This post comes from the rainy city. The city of public transport that works, and where restaurants are actually open at 3am. Welcome to Melbourne.
I'm here for an Australian Taxation Office Tax Seminar (w00t - not) but amongst other things, there'll be an AFL match I want to see and an exhibition featuring the works of Picasso at the National Gallery of Victoria. Not to mention the TV50 display on at Federation Square.
The drawback with this is that there wont be any photographs. The weather here is a typical winter's day in Melbourne and is nothing short of VILE. The rain is coming in from the sides and in some places is actually coming upwards.
Hopefully when I'm looking at paintings that I can't work out what they're supposed to be, when I'm watching telly of famous people that I've never heard of and listening to lectures about taxation that don't concern me, I'll be inside and most of all warm.
Aint Melbourne grand?
Horse 586a - Additional
The rain held out long enough for me to visit the NGV and see the Picasso exhibit. Now I realise that I'm an uneducated Philistine when it comes to the realms of pure art but I still have to ask the question - "What was this guy on? Was he on the gear? Was he smoking ice in a back alley and painting the pretty colours that he saw?"
There's not really an explination for the paintings that were on show but suffice to say that the whole thing has passed over my head like several flights from Heathrow Terminal 4.
I also happened to watch Australian Rules football at that cauldron of Australian sporting culture the MCG. The G was no where near capacity (only about 47,000 people) but the noise eminating from that place could probably be heard as far away as St Kilda.
The Hawks lost by 10 points...
Also on this, walking around in my Hawks jersey after the match, people on the street would ask you what the score was and what it was like. The people of Melbourne are far more friendly than Sydney. Maybe it's all of those hook turns and trams but people actually treat other people like... people, instead of annoyances which impede progress and get in one's way.
Horse 586b - Additional
Despite the spin doctors and their jazzing up of "Southern Cross Station", people here still call it Spencer St. I have also yet to discover what purpose Flagstaff station has either. It is always perpetually closed.
For those taking notes, I'm staying at the Toad Hall. Every time I walk out of the front door I feel like yelling "poop poop, ahah!", though I suspect that the Water Rat and the Badger would look down on such rakish and outlandish behaviour.
July 08, 2006
July 06, 2006
Horse 585 - Aye The Noo
The fine people of that country north of Hadrian's Wall are reknowned the world over for several things. Their whisky which is a lovely soothing drink that can be enjoyed by all and often leads to windows being broken and sectarian violence at football matches. The other primary thing that one usually thinks of when one mentions the Scots are their inadequate trousers that have a rather skirty sort of feel. To complete the look they will often carry a set of bagpipes with sound like a cat being strangled (in an entirely different way to the way Wagner sounds), and that other almost redundant pouch, the sporran.
Because apparantly I do have some Scottish heritage, I am entitled to wear a tartan, though it must be said the only tarten that I would knowingly choose would be the Stewart F1 racing tartan from 2001. The next question I need to ask when I purchase my Scottish attire would be "what is kept in a sporran anyway?". The answer from what I can gather is surprisingly utalitarian.
I must admit that what I would keep in my sporran would be different to what it would have been in the past. Following in incident with yoghurt a few years ago, I have learnt not to keep perishables in my sporran.
Look as you might you will not find cheese or even come cold sliced pieces of meat for a snack. Now it's all stationary, tissues, a selection of pencils (go on take one), I really don't mind. Underpants, Mars Bars, Milky Ways, and occasional bus tickets for those journeys across town, mind you, you do not actually want to take a seat on the bus for fear of someone looking upwards.
I suspect that traditionally one should keep items like gun powder and buckshot in a sporran though without a military context all that you could expect to find in your average Scotsman's sporran are things like keys, a money clip, credit cards, and identification of some sort. Personally I prefer a decent HB.
Because apparantly I do have some Scottish heritage, I am entitled to wear a tartan, though it must be said the only tarten that I would knowingly choose would be the Stewart F1 racing tartan from 2001. The next question I need to ask when I purchase my Scottish attire would be "what is kept in a sporran anyway?". The answer from what I can gather is surprisingly utalitarian.
I must admit that what I would keep in my sporran would be different to what it would have been in the past. Following in incident with yoghurt a few years ago, I have learnt not to keep perishables in my sporran.
Look as you might you will not find cheese or even come cold sliced pieces of meat for a snack. Now it's all stationary, tissues, a selection of pencils (go on take one), I really don't mind. Underpants, Mars Bars, Milky Ways, and occasional bus tickets for those journeys across town, mind you, you do not actually want to take a seat on the bus for fear of someone looking upwards.
I suspect that traditionally one should keep items like gun powder and buckshot in a sporran though without a military context all that you could expect to find in your average Scotsman's sporran are things like keys, a money clip, credit cards, and identification of some sort. Personally I prefer a decent HB.
Horse 584 - Peter Pan
Peter Pan was the boy who didn't want to grow up, a little bit like our very own John Howard who still thinks it's 1956 and has only just got around to getting himself a television.
Born in the very wealthy southwest London borough of Kensington, Chelsea, he disappeared one evening and strangely social services were not called. He then went to prance around with a small girl called Tinkerbell which can only be one of those strange names given to children born of pop-stars like Apple or Heavenlt Hirany Tiger Lily.
Not happy with his underground exploits with pirates such as Smee and a man with a strange clawed hand (that is to say illegal activties on the high seas, rather than flogging off copied movies down at the local tube station). He used to nip into the chambers of other children and drag them along with him - aiding and abetting it could be called.
One night a child who was named after the outlets of the sanitation system, John, was enjoying a restful kip when suddenly the elfin child appeared at his window. "Hello" he said "I've come to take you away from the drudgery of school and football and take you to a nether world of madness".
Someone accused me of having a Peter Pan complex and by this I thought that they meant that I refused to grow up. As it turns out they were merely pointing out my fascination with wearing green tights, running across inner-city rooftops, and flying. However I would suggest that if anyone would try to combine these ideas one would simply get thrown off the aircraft.
Born in the very wealthy southwest London borough of Kensington, Chelsea, he disappeared one evening and strangely social services were not called. He then went to prance around with a small girl called Tinkerbell which can only be one of those strange names given to children born of pop-stars like Apple or Heavenlt Hirany Tiger Lily.
Not happy with his underground exploits with pirates such as Smee and a man with a strange clawed hand (that is to say illegal activties on the high seas, rather than flogging off copied movies down at the local tube station). He used to nip into the chambers of other children and drag them along with him - aiding and abetting it could be called.
One night a child who was named after the outlets of the sanitation system, John, was enjoying a restful kip when suddenly the elfin child appeared at his window. "Hello" he said "I've come to take you away from the drudgery of school and football and take you to a nether world of madness".
Someone accused me of having a Peter Pan complex and by this I thought that they meant that I refused to grow up. As it turns out they were merely pointing out my fascination with wearing green tights, running across inner-city rooftops, and flying. However I would suggest that if anyone would try to combine these ideas one would simply get thrown off the aircraft.
July 04, 2006
Horse 583 - The Commonwealth of America
The Continental Congress voted 12-0 on the 2nd of July 1776 that the fledling colonies should break away and declare their independance from the United Kindgom. The official announcement and hence the date of the 4th is the date by which the terms of Jefferson's declaration should take effect.
Despite the genesis of Independence Day, it is largely uncommon for Americans to express anti-British sentiment on the day or to view it as a celebration of anti-colonialism. Indeed, most Americans today consider the United Kingdom their greatest ally. Rather than specifically as an opportunity to commemorate the end of British rule in the 18th century, contemporary Americans generally perceive the holiday as a celebration of the U.S.A. itself and the political values that motivated the United States Declaration of Independence.
Independence Day is as far as I know the only holiday celebrating the United States as a whole.
So what would have happened is those 13 colonies had not signed the Declaration? What would have been if the instrument of the United States had not existed?
I suspect that what would have happened is that America would have adopted a slightly different constituition more akin to something like Australia and been eventually awarded Commonwealth status which is different to Canada and New Zealand which were Dominions.
The Canadian Constitution which is the oldest of the 3 has the pre-amble as follows:
Whereas the Provinces of Canada, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick have expressed their Desire to be federally united into One Dominion under the Crown of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, with a Constitution similar in Principle to that of the United Kingdom shall form and be One Dominion under the Name of Canada; and on and after that Day those Three Provinces shall form and be One Dominion under that Name accordingly.
Unless it is otherwise expressed or implied, the Name Canada shall be taken to mean Canada as constituted under this Act.
The Constitution of Canada provides the framework by which the powers of the Provinces and the Nation are spelled out. The respective constitutions of Australia and New Zealand also act very similarly.
America instead of being called the United States of America would more than likely been afforded Commonwealth Status with with the same sort of relationship between the states and the federal parliament to Australia. And because they would be a Commonwealth would called be the Commonwealth of America, still hold a bicameral parliament and more than likely have cabinet appointed from elected members rather than the case at the moment where not one single member of the cabinet is appointed by the people.
Actually , Queen Elizabeth II in Australian, Canadian and New Zealand politics has no executive power at all, so in this regard America would probably have the same level of autonomy and sovereignty as now.
I think culturally the Commonwealth of America would be as a nation less militant than now. The rights of free citizens would have been extended to all sooner, certainly under English common law no person could be recognised as the property of another and how this came about in the USA is somewhat of a mystery to me.
Also because the constitution would be different, the 2nd Amendment which gives Americans the right to hold firearms would not exist, so I suspect that the place would be safer.
So in all consideration without the dilemmae of slavery and guns in society, America would have been a better place.
Despite the genesis of Independence Day, it is largely uncommon for Americans to express anti-British sentiment on the day or to view it as a celebration of anti-colonialism. Indeed, most Americans today consider the United Kingdom their greatest ally. Rather than specifically as an opportunity to commemorate the end of British rule in the 18th century, contemporary Americans generally perceive the holiday as a celebration of the U.S.A. itself and the political values that motivated the United States Declaration of Independence.
Independence Day is as far as I know the only holiday celebrating the United States as a whole.
So what would have happened is those 13 colonies had not signed the Declaration? What would have been if the instrument of the United States had not existed?
I suspect that what would have happened is that America would have adopted a slightly different constituition more akin to something like Australia and been eventually awarded Commonwealth status which is different to Canada and New Zealand which were Dominions.
The Canadian Constitution which is the oldest of the 3 has the pre-amble as follows:
Whereas the Provinces of Canada, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick have expressed their Desire to be federally united into One Dominion under the Crown of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, with a Constitution similar in Principle to that of the United Kingdom shall form and be One Dominion under the Name of Canada; and on and after that Day those Three Provinces shall form and be One Dominion under that Name accordingly.
Unless it is otherwise expressed or implied, the Name Canada shall be taken to mean Canada as constituted under this Act.
The Constitution of Canada provides the framework by which the powers of the Provinces and the Nation are spelled out. The respective constitutions of Australia and New Zealand also act very similarly.
America instead of being called the United States of America would more than likely been afforded Commonwealth Status with with the same sort of relationship between the states and the federal parliament to Australia. And because they would be a Commonwealth would called be the Commonwealth of America, still hold a bicameral parliament and more than likely have cabinet appointed from elected members rather than the case at the moment where not one single member of the cabinet is appointed by the people.
Actually , Queen Elizabeth II in Australian, Canadian and New Zealand politics has no executive power at all, so in this regard America would probably have the same level of autonomy and sovereignty as now.
I think culturally the Commonwealth of America would be as a nation less militant than now. The rights of free citizens would have been extended to all sooner, certainly under English common law no person could be recognised as the property of another and how this came about in the USA is somewhat of a mystery to me.
Also because the constitution would be different, the 2nd Amendment which gives Americans the right to hold firearms would not exist, so I suspect that the place would be safer.
So in all consideration without the dilemmae of slavery and guns in society, America would have been a better place.
July 02, 2006
Horse 582 - Why?
Why was Rooney sent off?
Why did Figo start the match after being suspended in the previous match?
Neither of these questions can be answered within the realms of sanity. Luis Figo's start of this match was as the result of a FIFA directive - conspring against England. When Rooney was sent off for a harmless shove, England were reduced to 10 men and Sven had to reshuffle things to put on Crouch.
In the end neither side could score in regulation time and the match ended in the standard farce, the penalty shoot-out. This means that for all tournaments under Sven Goan Eriksson, England were never beaten in free play even once.
I'm disappointed with the whole thing.
England 0
Portugal 0
(on penalties)
Why did Figo start the match after being suspended in the previous match?
Neither of these questions can be answered within the realms of sanity. Luis Figo's start of this match was as the result of a FIFA directive - conspring against England. When Rooney was sent off for a harmless shove, England were reduced to 10 men and Sven had to reshuffle things to put on Crouch.
In the end neither side could score in regulation time and the match ended in the standard farce, the penalty shoot-out. This means that for all tournaments under Sven Goan Eriksson, England were never beaten in free play even once.
I'm disappointed with the whole thing.
England 0
Portugal 0
(on penalties)
July 01, 2006
Horse 581 - I Say, Still Repeal the Second
All the way back on 20th January 2005 I commented in Horse 280 about a report in which Chicago had overtaken Washington as the murder capital of the world. My general comment about this was that if gun ownership wasn't seen as a constitutional right and if less people had them, then people wouldn't be using them to kill each other.
I find about 3 days ago that a pro-gun person who is intent on having an argument, has provided an incoherant set of statements and then asked me to provide a reply... this is that reply.
First, let's revisit the Second Amendment shall we?
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. - 2nd Amendment
As with all documents, you need to look at the intent of the legislation and also the character of the language as it would have been used.
A well regulated Militia - this is fairly straighforward. A Militia is basically a small unit of troops be they organised by the state, freemercenaries or on a contract or hire basis. If you bear in mind the simple fact that the USA was borne from a war and could not have provided a standing military immediately then this makes sense.
being necessary to the security of a free State - again this refers to the nation and its ability to defend itself. The straw that finally broke the camel's back as it were was the specific imposition of taxes on the 13 colonies. Despite several key players actually having fought for the British against the French (George Washington etc) the 13 colonies wanted to show themselves as distinct, ie a Free State.
the right of the people to keep and bear Arms - This is a collective statement and talks about the people as a group. Also keep in mind that the document was intended to be presented to the parliament of the United Kingdom, "the people" in context refers to the nation and not the individual.
Also, "bearing Arms" in general parlance of the late 18th century generally meant that one was going to fight in the army. Whilst it may be true that arms can be borne by brother against brother, yet again this is meant as an external document.
shall not be infringed - What is an infringement? An infringement is not a transgression of the law but rather a violation of something or when something as been exceeded. Do we therefore take it to mean that the right shall not be exceeded or violated? Yes!
The arguments that are always put forward in these arguments are threefold. Self-Defence, prevention against tyranny and the actual right are always held up.
Self-Defence - A gun is an instrument who's sole purpose is to either maim or kill people. Nobody EVER has the right to do either.
Prevention Against Tyranny - Would a small group of individuals be able to stop a tyrannical government with a modern mechanised army with a show of force? Of course not, to think otherwise is delusional.
The Actual Right - As stated above the right was intended in the defence of the nation not licence for people to own instruments of war. Used improperly the law is a dangerous thing with ramifications that were never intended.
I honestly think that the Second Amendment was intended for a limited time until the proper facilities of government were installed. As an 18th century stop-gap it worked very well but in a modern context is a dangerous thing.
I find about 3 days ago that a pro-gun person who is intent on having an argument, has provided an incoherant set of statements and then asked me to provide a reply... this is that reply.
First, let's revisit the Second Amendment shall we?
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. - 2nd Amendment
As with all documents, you need to look at the intent of the legislation and also the character of the language as it would have been used.
A well regulated Militia - this is fairly straighforward. A Militia is basically a small unit of troops be they organised by the state, freemercenaries or on a contract or hire basis. If you bear in mind the simple fact that the USA was borne from a war and could not have provided a standing military immediately then this makes sense.
being necessary to the security of a free State - again this refers to the nation and its ability to defend itself. The straw that finally broke the camel's back as it were was the specific imposition of taxes on the 13 colonies. Despite several key players actually having fought for the British against the French (George Washington etc) the 13 colonies wanted to show themselves as distinct, ie a Free State.
the right of the people to keep and bear Arms - This is a collective statement and talks about the people as a group. Also keep in mind that the document was intended to be presented to the parliament of the United Kingdom, "the people" in context refers to the nation and not the individual.
Also, "bearing Arms" in general parlance of the late 18th century generally meant that one was going to fight in the army. Whilst it may be true that arms can be borne by brother against brother, yet again this is meant as an external document.
shall not be infringed - What is an infringement? An infringement is not a transgression of the law but rather a violation of something or when something as been exceeded. Do we therefore take it to mean that the right shall not be exceeded or violated? Yes!
The arguments that are always put forward in these arguments are threefold. Self-Defence, prevention against tyranny and the actual right are always held up.
Self-Defence - A gun is an instrument who's sole purpose is to either maim or kill people. Nobody EVER has the right to do either.
Prevention Against Tyranny - Would a small group of individuals be able to stop a tyrannical government with a modern mechanised army with a show of force? Of course not, to think otherwise is delusional.
The Actual Right - As stated above the right was intended in the defence of the nation not licence for people to own instruments of war. Used improperly the law is a dangerous thing with ramifications that were never intended.
I honestly think that the Second Amendment was intended for a limited time until the proper facilities of government were installed. As an 18th century stop-gap it worked very well but in a modern context is a dangerous thing.
June 30, 2006
Horse 580 - Forty Years of Hurt
"And here comes Hurst he's got... some people are on the pitch, they think it's all over. It is now! It's four!"
Kenneth Wolstenholme
40 years ago today a nation that had never won a trophy in the sport which was its obsession finally broke the duck and took home the World Cup.
The game in England had suffered in post-war turmoil. England was a stuffy place with the memories of the war still hanging over them. The BBC although a great and powerful institution was heavily set in its ways and still ran a single national radio network split into "The Light Programme", "The Home Service" etc.
Even football had really only just turned professional. Tottenham Hotspur's double winning side of 1961 still only has a wage cap of £3 a week for its players. This was at a time when a shopkeeper could expect to take home £4/11/9 comfortably. So when this was finally dropped for the 1961/2 season, English football suddenly went through a resurgence.
England, managed by Alf Ramsey and captained by Bobby Moore, won the toss and elected to kick off. After twelve minutes, Siegfried Held sent a speculative cross into the English penalty area which Ray Wilson misheaded to Helmut Haller, who got his shot on target. Jackie Charlton and goalkeeper Gordon Banks failed to deal with the shot which went in making it 1-0 to West Germany.
In the 19th minute, Wolfgang Overath conceded a free kick, which Bobby Moore floated into the West German area, Geoff Hurst ran in and deflected the ball into the net for an equaliser.
The teams were level at half time, but after 77 minutes England won a corner. Alan Ball delivered it to Geoff Hurst on the edge of the area, who shot on the turn. The ball deflected high into the air and bounced down into the penalty area where Martin Peters found the back of the net with a half volley to give England the lead 2-1.
In the final ten minutes the Germans pressed for an equaliser. In the final minute, Jackie Charlton gave away a free kick whilst contesting a header with a German player. The free kick was taken by Lothar Emmerich, George Cohen managed to block it but the ball bounced across the England six-yard box - hitting the hand of Schnellinger in the process - and Wolfgang Weber struck home to level the scores at 2-2 and force the match into extra time.
With eleven minutes of extra time gone, Alan Ball put in a cross and Geoff Hurst's shot from close range hit the underside of the cross bar, bounced down - apparently on or just over the line - and was cleared. The referee was uncertain if it was a goal and consulted his linesman, Tofik Bakhramov from the USSR, who in a moment of drama indicated that it was. After non-verbal communication, as they had no common language, the Swiss referee Gottfried Dienst awarded the "de:Wembley-Tor" goal to the home team. The crowd and the audience of 400 million television viewers were left arguing whether the goal should have been given or not.
One minute before the end of play, the West Germans sent their defenders forward in a desperate attempt to score a last-minute equaliser. Winning the ball, Bobby Moore picked out the unmarked Geoff Hurst with a long pass, which Hurst carried forward to score while a few spectators began streaming onto the field, believing that the end of the game had already been signalled.
For 40 years now, the argument has stood over the 3rd goal and whether or not the 4th should have been allowed. A whole generation has grown up and not witnessed first hand an English win at the World Cup. As it stand in 2006 it is possible for England to again meet the old foe on the field.
Let's hope that Skinner & Baddiel's song Three Lions won't be amended to:
Three Lions on the shirt,
Jules Rimet still gleaming,
Forty years of hurt,
Never stopped me dreaming.
England 4
Hurst (18, 98, 120)
Peters (78)
West Germany 2
Haller (12)
Weber (90)
Addenda: One of the most famous images of the Cup Final is this. It does however look like the referee has a football for a head.
June 28, 2006
Horse 579 - It's A Girl!
I was searching through my computer at work looking for files that would warrant cleanup or deletion and found this little gem. That's right it's a picture of the very first day I brought my little Rossalini* home from the car yard. Looking at the photo, I've gone Awwwwwww, it's sooo cuuuuute!
Which brings me to an interesting point. Most males drivers it would seem want a car that's big, brash and causes an oil crisis when you hit the gas. When I bought my little Ka, I wanted something that was small, red and cute. I figured that if I was going to own it for an extended period of time (like forever) then I wanted to make sure that it would still have that "Awwww" factor several years later.
I first saw the Ka at the Earl's Court motor show back in 1996 and thought back then "Oh yes, it will be mine". When they finally hit the Australian market some 4 years later, I knew that it would replace "Mintie" which was a 1989 Hyundai Excel which quite frankly was a cut-and-shut job.
The car is obviously a girl. I mean look at it, do you think a bloke would have a face that cute? Of course it could be argued that as a girl she should wear more chrome and jewellery but let's be brutally honest here - she looks far more honest than the posers who you might find parading up and down the catwalk. The other motors with wings and skirts which do look girly but in reality do nothing for performance.
My sister has a Pulsar and that's quite obviously a boy-car, I mean what self-respecting girl-car would degrade itself in mag wheels and a giant farty sounding muffler?
I'm still not entirely sure about the Mercedes. It wears a lot of chrome and is a grand old car, but makes a grouchy, grumbly rumble everywhere it goes. Nope on second thought it is a girl, or rather a lady. She reminds me of one of those schoolmistresses I had for English classes with horn-rimmed sunglasses, a cranky old lady with a very cross face who'd teach anyone a lesson.
But Rossalini is a girl-car; a little cheeky one at that. 5 years later I still want to go "It's sooooo cuuuuuuute!", which means I did well when I took her home.
ph34r th3 cu+3 on35
*Rossalini - Little Red One
June 27, 2006
Horse 578 - Casserole
In a yet to be released Divulge by BJD, he asks the following questions on fast food: If you owned your own fast food chain, what would it be called? What would be in your happy meal? AND Would you have a healthy menu?
To answer these requires another question which is namely, if you were the proprietor of said fast food restaurant, what sort would it be? Well I had a look around and saw what "the kids" were snacking on at lunchtime to come up with a sure fire winner.
Casseroles.
Yummy, meaty, earthenware cooked casseroles. Who doesn't like a good beef casserole or ragout? Just think: they fulfil all the requirements of a good fast food - they're sloppy, hard to eat while moving, require cutlery, can't be served at a drive through window. In fact they're perfect.
You see the problem with our increasingly porcine population is that they head on down to their local burger joint and can wolf down 20 or 30 burgers. A casserole requires one to sit down and savour the ingredients and because they're of better quality they don't need preservatives and additives with weird numbers like E210, E330, E451, E621 & EIEIO.
No, a casserole forces people to appreciate what's in front of them and to take time. If my restaurant called Rollo's (natch) got off the ground it would be a very happy meal to be had by all, and as for the "healthy choices" menu? If people learnt to appreciate good food in the first place then this need would not exist.
PS: I want casserole now. Ha! I have the skills to make one... suffer!
To answer these requires another question which is namely, if you were the proprietor of said fast food restaurant, what sort would it be? Well I had a look around and saw what "the kids" were snacking on at lunchtime to come up with a sure fire winner.
Casseroles.
Yummy, meaty, earthenware cooked casseroles. Who doesn't like a good beef casserole or ragout? Just think: they fulfil all the requirements of a good fast food - they're sloppy, hard to eat while moving, require cutlery, can't be served at a drive through window. In fact they're perfect.
You see the problem with our increasingly porcine population is that they head on down to their local burger joint and can wolf down 20 or 30 burgers. A casserole requires one to sit down and savour the ingredients and because they're of better quality they don't need preservatives and additives with weird numbers like E210, E330, E451, E621 & EIEIO.
No, a casserole forces people to appreciate what's in front of them and to take time. If my restaurant called Rollo's (natch) got off the ground it would be a very happy meal to be had by all, and as for the "healthy choices" menu? If people learnt to appreciate good food in the first place then this need would not exist.
PS: I want casserole now. Ha! I have the skills to make one... suffer!
Horse 577 - For The Good of the Game
It must be said that FIFA have finally achieved their ends. It makes sense to keep the bigger teams within the tournament so that TV rights can be sold, and it's a pity that Australia who have long suffered under the tyranny of the governing body now have to suffer a bitter pill of defeat at the hands of a penalty which shouldn't have been given.
Italy were reduced to 10 men and to their credit were able to hold on as the balance of power slowly shifted in the direction of Australia. Italy's inability to score was countered by hesitance by the Australian attack to penetrate the 18 yard box. It was this and the fact that the Italian keeper Buffon wasn't really tested that saw this match stay 0-0 for so long.
Already the reaction across Europe seems to be in support of Australia with DW and TVE already lamenting the loss.
DW: The refereeing in this tournament has been disgusting. The amount of undeserved cards, penalties, free-kicks etc has been diabolical.
TVE: I fear that this may have set the game in Australia back another 10 years. This result says to the minnows of football that in the grand design "you really do not matter to us"
I don't bear Italy a grudge, they played well and held out Australia with only 10 men. To their credit they were solid in the face of a constant rain. Italy go through to the next round but must surely realise that with a result such as this, they are in serious trouble of departing from the tournament in the next round.
Italy 1
Totti (95 pen)
undeserved mind you
Australia 0
Italy were reduced to 10 men and to their credit were able to hold on as the balance of power slowly shifted in the direction of Australia. Italy's inability to score was countered by hesitance by the Australian attack to penetrate the 18 yard box. It was this and the fact that the Italian keeper Buffon wasn't really tested that saw this match stay 0-0 for so long.
Already the reaction across Europe seems to be in support of Australia with DW and TVE already lamenting the loss.
DW: The refereeing in this tournament has been disgusting. The amount of undeserved cards, penalties, free-kicks etc has been diabolical.
TVE: I fear that this may have set the game in Australia back another 10 years. This result says to the minnows of football that in the grand design "you really do not matter to us"
I don't bear Italy a grudge, they played well and held out Australia with only 10 men. To their credit they were solid in the face of a constant rain. Italy go through to the next round but must surely realise that with a result such as this, they are in serious trouble of departing from the tournament in the next round.
Italy 1
Totti (95 pen)
undeserved mind you
Australia 0
June 26, 2006
Horse 576 - Fortress England
It was probably generally considered that Ecuador would be a more difficult opponent than Germany in the Round of 16 because of their abilities to atttack savagely and play a style of football that would be difficult to counter. Tenorio's 11th minute chip very nearly broke English hearts, but the saviour was Ashley Cole who sprinted in from what seemed like 300 yards away and deflected the shot.
This was pretty well much the last spark of this encounter. Ecuador spent the rest of the match playing chasey against an English side that although could keep possession for hours, looked without imagination and flair. Even the prescence of Golden-Boy Wayne Rooney did little as they were without ideas. Lampard still seems intent on spraying footballs into the Rhine from on the pitch.
In fact if it wasn't for Beckham's free kick on the hour, England who were playing in white could be mistaken for Germany or worse, di Azzuri playing away. Shouts of "Boring, boring England" were heard from under the crosses of St George as they ended 90 minutes.
Meanwhile, Portugal and the Dutch at the moment are literally trading fists.
England 1
Beckham (60)
Ecuador 0
This was pretty well much the last spark of this encounter. Ecuador spent the rest of the match playing chasey against an English side that although could keep possession for hours, looked without imagination and flair. Even the prescence of Golden-Boy Wayne Rooney did little as they were without ideas. Lampard still seems intent on spraying footballs into the Rhine from on the pitch.
In fact if it wasn't for Beckham's free kick on the hour, England who were playing in white could be mistaken for Germany or worse, di Azzuri playing away. Shouts of "Boring, boring England" were heard from under the crosses of St George as they ended 90 minutes.
Meanwhile, Portugal and the Dutch at the moment are literally trading fists.
England 1
Beckham (60)
Ecuador 0
June 24, 2006
Horse 575 - On Chivalry
Chivalry is derived from the French word cheval, and from the Latin, caballus, and was to be considered from three points - the military, the social, and the religious. It is best known as the belief and practices of the knights of medieval times. It is a code of ethics or conduct upheld by the knights and influenced by Christianity.
Chivalry meant that a knight was loyal, courteous, protective, honorable and gentle. They sought love and glory - for his king and his lady first. Some more traits were courage, being humble, obedient and chaste. They lived to serve their king and country and to defend the crown. They were to show self control, respect to authority and to women, protect the innocent or those weaker or unarmed, they were never to attack an unarmed foe, attack from behind, or use a weapon on an opponent that was not equal to the attack.
They were to administer justice, avoid cheating and lying - and torture, and were expected to avenge the wronged. They would never abandon a friend or noble cause or betray them. They were to exhibit manners, avoid deception, keep one's word of honor and die with valor.
When it came to chivalrous love, they were to avoid avarice, and keep themselves chaste for the one they loved. They were not to break up another's love affair, and they were to keep their own love affair to themselves. They were expected to be polite, courteous, modest, avoid falsehoods and speak no evil. And my favorite, they were to be obedient in all things to the commands of ladies.
Chivalry supposedly died out after the Crusades, but we do see it carried over to the 19th century man in his rules of being a gentleman. Actually, though chivalry originated in medieval times, none were more chivalrous than the men of the 19th century. In the late 1800's, the city/upper class man indeed practiced chivalry and even gave it a new meaning. None would disagree that late Victorian society is when the British Empire was at its most florid. It is from here that the rules of engagement of war, business and courtship were codified.
In our world where everyone is merely looking for number one, a spot of chivalry may be in order. Society would work more smoothly... or is that too much to ask for?
Chivalry meant that a knight was loyal, courteous, protective, honorable and gentle. They sought love and glory - for his king and his lady first. Some more traits were courage, being humble, obedient and chaste. They lived to serve their king and country and to defend the crown. They were to show self control, respect to authority and to women, protect the innocent or those weaker or unarmed, they were never to attack an unarmed foe, attack from behind, or use a weapon on an opponent that was not equal to the attack.
They were to administer justice, avoid cheating and lying - and torture, and were expected to avenge the wronged. They would never abandon a friend or noble cause or betray them. They were to exhibit manners, avoid deception, keep one's word of honor and die with valor.
When it came to chivalrous love, they were to avoid avarice, and keep themselves chaste for the one they loved. They were not to break up another's love affair, and they were to keep their own love affair to themselves. They were expected to be polite, courteous, modest, avoid falsehoods and speak no evil. And my favorite, they were to be obedient in all things to the commands of ladies.
Chivalry supposedly died out after the Crusades, but we do see it carried over to the 19th century man in his rules of being a gentleman. Actually, though chivalry originated in medieval times, none were more chivalrous than the men of the 19th century. In the late 1800's, the city/upper class man indeed practiced chivalry and even gave it a new meaning. None would disagree that late Victorian society is when the British Empire was at its most florid. It is from here that the rules of engagement of war, business and courtship were codified.
In our world where everyone is merely looking for number one, a spot of chivalry may be in order. Society would work more smoothly... or is that too much to ask for?
June 23, 2006
Horse 574 - Don't Wake Me Up Yet
This encounter was always going to be difficult. I'd predicted that before the match that Croatia were going to play like thugs; guess what, they did. This was a most undisciplined match with no less than 12 bookable offences, 3 of which resulted in players being ejected.
Srna's free kick in the 3rd minute is still an utter mystery to me but Australia replied when a penalty was given for a handball in the box by the last defender. Kalac ronnied a weak shot by Kovac to lose the lead again and another penalty should have been given when Srna again handballed in his own 18 yard box. Clearly the referee saw that it had come off at Croatian because he awarded another corner but there was nothing else it could have possibly hit.
Harry Kewell's form which has been inconsistent showed flashes of brilliance and his 79th minute parry across the keeper redeemed himself in my mind for him playing in the yellow strip. Admittedly he will have to do more in the red before I'm convinced that he's worthy of the Liverpool 7 kit, but I hope he remembers tonight for a long time. Kewell's strike has put Australia into a Round of 16 match against Italy, and before he turns down the Australia kit again he'll have to look back at this and realise that he was responsible for this.
The dream still goes on. Whilst Sydney wakes up bleary eyed from this and spends its day powered by caffiene, it and the rest of the country will be exhausted from a night when it rode the roller-coaster of emotion from despair, to relief, back to despair, through anxiousness and finally jubilation.
This is the greatest game in the world, and the quicker that's realised the better.
Croatia 2
Srna (3)
Kovac (56)
Australia 2
Moore (pen 39)
Kewell (79)
Srna's free kick in the 3rd minute is still an utter mystery to me but Australia replied when a penalty was given for a handball in the box by the last defender. Kalac ronnied a weak shot by Kovac to lose the lead again and another penalty should have been given when Srna again handballed in his own 18 yard box. Clearly the referee saw that it had come off at Croatian because he awarded another corner but there was nothing else it could have possibly hit.
Harry Kewell's form which has been inconsistent showed flashes of brilliance and his 79th minute parry across the keeper redeemed himself in my mind for him playing in the yellow strip. Admittedly he will have to do more in the red before I'm convinced that he's worthy of the Liverpool 7 kit, but I hope he remembers tonight for a long time. Kewell's strike has put Australia into a Round of 16 match against Italy, and before he turns down the Australia kit again he'll have to look back at this and realise that he was responsible for this.
The dream still goes on. Whilst Sydney wakes up bleary eyed from this and spends its day powered by caffiene, it and the rest of the country will be exhausted from a night when it rode the roller-coaster of emotion from despair, to relief, back to despair, through anxiousness and finally jubilation.
This is the greatest game in the world, and the quicker that's realised the better.
Croatia 2
Srna (3)
Kovac (56)
Australia 2
Moore (pen 39)
Kewell (79)
June 22, 2006
Horse 573 - Racism?
George W may be accused of being ignorant on a number of issues and it's almost entirely excuseable in the case of football because being a US Citizen, the chances of exposure are/were so very small, but on the other subject to which this post is devoted he should be well versed. On his current visit to Europe, there was a reception with the England football team and of note is a conversation that the BBC played, between George W and England's newest recruit Theo Walcott.
Walcott: I'm the 53rd black player to be selected for England.
GW Bush: Don't you mean African-American?
Walcott: No, I mean black. My family has been in England for over 300 years, so I'm not African; I'm very much English sir.
This raises an interesting point about the subject of racism. George W probably thought that he was being PC by using the term African-American but this only applies if both criteria are met. In the case of Walcott, neither did and he was proud of his own heritage.
I wonder about other labels which have declined in use. The term Negro equally describes black people and is the literal term in both Italian and Portugese, but it is now considered either archaic or a slur. Likewise the term Oriental is a literal designation for the East. Places like Japan and China in a Eurocentic world were called the Far East but interestingly, the Middle East is still a valid use of language.
Which leads me to an interesting point, racism or racist terms only get afforded that status because of connotation and the person hearing it. On a similar note, if you called someone a Nazi, then they would take offence but not because of the political ideas of a centrallised and largely socialst state but because of the inference that they are facist or simply plain horrible. A racist or for that matter any term which exists only does so because of the negative context associated, rather than an affordable description which may otherwise be truthful.
Now I ask a pointed question - Is Wong's Chinese Laundry a candidate for reverse racism despite being run by a Chinese person presumably called Wong? Refer to the panto Aladdin and the Widow Twankey for futher reading.
Walcott: I'm the 53rd black player to be selected for England.
GW Bush: Don't you mean African-American?
Walcott: No, I mean black. My family has been in England for over 300 years, so I'm not African; I'm very much English sir.
This raises an interesting point about the subject of racism. George W probably thought that he was being PC by using the term African-American but this only applies if both criteria are met. In the case of Walcott, neither did and he was proud of his own heritage.
I wonder about other labels which have declined in use. The term Negro equally describes black people and is the literal term in both Italian and Portugese, but it is now considered either archaic or a slur. Likewise the term Oriental is a literal designation for the East. Places like Japan and China in a Eurocentic world were called the Far East but interestingly, the Middle East is still a valid use of language.
Which leads me to an interesting point, racism or racist terms only get afforded that status because of connotation and the person hearing it. On a similar note, if you called someone a Nazi, then they would take offence but not because of the political ideas of a centrallised and largely socialst state but because of the inference that they are facist or simply plain horrible. A racist or for that matter any term which exists only does so because of the negative context associated, rather than an affordable description which may otherwise be truthful.
Now I ask a pointed question - Is Wong's Chinese Laundry a candidate for reverse racism despite being run by a Chinese person presumably called Wong? Refer to the panto Aladdin and the Widow Twankey for futher reading.
June 21, 2006
Horse 572 - England Clear in 2nd Gear
Michael Owen was stretchered off in the 4th minute as England limped to a 2-2 draw with Sweden. Cole's goal was countered when England again looked shaky on defending a corner and yet another Gerrard strike seems to be saving club & country. One however can not discount Henrik Larsson's ugly goal in the 90th which tied it all up.
Now it appears that Sven may have to use Theo Walcott up front at least once. His gamble may
either be the saviour or the death knell of this World Cup campaign. For the moment Sven Goran Eriksson will celebrate the draw with his country of birth with the purchase of some
self-assembled flat-packed furniture. Some door furniture to keep the corners and free kicks out may be in order.
England leave Group B in top spot and will now play Ecuador in the round of 16 on Jun 25. Germany by virtue of kicking Ecuador to the weeds 3-0 will meet Sweden.
Sweden 2
Allback (51)
Larsson (90)
England 2
J.Cole (34)
Gerrard (85)
Now it appears that Sven may have to use Theo Walcott up front at least once. His gamble may
either be the saviour or the death knell of this World Cup campaign. For the moment Sven Goran Eriksson will celebrate the draw with his country of birth with the purchase of some
self-assembled flat-packed furniture. Some door furniture to keep the corners and free kicks out may be in order.
England leave Group B in top spot and will now play Ecuador in the round of 16 on Jun 25. Germany by virtue of kicking Ecuador to the weeds 3-0 will meet Sweden.
Sweden 2
Allback (51)
Larsson (90)
England 2
J.Cole (34)
Gerrard (85)
June 20, 2006
Horse 571 - Beyond the Electric Salad Shooter
As far as electric devices go, few rank up there for utter uselessness as the Electric Salad Shooter. The brand Presto who manufactures these also has a "Professional" Electric Salad Shooter just in case us rank amatuers who are unskilled at using the regular model may one day attain the skills of a salad ninja.
Here then are some other devices which should be invented and marketed; maybe a grand glorious gadget gallery can be gawked at by gastonomic gadget guilds.
Electric Water Unraveller:
Powered by a 30W motor, this handy little device unravells and untangles knotted water that haplessly falls out of the tap. Not unlike a Mechanical Ratchet Smicer, the Electric Water Unraveller utilises rotary cranks and a nozzle so that the water comes out in a pure, untagled stream. The unravelled water is then perfect for storing neatly in the fridge or freezer for later use.
Battery Powered Bookmark:
When most people read a book they carelessly insert their bookmark and plonk the book down without nary a thought for their own personal safety. Don't they realise that the pen is mightier than the sword and even more dangerous, that knowledge is power? All that power has to be discharged safely and the Battery Powered Bookmark via a series of capacitors and transformers is able to step down that power, suitable for domestic use.
Last year alone nearly 35,000 people died because of unsafe bookmark use*
Musical Toilet Roll Holder:
Far too often these days, many jokes are made about going to the toilet. The French consider it to be a solemn occasion requiring tact and poise, but the English speaking world has turned it into the basis of an entire culture.
The Musical Toll Roll Holder plays music sufficiently loudly so that people outside can not hear the embarrasing noises from within. Other functions include a karaoke mode in case one desires a bit of partcipation and for the patriotic there is even a function which plays the national anthem**
Conversation Calculator:
Do you sometimes feel shy? What about if you're nervous and don't know when to say something? Perhaps a special someone has caught your eye and you'd like to get to know them? Then fear not, the personal Conversation Calculator is pre-programmed with all of the necessary and difficult equations required for embarking on the correct time to initiate a conversation.
Eliminate guesswork; by just entering details such as distance, windspeed, Segnomin's Value and barometric pressure, the Conversation Calculator will display in minutes and seconds, the correct time to begin the conversation***
Who knows? Within 5 years these devices could be as commonplace as the LPman, the shoephone and the rocketpack. Perhaps science may come up with other answers to deeper questions like "What are birds?"... we just don't know.
*claim unverified
**ettiquette demands that one should always stand for the playing of the national anthem
***can also be used in reverse mode to calculate Segnomin's Value
Here then are some other devices which should be invented and marketed; maybe a grand glorious gadget gallery can be gawked at by gastonomic gadget guilds.
Electric Water Unraveller:
Powered by a 30W motor, this handy little device unravells and untangles knotted water that haplessly falls out of the tap. Not unlike a Mechanical Ratchet Smicer, the Electric Water Unraveller utilises rotary cranks and a nozzle so that the water comes out in a pure, untagled stream. The unravelled water is then perfect for storing neatly in the fridge or freezer for later use.
Battery Powered Bookmark:
When most people read a book they carelessly insert their bookmark and plonk the book down without nary a thought for their own personal safety. Don't they realise that the pen is mightier than the sword and even more dangerous, that knowledge is power? All that power has to be discharged safely and the Battery Powered Bookmark via a series of capacitors and transformers is able to step down that power, suitable for domestic use.
Last year alone nearly 35,000 people died because of unsafe bookmark use*
Musical Toilet Roll Holder:
Far too often these days, many jokes are made about going to the toilet. The French consider it to be a solemn occasion requiring tact and poise, but the English speaking world has turned it into the basis of an entire culture.
The Musical Toll Roll Holder plays music sufficiently loudly so that people outside can not hear the embarrasing noises from within. Other functions include a karaoke mode in case one desires a bit of partcipation and for the patriotic there is even a function which plays the national anthem**
Conversation Calculator:
Do you sometimes feel shy? What about if you're nervous and don't know when to say something? Perhaps a special someone has caught your eye and you'd like to get to know them? Then fear not, the personal Conversation Calculator is pre-programmed with all of the necessary and difficult equations required for embarking on the correct time to initiate a conversation.
Eliminate guesswork; by just entering details such as distance, windspeed, Segnomin's Value and barometric pressure, the Conversation Calculator will display in minutes and seconds, the correct time to begin the conversation***
Who knows? Within 5 years these devices could be as commonplace as the LPman, the shoephone and the rocketpack. Perhaps science may come up with other answers to deeper questions like "What are birds?"... we just don't know.
*claim unverified
**ettiquette demands that one should always stand for the playing of the national anthem
***can also be used in reverse mode to calculate Segnomin's Value
June 19, 2006
Horse 570 - Obituary English
Wherein the author of this epistle laments the loss of one on his little friends
Iff the reeder of the Englishe being a stewdent of the works of Chaucer was koncern'd, then the rules of the Englishe by the fourmal nayme of Grammar be taken to be. 'Twas betwixt of stone and of the place of flint for ne'er do well those which spoile the rules.
And so we move onto modern English which the large part of thanks falls on the works commissioned by King James (the Bible) and the collected works of Shakespeare (yes, I did start this with a conjuction, I apologise).
There appears to be a blurring over the last 20 or so years of what is actually acceptable in grammar. One expects if this trend were to continue then we could very well see the death of the apostrophe in our lifetime, for very few children are being taught grammar and instead have turned to txt speak sans punc2at3n and whatnot.
How for instance did pwnX0r3d become part of the language? at what point did it become acceptable to not capitalise sentences or use question marks at the end
I ph34r th4t I will b3 klose 2 teh last generation of people who remember the English Language: great and powerful; masterly and exact, as it swept aside all borders conquering all in its wake.
or will mi lingu4 frank4 d363n3r4+3 into teh s&$*%N i* c433 ^536?
Iff the reeder of the Englishe being a stewdent of the works of Chaucer was koncern'd, then the rules of the Englishe by the fourmal nayme of Grammar be taken to be. 'Twas betwixt of stone and of the place of flint for ne'er do well those which spoile the rules.
And so we move onto modern English which the large part of thanks falls on the works commissioned by King James (the Bible) and the collected works of Shakespeare (yes, I did start this with a conjuction, I apologise).
There appears to be a blurring over the last 20 or so years of what is actually acceptable in grammar. One expects if this trend were to continue then we could very well see the death of the apostrophe in our lifetime, for very few children are being taught grammar and instead have turned to txt speak sans punc2at3n and whatnot.
How for instance did pwnX0r3d become part of the language? at what point did it become acceptable to not capitalise sentences or use question marks at the end
I ph34r th4t I will b3 klose 2 teh last generation of people who remember the English Language: great and powerful; masterly and exact, as it swept aside all borders conquering all in its wake.
or will mi lingu4 frank4 d363n3r4+3 into teh s&$*%N i* c433 ^536?
Horse 569 - Incompotency Incognito
A couple of months back it was great Brazillian striker Pele who told us in adverts about nasal delivery technology to cure impotency. When Australia play Brazil at Stupid O'Clock EST perhaps they should have taken something similar for incompotency.
Yes, the referee spent most of the match admiring his naval; yes the Brazillians spent more time rolling around on the ground than the ball itself but when opportunities like that were like a gaping chasm just waiting for someone to fall in then Australia really has no-one to blame but themselves.
Kewell again proved my disdain for him when after looking at all available options in-front of an open goal, he decided to put the ball into Saarland. Quite frankly Kewell & Cahill would be a better option as a pair than just Viduka who is forced to come back to cover Kewells waywardness.
Der Sport Bild reports a general favouring of the football superpowers at this World Cup, and tonight this was also on display. Especially when a man called Fred can score in such wide space.
Brazil 2
Adriano (49)
Fred (90)
Australia 0
Yes, the referee spent most of the match admiring his naval; yes the Brazillians spent more time rolling around on the ground than the ball itself but when opportunities like that were like a gaping chasm just waiting for someone to fall in then Australia really has no-one to blame but themselves.
Kewell again proved my disdain for him when after looking at all available options in-front of an open goal, he decided to put the ball into Saarland. Quite frankly Kewell & Cahill would be a better option as a pair than just Viduka who is forced to come back to cover Kewells waywardness.
Der Sport Bild reports a general favouring of the football superpowers at this World Cup, and tonight this was also on display. Especially when a man called Fred can score in such wide space.
Brazil 2
Adriano (49)
Fred (90)
Australia 0
June 17, 2006
Horse 568 - Dawn Chorus
This little kitten has lost his mittens and doesn't know where to find them...
...so is sitting at the top of the back steps with his hands curled furiously around a warm mug of tea hoping to extract any heat at all from it.
Unlike uni students, the world of work has ruined me. I'm unable to sleep in on a Saturday or Sunday morning because 4 hours later, everything clicks back into drive and I'm going again. So after a night of watching football (again this is the World Cup) and finally slinking back into bed at 6am, come 10am I was awoken by the Saturday morning symphony of lawnmowers and edgers.
Sydney has been living with water restrictions continuously now for about 5 years. People's lawns are not the manicured seas of veridian they used to be. So now as they all head towards sienna and old movie tone, the first sign of rain and a few days of weeks later, the grass goes mental and grows all over the place.
Right nowI think I can hear about 13 lawnmowers all singing away. The two cats currently in our backyard have for the moment declared it to be a safe haven where the monsters with spinny teeth can't get them.
And just think, not less than 20 years ago, all of this was semi bush and the dawn chorus would have been Rainbow Lorikeets, Cockatoos, Galahs and Rosellas and now the only place you're likely to find any of them is on a tin of bikkies.
...so is sitting at the top of the back steps with his hands curled furiously around a warm mug of tea hoping to extract any heat at all from it.
Unlike uni students, the world of work has ruined me. I'm unable to sleep in on a Saturday or Sunday morning because 4 hours later, everything clicks back into drive and I'm going again. So after a night of watching football (again this is the World Cup) and finally slinking back into bed at 6am, come 10am I was awoken by the Saturday morning symphony of lawnmowers and edgers.
Sydney has been living with water restrictions continuously now for about 5 years. People's lawns are not the manicured seas of veridian they used to be. So now as they all head towards sienna and old movie tone, the first sign of rain and a few days of weeks later, the grass goes mental and grows all over the place.
Right nowI think I can hear about 13 lawnmowers all singing away. The two cats currently in our backyard have for the moment declared it to be a safe haven where the monsters with spinny teeth can't get them.
And just think, not less than 20 years ago, all of this was semi bush and the dawn chorus would have been Rainbow Lorikeets, Cockatoos, Galahs and Rosellas and now the only place you're likely to find any of them is on a tin of bikkies.
June 16, 2006
Horse 567 - Standing on the Shoulders of Giants
"We are like dwarfs on the shoulders of giants, so that we can see more than they, and things at a greater distance, not by virtue of any sharpness on sight on our part, or any physical distinction, but because we are carried high and raised up by their giant size"
John of Salisbury - 1159
This phrase "Standing on the shoulders of giants" is seen every day by just about everyone in the UK, for it is borne around the edge of the £2 coin. Attributed to Issac Newton it is obviously much older than that as stated above. Though yesterday it was not England standing on the shoulders of giants but rather jubilation as a football was driven into the back of the net by the head of one.
It is often said that an international fixture will often make players rise to the occasion but for Peter Crouch who stands 6'7" tall, his gangly frame hardly needs to. Ungainly and looking decidedly unco at times, he scares defences. When Wayne Rooney was brought on in the 58th minute with the scores still deadlocked at 0-0, Trinidad forgot to fear about Crouch and concentrated on Rooney - big mistake.
Crouch's downwards driven header from a Beckham cross gave England the lead and hopes of the next round. Gerrards 90th minute strike sealed Trinidad's fate and now they must beat Paraguay and wait for other results if they are to go through.
But for one day at least, England was carried not on the shoulders of giants but the head of their own gentle giant.
England 2
Crouch (83)
Gerrard (90)
Trinidad & Tobago 0
John of Salisbury - 1159
This phrase "Standing on the shoulders of giants" is seen every day by just about everyone in the UK, for it is borne around the edge of the £2 coin. Attributed to Issac Newton it is obviously much older than that as stated above. Though yesterday it was not England standing on the shoulders of giants but rather jubilation as a football was driven into the back of the net by the head of one.
It is often said that an international fixture will often make players rise to the occasion but for Peter Crouch who stands 6'7" tall, his gangly frame hardly needs to. Ungainly and looking decidedly unco at times, he scares defences. When Wayne Rooney was brought on in the 58th minute with the scores still deadlocked at 0-0, Trinidad forgot to fear about Crouch and concentrated on Rooney - big mistake.
Crouch's downwards driven header from a Beckham cross gave England the lead and hopes of the next round. Gerrards 90th minute strike sealed Trinidad's fate and now they must beat Paraguay and wait for other results if they are to go through.
But for one day at least, England was carried not on the shoulders of giants but the head of their own gentle giant.
England 2
Crouch (83)
Gerrard (90)
Trinidad & Tobago 0
June 14, 2006
Horse 566 - Vampire Day
Hello everyone, and Happy Vampire Day to you!
This comes from a suggestion that the 14th of every month be some sort of holiday for something. 14th February is Valentines Day, 14th March is White Day and 14th of July is Bastille Day, etcetera etcetera etcetera etc.
This comes from a suggestion that the 14th of every month be some sort of holiday for something. 14th February is Valentines Day, 14th March is White Day and 14th of July is Bastille Day, etcetera etcetera etcetera etc.
Vampire Day is the time of year we (meaning, basically, me) gather togeather to celebrate vampires, in particular my favourite vampire Count Dracula. Any way, here are some fun facts about Count Dracula:
Dracula's favorite food is Elf, blood type 0-.
Dracula is 532 years young.
Once, Dracula had a sidekick named Percy Teatherspoon, who was a seven foot tall axe wielding maniac. Every vampire needs a good axe wielding maniac to help disperse angry torch bearing mobs, wash windows, and sort mail.
Like all vampires, Dracula becomes very cross if his mail is not properly sorted. "Properly sorted" means it is filed into at least three catagories: fan mail, junk mail, and 'letters from people I should eat'.
Sometimes on his birthday, Dracula has the local children over to his castle for an egg hunt. Who ever finds the most eggs is deamed a subversive, and summarily stoned to death by the other children.
Other vampires when faced with a dying mortal whom they particularly like might offer him immortality. Dracula would offer you a delicious apple pie. Hmm, yummy.
Vampires, Ninjas and Pirates are unionised labour. They have their own health care fund and superannuation plans. This is yet another reason why they need sorted mail.
Because Vampires like Zombies are part of the undead, they can only be killed by a steak through the heart. Traditionally this meant one made from wood, though equally ones made of iron, steel or beef will work just as well.
Okay, that is all the vampire facts for now! For next week (or whenever next I update), send me your questions and I'll have Dracula answer them. Okay? Good then. Probably best you don't include a return address, lest he file you in category number three.
June 13, 2006
Horse 565 - It Was All Yellow
When they handed out the lists of whom one should sware their allegiences to I must have been out at lunch or something. For the most part I do not follow the Australian team in any sporting theatre, however there are three places in which I'm prepared to make an exception - football, netball and field hockey.
3-1 over Japan last night in the World Cup brought the nation together like nothing else could. For 32 years Australia has been in the football wilderness and with the boots of Cahill and Aloisi, not only has Australia scored it's first ever goal in the World Cup finals but notched up a convincing win at the same time (also a first).
Everton midfielder Cahill came off the bench to score in the 84th and 89th minutes to overhaul a one-goal deficit after Japan had taken the lead following an error by Mark Schwarzer in the first half at Kaiserslautern's Fritz-Walter Stadium.
Aloisi then rounded off the victory in the Group F opener - Australia's first ever at the World Cup - 32 years after the nation's only previous appearance at the finals, also on German soil in 1974.
This has made the front and the back pages of all major newspapers in every capital city. People may talk about the passion of a Rugby League State of Origin match but seriously it has not a bar on what we witnessed last night. As I drove home from B's there were honks from car horns from people I'd never seen before and even the Town Hall across the street from where I work this morning bears the boxing kangaroo flag.
Brazil beware, It'll be 11 superstars against 11 ordinary Aussies, 11 ordinary Aussies who have so much history to undo.
Australia 3
Cahill (84, 89)
Aloisi (90)
Japan 1
Nakamura (26)
3-1 over Japan last night in the World Cup brought the nation together like nothing else could. For 32 years Australia has been in the football wilderness and with the boots of Cahill and Aloisi, not only has Australia scored it's first ever goal in the World Cup finals but notched up a convincing win at the same time (also a first).
Everton midfielder Cahill came off the bench to score in the 84th and 89th minutes to overhaul a one-goal deficit after Japan had taken the lead following an error by Mark Schwarzer in the first half at Kaiserslautern's Fritz-Walter Stadium.
Aloisi then rounded off the victory in the Group F opener - Australia's first ever at the World Cup - 32 years after the nation's only previous appearance at the finals, also on German soil in 1974.
This has made the front and the back pages of all major newspapers in every capital city. People may talk about the passion of a Rugby League State of Origin match but seriously it has not a bar on what we witnessed last night. As I drove home from B's there were honks from car horns from people I'd never seen before and even the Town Hall across the street from where I work this morning bears the boxing kangaroo flag.
Brazil beware, It'll be 11 superstars against 11 ordinary Aussies, 11 ordinary Aussies who have so much history to undo.
Australia 3
Cahill (84, 89)
Aloisi (90)
Japan 1
Nakamura (26)
June 12, 2006
Horse 564 - Being Horrible
After church a bunch of us went to see The Break Up with Vince Vaughan and Jennifer Aniston in and I came away from the film wondering why I'd departed with $10 when there was Rugby on the telly.
Vince Vaughan appeared on Z100 in New York on Wednedsay and he's reporting that this film is actually responsible for creating more break-ups than your average rom-com. Again, I want to ask the question what's the point in a film in which people are deliberately horrible to each other?
Perhaps it isn't in my mentality, but in this film the two antagonists are pre-occupied with using as much arsenal as they possibly can to blow each other's heads off, so the end of the film is inevitable rather than a surprise.
I've seen plenty of my friends so through similar self-destructing and defeating methods of resolution and again I don't understand what's to be gained from deliberately being horrible to someone. I know personally that even if I had a major disagreement even with an enemy, my natural reaction is to retreat and let everything diffuse, because simple logic dictates that being horrible will only result in making things worse for both parties.
Then again maybe it's because I have such an ingrained sense of fair-play, chivalry and nobility (did I mention that when it comes to humility, I'm the greatest) that I don't even want to wish me being horrible on other people... not when they already have to put up with my childish annoyingness ^_^
Vince Vaughan appeared on Z100 in New York on Wednedsay and he's reporting that this film is actually responsible for creating more break-ups than your average rom-com. Again, I want to ask the question what's the point in a film in which people are deliberately horrible to each other?
Perhaps it isn't in my mentality, but in this film the two antagonists are pre-occupied with using as much arsenal as they possibly can to blow each other's heads off, so the end of the film is inevitable rather than a surprise.
I've seen plenty of my friends so through similar self-destructing and defeating methods of resolution and again I don't understand what's to be gained from deliberately being horrible to someone. I know personally that even if I had a major disagreement even with an enemy, my natural reaction is to retreat and let everything diffuse, because simple logic dictates that being horrible will only result in making things worse for both parties.
Then again maybe it's because I have such an ingrained sense of fair-play, chivalry and nobility (did I mention that when it comes to humility, I'm the greatest) that I don't even want to wish me being horrible on other people... not when they already have to put up with my childish annoyingness ^_^
June 11, 2006
Horse 563 - A Tale of Two Owens
A 1-0 victory over Paraguay was both satisfactory and deflatory. Three points were garnered as excessive optimism, epitomised by the flag-bearing masses who have turned England into a mosaic of Union Jacks, was fuelled further by the ideal start given them by a combination of David Beckham and Carlos Gamarra.
A second goal could have been scored though, while the Germans excelled at long-range shooting with the much-debated World Cup ball, England surpassed themselves at lifting it into the Frankfurt orbit but it would have been undeserved. There must be a few more balls above Europe along with Southgate's and Beckham's penalties.
Listless and off the pace, Michael Owen performance made a mockery of the first half of Eriksson's assessment "I think he did well and will get better and better", though it is hard to dispute the latter, if only because it must rank among the poorest displays in his 78 caps.
And as match fitness proves elusive for Owen, Eriksson's faith is starting to look blind. Alternatives, briefly tested and swiftly discarded, languish at home. Where is Defoe? Where is Shaun Wright-Phillips?
Oh yes, this was a tale of two Owens. Michael Owen off Owen Hargreaves on, who it must be said symbolises a metaphorical punchbag for Sven's critics. Old habits, and all that.
England 1
Gamarra (og 3)
Paraguay 0
A second goal could have been scored though, while the Germans excelled at long-range shooting with the much-debated World Cup ball, England surpassed themselves at lifting it into the Frankfurt orbit but it would have been undeserved. There must be a few more balls above Europe along with Southgate's and Beckham's penalties.
Listless and off the pace, Michael Owen performance made a mockery of the first half of Eriksson's assessment "I think he did well and will get better and better", though it is hard to dispute the latter, if only because it must rank among the poorest displays in his 78 caps.
And as match fitness proves elusive for Owen, Eriksson's faith is starting to look blind. Alternatives, briefly tested and swiftly discarded, languish at home. Where is Defoe? Where is Shaun Wright-Phillips?
Oh yes, this was a tale of two Owens. Michael Owen off Owen Hargreaves on, who it must be said symbolises a metaphorical punchbag for Sven's critics. Old habits, and all that.
England 1
Gamarra (og 3)
Paraguay 0
June 07, 2006
Horse 562 - 26 in 26, A-Z of Stuff
In 26 words (or less) write something on a subject for every letter of the alphabet:
Art:
Everyone needs to create something, it's just that some people have more skill than others. Artists dare to dream about that which has not yet been.
Boots:
I'm the man in the Big Black Boots who stomps and stomps and stomps and stomps and stomps and stomps until it's time to stop.
Chav:
Put on your Adidas jacket and your trainers, it's time go loiter around the off-licence. Mostly found on Giro day.
Damage:
That's nothing compared to the damage and pain I am going to inflict on you, with a single ordinary pencil.
Elvis:
Is alive and well and living in Guildford as a television sales and repairman.
Football:
For 90 minutes, life ceases to matter as all our hopes and expectations dissolve into the world inside a ball. Life's a ball!
Grass:
Who doesn't love the smell of two-stroke and smoke as ten thousand bits of grass get decapitated?
Hats:
There are too many people wearing not enough hats and not enough people wearing too many hats. Society is more civilised when it has hats.
Indigo:
Somewhere as the sun rolls away for the night, and darkness descends like a veil, this is the colour, upon which we rail.
Jesus:
It takes a very special person live a life without flaw and still be abused by the people he came to save.
Ka:
Kawaii! Super-Kawaii!!
Love:
Poets and songwriters are the best people to describe this; while the rest of us chase and sometimes find it.
Mobile Phones:
Are you that important that you need to be contacted 24 hours a day? People got on fine when they did not have these infernal devices.
Nap:
A sunbeam is perfect for napping in. Soon you'll have competition from wandering cats.
Oscar:
I'd be pretty grumpy too if I lived in the rubbish. Sesame Street also teaches you how to judge and label people.
Pie:
Hmm, Pie. It's warm, meaty, tasty, yummy and just what one needs when outside is yukky. A pie is happiness wrapped in pastry.
Queue:
Queuing is a remarkably British sport. I was in London once and an old lady asked me "Are you a queue?" Very strange that.
Rain:
Rain, rain coming down. On the plain, on the rooves of the town. Every drop is like money falling out of the sky for the farmers.
September:
One day in September, we want to remember. When again the titans battle for the flag at the G.
Travel:
Let your darling children travel, wise one. You're as darling as they come - travel is OK!
Umbrella:
All that summer we enjoyed it, wind and rain and shine, that umbrella we employed it, by August she was mine.
Vauxhall:
I'd much rather have a Griffin on my steering wheel than a lion. It's a pity about the chav Novas though.
White Day:
The 14th of March is a day for menfolk to repay the kindness done to them one month earlier.
Xylene:
Although fun to smell in a pen, do not make a habit of it lest your brain and nervous system cease to function.
Yellow:
If you ever needed proof that Coldplay were whiny whinge-rock then this is it. They should have been stopped there and then.
Z100:
From on top of the Empire State Building, to the five boroughs and beyond, Z100 is the sound of New York City.
Art:
Everyone needs to create something, it's just that some people have more skill than others. Artists dare to dream about that which has not yet been.
Boots:
I'm the man in the Big Black Boots who stomps and stomps and stomps and stomps and stomps and stomps until it's time to stop.
Chav:
Put on your Adidas jacket and your trainers, it's time go loiter around the off-licence. Mostly found on Giro day.
Damage:
That's nothing compared to the damage and pain I am going to inflict on you, with a single ordinary pencil.
Elvis:
Is alive and well and living in Guildford as a television sales and repairman.
Football:
For 90 minutes, life ceases to matter as all our hopes and expectations dissolve into the world inside a ball. Life's a ball!
Grass:
Who doesn't love the smell of two-stroke and smoke as ten thousand bits of grass get decapitated?
Hats:
There are too many people wearing not enough hats and not enough people wearing too many hats. Society is more civilised when it has hats.
Indigo:
Somewhere as the sun rolls away for the night, and darkness descends like a veil, this is the colour, upon which we rail.
Jesus:
It takes a very special person live a life without flaw and still be abused by the people he came to save.
Ka:
Kawaii! Super-Kawaii!!
Love:
Poets and songwriters are the best people to describe this; while the rest of us chase and sometimes find it.
Mobile Phones:
Are you that important that you need to be contacted 24 hours a day? People got on fine when they did not have these infernal devices.
Nap:
A sunbeam is perfect for napping in. Soon you'll have competition from wandering cats.
Oscar:
I'd be pretty grumpy too if I lived in the rubbish. Sesame Street also teaches you how to judge and label people.
Pie:
Hmm, Pie. It's warm, meaty, tasty, yummy and just what one needs when outside is yukky. A pie is happiness wrapped in pastry.
Queue:
Queuing is a remarkably British sport. I was in London once and an old lady asked me "Are you a queue?" Very strange that.
Rain:
Rain, rain coming down. On the plain, on the rooves of the town. Every drop is like money falling out of the sky for the farmers.
September:
One day in September, we want to remember. When again the titans battle for the flag at the G.
Travel:
Let your darling children travel, wise one. You're as darling as they come - travel is OK!
Umbrella:
All that summer we enjoyed it, wind and rain and shine, that umbrella we employed it, by August she was mine.
Vauxhall:
I'd much rather have a Griffin on my steering wheel than a lion. It's a pity about the chav Novas though.
White Day:
The 14th of March is a day for menfolk to repay the kindness done to them one month earlier.
Xylene:
Although fun to smell in a pen, do not make a habit of it lest your brain and nervous system cease to function.
Yellow:
If you ever needed proof that Coldplay were whiny whinge-rock then this is it. They should have been stopped there and then.
Z100:
From on top of the Empire State Building, to the five boroughs and beyond, Z100 is the sound of New York City.
June 06, 2006
Horse 561 - 666... kHz
OK, I admit it; being an accountant I happen to like the asthetic beauty and the inherant design of numbers; including 666 - the number of the Beast. There are various interpretations as to what it means or why it's in there and whilst I remain totally confused on the issue I will continue remain silent on theories and postulations. However...
666kHz just happens to be the radio frequency for 2CY (ABC Local Radio) in Canberra.
When 2JJ vacated the 1540kHz frequency, the ABC decided that a re-transmission of the NSW broadcaster 2FC (internally called NSW Radio 1) was in order. 2CY remained on the 1540kHz frequency until 1983 when it took up the longer wave frequency 666kHz to improve reception for the immediate areas; then when ABC Local Radio became fully integrated it re-branded itself.
Consider what the frequencies used to be before 9kHz cycling for digital tuning:
Sydney 700
Melbourne 777
Canberra 666
Adelaide 888
Perth 717
Brisbane 612
Newcastle 1234
It made sense therefore for 2CY to be 666kHz. Other ABC stations had been deliberately cast with memorable numbers; it's just a wee bit ironic that the Devil's number should be the ABC in the nation's capital.
666kHz just happens to be the radio frequency for 2CY (ABC Local Radio) in Canberra.
When 2JJ vacated the 1540kHz frequency, the ABC decided that a re-transmission of the NSW broadcaster 2FC (internally called NSW Radio 1) was in order. 2CY remained on the 1540kHz frequency until 1983 when it took up the longer wave frequency 666kHz to improve reception for the immediate areas; then when ABC Local Radio became fully integrated it re-branded itself.
Consider what the frequencies used to be before 9kHz cycling for digital tuning:
Sydney 700
Melbourne 777
Canberra 666
Adelaide 888
Perth 717
Brisbane 612
Newcastle 1234
It made sense therefore for 2CY to be 666kHz. Other ABC stations had been deliberately cast with memorable numbers; it's just a wee bit ironic that the Devil's number should be the ABC in the nation's capital.
June 04, 2006
Horse 560 - 40 Years of Hurt Over?
"Please tell me this is not a dream, this is the greatest game in the world. Oh, I Really don't believe that scoreline. This will make every nation sit up and take notice, England are back and back to the bank." - Martin Tyler
England ripped apart Germany 5-1 on the qualifying run to Japan 2002, but the result yesterday of 6-0 is the greatest margin under Sven Goran Eriksson's tenure. To say that this is anything but a pasting is to underestimate the current squad; even without Wayne Rooney, this current crop is looking dangerous.
The scorecard reads as follows:
Lampard 11
Taylor (og 17)
Crouch 29
Owen 32
Crouch 67
Crouch (miss pen 83)
Crouch 89
Even with Crouch's missed penatly, England were sitting on their highest margin since WW2 and the fact that he bagged another for his hat-trick in regular play just 6 minutes later is probably proof enough that the lanky lad should probably get at least one start in the tournament. Remember this is the same Peter Crouch who not even 12 months ago took 15 matches for score for his club, and now he's scored 4 times in as many days for the country.
A whole generation has had to put with with their fathers' stories about the 66 Cup at Wembley in which our Alf took England to a 4-2 win over West Germany. 40 years later, will we now be able to see a similay scoreline in Germany?
66 & 06? Perhaps D-Day part 2 begins on Jun 9.
June 02, 2006
Horse 559a
The acrid smoke has gone and they're now downstairs with a barbeque. I can smell onions, sausages and tomatoes.
I'm off for a bacon buttie now, but the comments between Derik and Jase in 559 are hillarious.
I'm off for a bacon buttie now, but the comments between Derik and Jase in 559 are hillarious.
Horse 559 - I Think My Lungs Are Collapsing
Our offices at work are located above a hairdressers. Usually the smell of ammonia and bleach is tolerable if not off-putting but this morning I seriously wonder whether our health isn't being affected or not.
The place downstairs has a glass frontage onto the street front on the town square (ooh, I've gone all a bit rustic lyke - me cows in the canal an all that). It constantly along with several businesses in the area gets the unsightly tag of miscreants and ne'erdowells who will from time to time leave their filthy, yukky spraypainted tags on things. So this morning, they're being renovated.
Oh the chemcials, urk.
If the foul stench of Winnie Reds wasn't enough to make you cough your lungs up black, then whatever they're using as a basecoat to render the walls with is enough to make them collapse. It's as if you took the contents of an Artline 17 which already contains Xylene and warns you to use in a ventilated area, concentrated it, packed it into block containing plastic, rubber and bitumen, set fire to that and then inhaled the contents in an area where you'd require a confined spaces ticket.
Honestly, passive smoking has nothing on this.
If that was enough, the acrid black smoke and particulants are beginning to seep in through the windows. Is it possible for it to eat through the walls? I could be sitting here entirely naked with half of my skin ripped off and no walls surrounding me by half past 2...
Worse, the stoner kids who usually hang around by the milk bar on the corner are all sitting outside presumably in order to get some sort of buzz from it, which only means that when this is all finished they'll leave their filthy, yukky spraypainted tags on things again.
Book now for a repeat performance next week I say.
The place downstairs has a glass frontage onto the street front on the town square (ooh, I've gone all a bit rustic lyke - me cows in the canal an all that). It constantly along with several businesses in the area gets the unsightly tag of miscreants and ne'erdowells who will from time to time leave their filthy, yukky spraypainted tags on things. So this morning, they're being renovated.
Oh the chemcials, urk.
If the foul stench of Winnie Reds wasn't enough to make you cough your lungs up black, then whatever they're using as a basecoat to render the walls with is enough to make them collapse. It's as if you took the contents of an Artline 17 which already contains Xylene and warns you to use in a ventilated area, concentrated it, packed it into block containing plastic, rubber and bitumen, set fire to that and then inhaled the contents in an area where you'd require a confined spaces ticket.
Honestly, passive smoking has nothing on this.
If that was enough, the acrid black smoke and particulants are beginning to seep in through the windows. Is it possible for it to eat through the walls? I could be sitting here entirely naked with half of my skin ripped off and no walls surrounding me by half past 2...
Worse, the stoner kids who usually hang around by the milk bar on the corner are all sitting outside presumably in order to get some sort of buzz from it, which only means that when this is all finished they'll leave their filthy, yukky spraypainted tags on things again.
Book now for a repeat performance next week I say.
May 30, 2006
Horse 558 - Useful Phrases in German
My mate Jonno (the lucky rat) was able to score tickets to the World Cup in Germany this year. I thought it might be useful for both him and the rest of us to learn some useful phrases that you'd need at a football match.
Meine Hobbys sind: Fussball sehen und schlafen.
My hobbies are: Football & sleeping.
Tor!
Goal!
Abseits!
Offside!
Die Blamage
Disgrace
Die Spielverzoegerung
Time-wasting
Schiri, bist du blind?
Are you blind, ref?
Was ist deine Lieblingmannschaft?
What's your favourite team?
Gelbe Karte! Schiri, bist du bloed? Shiri, wir wissen wo dein Auto steht!
Yellow card! Are you stupid, ref? We know where your car is, ref!)
Fünf - Ein: zum der England
5-1 to the England.
Erwähnen Sie den Krieg nicht
Don't mention the war
Wir müssen hier nicht leben
We don't have to live here
Sie gehen nach Hause im hinteren von einem Krankenwagen
You're going home in the back of an ambulance
Sie gehen nach Hause im hinteren von einem Polizeiauto
You're going home in the back of a Police Car
Ich werde diese Aufzeichnung nicht kaufen, ist es gekratzt
I will not buy this record, it is scratched
Meine Hobbys sind: Fussball sehen und schlafen.
My hobbies are: Football & sleeping.
Tor!
Goal!
Abseits!
Offside!
Die Blamage
Disgrace
Die Spielverzoegerung
Time-wasting
Schiri, bist du blind?
Are you blind, ref?
Was ist deine Lieblingmannschaft?
What's your favourite team?
Gelbe Karte! Schiri, bist du bloed? Shiri, wir wissen wo dein Auto steht!
Yellow card! Are you stupid, ref? We know where your car is, ref!)
Fünf - Ein: zum der England
5-1 to the England.
Erwähnen Sie den Krieg nicht
Don't mention the war
Wir müssen hier nicht leben
We don't have to live here
Sie gehen nach Hause im hinteren von einem Krankenwagen
You're going home in the back of an ambulance
Sie gehen nach Hause im hinteren von einem Polizeiauto
You're going home in the back of a Police Car
Ich werde diese Aufzeichnung nicht kaufen, ist es gekratzt
I will not buy this record, it is scratched
May 29, 2006
Horse 557 - Life on Rent
About 10 years ago I was on a hike through the Blue Mountains when at one point I became separated from two groups and ended up walking between them. The track I was on happened to give way and I lost all of my belongings as I fell into a river about 30 feet below (I still to this day can not swim).
I was asked on Sunday night whether or not in the following days/weeks (?) whether enough had been done for me for what was though probably to have been a traumatic experience. I can tell you at the time, that at one point the whole concept of dying really didn't hold any fear for me at all - something I'd remembered came to the fore, and again I've found the same passage of scripture.
Paul's letter to the church at Phillipi was written whilst he was in gaol. It has been held by not just a few scholars that the only way to slow down this zealous Apostle was to litterally stop him still. Without Paul being in gaol we might not have a lot of the letters he wrote. From this outlook the prospects weren't brilliant; the Romans had a fairly brutal method of administering punishment and for one who's existance threatened the very state itself, death was an easy penalty to hand out for them. Paul had reached the point where if he kept on living then he would continue work for the gospel, if he died then he would be in heaven with Christ.
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
Philippians 1:20-24
I must admit that I'd given up with the idea of fearing death before then, and that if I happened to die of exposure in what turned out to be below freezing conditions, then I didn't care any more.
But looking back at the rest of my life, I could have been killed: before I was born when my parents were in a car smash, at age 12 when I nearly fell out of a peak hour train and into traffic, I've been struck by lightning on 3 occasions (though 2 were probably my own fault), I've been forgotten about whilst stuck in a fridge, I parked the car off to the side of the road one night after driving a long way and awoke to find the car's nose just inches from a passing train, I could have been drowned on more times than I care to remember; I've even been caught between two countries without a visa for either.
I don't think that any of this is remarkable at all, I'm sure that if most people honestly looked back they'd find that all of us only hang onto our lives by a fragile thread. This life was given to us and in terms of actual time, 90 years is practically nothing in the scale of history.
If we live Christ-like lives, praying for God's strength, pursuing that which is good, and spreading the good news of the Gospel to those we meet then, when our death comes we can welcome it with open arms, rejoicing that we will soon be with our Savior! And if the Lord is pleased to take my life early in my years, so much the better, the less time I have to spend in a wicked world of sin. This also dispels the common idea of an "untimely death" as a myth. There can be no such thing as an untimely death if God is in control of all things. He chooses to give life, and He chooses to take it away.
I was asked on Sunday night whether or not in the following days/weeks (?) whether enough had been done for me for what was though probably to have been a traumatic experience. I can tell you at the time, that at one point the whole concept of dying really didn't hold any fear for me at all - something I'd remembered came to the fore, and again I've found the same passage of scripture.
Paul's letter to the church at Phillipi was written whilst he was in gaol. It has been held by not just a few scholars that the only way to slow down this zealous Apostle was to litterally stop him still. Without Paul being in gaol we might not have a lot of the letters he wrote. From this outlook the prospects weren't brilliant; the Romans had a fairly brutal method of administering punishment and for one who's existance threatened the very state itself, death was an easy penalty to hand out for them. Paul had reached the point where if he kept on living then he would continue work for the gospel, if he died then he would be in heaven with Christ.
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
Philippians 1:20-24
I must admit that I'd given up with the idea of fearing death before then, and that if I happened to die of exposure in what turned out to be below freezing conditions, then I didn't care any more.
But looking back at the rest of my life, I could have been killed: before I was born when my parents were in a car smash, at age 12 when I nearly fell out of a peak hour train and into traffic, I've been struck by lightning on 3 occasions (though 2 were probably my own fault), I've been forgotten about whilst stuck in a fridge, I parked the car off to the side of the road one night after driving a long way and awoke to find the car's nose just inches from a passing train, I could have been drowned on more times than I care to remember; I've even been caught between two countries without a visa for either.
I don't think that any of this is remarkable at all, I'm sure that if most people honestly looked back they'd find that all of us only hang onto our lives by a fragile thread. This life was given to us and in terms of actual time, 90 years is practically nothing in the scale of history.
If we live Christ-like lives, praying for God's strength, pursuing that which is good, and spreading the good news of the Gospel to those we meet then, when our death comes we can welcome it with open arms, rejoicing that we will soon be with our Savior! And if the Lord is pleased to take my life early in my years, so much the better, the less time I have to spend in a wicked world of sin. This also dispels the common idea of an "untimely death" as a myth. There can be no such thing as an untimely death if God is in control of all things. He chooses to give life, and He chooses to take it away.
May 27, 2006
Horse 556 - Great Fun Wastes of Money
This photograph (from the BBC) can have only come from one place in the world, the small pricipality of Monaco and the City of Monte Carlo. Some people go for the glitz and glamour of a lot of rich people swanning about the place, still others simply like the idea of very very fast cars going on regular schmo streets.
The race has many elevation shifts, tight corners, and a narrow course that make it perhaps the most demanding and the most dangerous track still in use in Formula One racing. In many ways, the Monaco course is an anachronism unsuitable for the race category because the narrow streets make it near-impossible to overtake on the track. However, its history and the spectacle of the event are likely to guarantee the event's future for many years to come, as it is widely considered the jewel of the maximum category.
The most famous corner on the circuit if at Casino Square in which cars slow down to as little as 35mph. This gives you an idea of just how staggeringly fast Grand Prix cars are. Racing round the course has been likened to riding a bicycle round your bathroom or, in Nelson Piquet's words, Flying a helicopter in your living room.
The famous tunnel section is said to be difficult for drivers to cope with due to the quick switch from light to dark, then back to light again, at one of the fastest points of the course. The tunnel is actually the fastest corner on any current Formula 1 circuit, contrasting with the fact that the circuit typically produces the slowest average speed of any Grand Prix.
May 26, 2006
Horse 555 - Sale of Radio 1 & 2?
http://www.7digital.com/content.aspx?id=2297
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/5003642.stm
I find these two articles really scary. Notwithstanding the fact that both were written by the Beeb.
The European Media Forum has suggested that the BBC sell Radios 1 & 2 to private concerns because they by their existance hamper competition. Radio 1 won best station in the UK for 2004, Radio 2 was beaten by Radio 4 in 2006. Surely this indicates that the BBC is currently offering the best radio coverage in the UK and everyone else is jealous and wants some of that pie.
So the BBC should sell off two of their best known brands to give the rest of the commercial stations a better chance at increasing their revenue? I don't think so.
I can understand the rationale behind the argument, but to say that Radio 1 and Radio 2 don't give the commercial broadcasters a fair chance is missing the point. Sure, some of their popularity does stem from the fact that they are funded to an extent that allows greater promotion, and they have nationwide FM reception, but this ignores one crucial point, that maybe people just prefer them. You may as well say that the BBC shouldn't broadcast anything that commercial channels offer.
And no-one should take Kelvin MacKenzie's views seriously. He moans a lot about the BBC being state-funded and therefore an inherently biased institution, but is standing on thin ice given that he worked for Rupert Murdoch for many years, not a man who was, or is, known for allowing his editors much editorial independence.
Technically the BBC have the best services in the world. You don't know how lucky you have it in the UK with 7 national networks. Radio and TV in Australia is a chaotic mess; it's no different in the USA.
Digital roll-out for radio was supposed to have begun in 2001. There are only 2 digital radio stations in Australia and these are owned by the ABC and SBS.You can't even buy DAB radios for the most part. The analogue switch-off deadline in 2008 is basically impossible. Even RDS is only a new thing for Australian radio; then they're only transmitting idents.
The BBC was the first company to offer decent digital broadcasting in the world. And it's only because the impetus is there with it being such a large organisation that this was even possible.
The BBC quite frankly is the best media outlet in the world bar none, and if Radio 1 & 2 gets sold, it's basically surrendering to commercial dendritis. The UK will be like Australia or even the USA in terms of programming and I for one would not wish that on the British public.
It would be like putting ITV or Channel 4 on the radio, maybe even Channel 5. Would you honestly want to live in a radio environment like that? I know I wouldn't and I wouldn't wish it on the good and fair people of the UK.
Selling Radio 1 & 2 is criminally stupid and whoever suggested it should be locked away for a very long time and be forced to listen to great slabs of Z100 or KHTR if they happen to like the idea so much. The reason why we can't do this is that there are Geneva Conventions on cruel and unusual punishment and also it would be totally inhumane - they'd go mad and die within 36 hours.
How does the Great British public feel about the sale of something which by means of the Licence Fee they have bought and owned for the past 84 years? If I was your landlord and suddenly came in and stole all of your doors and windows without your permission without compensation would you be happy about it?
I would argue that the Beeb is not the Government's to sell, but the people who have contributed to its upkeep. Selling it off is in principle as I see it nothing more than theft.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/5003642.stm
I find these two articles really scary. Notwithstanding the fact that both were written by the Beeb.
The European Media Forum has suggested that the BBC sell Radios 1 & 2 to private concerns because they by their existance hamper competition. Radio 1 won best station in the UK for 2004, Radio 2 was beaten by Radio 4 in 2006. Surely this indicates that the BBC is currently offering the best radio coverage in the UK and everyone else is jealous and wants some of that pie.
So the BBC should sell off two of their best known brands to give the rest of the commercial stations a better chance at increasing their revenue? I don't think so.
I can understand the rationale behind the argument, but to say that Radio 1 and Radio 2 don't give the commercial broadcasters a fair chance is missing the point. Sure, some of their popularity does stem from the fact that they are funded to an extent that allows greater promotion, and they have nationwide FM reception, but this ignores one crucial point, that maybe people just prefer them. You may as well say that the BBC shouldn't broadcast anything that commercial channels offer.
And no-one should take Kelvin MacKenzie's views seriously. He moans a lot about the BBC being state-funded and therefore an inherently biased institution, but is standing on thin ice given that he worked for Rupert Murdoch for many years, not a man who was, or is, known for allowing his editors much editorial independence.
Technically the BBC have the best services in the world. You don't know how lucky you have it in the UK with 7 national networks. Radio and TV in Australia is a chaotic mess; it's no different in the USA.
Digital roll-out for radio was supposed to have begun in 2001. There are only 2 digital radio stations in Australia and these are owned by the ABC and SBS.You can't even buy DAB radios for the most part. The analogue switch-off deadline in 2008 is basically impossible. Even RDS is only a new thing for Australian radio; then they're only transmitting idents.
The BBC was the first company to offer decent digital broadcasting in the world. And it's only because the impetus is there with it being such a large organisation that this was even possible.
The BBC quite frankly is the best media outlet in the world bar none, and if Radio 1 & 2 gets sold, it's basically surrendering to commercial dendritis. The UK will be like Australia or even the USA in terms of programming and I for one would not wish that on the British public.
It would be like putting ITV or Channel 4 on the radio, maybe even Channel 5. Would you honestly want to live in a radio environment like that? I know I wouldn't and I wouldn't wish it on the good and fair people of the UK.
Selling Radio 1 & 2 is criminally stupid and whoever suggested it should be locked away for a very long time and be forced to listen to great slabs of Z100 or KHTR if they happen to like the idea so much. The reason why we can't do this is that there are Geneva Conventions on cruel and unusual punishment and also it would be totally inhumane - they'd go mad and die within 36 hours.
How does the Great British public feel about the sale of something which by means of the Licence Fee they have bought and owned for the past 84 years? If I was your landlord and suddenly came in and stole all of your doors and windows without your permission without compensation would you be happy about it?
I would argue that the Beeb is not the Government's to sell, but the people who have contributed to its upkeep. Selling it off is in principle as I see it nothing more than theft.
May 25, 2006
Horse 554 - Kommissar Rex
I must confess to enjoying this crime series whose main star is a big slobbery German Shepherd called Reginald von Ravenhorst (Rex). SBS have been showing this series for quite some time now and I always think it's a hoot how Rex is able to solve all sorts of crime far quicker than his masters.
The mere mention of "Frau" causes him to go nuts and steal peoples laundry (and for some bizarre reason to come back with it all washed). And he can be stopped in an instant by uttering the word "Vet".
The show is scripted entirely in German, some characters speak with slight Austrian dialects which I find impossible to follow and it is shot on location in Vienna and its surroundings. Subtitles thankfully are shown on SBS.
I think I should like to be a master criminal in Austria. Just imagine the sorts of crime you could get away with, for if you were to be pursued by Rex, one would merely need a ham sandwich to avoid capture.
Mental Note - Add this to my list of tools a master criminal needs:
Slide Hammer, Screwdriver, Window Cutter, Suction Cup, Semtex, Yo-Yo, Black Rose, Velvet Gloves and now... Ham Sandwich.
The mere mention of "Frau" causes him to go nuts and steal peoples laundry (and for some bizarre reason to come back with it all washed). And he can be stopped in an instant by uttering the word "Vet".
The show is scripted entirely in German, some characters speak with slight Austrian dialects which I find impossible to follow and it is shot on location in Vienna and its surroundings. Subtitles thankfully are shown on SBS.
I think I should like to be a master criminal in Austria. Just imagine the sorts of crime you could get away with, for if you were to be pursued by Rex, one would merely need a ham sandwich to avoid capture.
Mental Note - Add this to my list of tools a master criminal needs:
Slide Hammer, Screwdriver, Window Cutter, Suction Cup, Semtex, Yo-Yo, Black Rose, Velvet Gloves and now... Ham Sandwich.
May 24, 2006
Horse 553 - State of Rubbish
In theory the highest quality Rugby League match in the world is on tonight being the State of Origin clash between NSW and Queensland, but tomorrow night at the MCG, Australia play a friendly with Greece. One of them counts for something, the other supposedly counts for nothing. Which one is more important?
This Rugby League fixture has been in place for 26 years. There's been tradition set in place as well as all the love that might be akin to what an Arab has for a Jew. Red vs Blue and all that. Considering that it's on the Wednesday, and the football friendly against Greece is on the Thursday, I wonder which will capture the public's imagination more.
Rugby League is for the most part only played in Sydney and environs and Brisbane and environs. Outback NSW is Rugby territory and outback Queensland is AFL country. The other states and territories do get Rugby League on TV but it's in the 11pm slot. Arguably the 80,000 or so tickets at the G were far harder to come by, so I think football wins out.
Both sports are plagued with off-field problems. Football has long carried the stigma of violence in Ethnia, whilst Rugby League is suffering misconduct from its players resorting to thuggery in normal life.
The jewel that is held out in the football world is the World Cup, an event far larger than the Olympic Games. Australia for the first time in 32 years has qualified and I suspect that this will galvanise the nation. A Rugby League world cup manages to rustle together about 4 countries who can actually play the game; to be honest they just look pathetic.
The real test is when matches are held overseas. People will stay up and watch footbal even from other national leagues at 2 and 3 in the morning but would they do that if the Kangaroos played overseas? Most definately no.
Rugby is a thug's game played by Gentlemen.
Football is a Gentleman's game played by thugs.
Rugby League is a thug's game played and watched by thugs.
It's so easy to rubbish a rubbish game when everything about it is rubbish.
This Rugby League fixture has been in place for 26 years. There's been tradition set in place as well as all the love that might be akin to what an Arab has for a Jew. Red vs Blue and all that. Considering that it's on the Wednesday, and the football friendly against Greece is on the Thursday, I wonder which will capture the public's imagination more.
Rugby League is for the most part only played in Sydney and environs and Brisbane and environs. Outback NSW is Rugby territory and outback Queensland is AFL country. The other states and territories do get Rugby League on TV but it's in the 11pm slot. Arguably the 80,000 or so tickets at the G were far harder to come by, so I think football wins out.
Both sports are plagued with off-field problems. Football has long carried the stigma of violence in Ethnia, whilst Rugby League is suffering misconduct from its players resorting to thuggery in normal life.
The jewel that is held out in the football world is the World Cup, an event far larger than the Olympic Games. Australia for the first time in 32 years has qualified and I suspect that this will galvanise the nation. A Rugby League world cup manages to rustle together about 4 countries who can actually play the game; to be honest they just look pathetic.
The real test is when matches are held overseas. People will stay up and watch footbal even from other national leagues at 2 and 3 in the morning but would they do that if the Kangaroos played overseas? Most definately no.
Rugby is a thug's game played by Gentlemen.
Football is a Gentleman's game played by thugs.
Rugby League is a thug's game played and watched by thugs.
It's so easy to rubbish a rubbish game when everything about it is rubbish.
May 23, 2006
Horse 552 - Bloody, Crap & Bugger
For those who are either easily offended or so utterly childish, please stop snickering or just go away now. I am fully aware that this next post does contain rude words; indeed that is the point.
Honestly, some people... tsk, tsk, tsk.
I wonder about various sware words and where they actually come from and whether or not they should be classed as sware words. Sware words by their nature are taboo words not to be used in polite conversation; in fact it's only those people with any manners who actually care. Most sware words if you took a look at their function, actually denote either sexual functions, deviant practices, organs, products, bodily waste products and interestingly religious references.
So then, with this in mind I intend to look at 3 words with would be considered mildly offensive, and who's derivations are misunderstood:
Crap
Most people will tell you that this comes from the invention of the push-button flush toilet and its inventor Thomas Crapper. The word crap was recorded in the London newspaper The Times as early as 1846. Thomas Crapper at the time would have been 10 years old, so clearly the word is well before his invention.
The word relates to crap in the top of beer kegs and is recorded in other sources in England in the 1490s. Believe it or not, it also appears in Latin versions of the Bible where the Latin crappa means chaff, or the husks that are blown from wheat.
The word's ancient meaning still refers to waste products, but it's only as the word became corrupted possibly around the 1780s that it finally referred to poo-poo and therefore passed into the realm of rude.
Bloody
I've heard theories on this ranging from swearing on the blood of Christ, to rather nasty bodily functions. This word is most likely a contraction of the words "by our Lady" and could either refer to Mary the mother of Jesus as a minced oath.
The most likely origin has to do not with The Virgin Mary buy Mary I of England the Tudor monarch. It was under her reign that nearly 300 Catholics were executed. The practice of political sware words continues to this day. To call someone a Nazi is not a nice thing to do and inversely, the name Teddy Bear gets its name from one that was given to Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt.
The words fortnight & sennight should also be rendered with apostrophes along with bloody. Thus their correct usage would have once been: fort'night, sev'nnight and bl'oody.
Bugger
This is a case of a word jumping across the French-English divide. With the Norman invasion of 1066, all Saxon words in use were declared illegal. Thus the more gentrified method of speaking in England was to use the French word - like an aubergine instead of eggplant. The word ultimately is derived from the French word Boulgre, derived from "Bulgarian" who Catholic French people wanted to stigmatise in the French late kingdom of about 1760.
The French gentry successfully managed to accuse people in Bulgaria (and by inference the rest of the soon to be formed Austro-Hungarian Empire) of deviant acts. The word carried throughout the British Empire, and in the US and Canada it remained highly offensive. In Australia and NZ, it was almost comical. So much so that in Australia it serves mainly as a mildly amusing slightly offensive place marker.
All three of these words have been used in advertising in an official capacity. It's interesting that you'll see these even in moderately polite circles. It's also interesting that some words like drawers and po and even bum which were considered highly rude even just 60 years ago are now so tame that they'd not even figure on the scale; yet I write PO Box on mail every single day.
I hope no-one steps in the po.
Honestly, some people... tsk, tsk, tsk.
I wonder about various sware words and where they actually come from and whether or not they should be classed as sware words. Sware words by their nature are taboo words not to be used in polite conversation; in fact it's only those people with any manners who actually care. Most sware words if you took a look at their function, actually denote either sexual functions, deviant practices, organs, products, bodily waste products and interestingly religious references.
So then, with this in mind I intend to look at 3 words with would be considered mildly offensive, and who's derivations are misunderstood:
Crap
Most people will tell you that this comes from the invention of the push-button flush toilet and its inventor Thomas Crapper. The word crap was recorded in the London newspaper The Times as early as 1846. Thomas Crapper at the time would have been 10 years old, so clearly the word is well before his invention.
The word relates to crap in the top of beer kegs and is recorded in other sources in England in the 1490s. Believe it or not, it also appears in Latin versions of the Bible where the Latin crappa means chaff, or the husks that are blown from wheat.
The word's ancient meaning still refers to waste products, but it's only as the word became corrupted possibly around the 1780s that it finally referred to poo-poo and therefore passed into the realm of rude.
Bloody
I've heard theories on this ranging from swearing on the blood of Christ, to rather nasty bodily functions. This word is most likely a contraction of the words "by our Lady" and could either refer to Mary the mother of Jesus as a minced oath.
The most likely origin has to do not with The Virgin Mary buy Mary I of England the Tudor monarch. It was under her reign that nearly 300 Catholics were executed. The practice of political sware words continues to this day. To call someone a Nazi is not a nice thing to do and inversely, the name Teddy Bear gets its name from one that was given to Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt.
The words fortnight & sennight should also be rendered with apostrophes along with bloody. Thus their correct usage would have once been: fort'night, sev'nnight and bl'oody.
Bugger
This is a case of a word jumping across the French-English divide. With the Norman invasion of 1066, all Saxon words in use were declared illegal. Thus the more gentrified method of speaking in England was to use the French word - like an aubergine instead of eggplant. The word ultimately is derived from the French word Boulgre, derived from "Bulgarian" who Catholic French people wanted to stigmatise in the French late kingdom of about 1760.
The French gentry successfully managed to accuse people in Bulgaria (and by inference the rest of the soon to be formed Austro-Hungarian Empire) of deviant acts. The word carried throughout the British Empire, and in the US and Canada it remained highly offensive. In Australia and NZ, it was almost comical. So much so that in Australia it serves mainly as a mildly amusing slightly offensive place marker.
All three of these words have been used in advertising in an official capacity. It's interesting that you'll see these even in moderately polite circles. It's also interesting that some words like drawers and po and even bum which were considered highly rude even just 60 years ago are now so tame that they'd not even figure on the scale; yet I write PO Box on mail every single day.
I hope no-one steps in the po.
iFive - 21st May
Ágústa Eva Erlendsdóttir is an Icelandic singer and actress. She is a member of the band Ske and in 2005 began her solo career. She is best known for her representation of the controversial character Silvia Night who came 13th in the 2006 Eurovision song contest.
Silvía's character is highly affected by narcissism and she sees herself as the most famous and talented person walking on the planet Earth. In February 2006, Silvía was voted Iceland's sexiest woman by the audience of national radio station Rás 2. Also, Ágústa Eva came in fourth place; this means that one lady held two spots - those wacky Icelanders.
Everybody to the Limit by Strong Bad also co-incidentally tells the people of West Reykjavík to shout out so that they can be heard by the people of East Reykjavík.
1. Congratulations - Silvia Night
2. Everybody to the Limit (live) - Strong Bad
3. Promenade I - Modest Petrovich Mussorgsky
4. Promenade II - Modest Petrovich Mussorgsky
5. Promenade III - Modest Petrovich Mussorgsky
Silvía's character is highly affected by narcissism and she sees herself as the most famous and talented person walking on the planet Earth. In February 2006, Silvía was voted Iceland's sexiest woman by the audience of national radio station Rás 2. Also, Ágústa Eva came in fourth place; this means that one lady held two spots - those wacky Icelanders.
Everybody to the Limit by Strong Bad also co-incidentally tells the people of West Reykjavík to shout out so that they can be heard by the people of East Reykjavík.
1. Congratulations - Silvia Night
2. Everybody to the Limit (live) - Strong Bad
3. Promenade I - Modest Petrovich Mussorgsky
4. Promenade II - Modest Petrovich Mussorgsky
5. Promenade III - Modest Petrovich Mussorgsky
May 21, 2006
Horse 551 - We Are The Winners of Eurovision
Finnish monster band has taken out the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest with and act that looks like a cross between Sauron's Orks and Metallica. They played a song which could have very easily slotted into any metal fan's CD rack quite easily. Do not be surprised if their back catalogue suddenly appears in HMV.
I happened to like the song by LT United from Lithuania called "We Are The Winners", such arrogance as well as taking vast amounts of mick out the competition is always fun. The Islandic entry "Congratulations" by Silvia Night called the rest of the contestants Eurotrash-freaks and made headline news in Greece when she dropped the F-bomb on live TV.
The UK again failed and accused Europe of block voting and voting for their friends. Of course Terry Wogan now hosting his 26th Eurovision was as sharp as ever. SBS would be well advised to use the BBC dub if they don't already plan on doing so.
The SBS broadcast is on tonight.
I happened to like the song by LT United from Lithuania called "We Are The Winners", such arrogance as well as taking vast amounts of mick out the competition is always fun. The Islandic entry "Congratulations" by Silvia Night called the rest of the contestants Eurotrash-freaks and made headline news in Greece when she dropped the F-bomb on live TV.
The UK again failed and accused Europe of block voting and voting for their friends. Of course Terry Wogan now hosting his 26th Eurovision was as sharp as ever. SBS would be well advised to use the BBC dub if they don't already plan on doing so.
The SBS broadcast is on tonight.
May 20, 2006
Horse 550 - Unfiled Tax Returns
I work as an accountant and particularly this time of year most of my work involves the calculation and lodgement of tax returns for clients. Most of the returns are fairly simple but there's odd person who has a few unfiled returns from previous years.
Enter Justice Larry McLate*:
Justice McLate* has just retired from his position on the bench for the court house in Banana Park*. McLate told us that there'd been quite a while since he'd lodged his last return and wanted to lodge them so that he wouldn't end up in gaol and so that his children would not end up with much of his estate. He didn't tell us that the "little while" since he'd last lodged a tax return was for the financial year 1955/6.
1955/6? What ?! O_o
The first problem is that he didn't even have a tax file number, so we applied for one. The second problem was that most of these years can't be lodged electronically and have to be done... dn dn daaaaa - ON PAPER!!
The Tax Office were very helpful in this regard. They sent a man around with a stack of paper which was a photocopy of every relevant form back until 1950. 1950? What?! How do they keep these sorts of things?
So I've been filling in returns in £/s/d rather than $/c and I can tell you that doing stuff in 12s 20s and the rest is far more fun than 100s. I want £s back... sort of.
Enter Justice Larry McLate*:
Justice McLate* has just retired from his position on the bench for the court house in Banana Park*. McLate told us that there'd been quite a while since he'd lodged his last return and wanted to lodge them so that he wouldn't end up in gaol and so that his children would not end up with much of his estate. He didn't tell us that the "little while" since he'd last lodged a tax return was for the financial year 1955/6.
1955/6? What ?! O_o
The first problem is that he didn't even have a tax file number, so we applied for one. The second problem was that most of these years can't be lodged electronically and have to be done... dn dn daaaaa - ON PAPER!!
The Tax Office were very helpful in this regard. They sent a man around with a stack of paper which was a photocopy of every relevant form back until 1950. 1950? What?! How do they keep these sorts of things?
So I've been filling in returns in £/s/d rather than $/c and I can tell you that doing stuff in 12s 20s and the rest is far more fun than 100s. I want £s back... sort of.
May 18, 2006
Horse 549 - Security Questions
The following story is real. None of the names have been changed. This actually happened to me not less than 10 minutes ago. The following is from a phone call which I had with an unnamed firm.
Andrew: Good Morning, this is Andrew speaking
Prahan: Hello, my name is Prahan. Can I ask you a security question?
Andrew: OK, I suppose. Which firm are you calling from?
Prahan: I'm not allowed to tell you until you answer the security question.
Andrew: Why not?
Prahan: Because you might not be the person I'm supposed to make the phone call to.
Andrew: But, I already told you my name is Andrew.
Prahan: This is correct.
Andrew: Then?
Prahan: I'm not allowed to tell you where I'm from unless you answer the security questions.
Andrew: How do I know that you're allowed to ask them?
Prahan: I guess that you'll just have to accept this as a matter of trust.
Andrew: But you're not willing to trust the fact that I'm whom I say I am?
Prahan: This is correct.
Andrew: How do I know that you've even been given any authority to talk to me? How do I know that you're not just trying to obtain my details under false pretenses?
Prahan: If you are the person we're trying to get in contact with, then you'll know what the answers to the questions are.
Andrew: And what happens if I deliberately answer incorrectly?
Prahan: Then we'll have to end this phone call, until we find the person we need to speak to.
Andrew: Ok then. I'll deliberately answer the questions incorrectly then.
Prahan: This would be silly sir.
Andrew: I agree totally. This is why I'm going to do it.
Prahan: Can I have your full name?
Andrew: Charles Augustus Fortescue
Prahan: What is your date of birth?
Andrew: 31st of June, 1937
Prahan: It appears that neither of these match our system.
Andrew: Of course.
Prahan: Can I please speak to a Mr Andrew Rollason?
Andrew: But I already told you my name at the beginning of this phone call.
Prahan: You have just told me that your name is Charles.
Andrew: Ah.
Prahan: Could you please get Mr Rollason for me?
Andrew: And whom should I say has called?
Prahan: I'm not allowed to tell you until they answer the security questions.
Andrew: I don't wish to pursue this phone call any further on the grounds that I think that it's silly.
Prahan: It's really important that I speak to him.
Andrew: So important that you're not willing to tell me who you are without someone answering the security questions.
Prahan: Correct.
Andrew: Good day to you sir. I hope that you find the man that you're looking for, because you're obviously not willing to follow the rules of logic and sense today.
Prahan: Thank you Charles, enjoy your day.
I know that these people are probably employed by call centres in India, and I also realise that they must deal with irate people all day long, so my responses to Prahan were quite calm and maybe a little aloof. I find it almost farcical that whatever firm employes call centre people can not tell me why they should make the phone call, but by the same token, I don't want to give out my details in case the party at the other end intends to use them for some fraudulent scam.
I hope that whichever firm this was, works out what they want from me. Because until they disclose who they are, I shall forever be elusive and unreachable... and Chuck Fortescue.
PS: Listening back, I thought that 31st of June was a nice touch.
Andrew: Good Morning, this is Andrew speaking
Prahan: Hello, my name is Prahan. Can I ask you a security question?
Andrew: OK, I suppose. Which firm are you calling from?
Prahan: I'm not allowed to tell you until you answer the security question.
Andrew: Why not?
Prahan: Because you might not be the person I'm supposed to make the phone call to.
Andrew: But, I already told you my name is Andrew.
Prahan: This is correct.
Andrew: Then?
Prahan: I'm not allowed to tell you where I'm from unless you answer the security questions.
Andrew: How do I know that you're allowed to ask them?
Prahan: I guess that you'll just have to accept this as a matter of trust.
Andrew: But you're not willing to trust the fact that I'm whom I say I am?
Prahan: This is correct.
Andrew: How do I know that you've even been given any authority to talk to me? How do I know that you're not just trying to obtain my details under false pretenses?
Prahan: If you are the person we're trying to get in contact with, then you'll know what the answers to the questions are.
Andrew: And what happens if I deliberately answer incorrectly?
Prahan: Then we'll have to end this phone call, until we find the person we need to speak to.
Andrew: Ok then. I'll deliberately answer the questions incorrectly then.
Prahan: This would be silly sir.
Andrew: I agree totally. This is why I'm going to do it.
Prahan: Can I have your full name?
Andrew: Charles Augustus Fortescue
Prahan: What is your date of birth?
Andrew: 31st of June, 1937
Prahan: It appears that neither of these match our system.
Andrew: Of course.
Prahan: Can I please speak to a Mr Andrew Rollason?
Andrew: But I already told you my name at the beginning of this phone call.
Prahan: You have just told me that your name is Charles.
Andrew: Ah.
Prahan: Could you please get Mr Rollason for me?
Andrew: And whom should I say has called?
Prahan: I'm not allowed to tell you until they answer the security questions.
Andrew: I don't wish to pursue this phone call any further on the grounds that I think that it's silly.
Prahan: It's really important that I speak to him.
Andrew: So important that you're not willing to tell me who you are without someone answering the security questions.
Prahan: Correct.
Andrew: Good day to you sir. I hope that you find the man that you're looking for, because you're obviously not willing to follow the rules of logic and sense today.
Prahan: Thank you Charles, enjoy your day.
I know that these people are probably employed by call centres in India, and I also realise that they must deal with irate people all day long, so my responses to Prahan were quite calm and maybe a little aloof. I find it almost farcical that whatever firm employes call centre people can not tell me why they should make the phone call, but by the same token, I don't want to give out my details in case the party at the other end intends to use them for some fraudulent scam.
I hope that whichever firm this was, works out what they want from me. Because until they disclose who they are, I shall forever be elusive and unreachable... and Chuck Fortescue.
PS: Listening back, I thought that 31st of June was a nice touch.
May 16, 2006
Horse 548 - Coca-Cola Emo
If you look down the field of quite a few motor sports like the DTM and F1 you'll find the familiar silver and blue paint scheme of Austrian "energy" drink menufacturer Red Bull. The highly caffinated drink once the domain of sleepless uni students and nightclub goers crossed into the sporting realm much to the chargrin of soft-drink giant Coca-Cola.
Now it appears that Coca-Cola has launched an "energy" drink of its own which contains the same percentage of caffeine as rival Red Bull. Called Relentless, it has 32mg of caffeine per 100ml and comes in 500ml cans.
The product has caused concern among some retailers in the UK because of its caffeine content and large can size, according to a report in trade magazine Marketing Week. Red Bull's "slim" cans contain 250ml of liquid - half as much as the new Coca-Cola product. Relentless is made with sugar, caffeine, taurine, guarana, glucoronolactone, and B vitamins which is pretty well much the same as Red Bull.
The brand's image was said to have inspired by action sport and modern punk rock. The new energy drink goes is priced at £1.09 for a 500ml can or A$2.47 and already has found a niche in the "emo" market.
Coca-Cola in Australia does have plans to market it but I wonder whether they realise that they already have their own emo drink? Coca-Cola Zero comes in a black can and fom what I've seen first hand has already been taken up by "emo kids" and goths.
Or perhaps as a friend of mine said, the best thing that Coca-Cola could do if they really wanted to capture the emo market would be to market a drink that tastes vaguely like smoke and apple juice. How emo would that be?
Now it appears that Coca-Cola has launched an "energy" drink of its own which contains the same percentage of caffeine as rival Red Bull. Called Relentless, it has 32mg of caffeine per 100ml and comes in 500ml cans.
The product has caused concern among some retailers in the UK because of its caffeine content and large can size, according to a report in trade magazine Marketing Week. Red Bull's "slim" cans contain 250ml of liquid - half as much as the new Coca-Cola product. Relentless is made with sugar, caffeine, taurine, guarana, glucoronolactone, and B vitamins which is pretty well much the same as Red Bull.
The brand's image was said to have inspired by action sport and modern punk rock. The new energy drink goes is priced at £1.09 for a 500ml can or A$2.47 and already has found a niche in the "emo" market.
Coca-Cola in Australia does have plans to market it but I wonder whether they realise that they already have their own emo drink? Coca-Cola Zero comes in a black can and fom what I've seen first hand has already been taken up by "emo kids" and goths.
Or perhaps as a friend of mine said, the best thing that Coca-Cola could do if they really wanted to capture the emo market would be to market a drink that tastes vaguely like smoke and apple juice. How emo would that be?
May 13, 2006
He Made the People Happy
"The hopes and fears of all the years are held in the tonight" - Bill Shankly, before the 1965 FA Cup Final
May 12, 2006
Horse 547 - Al-Qaeda to Strike Soon
Osama Bin Laden released another tape from the International Terrorism Union calling on all terrorists worldwide to stay home from work, unless certain demands are made. World leaders are afraid of what this may do to an already stumbling fear economy.
"It's not as easy as it used to be to stir up fear anymore." said White House spokesman Waterneuse today, "People these days simply don't look at to the terror alert levels before going outside. It's almost as though they aren't afraid of getting weapons-grade anthrax in their mailboxes anymore."
Bin Laden's demands for terrorists include some radical ideas, such as the four-day work week, a public admission from Tom Cruise that Scientology is all a sad joke, and R.E.M. tickets for an August 18, 2006 show in Kabul; as well as some more mundane requests, like pay raises and better health benefits for all workers. Some employers groups such as Al-Qaeda have already promised to raise the existing virgin rate from 72 by 12% over the next 3 years to 80.
Some are hailing Bin Laden as the next Jimmy Hoffa, "Combining Jihad, a general strike, and a fatwa is genius", commented a terrorist on his way to work. "Most of us are just trying to make a living. Terrorism as a full-time career is a dream for us, but some of Bin Ladens demands might make it a possibility. Personally, I hate moonlighting as a schoolteacher in Queensland."
It is currently uncertain how the World leaders will react. A strike of this nature is expected to limit national fear supplies, with the demands only increasing as the US summer approaches. Details are still unfolding about this radical "call to legs" by the controversial figure. Are picket lines in the future, or will we soon be referring to these workers as "Terror Engineers"? We shall have to see.
"It's not as easy as it used to be to stir up fear anymore." said White House spokesman Waterneuse today, "People these days simply don't look at to the terror alert levels before going outside. It's almost as though they aren't afraid of getting weapons-grade anthrax in their mailboxes anymore."
Bin Laden's demands for terrorists include some radical ideas, such as the four-day work week, a public admission from Tom Cruise that Scientology is all a sad joke, and R.E.M. tickets for an August 18, 2006 show in Kabul; as well as some more mundane requests, like pay raises and better health benefits for all workers. Some employers groups such as Al-Qaeda have already promised to raise the existing virgin rate from 72 by 12% over the next 3 years to 80.
Some are hailing Bin Laden as the next Jimmy Hoffa, "Combining Jihad, a general strike, and a fatwa is genius", commented a terrorist on his way to work. "Most of us are just trying to make a living. Terrorism as a full-time career is a dream for us, but some of Bin Ladens demands might make it a possibility. Personally, I hate moonlighting as a schoolteacher in Queensland."
It is currently uncertain how the World leaders will react. A strike of this nature is expected to limit national fear supplies, with the demands only increasing as the US summer approaches. Details are still unfolding about this radical "call to legs" by the controversial figure. Are picket lines in the future, or will we soon be referring to these workers as "Terror Engineers"? We shall have to see.
May 10, 2006
Horse 546 - All Around The World
Katja reports that AT&T advert campaign using Oasis' "All Around The World" the has begun in earnest; apparantly to the point of annoyance. I downloaded a copy of the advert this afternoon and somehow I think that AT&T have been majorly ripped-off or allowed themselves to be dudded. The maybe 3 seconds of audio actually accounts for less than 1% of the song's total length.
All Around the World is the 10th track from Be Here Now. Be Here Now was a really really massive record. It holds the record for the most number of sales in one day being 423,000 copies on the first day of release alone, moving 695,761 copies in the first week and over 1 million within two weeks. Be Here Now went on to sell 8 million copies worldwide. It also topped the charts in 28 different countries - however, the the USA it only made it to #15 on the Billboard charts.
Why then would AT&T use the song in their adverts? The rights to use the song are reported to be somewhere in the region on £1m, which isn't too bad for a song which was released all the way back in 1997. And what's even more amazing is that they didn't use very much of it either.
All Around the World is the longest track on an already behemoth album. The track itself lasts 9 minutes and 20 seconds long; not surprising it also holds the record for the longest single ever to appear at number 1 on the UK charts. Suffice to say that radio stations shyed away from playing it. The album itself is a 72 minute affair which like every Oasis record up until Don't Believe the Truth under Dave Sardy employs the technique of recording all tracks and then turning up the volume to 11 for the final mix.
The film clip for the song was also an extravagant affair, it was reported that it took 24 animators nearly 6 months to come up with a clip that resemble the Beatles' Yellow Submarine. Also like Yellow Submarine, Be Here Now contains a "reprise" of the song which itself is 2 minutes and 8 seconds long, or if you will for the whole album 11 minutes and 28 seconds. Pretty long eh?
The song itself features a double string quartet, embellished horn pieces, two harmonicas, as well as the usual line up of two guitars a bass, drums and Liam Gallagher delivering his famous Mancunian whine. Meg Matthews and Patsy Kensit, sang backing vocals for the song.
Oh for sure it's a rich tapestry to listen to, but the problem with producing such a song in this modern impatient "pop-tart, we want everything done yesterday" world is that the critics have looked at this unfavourable probably due to impatience. Truth is that it's a very very big song in an equally huge album. Maybe AT&T are also impatient?
It's a bit early in the midnight hour for me
To go through all the things that I want to be
I don't believe in everything I see
Y'know I'm blind so why d'you disagree?
Maybe being over 9 minutes has something to do with it?
All Around the World is the 10th track from Be Here Now. Be Here Now was a really really massive record. It holds the record for the most number of sales in one day being 423,000 copies on the first day of release alone, moving 695,761 copies in the first week and over 1 million within two weeks. Be Here Now went on to sell 8 million copies worldwide. It also topped the charts in 28 different countries - however, the the USA it only made it to #15 on the Billboard charts.
Why then would AT&T use the song in their adverts? The rights to use the song are reported to be somewhere in the region on £1m, which isn't too bad for a song which was released all the way back in 1997. And what's even more amazing is that they didn't use very much of it either.
All Around the World is the longest track on an already behemoth album. The track itself lasts 9 minutes and 20 seconds long; not surprising it also holds the record for the longest single ever to appear at number 1 on the UK charts. Suffice to say that radio stations shyed away from playing it. The album itself is a 72 minute affair which like every Oasis record up until Don't Believe the Truth under Dave Sardy employs the technique of recording all tracks and then turning up the volume to 11 for the final mix.
The film clip for the song was also an extravagant affair, it was reported that it took 24 animators nearly 6 months to come up with a clip that resemble the Beatles' Yellow Submarine. Also like Yellow Submarine, Be Here Now contains a "reprise" of the song which itself is 2 minutes and 8 seconds long, or if you will for the whole album 11 minutes and 28 seconds. Pretty long eh?
The song itself features a double string quartet, embellished horn pieces, two harmonicas, as well as the usual line up of two guitars a bass, drums and Liam Gallagher delivering his famous Mancunian whine. Meg Matthews and Patsy Kensit, sang backing vocals for the song.
Oh for sure it's a rich tapestry to listen to, but the problem with producing such a song in this modern impatient "pop-tart, we want everything done yesterday" world is that the critics have looked at this unfavourable probably due to impatience. Truth is that it's a very very big song in an equally huge album. Maybe AT&T are also impatient?
It's a bit early in the midnight hour for me
To go through all the things that I want to be
I don't believe in everything I see
Y'know I'm blind so why d'you disagree?
Maybe being over 9 minutes has something to do with it?
May 09, 2006
Horse 545 - Been There, Done That
Now he had to go through Samaria. So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob's well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about the sixth hour. - John 4:4-6
Many of you will recognise this as the opening to a rather famous story about Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman. You may have even heard of the implications of living water and all sorts of other things from the passage. I'd like to tell you something which I thought about that I doubt a lot of people have looked at these rather "boring" verses.
The first thing I take note of is that He had to go through Samaria. Cultural differences aside, we get the impression that a Jewish pushcart probably wouldn't have gone through, so he would have had to walk. Now obviously being the sixth hour or about Midday, it probably would have been very hot. So what was His response to this? There was a well, he was tired and thristy and so decided to take a rest.
We know that Jesus being Jewish would have observed the Sabbath, but because he had to walk through Samaria, we can probably assume that this wasn't one of those days. We often think of Jesus as a rubber ball type person, bouncing around the place, and all too often we forget that He actually was one of us.
He got tired and thirsty, sometimes I bet He was driven bonkers by the 12 and wanted to be alone, we know that on occasion that he got angry, and even in the garden of Gethsemane He prayed that if there was some other way that He wanted to know what it was. And this from the Messiah?
There isn't anything "wrong" with being tired. There's nothing "wrong" with wanting to take a rest occasionally; it may very be an opportunity for ministry, but more likely not. Also bear in mind that a rest is simply that. The refuge island in the middle of a highway is not the other side of the road, it's merely a resting point.
It's nice to find comfort in the fact that if I'm tired or cranky because of too much work, or people who will invariably drive me bonkers, that Christ has already been here, done that.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are — yet was without sin. - Hebrews 4:15
More than this, in His own experience of temptation the Lord has fully shared with us our struggle with sin. He knows what it is like to have to fight sin in the same arena with us with only the weapons we have. He has lived inside our skin. When He represents us before God, therefore, we can trust Him to "do it right", because He knows what it is like to be us.
Many of you will recognise this as the opening to a rather famous story about Jesus' encounter with the Samaritan woman. You may have even heard of the implications of living water and all sorts of other things from the passage. I'd like to tell you something which I thought about that I doubt a lot of people have looked at these rather "boring" verses.
The first thing I take note of is that He had to go through Samaria. Cultural differences aside, we get the impression that a Jewish pushcart probably wouldn't have gone through, so he would have had to walk. Now obviously being the sixth hour or about Midday, it probably would have been very hot. So what was His response to this? There was a well, he was tired and thristy and so decided to take a rest.
We know that Jesus being Jewish would have observed the Sabbath, but because he had to walk through Samaria, we can probably assume that this wasn't one of those days. We often think of Jesus as a rubber ball type person, bouncing around the place, and all too often we forget that He actually was one of us.
He got tired and thirsty, sometimes I bet He was driven bonkers by the 12 and wanted to be alone, we know that on occasion that he got angry, and even in the garden of Gethsemane He prayed that if there was some other way that He wanted to know what it was. And this from the Messiah?
There isn't anything "wrong" with being tired. There's nothing "wrong" with wanting to take a rest occasionally; it may very be an opportunity for ministry, but more likely not. Also bear in mind that a rest is simply that. The refuge island in the middle of a highway is not the other side of the road, it's merely a resting point.
It's nice to find comfort in the fact that if I'm tired or cranky because of too much work, or people who will invariably drive me bonkers, that Christ has already been here, done that.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are — yet was without sin. - Hebrews 4:15
More than this, in His own experience of temptation the Lord has fully shared with us our struggle with sin. He knows what it is like to have to fight sin in the same arena with us with only the weapons we have. He has lived inside our skin. When He represents us before God, therefore, we can trust Him to "do it right", because He knows what it is like to be us.
iFive - 7th May
Opening Night from The Producers mentions that Springtime For Hitler is the worst show on Broadway. Tribute by Tenacious D reckons that it is not the greatest song in the world but is just a tribute. The Kikkoman song on the other hand does directly say that Kikkoman Soy Sauce is the best condiment in the world.
... I wonder if they've heard of honey, the biblical condiment.
1. Opening Night - The Producers
2. Kikkoman Kikkoman - Kikkoman
3. Intergalatic - The Beastie Boys
4. Maybe I'm Right - Atomic Kitten
5. Tribute - Tenacious D
... I wonder if they've heard of honey, the biblical condiment.
1. Opening Night - The Producers
2. Kikkoman Kikkoman - Kikkoman
3. Intergalatic - The Beastie Boys
4. Maybe I'm Right - Atomic Kitten
5. Tribute - Tenacious D
May 07, 2006
Horse 544 - The Week That Was
The whole country has been worried for almost two weeks about the poor people in cramped conditions, the lack of decent conversation... I am of course talking about Big Brother... er no.
The two chaps had apparantly been drinking from a plastic bag which was set up to catch the moisture off of the walls. People die without water after about 3 days, so to have found them alive in the first place is a testament to their ingenuity. When a PVC pipe was bored and sent down they could finally get some more essentials like food, water and iPods.
Meanwhile as we were waiting for the news about the miners, the city of Freo went nuts after they were given the one point win after it was decided that when the siren goes then the AFL match is over. Pundits praised this as a new finding and interpretation of the rules as the on-field umpire didn't hear the siren. What this proves is that umpires aren't just blind, they're deaf as well.
The two chaps had apparantly been drinking from a plastic bag which was set up to catch the moisture off of the walls. People die without water after about 3 days, so to have found them alive in the first place is a testament to their ingenuity. When a PVC pipe was bored and sent down they could finally get some more essentials like food, water and iPods.
Meanwhile as we were waiting for the news about the miners, the city of Freo went nuts after they were given the one point win after it was decided that when the siren goes then the AFL match is over. Pundits praised this as a new finding and interpretation of the rules as the on-field umpire didn't hear the siren. What this proves is that umpires aren't just blind, they're deaf as well.
May 04, 2006
Horse 543 - Star Wars Day
Episode V
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy.
Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Luke Skywalker has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth.
The evil lord Darth Vader, obsessed with finding young Skywalker, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space....
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy.
Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, a group of freedom fighters led by Luke Skywalker has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Hoth.
The evil lord Darth Vader, obsessed with finding young Skywalker, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space....
Seeing as today is Star Wars Day "May The Fourth Be With You", I'd like to say that given the choice, I'd prefer to be in the Empire.
To be perfectly honest, the whole "Force" religion thing is really really stupid, so this effectively means that both sides are in a moral vacuum effectively. Weighed up against each other, the idea of being either a Sith or a Jedi are both really stupid, so therefore it's largely a matter of asthetics.
Storm Troopers are provided with better looking and better protected uniforms than the alliance. An Imperial Storm Trooper is respledant in white while the Rebel Alliance (which isn't even a real form of government) is just a rabble.
The "Evil Lord Vader" has a really cool looking uniform as well. Though borne of functionality more than looks, his black helmet and cape is enough to scare the brown mismatched pants off of any foe.
If I was competing at the Olympic Games I'd rather be entering the stadium to the Imperial March than Princess La-De-Das flowery ditty. The Imperial March as a national anthem even puts God Save The Queen or L'Marseille to shame.
Did I mention Twin Ion Engine Fighters or TIEs? As far as spaceships go they're compact and easier to park than a long bonnet pointy X-Wing. The TIE is Carnaby St chic whereas the X-Wing has all the subtlety of a BMW, and we all know what sorts of pratts drive them.
One last thing: Any system of measurement used is bound to be called the Imperial System. The last time someone invented something that wasn't the Imperial System, we went all metric and French. I don't know which is worse, being part of an Evil Empire or being French... actually, it's being French isn't it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)