March 02, 2006

Horse 506 - The Best Job In The World

A bunch of us were talking about this tonight and I reckon that without a doubt, the best job in the world would have to be that of a nuclear bomb salesman. I mean think about it, you don't even have to prove that the bomb you're selling even works.

Oh our nuclear bomb is a right cracker, it's a bobby dazzler it is. That's it sitting out in the carpark. This is the bomb that even the roaches are afraid of.

The thing is that no nutter no more matter how ludicrously insane they are, isn't going to test it there and then to make sure it works are they? The thing could be filled with chocolate bon-bons, putty and sawdust for all it matters. The people in charge would buy it anyway, they're all CRAZY PEOPLE.

When I was a kid we were in the middle of the Cold War, Reagan and Gorbachev had these things pointed at each other. Even they had the common sense not to actually use them. What a field day the nuclear bomb salesmen must've had back then eh?

It would have been hillarious to have actually witnessed all of these "bombs" going off. If they'd been sold by bomb salesmen like me, the New York City would be covered in treacle whilst Moscow would have been up to its eyeballs in cans of Dr Pepper and cakes of Solvitol.

The problem these days is that genuine CRAZY PEOPLE are in charge of the bombs now. These people are prepared to actually use them for real. I think we should start filling nuclear devices with sandshoes and dolly mixtures as soon as possible.

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