June 20, 2006

Horse 571 - Beyond the Electric Salad Shooter

As far as electric devices go, few rank up there for utter uselessness as the Electric Salad Shooter. The brand Presto who manufactures these also has a "Professional" Electric Salad Shooter just in case us rank amatuers who are unskilled at using the regular model may one day attain the skills of a salad ninja.

Here then are some other devices which should be invented and marketed; maybe a grand glorious gadget gallery can be gawked at by gastonomic gadget guilds.

Electric Water Unraveller:
Powered by a 30W motor, this handy little device unravells and untangles knotted water that haplessly falls out of the tap. Not unlike a Mechanical Ratchet Smicer, the Electric Water Unraveller utilises rotary cranks and a nozzle so that the water comes out in a pure, untagled stream. The unravelled water is then perfect for storing neatly in the fridge or freezer for later use.

Battery Powered Bookmark:
When most people read a book they carelessly insert their bookmark and plonk the book down without nary a thought for their own personal safety. Don't they realise that the pen is mightier than the sword and even more dangerous, that knowledge is power? All that power has to be discharged safely and the Battery Powered Bookmark via a series of capacitors and transformers is able to step down that power, suitable for domestic use.
Last year alone nearly 35,000 people died because of unsafe bookmark use*

Musical Toilet Roll Holder:
Far too often these days, many jokes are made about going to the toilet. The French consider it to be a solemn occasion requiring tact and poise, but the English speaking world has turned it into the basis of an entire culture.
The Musical Toll Roll Holder plays music sufficiently loudly so that people outside can not hear the embarrasing noises from within. Other functions include a karaoke mode in case one desires a bit of partcipation and for the patriotic there is even a function which plays the national anthem**

Conversation Calculator:
Do you sometimes feel shy? What about if you're nervous and don't know when to say something? Perhaps a special someone has caught your eye and you'd like to get to know them? Then fear not, the personal Conversation Calculator is pre-programmed with all of the necessary and difficult equations required for embarking on the correct time to initiate a conversation.
Eliminate guesswork; by just entering details such as distance, windspeed, Segnomin's Value and barometric pressure, the Conversation Calculator will display in minutes and seconds, the correct time to begin the conversation***

Who knows? Within 5 years these devices could be as commonplace as the LPman, the shoephone and the rocketpack. Perhaps science may come up with other answers to deeper questions like "What are birds?"... we just don't know.

*claim unverified
**ettiquette demands that one should always stand for the playing of the national anthem
***can also be used in reverse mode to calculate Segnomin's Value


Roy BS said...

I'm going to get you an electric salad shooter for your birthday. I'm sure it'll make your life 50% easier.

The other 50% will be made easier with an electric toothbrush.

Jules said...

Rollo has no electric teeth.
There is Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem but I don't know how that will help.

Did you know he's in an East German Electro-Techno band called Popenkorken? I only found that out when I asked Badger about it.

Roy, are you Skiffy?

Skif said...

i aint roy

Katja said...

I'm Roy, you electric cheeseheads.

I can't imagine where Rollo would get the idea to post information on Electric Salad Shooters. He couldn't possibly have gotten inspiration after reading one of my posts. I'm sure it was his creative genius alone.

Rollo said...

Oh I don't know, it could be entirely possible that may have read one of your posts...

It's more likely I read an "approved message" from the Glitter Division.

These people have wisdom