants where required) and I for one find this annoying.
Now for the crux: It's my fault!
Usually you'd go "Aw, that's horrible you shouldn't beat yourself up like that" but it's true. I'm not really looking for a prospective partner as I can think of more productive ways to use my time: namely in ministry, going to bible studies, watching football, education etc and secondly (and this is most blaise) is that whatever God intends will come to pass. That's not to say you can just sit back and wait but by the same token, my future is held is stronger and more secure hands than my own.
Also there is the secondary argument that I'm really quite different from everyone else I know. People often tell me this and I believe them because it's true. There is no-one who's had the bizarre range of experiences I've had and no-one who sees the world even remotely like I do.
If "the one" exists, she'd either be a very strange or a very very tolerant lady. Either way I'd either feel sorry or excited for her to some degree and if I have or haven't already met her then I don't see the circumstances yet but in hindsight it will be obvious.
December 06, 2005
Horse 454 - This Has Been a Production Of...
A scriptwriter taps away at a computer or a typewriter putting ideas into words so that the actors can deliver the lines of a story. Scriptwriters will change their work if something doesn't scan or if something else sounds better as a spoken word.
Set designers and location managers give us the context of the story. They'll look for a place where the story happens, often working with costume designers so that the characters move through space and time.
Lighting directors and the film crew give the visual media a life. They create the mood and record the acting onto film for posterity. They can soften or heighten the moments by use of lenses, they can make the set look dark and angry, by changing the colours of lights and filters they can sepia the view to take us back in time.
The producers and directors drive all of the rest of the staff. It is their vision that will see a film come to life, they will pay the actors, work out where and how everyone needs to move act and create. Often they are the commissioners of the masterpiece, sometimes with directors above them as their benefactors.
A comic book artist who doesn't have loads of dosh and is a hack like me, is all of these roles. I make my creations dance on the page and contort my pencils and inks to my will. Yet in the west, comic book artists aren't taken seriously.
I am the production house.
All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players? What other medium allows someone to tell a story, hire and fire people without cause, change settings, angles, and all of the visuals at the whim of a an imagination?
From the same pen can appear both cute and evil images all in and black and white. Since most people respond to visual cues, you can direct them to what you would have them think, feel and judge about the world of your creation.
That's more power than a film studio has. The pen truly is mightier than the sword.
Set designers and location managers give us the context of the story. They'll look for a place where the story happens, often working with costume designers so that the characters move through space and time.
Lighting directors and the film crew give the visual media a life. They create the mood and record the acting onto film for posterity. They can soften or heighten the moments by use of lenses, they can make the set look dark and angry, by changing the colours of lights and filters they can sepia the view to take us back in time.
The producers and directors drive all of the rest of the staff. It is their vision that will see a film come to life, they will pay the actors, work out where and how everyone needs to move act and create. Often they are the commissioners of the masterpiece, sometimes with directors above them as their benefactors.
A comic book artist who doesn't have loads of dosh and is a hack like me, is all of these roles. I make my creations dance on the page and contort my pencils and inks to my will. Yet in the west, comic book artists aren't taken seriously.
I am the production house.
All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players? What other medium allows someone to tell a story, hire and fire people without cause, change settings, angles, and all of the visuals at the whim of a an imagination?
From the same pen can appear both cute and evil images all in and black and white. Since most people respond to visual cues, you can direct them to what you would have them think, feel and judge about the world of your creation.
That's more power than a film studio has. The pen truly is mightier than the sword.
December 04, 2005
Horse 453 - Hidden Lion, Tigering Crouch
Peter Crouch ended his agonising wait for a goal in style as Liverpool earned their sixth league win in a row. Crouch thought he had opened the scoring but his deflected shot, which was helped in by Mike Pollitt, was later credited to the Wigan keeper.
But there were no doubts about the giant hitman's next effort, when he superbly lifted the ball over the advancing Pollitt to double the lead. Luis Garcia chested in from Fernando Morientes' header to seal the victory.
Crouch received a standing ovation when he was withdrawn after 74 minutes and his relief was tangible. That was hardly surprising - when the 11th minute passed he had gone 24 hours without scoring for club or country.
Liverpool the defending Champions of Europe still have a game in hand on Man Utd and if that is played out if effectively puts them into second after the worst start to a season in the club's history. Rafa's side has gone six games without dropping a point of late and perhaps only perhaps, if the £9bn blue pustule on the south bank of the Thames falter, the the 'pool could find themselves one away from a second star.
December 03, 2005
Horse 452 - Wet Wet Wet
In 1519 Ferdinand Magellan became the first person to sail across the Pacific. In 1927 Charles Kingsford-Smith became the first person to fly across the Pacific. There is now a new nam to add to this, for in 2005 myself, Andrew Thomas Rollason esq. & explorer extraordinare became the first person to walk through the Pacific.
Last night my friends went to a pub in Glebe. I found out at about 6pm and took a train into town - big mistake. When I stepped out of the train at Central, a monumental wall of water fell out of the sky and proceeded to dump it's aqueous load all over the place. I walked the 5.4km in the biggest downpour of '05 and by the time I got there I was saturated.
I was wetter than William Westinghouse when he wanted to take a whirl in his Westinghouse 100 washing machine when it was set to whites and wollens, that's how wet I was.
There's a lesson in all of this: when the weatherman tells you that storms are expected - believe him.
Last night my friends went to a pub in Glebe. I found out at about 6pm and took a train into town - big mistake. When I stepped out of the train at Central, a monumental wall of water fell out of the sky and proceeded to dump it's aqueous load all over the place. I walked the 5.4km in the biggest downpour of '05 and by the time I got there I was saturated.
I was wetter than William Westinghouse when he wanted to take a whirl in his Westinghouse 100 washing machine when it was set to whites and wollens, that's how wet I was.
There's a lesson in all of this: when the weatherman tells you that storms are expected - believe him.
December 01, 2005
Horse 451 - Sack the PM - You're Fired!
This post is in favour of firing the Prime Minister of Australia who has been proven to be a horrid little man. I now tout the following reasons:
1. Destroying the Republican debate with the support of a dishonest campaign and his refusal to ask the simple question "Would the people of Australia prefer an Australian Head of State?". His assertion was that there was nothing wrong with the current system. He subsequently cornered that role for himself and attends functions that should be reserved for the G.G.
2. After declaring there was nothing wrong with the current system, he refused to sack Hollingworth when it was proved he had lied.
3. Wiping out any chance of reconciliation with Aboriginal people and spending millions on lawyers to rebut the Stolen Generation in an attempt to gain compensation for their systematic poor treatment by the Aust. governments of the past.
4. Lying over the Children overboard affair and capitalising on other peoples misfortunes for his own political gain.
5. Locking up children in mandatory detention.
6. Again defending the current Head of State system and defending the monarchy, he turned his back on over 100 years of parliament convention and shut down parliament for George Bush’s visit, for what purpose? ...to take the limelight.
7. Doing nothing about Timor until something had to be done and then took credit from the good work done by the troops.
8. Bailing out his brother’s company out with government funds and then writing that off as a business grant.
9. Starving higher education of funds, to the extent where only well off people will be able to afford to send their kids to University, or they can pay a debt for the rest of their life.
10. Nuzzling up to Kerry Packer and Murdoch to get favourable press before the 2000 election with the government's forced resumption of land and then selling it to them for a peppercorn amount.
11. Refusing to sack Reith, Wooldridge, Cameron (morals crusader caught cheating on his wife) Heffernan, Tuckey, Draper, Abbot for abusing parliamentary rights.
12. Complaining that the Labor govt. spent $11 Million on advertising government initiatives leading up to the 1996 election, he then proceeded to spend $123 Million in 2004.
13. Refusing to sign the Kyoto agreement because it didn't suit US interests.
14. Turning senior public servants, including defense/intelligence into servants who dare not provide advice they know will not support the government’s position. And then claiming to be strong on terrorisim.
15. Saying in February 2003 at the National Press Club that going to Iraq to remove Saddam alone was no reason to be part of an invasion force.
16. Presiding over the highest taxing government in the western world and then crows about budget surplus and then fritters it all away on vote buying.
17. The straight out lie that $8bn from the sale of Telstra would be contributed to the "environment" (where did that $8bn go?).
18. Tariff reduction, and the signing of a Free Trade Agreement whereby all terms that Australian produce farmers proposed were dropped and US terms of agreement on medicines were accepted corpus bolus. Instantly we saw SPC move its operations to Mexico, Mitsubishi close its engine plant, BHP move worldwide HQ to Canada and News Corp delist from the ASX.
19. Tax benefits for the CSIRO cut and the removal of R&D grants for medical research.
20. Increasing university fees rise fivefold.
21. The Children Overboard Scandal.
22. Sale of the remaining portion of Telstra without adequate checks on continued service after the sale.
23. The dismantling of ATSIC and the removal of the Aboriginal Arbitration Court. The Aboriginal plane flight scandal.
24. Imposition of a GST which by its nature must be a regressive tax (yes Rob, poor people do pay more).
25. The Anti-Terrorism legisation which will give ASIO the ability to lock anyone in detention for an indeterminate period of time without charge or public reason.
26. The removal of the award system, long service leave, overtime pay and penalty rates, four weeks paid holiday, the rights to negotiate with the help of a union, dismantling of the AIRC and the Industrial Relations legislation generally.
27. The refusal to help any of its citizens abroad regardless of whether there's been proof of guilt or not. Not that it matters much anyway because once you leave Australia, the government refuses to know who you are ala Corby, Leslie and Van Nguyen.
Under the old rules you needed three warnings before you could fire someone. I've found 27 points of gross negligence, incompotence and/or corruption. When the IR legislation is passed tomorrow and if I was in charge of the PM's personal pay, I'd fire him - under the legislation that he passed; without reason and be totally legally justified in doing so.
Not happy John!
1. Destroying the Republican debate with the support of a dishonest campaign and his refusal to ask the simple question "Would the people of Australia prefer an Australian Head of State?". His assertion was that there was nothing wrong with the current system. He subsequently cornered that role for himself and attends functions that should be reserved for the G.G.
2. After declaring there was nothing wrong with the current system, he refused to sack Hollingworth when it was proved he had lied.
3. Wiping out any chance of reconciliation with Aboriginal people and spending millions on lawyers to rebut the Stolen Generation in an attempt to gain compensation for their systematic poor treatment by the Aust. governments of the past.
4. Lying over the Children overboard affair and capitalising on other peoples misfortunes for his own political gain.
5. Locking up children in mandatory detention.
6. Again defending the current Head of State system and defending the monarchy, he turned his back on over 100 years of parliament convention and shut down parliament for George Bush’s visit, for what purpose? ...to take the limelight.
7. Doing nothing about Timor until something had to be done and then took credit from the good work done by the troops.
8. Bailing out his brother’s company out with government funds and then writing that off as a business grant.
9. Starving higher education of funds, to the extent where only well off people will be able to afford to send their kids to University, or they can pay a debt for the rest of their life.
10. Nuzzling up to Kerry Packer and Murdoch to get favourable press before the 2000 election with the government's forced resumption of land and then selling it to them for a peppercorn amount.
11. Refusing to sack Reith, Wooldridge, Cameron (morals crusader caught cheating on his wife) Heffernan, Tuckey, Draper, Abbot for abusing parliamentary rights.
12. Complaining that the Labor govt. spent $11 Million on advertising government initiatives leading up to the 1996 election, he then proceeded to spend $123 Million in 2004.
13. Refusing to sign the Kyoto agreement because it didn't suit US interests.
14. Turning senior public servants, including defense/intelligence into servants who dare not provide advice they know will not support the government’s position. And then claiming to be strong on terrorisim.
15. Saying in February 2003 at the National Press Club that going to Iraq to remove Saddam alone was no reason to be part of an invasion force.
16. Presiding over the highest taxing government in the western world and then crows about budget surplus and then fritters it all away on vote buying.
17. The straight out lie that $8bn from the sale of Telstra would be contributed to the "environment" (where did that $8bn go?).
18. Tariff reduction, and the signing of a Free Trade Agreement whereby all terms that Australian produce farmers proposed were dropped and US terms of agreement on medicines were accepted corpus bolus. Instantly we saw SPC move its operations to Mexico, Mitsubishi close its engine plant, BHP move worldwide HQ to Canada and News Corp delist from the ASX.
19. Tax benefits for the CSIRO cut and the removal of R&D grants for medical research.
20. Increasing university fees rise fivefold.
21. The Children Overboard Scandal.
22. Sale of the remaining portion of Telstra without adequate checks on continued service after the sale.
23. The dismantling of ATSIC and the removal of the Aboriginal Arbitration Court. The Aboriginal plane flight scandal.
24. Imposition of a GST which by its nature must be a regressive tax (yes Rob, poor people do pay more).
25. The Anti-Terrorism legisation which will give ASIO the ability to lock anyone in detention for an indeterminate period of time without charge or public reason.
26. The removal of the award system, long service leave, overtime pay and penalty rates, four weeks paid holiday, the rights to negotiate with the help of a union, dismantling of the AIRC and the Industrial Relations legislation generally.
27. The refusal to help any of its citizens abroad regardless of whether there's been proof of guilt or not. Not that it matters much anyway because once you leave Australia, the government refuses to know who you are ala Corby, Leslie and Van Nguyen.
Under the old rules you needed three warnings before you could fire someone. I've found 27 points of gross negligence, incompotence and/or corruption. When the IR legislation is passed tomorrow and if I was in charge of the PM's personal pay, I'd fire him - under the legislation that he passed; without reason and be totally legally justified in doing so.
Not happy John!
Horse 450 - << deleted >>
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