Horse 718 - Quite Frankly, We're Lost

A report released by IATA last week has stated that the practice of naming airports after famous people is likely to cause confusion amongst pilots and especially those from Non-English speaking backgrounds. On the ABC this morning there were a few people with serious and stern voices condemning the practice as though something terrible had occurred.

How hillarious is this? Are they actually serious?

John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York city is famous the world over. Would people be confused if they named it after the suburb it happens to be in? Probably yes, for it would then be called Jamaica Airport.
Charles de Gaulle International Airport not surprisingly is named after the founder of the fifth Republic of France. People might be confused if it was named Roissy after the local area.
John Lennon International not surprisingly is in Liverpool. If you were a Serbian pilot who didn't happen to have heard of The Beatles then you're forgiven.
Chinggis Khaan International Airport of course is in Mongolia, but perhaps one would prefer not to undertake similar travel plans to the man himself.

The point is that if you are a qualified pilot for a big airline, wouldn't you be expected to plan the whole flight path rather than just hope? Imagine you're flying into Charles Kingsford-Smith from the United States:

This is your pilot speaking. We are currently flying at 19,000 feet. Look, we don't actually know where the airport is. Let's just fly around Sydney for a bit and find the nearest one.

Ok, bad example. Because Sydney only has one international airport then this would work, but for somewhere like New York which has three or Tokyo which has two (which are both over 90 miles from the centre of town), pilots would be lost. Would you honestly feel safe on a plane with a pilot who didn't know where they were going? Message for IATA: Planes aren't taxis!

Horse 717 - Doing The iPod Shuffle II

Here's how it works:
1. Open up the music player on your computer (or your iPod, possibly).
2. Set it to play your entire music collection.
3. Hit the "shuffle" command.
4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarrassing.So, without further adieu...

1. The Deadwood Stage (Whip-Crack-Away) - Doris Day
This song comes from the film and later the stage musical Calamity Jane, which also had the Oscar for the best song in a film for 1953 "Secret Love". Though Doris Day had been described as "the world's oldest virgin", her career off the silver screen was far more interesting with her husband and Jerry Rosenthal responsible for racking up debts of $20m which left her bankrupt.

2. Love Machine - Morning Musume (v3)
Released on 09/09/99 at 9:09am in Tokyo, this was the 9th single from the group. Morning Musume hold auditions every year for new members as people come and go from the group, such that as at 2007 we're currently up to Version 8.

3. Ebaum's World Dot Com - Lemon Demon
Perhaps an overly cynical song about how Eric and Neil Bauman have made a fortune by filching content from other internet portals. Lemon Demon are more famous for their flash and animutations than actual music though.

4. I Don't Like Spam (Bed) - Radio 1
One of the 519 radio jingles I possess with the lady from the now ubiquitous Monty Python "Spam Sketch". I suspect that the underlying track has itself been lifted from the House of Pain track Jump Around.

5. Bloody Stupid Mary - Las Ketchup
Las Ketchup released Aserejé in 2002 which miost people wlll remember as "The Ketchup Song". This Latin inspired song is a breezy track that in the light of the competition for the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest looked hopelessly inadequate. By itself it's a Sunday Afternoon with Iced Tea and Lemon type song.

6. Tony Blair Rings IKEA - Radio 1
Long before Dead Ringers, John Culshaw was on with DJ Chris Moyles in the afternoons right after Mark and Lard. Culshaw would phone people up using the same range of voices which would later appear on both Radio 4 and later BBC One.

7. Keep Belongings With You At All Times - London Underground
In addition to the radio idents and commercials I have, I also happen to have a series of announcements from the Jubilee Line and the Central Lines of the Underground. I think I'm a qualified anorak now.

8. Jump - Girls Aloud
In 2003, Girls Aloud covered "Jump" for the movie soundtrack Love Actually. The film however uses the Pointer Sisters' original version in the film itself due to American audiences being unaware of Girls Aloud, who feature in the end credits.
This made it to #2 in the UK and when the film clip was finally released, Polydor found itself subject to a security scare because MI5 were convinced that it was shot around Number 10 and not on a stage set.

9. Smelly Cat - Phoebe
This song probably should have been recorded by Phoebe whilst Friends was at its height of success. From the top? There is no "top", that's the beauty of Smelly Cat.

10. Leeds, Leeds, Leeds! - 1993 Leeds Utd FA Cup Squad
Few football songs are as cheesy as this with its tin whistle and Yorkie singers. This was the beginning of the end for Leeds Utd, as the winners of the last League before the creation of the Premier League, they won too eraly to benefit from playing in Europe and paid a fortune in transfers to stay on top - which failed.

I'm still not convinced of the randomness of this thing you know...

Horse 716 - Super-Heated

The following story stems from a scoreless draw in the Merseyside derby. Liverpool 0 - Everton 0 is a result although perfectly acceptable in the eyes of the city did nothing to ease tensions between the red and blue halves.

Rafael Benitez annoyed Everton by calling them a small club in his post match press conference on Saturday. Rafa Benitez upset the neigbours by pointing out, quite correctly, that they're a small club because they don't happen to be one of the big four, or playing in Europe. Benitez made the comment in a TV interview after the match and repeated it in his post match press conference. Afterwards the Reds' boss was unrepentant.

"After a game when a team comes to Anfield and plays a top side like that, looking for a draw, what else can you call them?" Benitez reasonably asked. "Playing against a small team, it is not easy when they have nine men behind the ball. One team wanted to win while one team came not to lose. We controlled the game and had all the possession, and they had one chance from our mistake. After that we controlled everything."

Rafa's remarks upset the Blues. Chief Executive Keith Wyness had a tantrum in the directors box while Bill Kenwright threw his toys out of his pram, very literally. He had to be exported out of the ground for fear of throwing things at the rival officials. Meanwhile, the Everton manager Lee Carsley claims Everton's players feel 'insulted' by Rafael Benitez's comments which have now sparked a furore on Merseyside.

That prompted an angry response from Everton supporters, and led to chief executive Keith Wyness expressing his club's disappointment "to hear such an unnecessary comment". Wyness added: "I suspect he is in a minority of one in believing Everton is, in any respect, a small football club. Somehow we just expect more of a Liverpool manager."

My only surprise from all of this is that anyone was surprised. Whilst perhaps nowhere near as bad as the sectarian violence that can hang around Old Firm matches in Glasgow, the local media in the area has to be seen as neutral for as you walk through the city you either find red, blue or black doors (for people who either don't care or have internal fights in the house).

Added to this is the buyout of Liverpol for £475m and the promise that when they new stadium is built at Stanley Park, Everton will most definately not be allowed to share. That is a staggering amount of dosh, and one which should turn the blue half green with envy at the red.

Horse 715 - Super-bowl

The United States of America I suspect will have ground to almost a halt for these couple of hours as the 41st Superbowl takes place. In terms of actual money spent on advertising and number of television sets tuned in, then this rates only behind the Football World Cup Final for a worldwide audience.
To be totally fair, you have to hand it to America when it comes to putting on a massive show. The Superbowl does attract major superstars to appear at half-time and the hype that surrounds it must be ludicrous.

Yet for all of this, the main criticism of the game in Australia is the two points that the game although only an hour long, takes four hours to complete and that there are too many rules. This I hope helps to disperse that.

When it comes to games that take a long time, we in the colonies have a game that days not 4 hours by 6 hours multiplied by 5 days. A cricket Test Match if played to completion can take up to 37.5 hours in total if the over rate is slow. That's a shade over NINE TIMES as long.

The other main problem that people in Australia seem to have with the NFL is the myriad of rules. If you look at the official rulebook, then you only find a mere 34 laws that actually govern the game of American Football. Again cricket exceeds this with 46 Laws.
In fact the Laws of cricket are so seemingly arbitrary that it actually requires a meeting of a Privy Council of the UK House of Lords to get them changed. From a constitutional standpoint, it's the reason why appeals are still allowed through the state parliament of Western Australia. I very much doubt that you'd get a select committee of the US Congress just to sit on the adjudication of rules for American Football.

Of course there is one major difference which cricket does have in its favour. If you happened to see someone at a cricket match taking a cup tea, you might think that they were jolly good folk but at an NFL game, they'd just look a bit naff.

Addenda: Indianapolis beat Chicago 29-17 to win Super Bowl XLI in rain that made parts of England look positively like the Sahara - it was filthy.

Horse 714 - Super Casino

News reports indicate that Britain's first "Super Casino" (It's Super, so it must be good) has been awarded not to the city of London or Blackpool but Manchester. The people of Blackpool who have been the hotbed of slot machines now for the past 60 years are a bit disappointed, but the area of Manchester that the proposed casino is to be built is an area that is currently a bit run down.

Perhaps the people who live in the run down areas decided that they needed a few new shiny things and that the new casino will make the place a bit pretty what with all the coloured lights etc. Are these people who live in these areas expecting to get rich from it? By playing the machines? I can see how this will work.

It seems to me that the only people who can afford to gamble are those who come from a non-run down area, and they'll lose their money sp it effectively means that while these people lose their money to the one armed bandits, that the rest of Manchester will tend towards being run down. Still, it will be the first time that a lot of them will have actually seen fruit.

It is rather a bit of a mixed message though isn't it? If the government is seen to be tough on crime and the causes of crime, then this doesn't help their cause. A Casino after all is a form of organised crime, it just happens to be a form of very very slow theft.
I understand how poker machines work. Basically you put your money in and then you geta bit of a lights display and a crap show for about 20 seconds and then you realise that the money you just inserted is gone. Eventually you can delightfully fritter away your paycheque, car, house, family etc and be free of these things... hmm, that's not a good thing is it?

The Millenium Dome Consortium will apply for a judicial review of the decision to approve the casino for Manchester and meanwhile the people of Blackpool wil just write a nasty letter... inside a stick of rock candy.

Horse 713 - Gentlemen... BEHOLD!

??? People really are this thick!

Abridged version: LED light signs depicting the Mooninites from Aqua Teen Hunger Force are places in major cities all over the US to promote the new movie that comes out next month (which is going to kick butt up and down the street by the way). Moronic Boston citizens and police officers spring into action, identifying something that looks not unlike a Light Brite as an explosive device, and practically shut down all major traffic routes. BATTERIES + WIRES = ARGH CALL THE FBI!!

"It is outrageous, in a post 9/11 world, that a company would use this type of marketing scheme," Boston Mayor Thomas M. Menino said in a statement.
Woah, batman forbid a company do something other than a 40-foot wide billboard on the side of some building. Blargh! I guess I never really got the full idea of how scared of their own shadow 9/11 has made some people, until now.

I laugh at your puny three dimensions for we on the moon have five... five thousand. This sucks let's go home.

Horse 712 - This One's A Boy

All the way back in Horse 579 , I remarked that my little red Ka was a girl. Yesterday she was in at the Ford mechanics so I drove my sister's Pulsar to work; this confirmed my suspicion that the Pulsar is most definately a boy.

The Pulsar sits up and does exactly what you tell it to, no questions asked. It points into and out of corners, accelerates upon request and never ever weaves or deviates. Perfectly sensible motoring... but for that noise.

At only 1.8L the Pulsar doesn't really need a bean tin for a muffler. You rather get the idea that the previous owner had dreams of being a hoon and that was it, there weren't any other mods, just the muffler; no real skill at all. The noises that come out the back are of those of a boistrous young yap, who when faced with real competition from anything remotely resembling a performance car is quickly put in it's place.

Perhaps the words of Shakespeare are appropriate:
A poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot; full of sound and fury; signifying nothing.

A little harsh? Rosalini does not pretend to be a performance car, but she drifts through traffic silently and quickly. The Silver Pulsar by virtue of being just a little bigger does lose a little bit of usefulness in heavy traffic. Very much a boy car: Noisy & Clumsy... but better put together than slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails - what was that person thinking?

Horse 711 - Let The Ruler Rule

The Australian Open has come to an end with Serena Williams and Roger Federer being crowned as respective champions with some of the most decisive tennis I have ever seen. Serena surely has put all critics to heel by making World No.1 Sharapova look silly and Federer passed through his tenth Grand Slam title without dropping a set; I suspect he will win all four in 2007.

One thing I don't like about tennis (which must be said is a game of skill, battle of wills, clever thinking, and athleticism) is the ability introduced at the US Open last year, to be able to "challenge" line calls. A friend of mine suggested that because it is only able to be done on the show courts that this further benefits the top players but I see this as something far more incidious.

The thing about sport in general is that if you happen to stuff up, you aren't going to get lauded, or put a company into bankruptcy, endanger peoples lives or get fired. Sports are one of the few places in this life when one can acheive total perfection. Hand in hand with this happens to be the person in charge, who in my opinion should have total, exact and perfect authority over proceedings.

On the sporting field one is subject to certain rules and the referee/umpire/gamemaster as the authority one is playing under, even if they know nothing and have no concept of the rules, even if they're totally biased, then the players simply should not have the ability to question anything at all.

There are a few classic examples where the referee either has or should have exerted this authority. John McEnroe should have been sent off on multiple occasions for talking back, Ian Meckiff's cricket career was ended prematurely as a result of his bowling action when he was called for throwing four times in his only over at Brisbane in November 1963 during the first Test against South Africa by umpire Colin Egar. I can think of least a few dozen examples of motor racing cars either being banned or disqualified for technical infringements and on the football pitch, red cards are given for unsporting conduct or more frequently dissent.

Why then should professional tennis players who make their living playing what is after all a game, under a set of rules, then be allowed to question those people who have been given the job to interpret them? Grant that the technology exists, but as per the 3rd Umpire in cricket the technology in my opinion should only be allowed to be referred to by either the chair umpire, the linesmen or an independant referee who is still part of the refereeing staff.

I do believe that someone should review referees if they happen to do a bad job but as a player it's out job to learn to take the good with the bad. The ultimate response to bad refereeing is simply to play better. Both champions Serena Williams and Roger Federer passed through their finals without "challenging" anything. Does this prove my point?

Addenda: I agree with BJD's assertation that MySpace happens to look really silly. I for one have never seen a single MySpace site that looks remotely like I want to visit. Kind of like those vacant homes that squatters live in.

Horse 710 - Two Pints & A Wimmen, Please!

I was reading through the great and powerful London Times when I stumbled upon this article.

Lonely Welsh people in a last ditch effort to snag themselves a lady friend have taken to getting their mugshots on cartons of milk. Isolated young farmers in Wales are finding it so hard to meet anyone new that they are looking for love by putting their photographs on the side of milk cartoons. The inference is that with the long hours and the nature of being out in the middle of nowhere, that many farmers struggle to enjoy any social life at all, let alone find a partner.

Quite famously, the side of milk cartons was once reserved for the faces of missing persons. This if anything could tell people where those missing persons happen to be... farming in Wales. I had an interesting thought though - Does the kind of milk carton that one gets their face on indicate what sort of lady they are looking for?

Skim Milk - Looking for a skinny young wench
Full Fat - Looking for a sturdier lass
UHT - Looking for one with no taste?

It does make you wonder about the Welsh though, I thought that they were all content with their woolly friends.

and yes, I failed to get through an article about Wales without making a sheep joke

Horse 709 - Not Obvious

How many states are in the United States of America?
Whilst people may say that there are 50, then this would be patently wrong because the correct answer is 46.
Huh? I hear you ask. That doesn't make any sense. Well the long and the short of it is that it makes even less sense when I explain this but first a history lesson.

4th July 1776 - the only date in American history that everyone without fail happens to know. It's the date upon which the Declaration of Independance was presented to the British. If you look at "Old Glory" you'll find 13 stripes for the original 13 colonies. These are thus.

Province of New Hampshire
Province of Massachusetts Bay
Colony of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations
Connecticut Colony
Province of New York
Province of New Jersey
Province of Pennsylvania
Delaware Colony
Province of Maryland
Colony and Dominion of Virginia
Province of North Carolina
Province of South Carolina
Province of Georgia

Sounds proper and normal so far but upon further examination we find a few rouges.

In 1785 the residents of Kentucky County petitioned Virginia for their own legislature. The petitioned the state legislature for the County to be recognized as "free and independent, to be known by the name of the Commonwealth of Kentucky." On June 4, 1792 Kentucky County became officially the "Commonwealth of Kentucky."
1. Kentucky is NOT a state, it's a Commonwealth.

Virginia itself was never a state. It had formally declared its own independance from Great Britain on Jun 29, 1776. Virginia's constition formally states (and I checked this through their website) that "Commissions and Grants shall run, In the Name of the Commonwealth of Virginia, and bear taste by the Governor with the Seal of the Commonwealth annexed."
2. Virginia is NOT a state, it's a Commonwealth.

The Official Seal of Pennsylvania does not use the term, but legal processes are in the name of the Commonwealth and it is a traditional official designation used in referring to the state.
3. Pennsylvania is NOT a state, it's a Commonwealth.

According to the constitution of 1780 Massachusetts is officially named "The Commonwealth of Massachusetts" before this time it was referred to as the Province of Massachusetts Bay and as one of the 13 orginal colonies, it never needed to establish itself as a separate entity with the Continental Congress.
4. Massachusetts is NOT a state, it's a Commonwealth.

The only other thing that bears mention to this is that little square sort of cut out in the top right hand corner of the map. District of Columbia is neither a state nor part of a state. Interestingly because of this, the Tenth Amendment to the Constitution doesn't apply. Total jurisdiction over the District is in the hands of the Congress in "all cases whatsoever" which means that residents actually have no say in Congress at all despite being ruled by it.

The United 46 States, 4 Commonwealths and 1 Not Really Anything of America just doesn't really have the same ring as the USA, does it?

Horse 708 - << IMPORTANT X LOTS >>

QF 108 - 26 May Sat, Sydney, 7:25am
Terminal 1, Charles Kingsford Smith Airport
Woohooooo!

Gina is coming to Sydney!

This is Birthdays, Christmases, Cup Finals all rolled into one. Shout it from the rooftops and mark it in the diary, now! Now! NOW!!

Horse 707 - Never A Frown With...

UK Chancellor of the Exchequer (which I think is a far nicer title than our Treasurer) Gordon Brown, is currently in India on an official tour in what is expected to be something of of a test, because it is likely that after the next General Election it his he who will be Prime Minister of Her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

Political Observers on Fleet St say the chancellor's three-day visit is an attempt to move beyond fiscal policy and strengthen his international credentials but this trip it must be said has been something of a political nightmare what with the racism scandal currently rocking the UK as a result of Celebrity Big Brother on Channel 4.
Speaking in the city of Bangalore on his first official trip to the country, Britain's prime minister in waiting talked of a "new world order" (which I find somewhat worrying).

I must admit that whilst listening to the radio last night, I went from Radio 4's news to Radio 1 with Jo Whiley and she was playing the song Golden Brown by The Stranglers. Perhaps my mind by that stage was being warped by lack of sleep, but I couldn't help but think that their song fitted perfectly in the current climate, albeit with a few minor alterations as below.



Gordon Brown texture like sun,
With the Right off Tony Blair runs,
Try as he might,
Can't stand and fight
Always a frown on Gordon Brown

'97 is in the past,
Blair's still here,
But he'll never last,
Dubyah's demands,
Tie Tony's hands,
Fat man with frown is Gordon Brown

Gordon Brown settled for less,
Through the years his plan's going west,
Campbell must pay,
Screws the UK ,
Naught but a frown from Gordon Brown

Woohoo

Horse 706 - Just A Minute

Currently at 10 to midnight and thanks to the miracle of the internet I'm listening to that perennial panel game Just A Minute on BBC Radio 4. The rules of this game (which was invented atop a number 13 bus) are dead simple. One has to speak on a subject without hesitation, repetition of any words or deviation from the subject.
This in principle sounds like a simple thing to do but if you consider even within the confines of this very sentence the amount of times that someone actually repeats a word, you'll find that it's actually quite a hard thing to do.

A point is given to anyone who is able to make a correct challenge on any of the rules or alternatively, if an incorrect challenge is made the point is given to the person who was interrupted. Bonus points are awarded for keeping the subject at the end and for any witty remarks for which the chairman happens to find amusing.

Due to the nature of the scoring system, the points are often quite idiosyncratic and it is possible to speak for an entire 59 seconds without a mistake and still not get even so much as a single point for your effort. Contestants like Clement Freud and Paul Merton are particularly good at making interjections for the sole purpose of winning bonus points.

I think one thing that the show does is still show the power of radio as a medium. You can very easily do something else like the ironing while the program is on. Radio game shows are something I think have been sadly lost on the Australian public, and I for one thank the BBC for continuing to produce them.
If I was given my wish, I should like to run a version of this on Vega with me as chairman. Wouldn't that be brilliant?

Horse 705 - We've Already Got The Answer!

I found it interesting that the motor companies in America are really good at producing slightly different versions of the rest of the world's cars. I've written previously about the Chevrolet Malibu which is the Vectra; the Chev Cobalt is the Astra and Ford USA builds the Focus.

The venerable Crown Victoria in America has been around since 1979 and packs a 4.6L V8 under the hood; its main use is Police and Taxi work. The somewhat aging motor throws out 239bhp or 182kW. Enter my suggestion for a new motor car, or rather an old one... The Ford Falcon. Its 4.0L inline 6 chucks out 249bhp or 190kW in base trim, uses less fuel, puts out less emissions, is faster, accelerates harder and surprisingly has a smaller turning circle.



The scary thing about this is that the Falcon was originally an American car. So what went wrong?

Well nothing really. The Falcon in American eyes was rejected because it was seen as too small, but in Australia where European sensibilities saw the rise of the hatchback, the Falcon went from being Ford's staple car to their big car. As petrol prices have soared over the past few years, suddenly the car which was too small now looks just about right; with the bonus that we've been developing it since 1963.

So when the Falcon adopts the Orion platform c.2008, it could very well be the replacement to the Crown Vic. How funny would it be to see a 25,000 strong fleet of yellow Falcons in New York City? To Australian eyes, it would be just like Melbourne.

Horse 704 - Give It A Name!

I cast my mind back to Year 9 History class for this. We had a scary teacher called Mr Menkes who walked around the classroom with a big metal sword that someone in a metalwork class made. The word association game was some sort of ice breaker I guess and I was sitting next to a very heavily built lad (who eventually played as the Lock in the Rugby team) who had a face that looked like a dropped pie, and a brain with about as much sense as tieing a Magen David and a pork chop to the back of a motorbike and riding through Tehran.

The following responses stand out like spires in the smog:

The Word is EAT
Joe's
What do you mean Joe's?
Eat at Joe's?
I can see that this is going to be a difficult year Rollason.
And you Park?
Sleep
I've got you pegged as well.



The Word is CAMEL
Lotus
Lotus? How do you put Camel with Lotus, oh very funny.
(Camel cigarettes were the main sponsor of the Lotus F1 team at the time)
Park? Why do I even bother?
Ice Cream
The word was Camel, Park; not Eat.
Yeah, but if I was on a camel, I'd be hot.

The Word is AMERICA
Apart from 2 girls who both said Disneyland in this row, the other 14 so far have all said Baseball. I shudder to think at what you two come up with. Go on, if we must.
Vespucci
What?!
Vespucci. America was named after Amerigo Vespucci. They changed it to a female name because all of the continents have female names.
-
Sir?
I don't know what to say actually. That's really quite intelligent.
Park?
The only thing I could think of was going through the desert on a horse with no name.
Oh dear.
You'd think that if you were in the desert with nothing else to do you'd at least give the horse a name!

Is there a point to this story? Probably not. So why tell it? Because this whole post was based on a word association of it's own. When I sat poised at the keyboard wondering what to do about this issue of Horse, that little episode of half of my lifetime ago came back.

Can you just imagine Race 6 at Flemington on the first Tuesday in November?
As they approach the 3000m mark it's Darren Beadman by 12 lengths on... sorry, but we don't have a name listed for this horse.

AAAAA 703 - AAAA AA AAAA AAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAA!

Horse 702 - Left-Handed People Look Gumby

After we'd been smacked about the park in some urbane display of contempt in the name of the "sport of gentlemen" we were sent into the breech to attain a target nearly double of what we'd previously achieved for season 2006/7. Upon Mark Bailey's return to the pavillion after a paltry 1 run, he remarked that left-handed bowlers were difficult to bat against because they "looked gumby"

The state of left-handedness has long been frowned upon with either concern and/or ridicule. In ancient Sparta, babies that were found to be left-handed were left on a hillside to the south of the city to fend for themselves. There are tales of the latter city-state where a left-handed boy dared to encroach upon the throne of one of the kings by opening the door to his chamber, wherein the king found out and ordered that this young lad be loaded into a catapult and hurled out of the city.

In Ancient Rome, left handed people were generally the suject of ridicule and under the reign of Caligula, a directive forced the murder of a considerable number of left-handed children. The Latin words for right and left are Dextre and Sinstre from which we get Dexterious and Sinister - does this mean that left-handed people are evil?

We decided yesterday that left-handed people were made out of wood, and therefore witches, and therefore we should burn them!... and that they still looked gumby.

Horse 701 - Skegness Is SO Bracing

Skegness will become the new Antibes at the heart of a North Sea Riviera as unbearably hot summers drive tourists away from Mediterranean resorts, the European Commission forecast yesterday while announcing new targets to combat greenhouse gases.

The EU in setting new targets for greenhouse emmissions came to the conclusion that as the planet heats up, then former resorts in the Mediterranean will be too warm to attract tourists, and so places on Britain's East Coast and other places on the North Sea are potentially new holiday spots.

Or are they?

I found this on a Lincolnshire Council's website as an official reply.

"If the Lincolnshire coast is to become the new Riviera, this would be wonderful for the local economy. Skegness has a fantastic theatre, which attracts some of the top names, as well as Fantasy Island, which claims the biggest rollercoaster in Europe. We have the highest concentration of caravans in Europe and some of the best beach donkeys in the country."

Best beach donkeys in Europe? Are they mad? Well quite possibly yes, but is this this the way to sell holidays in Britain to the rest of the world? Ibiza may have rave parties and illicit drugs but come to Mablethorpe because we have Johnnycakes and Rock Candy.

Does this mean that somewhere in about 2055 people will flock back to that jewel of the North-West, Blackpool again? We might see a return to its glorious heyday, until then as before people will realise that it's all a bit naff.

Skegness is SO Boring... but at least we're not Mablethorpe

Horse 700 - But It Was Always The Same... Ikky Poo!

I spent a bit of time thinking about this post because I realised that the first words of this would have to be quite profound, so here goes...

Welcome to Horse 700

Here's another profundity... I hate pretzels. Not the pretzels in the packet that are prone to making George Costanza thirsty but the ones that come from major shopping centres and the little booths therein.

Thanks to "I've Turned Up A Day Early From Holidays Because It Wasn't Written In The Diary Day" Day, I suddenly found that at 9:01am I had a whole extra day of holidays. So I took the opportunity to visit the Macquarie Centre in the hope of finding a new pair of Air Force Ones owing to the fact that the last pair I had got ruined by fatal death.

The Macquarie Centre is a dead confusing place. Rather than have actual floors, it spirals around a central set of shops such that if you walk around 4 corners, you're precisely one level above or below where you were. I found that as I was up the Myer/Borders end of the centre, that there was a distinctly foul, horrid & unsalubrious eminating from that end.

The business which calls itself Pretzel World I'm quite sure engages in adequate OH&S practices and all Dept of Health regulations but it still doesn't change the fact that their unappetizing smell, is very akin to spew. I'm not keen on eating something from which hordes of vomitaciousness undead olfactory zombies attack every portion of my nasal passages.

This is not all that uncommon. Across the road from UTS is the Carlton & United Brewery, which every afternoon would consistently throw millions of stinkoid particles into the air. I remember being in a History of Economic Thought class when an invisible zone of pustulent paranormal poo-smelling particles paraded through our priory of learning and the class was abandoned for 20 minutes.

Pretzel World, I can't handle this,
Your smells are too stinkalicious for me babe... YUK!!!

Horse 699 - Propagating a Meme Because I Can't Think of Actual Material Today

1. Initials: ATR
2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: I don't know of anyone personally but I know of Eddie Irvine, Martin Luther and Screaming Lord Sutch
3. Last thing you ate? Toast
4. For or against same sex marriage: Against
5. I say Shotgun! You say? Potato. Let's call the whole thing off
6. Last person you hugged? Mishka
7. Do you believe in God? Yes and so? Even the demons do that
8. How many Australian states have you been to? Which ones? All of them
9. How many of the Australian states have you lived in? Which ones? 3. NSW, Vic & NT
10. Ever lived outside of Australia? Where? The UK
11. Name something you like physically about yourself: I can stay awake for a long time
12. Something non-physical you like about yourself: My mind goes on strange journeys
13. Who is your best friend? Katja? Probably
14. Why are you still up? Good question, NEXT!
15. What/who made you angry today? A BMW 130i reg GRN-80W
16. Favorite type of Food? Fresh
17. Favorite holiday: One with a destination but no plan
18. Do you download music? I prefer the record store
19. What illegal things have you done? Why
20. Where would you want to go on a first date: I like parks and riverbanks
21. Would you date the person that posted this? James? No - sorry Jimmy
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? Nah
23. Do you love anyone? Yes, yes and yes. In many senses
24. Do you like Howard? Not him nor his government
25. Have you ever bungee jumped? Yes
26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting? No
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Only in a motor accident
28. How much money ya got? Enough for at least a kebab
29. Have you met a real redneck? I'm friends with a few
30. How is the weather right now? Night time
31. What are you listening to right now? Steve Wright on BBC Radio 2
32. What is your current favourite song? In terms of no. of plays it's "Take Me To Another Town" by Emma Bunton for 2007
33. What was the last movie you watched? Night At the Museum
34. Do you wear contacts? No
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? Bunnings
36. What are you afraid of? Places I can drown
37. How many piercings and tattoos do you have? Nil
38. How many pets do you have? One black cat
39. Have you ever loved someone? Yes
40. What turns you on? Intriguing people
41. What do you usually order from Starbucks? A long black
42. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes
44. Fav. TV show? At the moment it's Black Books on the ABC
45. Do you have an ipod? Yes, 40 gig 4G
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? No
47. When are you 47? 2025
48. Who would you like to see right now? Christ would be pretty cool I think
49. Favorite movie of all time? The Italian Job
50. Do you find yourself loved? YES!
51. Have you ever regretted something you didn't do? Haven't we all?
52. Favorite flower? The Scottish Thistle
53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? Plain
54. What Magazines are you reading? Auto Action
55. Have you ever ridden in a limo? I own one
56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? A few people
58. What’s something that really bugs you? Poor spelling and punctuation
59. What are some things you really like doing: Driving, playing or watching other people play
60. Do you like Michael Jackson? Not particularly
61. Whats your favorite smell? Castrol TTS
62. Favorite basketball team? The Weaponettes
63. Favorite cereal? Kellogg's Corn Flakes
64. Do you drive? Yes.
65. What's the latest you have ever stayed out? All night
66. What’s the longest time you’ve gone without sleep? 47 hours between London and Sydney
67. Last time you went bowling? About a month ago
68. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? At Geelong Bus Station
69. Who was your last phone call? Someone from Cable Solutions
70. Last time you were at work: 23rd Dec 2006
71. Whats your favorite city to be in? Liverpool, UK - Sorry as far as cities go, it feels the most like home

Horse 698 - Jimmy's English Lesson

Punctuation 101: The Apostrophe

'

The humble apostrophe is one of the most misused and misunderstood grammatical markers of the 21st Century. As far as the English lanuguage is concerned, there are but three basic uses for it: as a possesive, as a contractive and as marker in non English surnames for characters that either don't exist of other devices.

1. As a Possessive:
This should be fairly straight forward, though there are exceptions. A possessive is when something owns something else. The rule in this case for the singular is to simply add 's at the the end as in "The cat's food". If for instance the food was owned by multiple cats, then it would be rendered at the end of the plural "The cats' food" - same food, but owned by more than one cat.
The mild exception to this is when the thing which does the owning ends in S. If Rees happens to own the cat then Rees' Cat or Rees's Cat are both acceptable.

There are a few cases for this in real life. St James' Park where Newcastle United play or Lord's Cricket Ground in London are both possessive cases but increasingly proper names like Woolworths and David Jones omit the possessive apostrophe for reasons of nicety.

The exception to this is when the possessive is already an indefinate article such as yours, hers and theirs.

2. As a contraction:
These are again obvious. This is when two words are mashed together in common usage. Most commonly is the n't variant which means "not" as in didn't, shouldn't and couldn't. Other variants include I'll and it's.
"It's" is an interesting case. Its is an indefinate article as a possessive and so does not need an apostrophe but it's is a contraction for it is. "It's its head" is one of those rather quaint clauses where seemingly a word is repeated but on reflection is merely the operation of a contraction.
The other commonly seen use is in a term like the '70s where the 19 has been dropped.

3. Foreigness:
Names like O'Reilly, M'Gregor, du'Pree and D'Angelis are all cases where a contraction is made from a foreign language. Ahah you say, but O'Reilly and M'Gregor are already English words! Ahah I say, they're Irish Gaelic and Scottish Gaelic respectively.

So then Jimmy, in review, the line in that song:

From the heavens mercy streams
As it stands it says that there are multiple heavens or that they are vast in number. Sort of, kind of maybe? Well this is one of those archaic uses of English that still exists where the singular and the plural are either interchangeable or are the same word. A similar case exists for sheep and deer.

To add the apostrophe is thus:
From the heaven's mercy streams
Does this imply that something comes from heaven's streams? Although plausible it's not likely.

There are two other cases that warrant investigation.
1. Fortnight
Strictly speaking, this is a contraction and in Shakespeare's day was written as fort'night. Like the now unused se'nnight which meant seven night, a fort'night then as now means a fourteen night period.

1. Hear'Say
Hear'Say were the winners of the British series of Popstars in 2001. The reason why this apostrophe hangs in the air waiting to be explained in the group's name was for a while open to conjecture. Some commentators said it was a deliberate attempt to appeal to a youthful audience by imitating an informal, uneducated style, while others suggested it was simply a case of bad grammar on the part of its creator.
I happen to agree with the author Lynn Truss who argues that "the naming of Hear’Say in 2001 was a significant milestone on the road to punctuation anarchy."


So please learn how to use this piece of gramar. Don't look like a pratt!

Horse 697 - Nil - Five to the England

From one of the most remarkable Ashes series victories when England beat Australia in 2005 for the first time in 18 years to to worst result in nearly 80 when the touring English side managed to lose every match in a five test series, the England selectors have to be wondering what went wrong surely. I can tell you in a few short words... five batsmen.

If you look through the batting cards of England this summer they have been nothing short of abysmal but really it's only the last five that never fired. To wit:

1st Test- Brisbane
15-5 and 77-5

2nd Test - Adelaide
DNB and 35-5

3rd Test - Perth
101-5 and 14-5

4th Test - Melbourne
24-5 and 53-5

5th Test - Sydney
33-5 and 33-5

Now admittedly, the tail isn't usually picked for it's batting ability, but when you're up against the likes of SK Warne and GD McGrath then between them they've taken more test wickets than any other two bowlers in history. Perhaps thankfully by the time of the next Ashes series in England, neither of them will be there and as 2005 proved, a side without those two can be beaten by mediocrity.

Yes a 5-0 whitewash is a very black day on which the side wil fade to grey over (nice use of colours there) but it's something to look forward from. I mean let's be totally brutal here, no-one can ever do a worse job than what we've seen this summer can they?

Horse 696 - ABCDE & bits from Melbourne

A
Area-7 at the Espy is still a hard act to follow. This creaky old hotel in St Kilda does however manage to hold itself together whilst the people inside bounce up and down to the infectious ska that comes out of the place.

Maybe it's because they've disappeared off the radar for the last few months but Area-7 played nothing from any of their albums or EPs. The show I saw last night was for all intents and purposes, Area-7 as a covers band. People would yell stuff from the pit and almost without warning, they'd launch into whatever the first person said. Literally music on demand and it's a skill which few bands will even attempt.

B
The Melbourne Test has ended in 3 days with Australia rolling onto what could very well be the first whitewash in Ashes history. England elected to bat on the first day and could only muster 159 as the rain came, went and came again. In reply Australia played on a drying wicket and Hayden and Symonds who scored his maiden test century, made the English bowlers look like a Sunday club.
England's second innings was as dismal as the first and with grey skies above, the action on the pitch wasn't much better. The only real glimmer of class came from Monty Panesar who batting at No.11 had the sheer cheek to belt a Shane Warne delivery back over his head.
The Sydney Test on Jan 2 is the last hope for England to walk away from this with a shred of confidence: certainly it lies in tatters at the moment.

Eng 159 & 160 def by Aus 411

C
I have been exploiting Melbourne's tram network to the point of laziness. At one point I needed to go to a cashpoint machine and rather than walk the block to get there I saw that a tram was coming down the street and got on and off, thus saving me maybe a couple of hundred yards walk.
It's interesting that once you have a weekly Metcard, the idea of validating the trip once on just never dawns. If a connie were to inspect tickets, then it would still read the expiry date at the end of the week. In fact Connex has such a hard time counting the number of trips made that they're even running a mass campaign at the moment for people to validate their tickets.

D
The number of English people in Melbourne at the moment is scary. Assuming that the crowd was bi-partisan, than that by inference means that there's 40,000 running around the centre of town. For the moment the city sounds slightly skitzoid, with the voices of the Mother Country and the crosses of St George all around.

E
A thought just occured to me. One of Deano's favourite comments in church is that God replaces peoples colours with his own. Now if you look at the world's flags you'll find in principle a few basic designs.
a) the tricolour as invented by france, or horizontal like Germany and Austria
b) the cantoned flag - ala the USA, Australia, Malaysia
c) the religious flag - either with a cross or a crescent on
Seeing the crosses of St George around the place is interesting. When England took up the flag during the crusades, it was most definately saying to the world that they believed in and were fighting for God. The Union Flag whilst being British and not English is a combination of three crosses.
The United States on the other hand has a distinctive flag but it doesn't openly say anything about where it's heart lies. The coins and the banknotes declare "In God We Trust" but unlike England or say Pakistan, the flag ironically doesn't.
Meanwhile what does the Union Flag in the corner of the Australian Flag say?

PwnXor3d

Horse 695 - Postcards From History

Dear Abram,

The people here are very free and easy. We've been enjoying the nightlife and no mistake, but sadly they start demolition tommorrow so we'll be forced to leave. Still, as the wife says it will be something to look back on.

Lot.

Dear Mum,

I'm having a wonderful time I think, therefore I am.

Rene Descartes

Dear Victoria,

I have arrived at a very large waterfall which I have decided to name after you. Your messsenger Stanley arrived last week, he is rather a presumputuous chap.

Dr David Livingstone

Dear Doris,

I know you must be terribly worried about me but please disregard what you read in the tabloids as it was Granny Smith who hit me. I trust that you'll understand the gravity of the situation.

Sir Issac Newtown

And finally I found one from Sir Samuel Morse:

Dear Dot,
Must dash.

iYear - 2006

In 2006 the total number of songs mainly due to increases in Podcast entries now sits at 5028. I still however detect a hint of bias in the statistics, though that's expected.

1. (NE) I'm Confused - Alan Partridge - 40 plays
2. (NE) Congratulations - Silvia Night - 35 plays
3. (20+) Love Like a Bomb - Oasis - 31 plays
4. (NE) Ramen 3bun Cooking - Ai Otsuka - 29 plays
5. (NE) LDN - Lily Allen - 28 plays
6. (1) Part of the Queue - Oasis - 28 plays
7. (20+) Please Leave the Train - London Underground Anouncement - 27 plays
8. (3) Lyla - Oasis - 27 plays
9. (5) Mind the Gap - London Underground Anouncement - 26 plays
10. (15) Wonderwall - Oasis - 25 plays
11. (20+) Exterminate - Dr Who - 24 plays
12. (6) The Hindu Times - Oasis - 24 plays
13. (20+) Fall to Pieces - Avril Lavigne - 23 plays
14. (20+) A Bell Will Ring - Oasis - 22 plays
15. (20+) Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis - 22 plays
16. (20+) Lillibulero - BBC Radio 4 - 22 plays
17. (20+) Am I Paying For This Abuse - Blackadder - 21 plays
18. (20+) Due To Derail - CityRail Announcements - 21 plays
19. (20+) Katamari On The Rock - Katamari Damacy - 21 plays
20. (20+) Let There Be Love - Oasis - 21 plays

In similar fashion 15 of the top 20 were from the UK, and 4 of the 20 are under 30 seconds long. There are 5 re-entries into the top 20 and all of them are by Oasis. Of the top 100, 78 are from the UK. In the grand scheme of things, precious little has changed eh?

Horse 694 - The Content of Their Character

Shane Warne has announced his retirement from cricket today as the highest Test wicket taker of all time. Whilst he will be remembered for "The Ball of the Century", he'll also be remembered for:

Weather forecasts and bribery in India

Joe the Camerman

Lewd text messages

Being caught smoking whilst being the spokesman for Nicorette

Smashing a kid's camera in NZ

and those photos in a London hotel room

The paper today called him a colourful identity. The term "colourful" is usually reserved for mobsters and lords of the underworld of organised crime.

Nevertheless, Warney leaves as the hero of many a Test Tour, ripping through batting orders like a chainsaw through a box of kumquats. Full of bite and the once "Sheik of Tweak"

Horse 693 - Tom Cruise is Officially Bonkers

Either I've really gone mad and therefore need to be locked up or there really could be a shread of truth in the rumour that Victoria Beckham has been lines up to star in Tom Cruise's new Scientology film.

The former Spice Girl has apparently been picked to play an alien bride in The Thetan which based on the bizarre sci-fi cult, who believes in alien life forms.

Tom Cruise has had to bankroll the project himself after it was rejected by all the major film studios and is said to have picked Victoria for the role after being impressed by her "comic genius".

Certainly I'm starting to think that Tom Cruise at least could very well be an alien. If he's not an alien and Scientology is a fraud then he's certainly a wacko nutjob.

Thinking that Posh Spice is a comic genius... I think we should put Mr Cruise in one of those special jackets where he can hug himself all day long, la la la...

Horse 692 - Arrogant Prat!

Who are you to me?

I found this picture contained within a PDF of a prospectus for a merchant bank who is fast gaining a reputation for buying up everything. The accompanying caption is "Stand tall on your opposition". Now I don't necessarily think that I'd enjoy being friends with this person, for the simple reason that I suspect that I might be stood on, beaten down and left behind. There is a word for this: Arrogance.

Such a brilliant word. The word itself conjures up images of flying higher than everyone, that sensation that the world is somehow beneath us. It is a sneaky thing, sometimes it flies in through a half-checked window and like The Raven quoths Nevermore.

You come down the stairs in the morning and notice shoes lying on the kitchen floor. Then you look closer and notice that they are your shoes. Will you pick them up? No. That's the job of someone else. Then you see garbage lying by the back door, garbage that's been there for a day, or two. Will you take it out? No. That's the job of someone else.

We're in traffic and going to make a left turn. Common courtesy says to put on our blinker, to let the person in the car behind us know that we're going to be turning. Do we? No. Who are they to me? We're entering the front door of some store somewhere, and you notice some strangers behind you. Do you hold the door open for them? "Why should I?" you wonder to yourself. "Who are they to me?" We're tired and we start to yawn. Do we cover our mouth? No. So what if others are staring right at us, seeing our tonsils? Who are they to me?

Arrogance says, "Yes, I always have to be right." And so we stand our ground even on small matters, matters of little consequence. Even if no one asks for it, we always point out when others are wrong.

Arrogance also sneaks in when we have different agendae than the people around us. For instance, where are we going to eat today? What are we going to watch on TV? Where are we going to go on holiday this summer? What color should our house be? What kind of car should we buy? More importantly, who is going to get the old car? Arrogance says "It's my way or the highway. We will eat where I want to eat. We will watch what I want to watch. We will go on holiday where I want to go on holiday. And you can be darn sure that I'll be driving the new car."

Arrogance can sneak in when other people have success. Because arrogant people really don't like when others have success. In fact, we put down other people's accomplishments. We see flaws in other people's achievements. And we belittle other things that people are proud of. We certainly don't lavish praise on them.

Arrogance can sneak in also whenever we encounter people who are different than us. The laborers who mow the lawns and tend the gardens and care for the council parks. If we are not careful, it doesn't take long for this arrogance to slip into our psyche. It is an arrogance that comes from status. The checkout operator at the supermarket, the guy who comes to fix the phones, the lady who runs the bank, the person at the coffee shop - are any of them really less valuable?

Finally arrogance can sneak into our minds when we are being penalized or punished. Arrogant people don't believe the rules apply to them and when they get busted for breaking the rules, they don't believe they should be punished. So, they fight the speeding ticket even though they know they were speeding. They bad mouth the boss even though they knew they broke a rule.

I hate pride and arrogance. - Proverbs 8:13

This should be the last word on the matter. Arrogance isn't not only unpretty but is hated by God. I stand on shaky and hated ground. Am I an arrogant prat?

Horse 691 - I am a Terrorist Apparantly

What with the avian flu that came and went without trace and SARS that also shot through, we've been sitting waiting for out latest bit of terror to be manufactured for us to be scared of.

On my way home this afternoon I stopped just outside of Top Ryde and decided to pour myself a cup of tea (from the remains of the flask that I'd made this morning). Whilst sitting there a panda car came up behind with a full set of lights flashing and two constabulary enforcers of the law stepped out . I had a breath test taken and they searched the Ka and ended up swiping two sets of chopsticks. I wondered what one earth all of this was in aid of and wondered that if I asked I might be done in for sedition.

As it turns out they were suspicious of my red car because it happened to be stopped with occupant directly under the flight path of the North-South runway. Now Mascot is in fact some 19 kilometers away at this point but I guess that in this age of terrorism everyone truly is a suspect.

Then again, my car does happen to have a ticking clock it the dashboard...

Horse 690 - This is the Meaning of Life

It makes perfect sense that we can't really very well give God anything that he already doesn't own. Let's face it, the Chap is so big, powerful (add superlatives etc) that he actually owns everything at all time in the whole of the space-time-mass-energy thingo.

If this is the case, then what the heck are we here for? Aren't we totally redundant in the grand scheme of things? What is the point to our existance? What is the meaning of life?

I think that this has been answered sufficently before.

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.
- Ecclesiates 12:13

I've often heard it said that they want to know what the meaning of life is. I don't honestly think that you could possibly get any more explicit than this. Or perhaps you'd like that directly from God himself:

Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always.
- Deuteronomy 11:1

I did a search for things I'd flagged in my electronic copy of the NIV and came up with the following...
Search result:842 Results

842 results. That's 842 times that we've been told what the meaning of life is. Now if God already owns everything and he's told us what he wants from us, doesn't the rest fall into line pretty easily? Do you think that He'd give us tools for the job in advance to do just that?

When we talk of a man doing anything for God or giving anything to God, I will tell you what it is really like. It is like a small child going to his father and saying, "Daddy, give me sixpence to buy you a birthday present." Of course, the father does, and he is pleased with the child's present. It is all very nice and proper, but only an idiot would think that the father is sixpence to the good on the transaction.
- CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

C. S. Lewis was comparing that to his belief that God gave him and us the gifts that we possess to serve him. We should do it humbly, with humble hearts, realizing how we got the gifts in the first place.
- Leigh Nash

Or if you wish, perhaps you'd like a piece of mail that someone once wrote to someone else. Don't worry, they won't mind if you go through their mail.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
- Ephesians 2:10

Created by God, for God, to do His work. Is that good enough for the meaning of life for you? I'd write more but don't have the time-space-energy to go through another 842 things for you.

Horse 689 - Diamonds Aren't My Best Friend

I've been hearing an advert on the radio a lot this month, and the tag line is this:

... because a diamond truly is forever. So this Christmas, say it with diamonds. From De Beers.

I hate diamonds. There I've said it, I hate diamonds. As a piece of ornamental jewellery they're prized for their ability to throw back fantastic amounts of colour. Part of this is to do with their internal structure. They have a relatively high refractive index because the arrangement of the carbon atoms is a whole heap of triangular pyramids. This also gives diamond another property - they are in fact terribly brittle. It you were to hit a diamond with hammer (and yes I have done this) they not only shatter as you expect but also turn to dust.

I'll say it again, I hate diamonds. Everything about them disgusts me. I hate shallow girls comparing carat size with each other, I hate admiring people’s rings, and I hate walking past ostentatious jewelry stores. I hate the fact that people fight and kill each other over control of diamond mines so that some poor chap can spend four months working in order to purchase something for a girl in order for her to show off and conversely to show her off. I hate the materialism and vanity that goes with diamonds. I hate fake salespeople and their slick ways of talking you into buying the latest bracelet, Seiko watch, or oversized rock. I hate how infants are starving to death or people are dying of easily curable diseases while people spend thousands on a tiny ridiculous rock. I hate how I can’t bring myself to wholly hate diamonds. Sparkly, shimmery, beautiful diamonds.

I have to continually remind myself of why I abhor diamonds. As soon as I do I can walk away from the polished glass diamond counter, breathing a sigh of relief that I’m not the type of chap who likes things like that, however much colour they can throw back.

The biggest reason that I don’t get into the diamond market is that buying diamonds hurts people. Somewhere between 4 and 15 percent of diamonds traded are part of something called "conflict diamonds" (or "war" or "blood diamonds") This means that people with guns and weapons take advantage of people without guns and weapons and make them mine diamonds in horrible conditions to help pay for those guns and weapons. These guns also keep those without guns from causing a fuss about anything illegal or atrocious that the mine operators do. In the last ten years some 3 million people have been killed. Countless more have lost their hands or feet so that they could serve as examples to others. These people with guns also use the profits from diamonds to buy more guns to support other unwholsome activities but let's not say anything about the Congo, Sierra Leone, Zimbabwe or South Africa just yet.

But let’s say that a person really wants diamonds. Let’s say they are willing to go the extra mile and pay the extra ¥£$ to purchase a certified, non-conflict diamond. They can’t. There’s no way to be sure you’re not buying a conflict diamond. (Well... there is, there is a type of laser scanning technology, but it is not used, due to little demand for it.) There are also organizations and sanctions trying to keep the diamonds straight, but nothing works really well. In the process of mining, cutting, polishing, and setting, a diamond passes through many hands. And it takes just one person with their eye out for number one to scramble up the pot and ruin it for the rest of them.

Let's say that somehow, you have gotten a hold of a non-conflict diamond. You went to the mine yourself and saw well-paid, of-age, happy workers mining diamonds. They worked in safe conditions and could go home to their family with all four limbs intact. Can you dish out your hard-earned dough, feeling good about what you’ve done? Maybe you can, but the toddler who lost both hands to serve as a lesson to his parents working in the mines can’t.

Diamonds are not as valuable as most people believe. The price is kept unnaturally high by very powerful diamond lobbies; mainly by the South African company De Beers who since the late 40s have cartellised and controlled the market. By paying that lofty price for your non-conflict diamond, you are keeping conflict diamond prices high, and making it very much worth their while in Congo to keep those mines open and keep on mutilating and killing for profit.

Stepping off that soapbox for a while I’ll jump onto another one. Another reason I don’t like diamonds is all the materialism, greed, and vanity that goes with them. It’s hard to even know where to start. From all these ads on television and billboards, I am almost starting to believe that diamonds are no longer just a symbol of love, they actually mean some sort of concrete materialisation of love for some people. If I were to take this seriously then I would believe that any problems people's relationships or lives have, a new piece of jewellery will fix it.

A husband should feel as though he is a lesser man because he didn’t buy his significant other a large enough stone? That his love doesn’t mean anything unless it comes paired with a full carat stone affixed atop a platinum band? His wife doesn’t need quality time or support or even some help matching the socks, just a new pair of diamond earrings come Valentines day?

I hope that isn’t how real people think. Oh man, I really hope that is not how people think, but I’m pretty sure some people do. Isn’t love how you treat each other, not the size of a ring? That those fingers might be clammy, that you spend pointless time worrying about their wellbeing and safety, that you might throw your back out for them? And why else do people buy bling, if not to express their love for another person? To impress people? To feel better about themselves for being such a generous person? I hope both of those reasons are empty enough that I can leave it at that.

Horse 688 - Triple MMMadness

If all of the rumours are correct, then next year for Sydney radio on MMM, the landscape will look very different indeed.

The Cage which is currently on an extended season will most likely not appear on Sydney radio. The five pronged attack of JB, Fitzy, Parko, Brig and Pete Berner who will strangely continue to work out of Sydney, will continue on MMM in Melbourne.

The morning slot in Sydney will in all likelyhood be taken over by The Shebang with Marty Sheargold and Fifi Box, who currently operate out of two separate studios. Of course their foray into morning radio will place them up against Merrick & Rosso on Nova and Kyle and Jackie O on sister station 2Day FM.

This leaves the afternoon slot free for none other than Wil Anderson former co-host of the JJJ breakfast show to take over. 2Day FM will take the full two hours of Hamish & Andy from Melbourne's FOX FM.

2GB still leads the ratings war with Alan Jones' morning program still the most popular in Sydney which says more about fuddy-duddies than it does about the drivel which this man continues to spew.

If you're confused by all of that then don't worry. Vega 95.3 is still out there somewhere and for 2007 will continue to broadcast its own brand of irrelevance which only 3 people and their hamster listen to.

Horse 687 - THe Kelly Gang Wins

Toll HSV Dealer Team's Rick Kelly has been confirmed as the 2006 V8 Supercar champion after a marathon appeal hearing today. The appeal hearing, which lasted over four hours, saw three stewards once more review the incident in race three at Phillip Island where Rick Kelly made contact with the back of Craig Lowndes' car.

This caused Lowndes' car to make contact with Todd Kelly, with Lowndes and Todd Kelly spinning before Lowndes' car was struck by Will Davison.
The incident badly damaged Lowndes' car while Kelly's was virtually unscathed, the subsequent drive-through penalty given to Kelly costing him far less time during the race than the bent steering cost Lowndes.

The two drivers had entered the race equal on points after 33 of 34 races. With Kelly finishing eleven places ahead of Lowndes in the final race, Kelly won the title.

As with the Investigating and Prosecuting Officer's review yesterday, the stewards today decided that the original decision of a drive-through penalty was the correct punishment for Kelly's actions, and that no further punishment was necessary. With the results remaining unchanged, Rick Kelly was confirmed (again) as this year's V8 Supercar champion.

Unfortunately what this does suggest is that if you happen to take out your oppponents in this sport, then the governing bodies will take only token actions. It's a step further down the slope; the thin end of the wedge.

RIP: Sportsmanship, gone to join Nobility and Fairness.

Horse 686 - Cochicken

If you want to look at something surprising, head on over to Will It Blend, a website for a company that sells blenders. One of the things that they blended was a roast chicken and a can of Coke.

On the website it says "Don't Try This At Home". Now usually if I hear that, the first thing that I want to do is to go out and try it. Removing the bones from chicken fillets, and then adding Coke to a blender, produces an opaque mixture that appears for the most part like milkshake. Let me tell you it is:

Just Like a Chocolate Milkshake - Only Chickeny

Horse 685 - The Weakest Link

Disciples Edition
Presented by Cornelia Frances

Cornelia: Well disciples, I'm afraid you've done quite poorly. You've only accumulated 5 bits of fish and a couple of bread rolls. It's not what I'd want for my last supper. Now who is just not contributing? Who is a liability to the cause?
It's time to vote off The Weakest Disciple.

Cornelia: Simon, who is also called Peter, you voted for Judas. Why?

Simon Peter: I just have this feeling that he might be the one to betray us.

Cornelia: Right, I see. He's also the only one who's banked any money. 30 pieces of silver to be precise.

Simon Peter: I just think he's the one who's going to let us down.

Cornelia: Well we'll see just how smug you are after the cock has crowed then?
And Thomas, you voted for Judas too. Do you think he's happy about that?

Thomas: I doubt it.

Cornelia: Yes, you would doubt it Thomas.
It's votes that count and it looks like you Judas have been voted as The Weakest Disciple. Goodbye.

Judas: Well yes it is true, I've betrayed innocent blood. I'm going to find a tree and then hang myself.

Cornelia: Well you've certainly taken it better than most of the contestants on this show.

Horse 684 - 1337 Po3try

+3h Ro4d no+ +4k3n
Rob3r+ Fro$+

+wo ro4d$ div3rg3d in 4 y3llow wood
4nd $orry I could no+ +r4v3l bo+h
4nd b3 on3 +r4v3ll3r, long I $+ood
4nd look3d down on3 4$ f4r 4$ I could
+o wh3r3 i+ b3n+ in +3h und3rgrow+h;

+h3n +ook +3h o+h3r, 4$ ju$+ 4$ f4ir,
4nd h4ving p3rh4p$ +3h b3++3r cl4im
b3c4u$3 i+ w4$ gr4$$y 4nd w4n+3d w34r;
+hough 4$ for +h4+, +3h p4$$ing +3hr3
h4d worn +h3m r34lly 4bou+ +3h $4m3,

4nd bo+h +h4+ morning 3qu4lly l4y
in l34v3$ no f33+ h4d +rodd3n bl4ck.
Oh, I k3p+ +3h fir$+ for 4no+3hr d4y!
Y3+ knowing how w4y l34d$ on +o w4y,
I doub+3d if I $hould 3v3r com3 b4ck.

I $h4ll b3 +3lling +hi$ wi+h 4 $igh
$om3wh3r3 4g3$ 4nd 4g3$ h3nc3:
+wo ro4d$ div3rg3d in 4 wood, 4nd I --
I +ook +3h on3 l3$$ +r4v3ll3d by,
4nd +h4+ h4$ m4d3 4ll +3h diff3r3nc3

Horse 683 - I Agree With An Islamic Dictator

The title says it all. Most people if they heard that in isolation probably would think that I'm a basket case, but this particular Islamic Dictator has said possibly the most intelligent thing by any politician on earth in 60 years.

General Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan has suggested that talks begin between India and Pakistan to decide the future of the territory of Kashmir.

Pakistan is prepared to give up its claim on Kashmir, the demand for plebiscite in the region and on implementation of UN Resolutions if both countries agree on the four-point solution proposed. Gen Musharraf said that Pakistan was prepared to give up its claim to Kashmir if India and Pakistan agree on the four-point solution (a solution in which boundaries are not changed and India does not have to give up any territory).

President Musharraf also made it clear that if the four-point solution, which includes no change in boundaries of Kashmir, making borders and the LoC irrelevant, staggered demilitarisation and autonomy or self-governance with a joint supervision mechanism, is agreed upon, Pakistan would also give up on the UN resolutions and its long-standing demand for a plebiscite. He said when both sides are negotiating, it meant compromise and compromise could never take place without stepping back. So inherently, both sides would have to give up their positions and step back.

If you bear in mind that Kashmir was once an independant kingdom, and an independant kingdom that joined the Union of India in 1935 of its own volition, then the idea that Kashmir should again return to the state of an autonomous country is really the only course of action that should have happened in 1947 when Pakistan and India split.

Quite frankly the actions of both India and Pakistan for 60 years have been nothing short of criminally stupid and have wasted far too many lives pointlessly. To stand back, walk away and give the people back their own country is the most excellent solution.

Horse 682 - John Howard Will Win in 2007

Australian Politics despite what people say is really very simple. Voters in this country are on the whole only concerned with their hip pocket and will vote accordingly. If you look back at election results going back 60 years to when "Ming" took power in 1949, we find that an encumbant government has only been voted out of office 4 times - 1972, 1975, 1983 and 1996.

The election cycle at a federal level since 1949 has been dictated by one factor: Australia's economic performance, comprising a combination of the inflation rate and unemployment rate. Australians are only prepared to vote out a government federally when the economy is experiencing stagflation - a relatively high unemployment rate and high inflation. Because stagflation is rare in Australia, since the election of the Menzies Government in 1949, change of government at a federal level is also rare.

From 1972-73 to 1980-81, unemployment kept rising: the average rate jumped to about 7 per cent. By 1972, the inflation rate had also leapt to above 7 per cent. With this combination, the long reign of conservative government ended in December 1972.

But the election of a Labor government federally was short-lived. Unemployment continued to worsen between 1972 and 1975 and inflation went through the roof, reaching 17.6 per cent in March 1975. Gough Whitlam was voted out of office at the end of 1975.

Unemployment continued to rise during the Fraser Government, but it stayed in power until March 1983 thanks to a trend downwards in inflation from 1975 to 1982. But inflationary pressures set in again, with the inflation rate hitting 12.5 per cent in September 1982. With unemployment reaching 9.7 per cent in February 1983, the Fraser Government lost the federal election.

The Hawke-Keating Labor Government was in power for 13 years. Between 1983 and 1990, the unemployment rate fell from 10 per cent to below 6 per cent (5.8 per cent in January 1990), holding back any change in government from inflationary pressures and rising interest rates (which were about 17 per cent at the time of the 1990 election).

After the 1990 election, Australia went into recession. By February 1993, unemployment had reached 10.8 per cent and everyone, including the Labor Party, thought the Hawke-Keating Government was over. The 1993 election was unwinnable for the then prime minister, Paul Keating.
But Keating won. Why? Although unemployment was at record high levels, inflation had dropped significantly. In March 1993, the inflation rate was about 1 per cent. Between 1993 and 1996, unemployment fell to 8.1 per cent, still historically high. But by December 1995, the inflation rate had risen to 5.1 per cent. Keating lost in March 1996 in a landslide to John Howard.

The annual inflation rate in Australia was only 3.9% in the three months to Sept. 30, the second consecutive quarter it has breached the Reserve Bank's target band of between 2-3%. Although prices have been rising, it's not yet enough to make people hurt. And despite the fact that the Federal Government is telling us what a good job it's doing (after selling the rest of Telstra and making people buy something which they used to own), really Mr Howard's Government isn't really doing anything at all and nor does it need to.

So long as the Australian Voter is as thick as cement, then Howard had nothing to fear. 60 years of evidence proves this.

Horse 681 - Making Peace With Santa

For many years I've made fun of the stupidity of Santa Claus. It just seemed a bit silly to me that we'd deliberately lie to children with such an implausible lie. Flying Reindeer? A man who went round the whole world in one night when planes take 22 hours to get to London and satellites orbit every 90 minutes. When there's actually nothing at the North Pole (I knew of Amundsen's expedition at an early age).

Francis P. Church's editorial letter in the The Sun (New York) to Virginia O'Hanlon of 115 W95th St, is perhaps one of the most famous editiorials of all time. Church's father, Pharcellus, was a Baptist minister and journalist who founded The New York Chronicle, so perhaps his answer was not aimed necessarily at perpetuating a lie but saying something else to the rest of readers of The Sun.

First of all, what is Santa Claus actually for? The modern incarnation of the chap is roughly based on poem "A Visit From St. Nicholas" ("The Night Before Christmas" - published 1823).
The other person who is responsible is the artist Haddon Sundblom who was commissioned by Coca-Cola in the 1930s. So popular were Sundblom's images of Claus (Sundblom's images are used by Coca-Cola to this day) that the urban legend soon arose that Sundblom had actually created the modern image of Santa Claus.
Sundblom also painted the iconic image of the scary Quaker Oats man in 1957; the image is still used in Quaker branding to this day AUGH!!.

The Christian Church is also responsible for its repeated hijacking of festivals. St Nicholas' day which is on Dec 6 is credited with presenting the three impoverished daughters of a pious Christian with dowries so that they would not have to become prostitutes.
Despite Santa Claus's mixed Christian roots, he has become a secular representation of Christmas. As such, a number of Christian churches dislike the secular focus on Santa Claus and the materialist focus that present-receiving gives to the holiday.

Esentially Santa Claus is a marketing piece, albeit one who's as insidious as the Easter Bunny (the only thing I've seen come out of a real rabbit is something that you really do not wat to eat). In that respect he's a bit like Uncle Sam, John Bull or Captain Birdseye. I still think that lying to kiddies is a bit dumb though.

Edit at 1422: Australia need 168 off of 36 overs. England appear to be in trouble... NO!!

Horse 680 - Toast?

... and I will always love you?
- Whitney Houston

England going into the final day of the Fifth Test are 97 runs ahead and only one wicket down in their final dig, but the door is wide open for Australia to steal a victory at the final trumpet... toaster?

The Barmy Army is not just Barmy but decidedly insane.

Horse 679 - It's a "Silly" Place

The genteel game of cricket has a patchwork quilt of phrase and fable that both borrows from and adds back to the colours of the English language. Frequently we can hear people in regular conversation say that they're "stumped" or have been "hit for six". The game itself has stolen phrases from elsewhere, no-one particularly likes fielding "in Cow Corner" for instance.

What may confuse non-followers of the game are those close in positions around the batsman called Silly. During the Second Test this afternoon Jim Maxwell told us that there were: 2 Slips and a Gully, a Point and a Cover Point, an Extra Cover, Backward Square Leg, Mid-On, Long-On and no players in Silly Positions - to which my sister asked "aren't they all silly? I think the whole game is stupid."

Perhaps fielding in a Silly Position is an apt description of the level of the intelligence of someone standing there but if you look at the original definition of the word, perhaps this starts to make some sort of sense.

Silly was originally a description of a thing in a helpless or defenceless state. From this we extend this to either an indefensible state of explanation or a one lacking good sense. A silly state can either refer to being stunned ot dazed or lacking intelligence. So therefore a fielder in a Silly Position is both defenceless (especially when the ball is moving at them at +120mph), lacking intelligence or otherwise they would not stand there and if whacked with the ball would then be dazed. All of which satisfy the very definition of the word.

Silly by 3 counts.

Horse 678 - NEVER Give Up On People

If there's one thing I've learnt over the years it's that we do not have the right to give up on people for any reason - ever. No matter what state people happen to be in or what they actually do to you, then you simply can not and should not give up.

This is going to sound so strange to so many people but there are actually people in the world who intend to hurt you. They derive their enjoyment from either making you look stupid or physically doing damage to you. Yet through this, you must not hinder the gospel.

I had this made somewhat real to me a few years ago when someone I never even thought would listen to what God had to say, is now working as a Youth Pastor. I'm guilty in some respects that if I get attacked my usual response is to pay back in kind - this is wrong.

Look to the cross for the answer. Here was a man who was beaten and battered because He refused to give up on people. When people hurled insults, rocks and abuse at Him he didn't retaliate at all. Even when "hanging" on the cross and being nailed up there which is possibly the most digusting method of execution yet devised He still refused to give up on the people that had done this to Him - "Father forgive them. They know not what they do"

For this weekend although I was hurt (which went away) I took deliberate steps not to hinder the gospel. I'm a sad reflection of my Master, who refused to give up on people but I think I've learnt the principle a little better.

Horse 677 - Mad Dogs & Englishmen

At tea on the second day of the Second Test at the Adelaide Oval, England are 468-4

This afternoon we've seen a controlled batting display by Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood who is finally out for 206. On his way to only the second double hundred by an Englishman in Australia in history, Collingwood was at the crease for 515 minutes - 8 hours, 35 minutes.
Collingwood and Kevin Pietersen shared a record fourth-wicket stand for England against Australia, worth 310 when Collingwood fell on the stroke of tea.

I have heard excuses that the pitch is too hard, or the the ball isn't helping the bowlers. What perhaps needs to be acknowledged is that the two batsmen out there have showed temerity, skill and pluck, whereas the Australian bowling attack of Warne and McGrath which would usually strike fear and terror into the hearts of batsmen is just looking old and unimaginative.

What is midly confusing is that on the radio we're hearing the names of Clarke and Clark and somehow just expected to know the difference.

Horse 676 - The Castle

In summing up, it's the Constitution, it's Mabo, it's justice, it's law, it's the vibe and...
No, that's it.
It's the vibe!

I don't know if the writers of The Castle intended to produce an iconically Australian film, but even if they didn't then this is pretty well much it.

The story follows the exploits of Daryl Kerrigan, a tow truck driver living in Melbourne, and his family. Unfortunately, the local airport wants to expand and plans to evict Daryl's family and their neighbours by way of compulsory acquisition. Daryl attempts to foil the expansion in order to keep his home. He later ends up challenging the legality of the acquisition under Section 51(xxxi - he even learnt Roman Numerals) of the Australian Constitution at the High Court of Australia.

The Castle is a courageous story about one man's obsession with his "castle" and his loathing of officialdom. The humour in The Castle plays on the self image of Australians, most notably the concept of "the little Aussie battler". The movie title is named for the English saying, repeatedly used in the film, "A man's home is his castle." The film also refers to the land rights movement of the Australian Aborigines, with Kerrigan drawing an explicit parallel between his struggle and theirs.

The film was shot in a total of ten days, with a rough-cut ready five days after that. In all, the entire project from conception to completion took just five weeks, and was made with a remarkably low budget. Distributor, Village Roadshow then came in with funding to distribute the film. At the box office The Castle became one of Australia’s most successful films in grossing more than $10 million which then led to large American independent, Miramax Films, buying the US distribution rights for US$6 million.

The film unfortunately suffers from a lack of intelligent dialogue, namely the use of the F word. As far as I know it is the only film in American history to be given an R rating on no other grounds - in Australia the film only carried an M rating, which says something about American predjudice more than anything else. There are no adult themes, no violence (apart from when Kerrigan steals a gate).

It goes on to consistently list itself as one of the classic Australian films of all time; the biggest reason is that the rest of the world has no way to "get"it. Then them they're dreaming...

so much serenity

Horse 675 - I Aint Paying For Telstra

Welcome to the 21st Century proper. This is a land in which the services for which your forebears paid for have been flogged off and now are in private hands. One such example is Telstra.

Despite Australia's telcos announcing advances in technology with great fanfare in recent months, more consumers are now unhappy with the telecommunications industry than last year. The telecommunications industry ombudsman has just released his annual report, which shows complaints are up 10 per cent. The internet was the main cause of concern, with a doubling in complaints about internet contracts, and guess what, Telstra was the worst offender.

Specifically there's been a 44% increase in the number of complaints over the last 12 months, and I will now suggest that this will only get worse. If you read through the reports of the company going back to 1996, you'll find that the level of government investment has proportionally dropped off directly with its shareholding in the telco. With T3, although the government still holds about 17% ex-board, the regulatory effect of this is that its now no longer required at law to trump up any money at all for investment.

Around about $4bn would be required for a full roll-out of broadband services to areas outside of the major cities and whilst in 1995 this would have been paid for out of taxation receipts, the amount that the goverment is now required to find is... $0 The plan for a fibre optic broadband network has also been shelved because supposedly negotiations over regulatory issues with the ACCC broke down.

Perhaps in one of the only occasions I've ever agreed with Rupert Murdoch on anything, is in reference to a comment he made about access to broadband in this country. In the speech he gave to a Press Club Luncheon he called it a "disgrace"; interestingly Sol Trujillo was forced to agree with him, but again there's really little that can be done unless the money is found elsewhere.

The only real solution I can see in the giant investment hole here is for News Corporation to buy out a substantial stake in the telco. News Corp already goes halves with Telstra in the FOXTEL cable TV business, and certainly they have the money.

The bottom line is that as a taxpayer, my share in Telstra is now nil. Telstra has been pushed out of the nest and now should not be allowed to sponge even a red cent off the government. Whether they survive, prosper, fail or die is now longer my concern. If they happen to have a better deal then so be it, but like the Commonwealth Bank or Qantas, I'm not showing any brand loyalty to them.

Horse 674 - What's That Got To Do With The Price Of Fish In China?

Well firstly you need to know what a price actually is. In economics and business, the price is the assigned numerical monetary value of a good, service or asset. Now you can apply rules such as supply versus demand and laws of equilibrium to determine what that monetary value actually is, but generally in most people's lives, it will be the amount written on the sticker and the amount that you're required to pay in order to get said good and or service.

Now if you apply this theory to the actual shopkeepers in China who mark uo the price of their fish, you will find that very little of what you happen to do in life will have anything to do at all with the price of fish in China. In fact, unless you happen to be either a major fishing company, a grocery chain or perhaps a maratime regulatory authority then literally everything you do in life will have nothing at all to do with the price of fish in China.

This therefore renders the question along the realms of rhetoric, in which case the best defence against a rhetorical question is usually a surreal answer; these are usually best ascribed in legal terams as these are practially untraceable.

What's That Got To Do With The Price Of Fish In China?
Well it never used to have an effect before 1997 but then the communists took over Hong Kong because the lease has expired and so the price is now dertermined by the Communist Party and part of its price policies.
Unless you happen to understand the law in relation to Chinese Price Structures then you won't understand what the answer means, so although I could tell you, there is no point really.