May 12, 2006

Horse 547 - Al-Qaeda to Strike Soon

Osama Bin Laden released another tape from the International Terrorism Union calling on all terrorists worldwide to stay home from work, unless certain demands are made. World leaders are afraid of what this may do to an already stumbling fear economy.

"It's not as easy as it used to be to stir up fear anymore." said White House spokesman Waterneuse today, "People these days simply don't look at to the terror alert levels before going outside. It's almost as though they aren't afraid of getting weapons-grade anthrax in their mailboxes anymore."

Bin Laden's demands for terrorists include some radical ideas, such as the four-day work week, a public admission from Tom Cruise that Scientology is all a sad joke, and R.E.M. tickets for an August 18, 2006 show in Kabul; as well as some more mundane requests, like pay raises and better health benefits for all workers. Some employers groups such as Al-Qaeda have already promised to raise the existing virgin rate from 72 by 12% over the next 3 years to 80.

Some are hailing Bin Laden as the next Jimmy Hoffa, "Combining Jihad, a general strike, and a fatwa is genius", commented a terrorist on his way to work. "Most of us are just trying to make a living. Terrorism as a full-time career is a dream for us, but some of Bin Ladens demands might make it a possibility. Personally, I hate moonlighting as a schoolteacher in Queensland."

It is currently uncertain how the World leaders will react. A strike of this nature is expected to limit national fear supplies, with the demands only increasing as the US summer approaches. Details are still unfolding about this radical "call to legs" by the controversial figure. Are picket lines in the future, or will we soon be referring to these workers as "Terror Engineers"? We shall have to see.

1 comment:

Jules said...

Sometimes the stuff that comes out of your head is strange. It must be an exciting place to live.